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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Please reassure me :(

33 replies

Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 25/10/2021 22:25

Hello,

Back story- 2 normal births, the second precipitous and only made it to the hospital with 5 minutes to spare. Very intense!

For this reason I am in a real state about labour. I know I've done it before, etc, and I'm being silly. I've tried to rationalise it but since having a false alarm 2 weeks ago I've had panic attacks every day.

The main thing worrying me is that my last labour was so quick, but she was tiny. I've had growth scans this time and he's predicted to be 9lb+ with a head on the 97th centile. That, coupled with my history of very rapid labour, makes me incredibly anxious.

I've been told they won't induce me for "social reasons" (as opposed to a medical need, I guess?) and I'm 39 weeks now so i guess I have no options left.

I'm so scared I'll be alone when I have this baby and end up with issues eg getting stuck.

I've really worked myself up now and don't know how to deal with it Sad everyone just casually says "you'll be fine! You'll be fine!" but I feel like I have very valid reasons for being anxious and no one can hear me Sad

Any reassuring stories or advice?
Please do be gentle, i know I've done it before and compared to other women I've been very fortunate.

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 25/10/2021 22:28

Go in for reduced movement. Then do it again. Then do it again.

They'll offer to book you in for induction on either the second or third occasion.

Flittingaboutagain · 25/10/2021 22:34

I went in for reduced movement loads but because they were satisfied baby was moving on the trace, there was absolutely no medical need for induction.

I can reassure you that growth scans are often crap. Just Google a bit about them. I was predicted to have a baby on the 95th centile and had baby come on time would have been just 6 pounds so please don't worry!

Your body will know exactly what to do. Just have a kit at home in case it all happens quickly. I also had a precipitous labour recently and honestly it was OK!

ThirdElephant · 25/10/2021 22:36

@Flittingaboutagain

I went in for reduced movement loads but because they were satisfied baby was moving on the trace, there was absolutely no medical need for induction.

I can reassure you that growth scans are often crap. Just Google a bit about them. I was predicted to have a baby on the 95th centile and had baby come on time would have been just 6 pounds so please don't worry!

Your body will know exactly what to do. Just have a kit at home in case it all happens quickly. I also had a precipitous labour recently and honestly it was OK!

I think that's against guidance once they're at term. A trace is only a snapshot, so can be used to reassure but if the mum is still worried ab induction should be offered. Trusts don't always do what they should, sadly.
trevthecat · 25/10/2021 22:38

As above! You are getting yourself stressed out and no one is listening. Go in for reduced movements and they will probably induce

Monsterpumpkins · 25/10/2021 22:38

My second labour was 2 hours 55 mins.
Same as third and 4th!!
6th was 2 hours!!
That anxiety never goes op!!
Even when I had the 11th!!
Shock

Monsterpumpkins · 25/10/2021 22:40

And second was 9.3....

Original poster
Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 25/10/2021 22:42

@Monsterpumpkins wow 11! You must be superwoman! It does reassure me that you can do it 11 times, then I must be able to do it 3 times Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 25/10/2021 22:43

@Flittingaboutagain that is very reassuring about growth scans! The idea of him being bigger doesn't particularly worry me, as much as his massive head does! Reeeeally hoping that its wrong!

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 25/10/2021 22:43

I do remember being scared myself for similar reasons many years ago.
I don't think a bigger baby will make it worse, in fact I've heard it said that gravity might work on favour of a heavier baby.
Speed is the issue. How far away from the hospital are you?
Is it worth asking if you can set up for a home birth, if you don't think you'll make it in time? They let me do that, but it was some years ago, staffing levels might not allow it.
Things I did that helped: taught DS1 how to call 999 so that if I went into labour when I was on my own with my children, they'd be able to summon help. I didn't have a mobile in those days, but you do- make sure your children know how to call for help.
I primed neighbours so that they knew that a baby was likely to arrive very quickly, so that they could help appropriately if DC knocked on their door. I tried to make sure that I was not by myself if at all possible. DH read up what to do if there was no
help available, but he had to go to work.
In the event, DS2 was born in just over an hour, but DS3 was actually 4 hours, so plenty of time to get to hospital if I had wanted. As it was, we had a planned homebirth.
I do know a few people hose babies have come very fast, and they managed fine, in a lift and in the back of a car. Not ideal but they and the babies were ok.
Make sure you know what to do and that you've thought through different scenarios- so make sure there's blankets and water and towels in the car, think about where in your house would work best ( bathroom for me, saves on mess!) and who you would call.
I'm sure it will pan out ok, make sure your midwife knows how worried you are.

Original poster
Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 25/10/2021 22:50

@DelphiniumBlue that's exactly it, my second was born in around 45 minutes, and we're around 25 minutes from the hospital, but with older children to sort out/ husband to get back from work it is tight, timing wise! Of course it might not be as speedy again, but I don't fancy that speed with a potential 9lber! Blush

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 25/10/2021 22:55

what the others said.

my 3rd was my fastest labour, born within 35mins of arriving at the hospital (I was induced with the other 2 so this was a natural start and I had no idea how far into labour I was when we went in!)

he was 9lb 6oz and shot out of me on the 3rd push.
And here's the reassurance: it was all fine.
I mean we had to go through 2 red lights but never got a ticket.🤣

Original poster
Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 25/10/2021 22:58

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba was your third also your biggest? Did you have bad tearing? My others were 20th centile and 1st centile, yet this one for some reason is a whopper Grin which is fine, but scary!

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 25/10/2021 23:02

That’s hardly time to get to hospital. How are you planning to get there? I found I couldn’t actually get in a car when in labour with ds2, that’s because it turns out I was already in second stage. I went in by ambulance and literally just got to the hospital in time to deliver. I don’t think I’d wanted to have risked trying to get in a car and not being able to, or giving birth in a cramped car.
What options do you have? Can you have someone with a van or mpv on call? In emergency, who can get to you quickly? I don’t think you can rely on ambulances these days.
What does your midwife say?
I think you might just have to accept that you might not be able to get to the hospital , and have a plan B so that you still feel in control.

Dinosauraddict · 25/10/2021 23:04

I had Gd and both head and stomach size were predicted to be off the chart. They kept telling me he would be over 10lbs, absolutely huge etc etc. They were completely wrong - he was 7lbs something. So I wouldn't put too much trust in their predictions, your body knows what it is doing.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 25/10/2021 23:06

@Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles

no.
my 5th & 7th were the biggest, both 9lb 14oz!🤣
I have a lot of stories

Blaaaaaaaaah · 25/10/2021 23:08

All my growth scans were wrong and all the births were different. I have 4 and have had two very quick births and two long ones. No pattern whatsoever just different baby, different birth.
One thing I can tell you however is that the more relaxed you are the better so I’d definitely suggest doing hypnobirthing so that whatever size the baby and however quick the labour, it doesn’t matter and you can remain cool as a cucumber 😎😎

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 25/10/2021 23:10

oh tearing - some, but not terrible.
none of the tearing I've had was as bad as the massive episiotomy I needed for the foreceps delivery for DS1 (9lb1oz, head stuck at an angle so wouldn't budge).

and with DD (#6, smallest out of all with a mere 8lb 3oz) was the best birth in terms of no tearing, no stitches needed. it was amazing. I was high on being pain free! 🤣

SteggySawUs · 25/10/2021 23:24

I totally understand how you're feeling, have an unmumsnetty hug because I've totally been there.
My labours got progressively faster and I knew with my last there was no way I had time to sort child care, get dh back from work and make it to hospital!
Loads of friends offered to help but they all worked different days etc. Every time I had a twinge, I had a panic attack trying to work out who to call and how to arrange things (only time in my life I've had these) and by the time I was several days overdue I was a complete blubbering mess. Dh phoned my midwife who brought me in to hospital for a chat/cry. I was asked lots of questions and then they induced me on mental health grounds. The friend who was looking after the other children while we had the appointment just stayed the night, dh was already with me, and labor was...27 mins.
Which to me more than justified my chronic emotional state!
There will be no next baby, but I said if I were to find myself pregnant again, my opening line at my booking in appointment would be to ask for an induction at 39 weeks!
So my advice to you is, prep for a home birth just in case, and don't be afraid to show your midwife/doctor just how scared you are.
Good luck, baby will be with you soon and this will all be forgotten xx

Thedogscollar · 26/10/2021 18:21

@ThirdElephant

Go in for reduced movement. Then do it again. Then do it again.

They'll offer to book you in for induction on either the second or third occasion.

Speaking as a midwife that is incredibly stupid and dangerous advice. Being induced should be for a clinical reason.
ThirdElephant · 26/10/2021 19:22

Speaking as a midwife that is incredibly stupid and dangerous advice.
Being induced should be for a clinical reason.

Maternal mental health is a clinical reason. Unfortunately not all trusts recognise that. Additionally, I've got a friend who recently gave birth to her third in a car because she literally couldn't get to the hospital on time. She haemorrhaged and needed surgery and a blood transfusion. Like OP, she had been concerned about a fast labour and waiting until it started naturally ended up being far more dangerous than an induction in hospital would have been.

I stand by my advice.

Original poster
Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 26/10/2021 20:28

Oh dear, not the sort of reassuring tale i was hoping to read @ThirdElephant Confused

I've got an appointment tomorrow so will discuss with the midwife and see if she can help, I'm hoping she will agree to induce on mental health grounds. Sounds like you've been exactly where I am @SteggySawUs, thank you for taking the time to comment. I know regardless of my feelings he's going to come out anyway Grin but i really can't cope with this hideous anxiety about running into problems when I'm not in the hospital or even worse, on my own Sad the last midwife I spoke to was very dismissive but saying "everyone has these worries" which I'm sure is true to an extent, but not everyone has had precipitous labours and i think if you haven't its difficult to understand the extent of this worry.

OP posts:
Wide · 26/10/2021 20:33

I think that's quite disgusting to suggest lying about reduced movement, what about a lafy who really has got that and the maternity ward is too busy? Or just the fact of karma if you believe in it how could you make up a false medical problem about your baby!

BertieBotts · 26/10/2021 20:34

Can you book/prep for a just in case home birth?

I think pushing for the induction is a good idea anyway. There surely is medical ground if it's likely that a spontaneous labour will put you and baby in a risky position.

And don't worry about the growth scans... They are notoriously inaccurate! My doctor kept alarming me about DS3 but in the end he only weighed 50g more than DS2! Then both of them, and DS1 actually, shot up the centile charts when they were born. I fully believe our bodies don't grow them larger than we can handle unless something is wrong (GD etc).

Original poster
Oodlesofdoodlescockapoodles · 26/10/2021 20:52

@Wide don't worry, i wouldn't go to those lengths. As you say, i couldn't take the equipment/staff away from a lady who might really need them.

@BertieBotts I've got an emergency back up plan for home birth just in case, I'm not officially "allowed" one because I'm classed as high risk due to problems in my last pregnancy (though nothing to suggest the same problem in this one, so not sure there is an actual increased risk if you see what I mean!)

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 26/10/2021 21:42

@Wide

I think that's quite disgusting to suggest lying about reduced movement, what about a lafy who really has got that and the maternity ward is too busy? Or just the fact of karma if you believe in it how could you make up a false medical problem about your baby!
"The fact of karma" ? ???? Anyway, I think it's "quite disgusting" that OP's current medical team are not taking her concerns seriously, and that they are putting her physical and mental health at risk, as well as the health of her baby....see Third Elephant's post. If she has to lie in order to get the induction she needs, then so be it. I don't think it is incumbent on you to decide whether and how she gets the medical attention she requires.
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