PLEASE I need people's opinion

[StressedButBlessedx]

Hi, so..

Long story short, my first labour with my daughter was absolutely HORRENDOUS to put it lightly. From an episiotomy without being numbed, to haemorrhaging, blood up walls etc.. basically everything that could've gone wrong went wrong and left me with an agonising fear of a natural birth again.

I'm now pregnant again and due on Feb 3rd and I really really don't know if I should push for an elective c-section... OR be induced like last time and hope for a better experience.

Has anybody been in the same boat as me and had to make the same decision? Obviously I have more to think about this time, like, which choice will fit in better looking after a 2.5 year old? Which will I recover from mentally quicker? (Postpartum previously was agonising and quite unbearable for a couple months).

Sorry for the long post. I just don't have anyone around me who has had to make a similar decision.

Thankyou!

Sorry you were traumatised from your first birth 😔 I had a pretty awful first (natural) birth with resulting injuries and was scared to do it again. Second time was very different and although not completely smooth sailing - I had an epidural so I was more comfortable and only had a small tear. I don't know if that helps at all. One thing I will add is don't be pushed into something that you're not happy with.

Gosh that sounds horrific, I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. Sounds like you wouldn’t have to push that hard for an elective c section if that’s what you decide might be best. Either way I think you need some extra support with your next birth.

Do it. Your pregancy will be less anxious. There is pain and recovery but not the trauma associated and I personally found the recovery less bad than a traumatic natural delivery.

Just wondering why you think you’ll need induced again?
The labour might be completely different and might go smoothly- all 4 of my births were very different. I was induced with the first and the last, other two labours organised themselves.
Talk about your concerns with your midwife, but personally I would wait and see. A c-section is also not without its own risks

Hi OP, sorry you had such a traumatic time. My first birth was similar to yours. Induced on the drop, episiotomy, forceps delivery, then haemorrhage. Plus baby has passed Muconium and needed a couple days in NICU.
My second baby, I went into labour spontaneously and he was born in a birthing pool, it was so chilled.
Have you had a debrief if your birth with the hospital team? I would advise you speak to them and also PALs. They were amazing with me and I felt supported and they helped reassure me, every step of the way. They also monitored me very closely during labour they were amazing.
I've gone on to have two more babies and both were much more positive experiences, also.
I was scared of the recovery of a c-section as I get awful cabin fever and like to get out and about. It also helps my mental wellbeing. I'm also very independent and like to be able to drive. I was out walking the day after I had my last 3!
Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck.

@miniwolf

Sorry you were traumatised from your first birth 😔 I had a pretty awful first (natural) birth with resulting injuries and was scared to do it again. Second time was very different and although not completely smooth sailing - I had an epidural so I was more comfortable and only had a small tear. I don't know if that helps at all. One thing I will add is don't be pushed into something that you're not happy with.

Thankyou for the response, I need to remember this could be different and hopefully better!

@Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss

Do it. Your pregancy will be less anxious. There is pain and recovery but not the trauma associated and I personally found the recovery less bad than a traumatic natural delivery.

Very true about the lesser chance of the trauma. Thankyou x

Why do you think you’ll need to be induced?

@InternetAnonymityCanHelp

Just wondering why you think you’ll need induced again? The labour might be completely different and might go smoothly- all 4 of my births were very different. I was induced with the first and the last, other two labours organised themselves. Talk about your concerns with your midwife, but personally I would wait and see. A c-section is also not without its own risks

Hi, any deliveries I have will always be induced because I have epilepsy which causes tonic-clonic seizures unfortunately. I'll try and get in to see my midwife and gynaecologist about it ASAP, but Covid is making it near impossible which is frustrating. I'm 26 weeks and am still to meet the midwife who will be caring for me.

Thankyou for replying x

I had a similar first experience to you and had an elective section second time around. I was worried I was being selfish and that recovery might be tough with my 3yo to look after too but it was 100% the right decision.
I would go so far as to say it was one of the best days of my life, so calm and controlled, much easier recovery than episiotomy and forceps, I loved it.

Just to say also, it's your right to
Request a section- you shouldn't need to push for one.

@NoSquirrels

Why do you think you’ll need to be induced?

I have epilepsy and tonic clonic seizures, so they need the situation to be as controlled as possible in case my medication mixed with all the hormones of a natural labour causes a fit x

I had a horrendous labour with my first. I bleed loads and they thought my placenta erupted but it hadn't so I had an epidural. All fine. Then he was back to back, episiotomy, ventouse, servere haemorrhage, baby needed resuscitating.mega drama and recovery with infections, poor feeding, blood transfusions.

My second was a walk in the park tbh. Straight forward, no intervention, no tearing, healthy baby. As was my third. Although I did keep asking if I was bleeding through out and after both labours.

The first thing I think you should do is talk to your midwife as to why you labour was so bad and if it means a second labour will be bad. I had to have a drip in my last two labours (I can't for the life of me remember what it was called) because of my haemorrhage so you'll probably be similar. When pregnant with my second I had a debrief with a midwife about my first labour which really helped.

Also I don't know how true it is but I've heard first labours are usually your worst and anecdotally it's true for me and quite a few people I know.

X-post.

If being induced is inevitable, I would book the ELCS with no hesitation at all.

Ask about the pros and cons of vaginal and elective c section - discuss with midwife and consultant. Do you know if you would want additional kids after this pregnancy? Sometimes having repeated c sections can increase the risk in future pregnancies (of certain complications).

I’d be tempted to go for elective c section personally. But ask the experts.

@kateg27

Hi OP, sorry you had such a traumatic time. My first birth was similar to yours. Induced on the drop, episiotomy, forceps delivery, then haemorrhage. Plus baby has passed Muconium and needed a couple days in NICU. My second baby, I went into labour spontaneously and he was born in a birthing pool, it was so chilled. Have you had a debrief if your birth with the hospital team? I would advise you speak to them and also PALs. They were amazing with me and I felt supported and they helped reassure me, every step of the way. They also monitored me very closely during labour they were amazing. I've gone on to have two more babies and both were much more positive experiences, also. I was scared of the recovery of a c-section as I get awful cabin fever and like to get out and about. It also helps my mental wellbeing. I'm also very independent and like to be able to drive. I was out walking the day after I had my last 3! Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck.

Your first labour sounds a lot like mine, I completely know how you felt about it. Sorry you experienced the same too.

Thankyou for replying, I'm noting all the replies down and it's very helpful.

My first was a traumatic birth with unexpected complications for baby and myself and it left me with physical pain and crippling fear of giving birth again. My second however was out in 2 pushes and home in a matter of hours. They are all different but remember that a happy mum = happy baby so do whatever feels best and safest for you, your partner and your situation.

@Cbd333

I had a similar first experience to you and had an elective section second time around. I was worried I was being selfish and that recovery might be tough with my 3yo to look after too but it was 100% the right decision. I would go so far as to say it was one of the best days of my life, so calm and controlled, much easier recovery than episiotomy and forceps, I loved it.

Just to say also, it's your right to
Request a section- you shouldn't need to push for one.

I feel like this is really what I need to hear as it's what I'm thinking too. Both sides and opinions are very helpful, So thankyou!

I had a similar experience to you with my first birth. It took me 5 years to have the courage to try to get pregnant again. This time, I had an elective section. It was such a positive experience. Yes there is recovery time (but only physical; no mental trauma to recover from). My two birth experiences were like night and day. My positive birth experience with the elective section was very healing. There are risks and recovery periods with all deliveries. Don't be afraid to say how you feel. Your feelings of anxiety are valid!

@NoSquirrels

X-post.

If being induced is inevitable, I would book the ELCS with no hesitation at all.

I don't really have a choice because of my epilepsy unfortunately and obviously the lost important thing to me is that baby is safe. Thanks for replying x

I don't have advice either way but, is an induction actually necessary? Could you have an agreement where you go into labour naturally and get to the hospital ASAP? I've seen your posts about your epilepsy but wonder if some arrangement like that might give you a better chance of a less traumatic (or not at all traumatic) birth.

I've not had a baby yet but I'm going for elective section (privately)

Based on your previous ... elective all the way !

@SprogletsMum

I don't have advice either way but, is an induction actually necessary? Could you have an agreement where you go into labour naturally and get to the hospital ASAP? I've seen your posts about your epilepsy but wonder if some arrangement like that might give you a better chance of a less traumatic (or not at all traumatic) birth.

Because being pregnant has made my seizures so unpredictable the doctors (and me tbh) don't want to risk me going into labour naturally, be on my own and drop and have a seizure. I wish there was another way but I feel quite reassured knowing I'll be in the best place from the get go x

@Greentomatoes21

I had a similar experience to you with my first birth. It took me 5 years to have the courage to try to get pregnant again. This time, I had an elective section. It was such a positive experience. Yes there is recovery time (but only physical; no mental trauma to recover from). My two birth experiences were like night and day. My positive birth experience with the elective section was very healing. There are risks and recovery periods with all deliveries. Don't be afraid to say how you feel. Your feelings of anxiety are valid!

I hadn't even thought about the lesser chance of the previous trauma before posting this and seeing the replies. Thankyou for mentioning, I'm swaying towards an ELCS if I'm honest

DD was 13 days late, I was induced, and went on to have a long, complicated, labour which ended in an emergency C-section.

Category 1 C-sections are pretty brutal (it was a 'do or die' situation)... But even with that in mind, the trauma before, the injury of a sudden serious operation, the exhaustion of being in labour for god knows how long (as I'd lost my mind by then)... Even THEN, I'd recommend a C-section a million times over.

Seriously. Having had one, there is no way in the world I'd ever try to push a baby out of my vagina.

And a planned C-section is a much nicer experience, they can take their time, you know what to expect, and they won't let you go overdue.

Of course do whatever you feel best doing, but don't be afraid of a C-section.

@SmallProvincial

DD was 13 days late, I was induced, and went on to have a long, complicated, labour which ended in an emergency C-section.

Category 1 C-sections are pretty brutal (it was a 'do or die' situation)... But even with that in mind, the trauma before, the injury of a sudden serious operation, the exhaustion of being in labour for god knows how long (as I'd lost my mind by then)... Even THEN, I'd recommend a C-section a million times over.

Seriously. Having had one, there is no way in the world I'd ever try to push a baby out of my vagina.

And a planned C-section is a much nicer experience, they can take their time, you know what to expect, and they won't let you go overdue.

Of course do whatever you feel best doing, but don't be afraid of a C-section.

Thankyou for this. I've not people around me who've had a c section so this thread has been really helpful