Partner Left 3 days after birth

[sassack]

And I'm really struggling on my own

I’m sorry. Do you have enough logistical support (HV, if no family?) to bring food etc so you can just curl up in bed with your baby and adjust to being a mum before tackling wider implications in a few weeks? You don’t have to sort out anything except you and baby at the moment.

That's awful, I can imagine that you are finding it hard.

Have you got any friends or family nearby?

Have you done some practical things like claim Child Benefit and Child Maintenance? Do you need to apply for UC?

That's horrible. So sorry but you need to be practical. Do you have family & friends around you? Is your income/housing secure? As others have said, deal with the financial/benefits side first.

Have you let your health visitor know. You must be extra stressed and she'll be able to support you.

Once that's done, I think I'd hole-up with baby and regain my balance. Spend quality cuddle time. Let your mum/sisters/friends help.

Don't chase ex, don't ring. At some point curiosity/guilt will get to him and he'll be in contact. Think carefully now, what you will say when he does.

Congratulations on your little one. Regardless of you cowardly ex.

Definitely let your MW know as well

It's so hard. I'm in practical mode but doing the bare minimum. I think I'm ok financially. Emotionally I'm destroyed but he had to go.

MW knows as there was violence which is why he has to go

I'm glad to hear he's gone - no-one should have to live with a violent partner. Please reach out for support wherever you can. Are there any local groups your MW can recommend? Can you ask your GP to put you on the counselling waiting list?
to you - I'm sure it's tough now but it will get easier and you did the right thing splitting with him

Sending you love, congratulations on your baby, I'm sure your baby loves you very much ❤ at least you're safe without him under your roof. I'm sure with physical abuse there was verbal/emotional abuse? Long term you'll be better off and stronger. You've got this lady, and do claim some benefits even when you're OK now. Ask for help too, people love helping more than you'll ever know. All the very best, allow yourself to be sad and cry - no shame in that but you've got this baby now and you it's a meaningful purpose that will bring you so much joy. Thinking of you xxx

Thank you it's just so very hard and confusing x

I'm so sorry but it sounds as though you are well rid of him. Congratulations on your baby. Do you have any support from friends or family? Was the birth OK? You're at that third day stage where you might find you feel like crying all the time - that will pass, but it does come as a shock sometimes.

Are you getting support? Are SS involved?

Hello OP
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I just wanted to say that although I haven’t been through the same as you in terms of violence, i was on my own with my newborn from day 4 and also struggling after a tricky birth. I just wanted to offer some reassurance that you will get through this like i did. Somehow your body takes over and you put one foot in front of the other and somehow over time things get better.
Don’t forget even in a perfect marriage on day 3 every mum would be finding it hard with recovery and hormones etc so don’t be too hard on yourself. You got this, and you’re very brave for getting out of a violent relationship.

I am really impressed that you have protected your dc by getting this violent man out of their life.
I hope things get easier for you.

Congratulations on your baby @sassack and yes this is hard now but you have got a wonderful reason to remain strong- your beautiful little bundle of joy. You have done the best possible thing by getting rid of this man so your child can grow up knowing that violence is never okay.

Reach for every ounce of support you can get. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve the relationship you thought you had. All too often when someone leaves their abuser people assume that they are automatically happier but it’s hard (I’ve done it) what people forget to realise is that the abuse and violence was only a part of who the were to you- they may have also been the person you made Sunday dinner with and curled on the sofa with.

It’s hard now but you HAVE GOT THIS

Go be that tiger mum we all know you are!!

It just feels impossible today. Sitting here on a Sunday with my new baby. The man I still love unable to see her. Days stretching out ahead of me alone, yes I have friends abs support but the feelings of family and belonging, intimacy. I've lost it all. It's so hard.

I'm so sorry OP. You've done the right thing. It will get easier. I say that as someone who has left an abusive relationship before.

Thank you 🙏

Over a week in and doing ok

Are there any other single Mums to newborns?

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Do you have family and friends close by for practical and emotional support?

I have support but nobody can take away the fact that my baby's daddy isn't here. The lonely nights of night feeds, waking up to endless days alone. Knowing every single step will be on your own. Seeing him every time I look at the baby. After what he did to me.

Aw that is tough.
But trust me, protecting your baby from having to grown up in a violent relationship is a huge gift.
Hang in there OP, it will get easier I promise.

Thank you so much. My baby is safe. I'm safe too. It is empowering. I just haven't experienced so much pain before.

Just don't chose him over baby. Can your mum.move in for a bit? Or mil?