Birth was NOT as bad as I thought it would be

[Jane101]

I've just got the Mumsnet news roundup e.mail which says that "Women are "terrified" of giving birth, and find it "more painful than they ever imagined", according to a survey by Mother and Baby magazine. I'd just like to say that, although I know everyone's different and I have heard some horror stories (and please don't anyone add any to this thread, I want it to be reassuring to people) I found that giving birth was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. There were things I wished I'd done differently, like deciding beforehand whether to agree to have my waters broken, and discussing birth positions before the contractions got too close together for talking. But I can honestly say that, although of course it hurt, it wasn't the unbearable agony that I thought it might be. I'm a complete coward and planned to have an epidural if I felt I needed it, but it never got to the point where I couldn't cope. I hope this is reassuring to anyone who's really worried.

Great idea for a thread , Jane.
IMO the fear,of the pain was a lot worse than the actual pain.
I have 3 kids, epi first time gas and air and the best midwife in Britain second and third times....overall ...awesome....

Have to agree - sort of. I wasn't fearful of the pain, bizarrely I was looking forward to the birth since thought it's not likely to happen very often and it will certainly be 'an experience'! The pain was, it has to be said, quite frightening in that I felt I couldn't cope with it. However, labour very quick with just gas and air and pethedine/pethidine(sp?).

BUT, I felt so exhilerated by whole experience that, after reliving it in my mind for next 48 hours, I then knew I would certainly not be put off having another go. And that cup of tea whilst being washed by midwife was sheer bliss!

First time around, I went into it thinking that it can't possibly be as bad as people suggest and basically assuming it wouldn't be THAT bad. I was then completely overwhelmed at how much it hurt (with gas & air). Second time around though I was far better prepared for it mentally and really didn't find it bad at all.

Jane101, This is such a good idea for a thread. I agree that there are far too many horror stories out there already! I have 3 kids, 1st was born with aid of gas and air for a short while, but the canister was faulty, so it stopped working! 2nd and 3rd were born with no pain relief and all were less painful and quicker than I had imagined. I think the first time a woman gives birth is always going to be a bit of a shock because nothing can prepare you for it totally, but looking back, I would agree that it was certainly 'bearable' although I wouldn't go down the route of some women who compare giving birth to orgasm

Agree with oxocube. This is a v. good idea for a thread even if just to reassure people that birth experiences can be good as well as bad.
I have 3 kids. First experience of giving birth was unremittingly (sp?) awful - don't worry I don't plan to give any gory details. Second time, I had an epidural as early as I could purely because the first time was so bad. Third time - no problems at all, straightforward delivery, only needed gas and air, no stitches. Obviously there was pain but at no time did I feel overwhelmed by it. Afterwards I remember thinking - wouldn't mind doing this again.
Reasons for birth 3 being so much easier? - knowing what to expect, for a start; better staff (doctor first time round was a sadist whereas the midwife and student at number 3 couldn't have been better); shorter labour and also I had discovered the theraputic nature of yelling my head off during contractions. That really did help.

Both of my experiences were good (painful, but good). My 2nd labour especially, because I had much more of a feeling of control - I knew what I was doing. At the end of both I felt very positive - sort of 'if I can do that, I can do anything'.

I did have a 'horror story' birth BUT it was also the best experience of my life and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I ended up having a c-section which was nothing like as bad as I thought it would be. And although dd was in intensive care we still bonded very quickly. I have lots of positive feelings about dd's birth.

Great idea Jane101. I found that survey quite scary itself, almost to the point of being irresponsible...

I remember being terrified of the idea of giving birth through my younger years, but the minute I got pregnant that all evaporated.

I LOVED giving birth! Yeah it hurt, but what an amazing experience!

I had great care (even though I was in a big hospital) before, during and after. I was totally in control and everything went just the way I wanted it to, from the getting a good parking spot in the hospital (this was a big problem!) to the pain relief.

I would DEFINITELY do it again . The sleepless nights for the next 18 years is an entirely different matter...

I must admit I was terrified of giving birth but like most people on here i have to agree it wasn't that bad.I am such a terrible wimp and everyone was convinced that i would struggle have all the drugs and be screaming the place down,but it didn't turn out like that I had 1 shot of diamorphine and gas n air did not scream at all .Iwould do it all again tomorrow.

Good thread Jane101!
Most people are suprised when I say that giving birth wasn't too bad. I think they are used to all the horror stories. I also think my expectations were very low (due to all the horror stories?) so when everything went normally it all seemed great to me!
It was faster than I thought it would be, and although I had been saying I would have every sort of pain relief going I had nothing at all, not even a gasp of gas and air.

I was lucky enough to have 2 normal deliveries which were only very painful for a very short period of the labour time and those who have given birth know the bit I mean! I enjoyed both births and bonded instantly with both dds.I had gas and air and a little pethidine towards the delivery end of things. I would not do it again however but that's just cos I don't want any more children!

I should also add that I had hypnotherapy before dd was born and I'm sure this helped, the surgeon commented to dh about how calm I was going in to theatre. If someone's reading this and feeling nervous, I can highly recommend it.

I was shocked to have a friend of my mother's stand and tell me all her birth horror stories just before I was due to give birth for the first time. Charming. Why do people do that? I think I was more frightened about giving birth the second time as I knew what to expect. First time round I'd been in labour all night and just left on my own on a ward with women waiting to be induced. But I had been warned that the hospital was like a conveyer belt with little personal interaction. When it came to the actual birth it was all pretty good. Painful, but both my labours were managed with only gas and air. First time with a (male) student midwife who was lovely, second time round I was so calm that by the time the midwife got around to examining me baby was well and truly on her way and I didn't have time to undress! I think one of the key things that makes a difference is having a reasonable relationship with the midwives. I think the ability to communicate your needs makes a huge difference to your birth experience.

A friend once said to me... what makes a good birth story is how gruesome it can be... if it isn't then what is the point of telling you ??? So yes we hear the horrible stories !
I had 2 babies with no pain relief what so ever and the first one was OP and a 6h1/2 second stage... let's not play heroine here... I begged for an epidural but as we all thought the baby would be out by the next push (that sentence was repeated to me for 4 hours!)... they didn't think it was worth it. I am glad they fought me ! And meeting the pain is VERY good advice Sobernow - you're right !

This is a really hard one to make a call on. Like most first time mums, I didn't want to hear horror stories of other people's experiences - I was already petrified (although confident that I would make it through to the other end). I remember preferring my "nice" NCT antenatal classes to my "blunt" NHS ones for just that reason.

In hindsight, it doesn't really matter what anyone tells you - everyone's experience is so different and nothing can prepare you for "your" birth. But my feelings are really torn between whether it is a good thing to go in unaware of possible problems or whether it is better to be informed. Sometimes a little information goes a long way and sometimes it is not enough.

I'm probably not really explaining myself very well as I'm aware that the whole purpose of this thread is positivity and I feel a bit restricted as a result. Think I'll continue on a new thread.

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I think that's the key, robinw. Whatever you go through, what you get at the other end of it makes it worthwhile.

I think the hospital I had my 3rd in was 100 times worse then the actual child birth. The one thing that I'll always remember was when I rang for someone at the front desk to come take the baby who I had all night in my room crying. When they picked up on the intercom they sounded so mad like I was interupting something. I think that was my first time calling for anything since having my ds. Here I had just given birth and felt horrible because of lack of sleep (the entire night in hospital) and they had to make me feel so awful for calling someone to come take the baby so I could drag myself out of the bed to shower. My other two childrens hospitals were wonderful. Peolpe warned me not to have my baby there and I probally should of listened.

I had two not so good labours and I'd still go through it all again. You forget it so easily once you have your baby in your arms. The thought of the end result kept me going all the way through. Pain for however long the labour is going to be is worth it for alifetime of happiness with your children. Despite the horror stories - everyone's experiences are different as is everyone's pain threshold. You know what you are capable of and what your coping mechanisms are. Don't let the horror stories influence how you think you might cope in labour.I just hope I am lucky enough to experience childbirth again.

I too would do it all again. First labour was long but not as painful as the second, the second quicker and more intense, no stitches with either. I went into the second thinking I knew what was going to happen but my body surprised me and took over which was a bit of a shock. I used the screaming method the second time round. Everything is soon forgotten when you get to hold your baby for the first time. But the end result is amazing and when have we have got anything so wonderful without a little bit of pain

Not everyone forgets as soon as they hold their baby...

I was not afarid of the pain, too excited to see my baby, finally, btu tried to get as much info abot labour as possible, did yoga, antenatal classes, got a TENS machine, I knew everything, and I think it really helped.
Not that it wans't painful, I did ask for an epidural and considered pethidine for a few seconds (which I had previously ruled out completely), but thanks to my wonderful midwife and unbelievable husband (he seemed like a fully trained midwife himself), and my preparation, I never really panicked and most importantly I always felt in control.
In the end I remember it as very positive experience, (but the pain was all I expected and a bit more), as I was able to make my own decisions, and nothing was pushed on to me. and dd was beautiful and healthy, what more can you want???

I think those mothers whose first labours were so bad that they cannot contemplate a second baby could 'want much more'. But perhaps enough said.