Birth was NOT as bad as I thought it would be

[Jane101]

I've just got the Mumsnet news roundup e.mail which says that "Women are "terrified" of giving birth, and find it "more painful than they ever imagined", according to a survey by Mother and Baby magazine. I'd just like to say that, although I know everyone's different and I have heard some horror stories (and please don't anyone add any to this thread, I want it to be reassuring to people) I found that giving birth was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. There were things I wished I'd done differently, like deciding beforehand whether to agree to have my waters broken, and discussing birth positions before the contractions got too close together for talking. But I can honestly say that, although of course it hurt, it wasn't the unbearable agony that I thought it might be. I'm a complete coward and planned to have an epidural if I felt I needed it, but it never got to the point where I couldn't cope. I hope this is reassuring to anyone who's really worried.

I relate to Tigermoth and Sofiames - one of the best things about labor is it means you are no longer pregnant. I had so many late pregnancy discomforts(liike not being able to walk) that even soreness from stitches,sore nipples and general exhaustion were nothing by comparison. Some of my friends who had glowing pregnancies found the early days with baby very hard

Inkpen,
agree with what you're saying about the'virtual debriefing' after a traumati birth.
One of the things I found helpful after my first dd's birth (which was imo pretty traumatic) was just writing down what had happened.
Obviously this depends on having the time/opportunity to do this (and I was lucky as dd1 was v obliging baby who slept a lot)but I found that once I had put onto paper what had happened to me, i could mentally 'draw a line' under it, so to speak.

Willow2 - gosh, thanks!

Inkpen, I agree with a lot of what you're saying and I'm sorry you think this thread was a bad idea. I'm not claiming that giving birth was enjoyable, easy or painfree (it was the opposite of all three) and I'm not saying I had a wonderfull natural birth - I relied heavily on gas and air, had a ventouse delivery, and there were other complications. All I'm saying is that it wasn't as bad as I'd feared it might be, and that not everyone has either a traumatic experience or is in excruiating agony. I take your point that people need to know the truth - the bad as well as the good. I was working on the assumption that people have heard plenty about how painful childbirth is, and I was specifically trying to balance the message from the 'Mums and Babies' survey. I hope I haven't given anyone unrealistic expectations - I'm not trying to deny that some women have a horrendous time, I'm just telling you honestly how I felt about it personally, in the hope that it may reassure people. I'm sorry if I've made anyone angry, brought up bad memories, or made the people I was trying to reassure even more anxious. I will now shut up and think very carefully before I start anymore posts.

Jane101 - this was a good thread to start - and I apologise if my consequent thread ended up hijacking this one! I do think it is important that people are both reassured but also fully aware of the problems that can occur. I agree that the pain, while intense, is bearable - if it wasn't none of us would be here. I was talking more about complications that can arise and that are some times glossed over. Anyway, just wanted you to know that I for one don't think you should shut up or think first before starting any more threads. You started this thread for a very good reason - the fact that it has spun off at tangents is just proof of how good Mumnset is at allowing people to voice and hear all sorts of different opinons and experiences.

Jane101, agree with Willow2, don't feel you shouldn't have started the thread please, not at all. I think it was a very good idea and I've been most interested to hear what people have to say on the subject.

Willow2 and www, Thanks. I'll carry on not thinking first.

I have had two good births really. They don't feel good at the time, admittedly, but my first was about 5 hours, my second 2 hours (and only half an hour of that hurt.) The first labour started naturally but I had pethidine, the second was induced and there was no time for anything but gas and air.

I stick by my statement that morning sickness, for me, was worse than giving birth. Also, being stitched up is worse than giving birth.

I don't mean to make light of the awful times other people have but, in the spirit of this thread, not all birth stories include the word 'horror'

Jane101 - No, no, I didn't mean to say that I thought it was a bad idea to start the thread, I think this (and the associated thread) has made for a fascinating discussion. I was just alarmed that my views seemed to be so out of tune with all those expressed here; as I said, the survey made perfect sense to me. I was worried about stirring up controversy by disagreeing. Sorry if that wasn't clear!
Agree entirely with Willow2, it's the variety of views here and the chance to express and discuss them that makes it all so interesting. Keep on going.

Jane101 - PS. If all that wasn't as bad as you were expecting - what WERE you expecting??!

Inkpen, OK I suppose bits of it were pretty awful and "Willow2" was quite right to mention complications - I'm feeling quite ashamed because I have done exactly what she said and "glossed over" the fact that after the (not as bad as I expected) birth I was whisked away to have a spinal block so the placenta could be removed manually. I admit that bit was horrible. But it was the level of pain, and the fact I was able to cope with it, that weren't as bad as I'd feared. It seems that whenever you see anyone giving birth on TV they are screaming the place down and I really, honestly didn't feel like that.

Now there you go getting all guilty on us. Hasn't anyone told you that this is a guilt free zone?

Willow2, a guilt free zone - what a lovely thought

I know this is an old thread but I just thought I'd resurrect it for any of us about to do it again. Eeek! I know all those on the July thread are about to experience childbirth sooner than I am but I just wondered if anyone had any experiences to add? I've just read this again and found it reassuring anyway.

Did it in January and it was MUCH better than the first time. Was 3 1/2 hours from start to finish which was a nice length of time (first was 2hrs and was too quick and very shocking). Had morphine with gas & air which was fantastic - still felt the contraction but it was managed pain with a real rest in between each one so would definitely recommend. Also position - upright over the raised back of the bed - very comfortable with all the benefits of gravity - infinitely more sore the couple of times I had to turn round to get something checked. Left with nice, hazy memories with the I'd do it all again tomorrow feeling (unlike with ds1!). You'll be fine!

WWW, I'd definitely recommend NCT refresher classes if there are any organised near you (worth asking now as sometimes they are demand-led and if enough people ask, a teacher is booked).
We have the continuity of the same antenatal teacher as we had for ds1 and it has been entertaining and reassuring to see her reach for her "progress of labour" chart for first-timers and then scrunch huge sections of it right up ("this bit will be shorter"; "this bit may well only last 15 minutes this time round" ), for the benefit of us 2nd/3rd timers.
I've never had a term labour. Ds1 was an unavoidable planned c-section and my labour last summer was not, I think representative of what I can expect this time, for several reasons.
It has been really interesting for me to see how the other women in the group, who all had vaginal births last time, are all quite apprehensive. They have strong views about what they want this time (mostly less pain relief where it can lead to more intervention - they are all adamant it is the epidurals they want to avoid, not the pain...). Water births, at home or in hospital, are also top of the list. But it really is helpful to hear from a good antenatal teacher that subsequent deliveries are almost always shorter and easier. It gives us hopeful VBACers something to cling to!

Hi WWW, my ds was born in April, approx. 40 minutes from start to finish!! Born at home in the hallway on a "Larry Spear" rug.....i think I remember you saying you live near Plymouth so thought you might appreciate that one!! Very different to when I had dd two years ago, I was diabetic and so induced (mutually convenient as dh in Navy), took 3 days to get going then had epidural and Ventouse delivery. This time I said to m/w that I would like to try to get by with gas & air and maybe Pethidene or something but as it turned out had no pain relief and ds delivered by paramedics with just a hand to hold! Not sure what brought on such a speedy labour, could be brisk walking pushing or carrying dd for weeks leading up to the birth, or fresh pineapple a few days before! I definitely wasn't so afraid of giving birth second time round although it's a good job I didn't know what was going to happen.....personally I think keep your options open regards pain relief etc and don't set yourself targets or put pressure on yourself, the most important thing at the end of the day is a healthy baby and happy mum

Good to see a positive thread like this. I'm now 5 1/2 mths pg and am starting to get a little aprenhensive I must admit but thinking about the good points definitely helps.

With dd I had a very positive experience and remember a day or two after sitting chatting with my mum, mil and my Kraamzorg (Dutch post-natal doula) about the experience. They all said it was very important how I was going to remember everything and at the time I remember saying how impressed I had been not just with the experience but with myself.
Feeling so proud of myself was something I hadn't expected.

It was a longish labour but in retrospect I now know that when I first detected those early pains(5am) I should have taken a paracetemol and gone back to bed. Dd was born at 10:30 that evening with the aid of pethidine taken mainly because I was absolutely knackered.

I'm hoping for a home birth this time with pethidine there should I need it. As this is all I had last time I'm hoping I won't need anything else and poss not even that.

The most important thing I think is to realise that what happens happens and it's different for everyone, the more aware we are of what can go wrong the more prepared we will be.

I am only too well aware that the best laid plans don't always work so I may yet be found en route to the hospital screaming for an epidural come September but If my baby and I come out the other side of it all happy and healthy that's all that matters to me.

Jane101
I completely agree with you - my birth experience was much better than I thought it would be although I think it helped that the midwives running the antenatal classes I attended were down-to-earth and realistic about it all. I have since spoken to friends who have attended private antenatal classes and the whole birth experience was a terrible shock for them as they had been given a rather rosy view of the whole process!
My labour was 20 hours long and apart from the car journey to the hospital, I found the labour pain manageable. I laboured for 12 hours with just gas and air until it was decided that I should have an epidural as I was worn out. At all times, I felt in control and also trusted my midwives implicitly.
Of course there are always going to be things you wished you had done differently, but I have a very positive memory of the experience and felt broody for no 2 almost straight after I had given birth. Keeping fit during my pregnancy certainly helped during labour but more importantly afterwards - I was out shopping the day after I gave birth to my first!

My period pains were way worse than labour, so even though it all went slightly pear shaped 3 days into it all with em - c section, the actual contractions for me seemed manageable. For me - it was far better than i imagined, although the recovery after a c-section is completely miserable, the birth is still totally fab IMO

I had my 2nd at home 10 weeks ago. My first labour was hellish, this time it was about as good an experience as it could be. I only had gas and air for the last hour or so (only had g&a first time but wanted something much much stronger) The labour was much shorter, being 10 days early I didn't really realise it was labour until about 6pm, it all progressed much faster, I rang the midwife who arrived at 7:30 (just in time to watch Coronation Street) I then had a bath and ds was born at 10:30pm. We were all tucked up in bed by 1:30am. I didnt tear at all and afterwards I got over it physically much quicker, much more tired coping with two at the moment but it is getting easier!

I felt much more in control of the pain and of the labour in general, and had two fanastic midwifes.

Good luck to everybody!

I like this.
I had my first at home in summer 2001. Went to antenatal classes and they tried to make me watch a video of someone giving birth. I walked out. For a while I thought that I couldn't do it. I don't think any pregnant woman should watch someone else give birth it scared me to death. Never-the-less I still had a home birth with Pethedine, gas and air. It wasn't really a long, hard labour. It started about 10pm and ds was born at 12.30pm (Dinner next day, not 2 hours later)
We're hoping to have another next spring/summer and it's so nice to see most 2nd births are easier cause I'd like the next at home too.
Everyone told me before hand that you forget the pain when you've given birth and I didn't believe them. I did though.
The funniest part was when the contractions had just got harder, between them I was talking to dh and laughed. He looked at me and said 'you shouldn't be laughing, you're in labour'!

I had what everyone says was a "lucky" first and only birth. My waters broke and I had a show on the loo, 3.5 hours later with with no pain relief I had a home-birth on the living room floor. I have never felt so alone in my life, although my very supportive husband and 2 midwives were there. But it wasn't a lonely kind of alone. It was the kind of aloneness you feel when running a marathon or studying for an exam-determined and concentrated.
I had planned to have a home-birth and were I to have another child I would have another home-birth.
The feeling of accomplishement is lovely and it's great to have your back scrubbed in the bath and have a cup of tea made for you and be tucked up in your lovely clean bed by the midwives!!!

Well, my birth experience was very positive, although I'm not sure I would describe it as 'not as bad as I thought it woudl be'. It was definitely the most intense, painful and overwhelming experience I've ever had, and its hard to conceptualise that in advance!
Started at 3pm with moderately painful (worse than period pain) contractions. This continued into the night - very copable with but not possible to sleep. Mainly spent the time kneeling on the floor against bed or sofa. Had a bath which seemed to slow things down. Thought we'd be heading to hospital in the early hours, but things died down (tried ot get them going with a walk around the streets at 4am, to no avail!) Got a bit of sleep around 6-8am. Not really getting any stronger the next morning, so packed dh off to work. No sooner had he sat at his desk than I was on the phone telling him my waters had broken! This was about 12 noon. Into hospital for assessment - 1-2cm. Given the option of going home or staying in a 4 bed assessment unit. Felt my pains were getting quite strong and thought being around people would inhibit my response somewhat(!) so went home. Lasted at home about 2-3 hours then REALLY needed to get some pain relief (main methods up till then had been getting on all fours and moving pelvis around , whilst moaning quite a lot - also pressure on lower back from dh)
Got to hospital around 6.30pm - around 2-3 cm so thought it would still be a while.
Once in delivery room got onto the gas and air. things quickly became extremely intense and painful and I was making LOTS of noise. Midwife left the room to get some diamorph, told me to get onto the bed (had been kneeling against it) - at which point I started getting wierd sensations in my back ( which I now know was transition/beginning of second stage). Midwife came back, decided to examine me, diamorphine went down the sink and I started to push. Couldn't push on my back so ended up kneeling on the bed with the back raised. Pushing stage easier as I could feel the head making progress - I actually didn't find the birth of the head too painful. baby born 35 mins later and passed through my knees for me to unwrap and discover he was a boy! Lots of skin to skin cuddling and suckling afterwards, then I walked down the corridor for my bath to be told 'you don't look like you've just given birth'....fantastic. Afterwards I was just struck with the intensity of it - who needs to climb Everest for a near death experience....
First stage 'officially' recorded as 6 hours (but really about 20) and second stage 35mins. ds weighed 7lbs 1oz.
Considering a home birth next time!! Sorry this is so long....