El c section or induction (rainbow baby after stillbirth)

[lukiebebe]

Hi all,
I haven’t posted on mumsnet for a long time since my son was stillborn due to a lethal skeletal dysplasia which we knew was going to take his life. His heart stopped in the 38th week and he was born 25th May 2020 via the induction process. He turned 1 on Tuesday this week.

I am currently pregnant with rainbow baby (28wks) and after private testing with our son's DNA and a CVS with this baby we are very lucky that this baby doesn’t have what took our baby boy’s life. We have been told we are carriers and it can happen in future pregnancies but we are grateful this baby is healthy (Our son is clearly the best big brother ever looking out for his sibling).
Anyway sorry wanted to give you all a back story…
We had our first growth scan yesterday (all is well) and started talking about birthing options with consultant. She said she’s happy for us to wait to go naturally, book an induction or book an elective c section at 39wks (no earlier unless there are complication touch wood).
I’m aware of induction process but not at all familiar with elec c section. I know that an induction can turn into an emergency c section. Thing is with our first I very nearly had an emergency section because he just wasn’t getting into the right position. In the end he did (as I laid on my side with a peanut ball which helped shift him) and after 2 1/2 hrs of pushing he needed assistance with forceps… poor baby.
I’m in two minds of choosing induction again or c section. I don’t think I want to try and go naturally I don’t know! They did say if by 40 wks nothings happened I have to choose those two options anyway as they don’t want me to go further than 40 for our own mental health (which I agree with). The induction process was so traumatic for both of us it scares us, but then again so does a c section. I know it’s not the easy way out! No option is really as every birth is so different. I guess why I’m writing this is just for advice/stories some of you have been through.

I’m worried an induction will lead to emergency section or baby being helped with forceps again.
I’m worried c section will have complications and I’ll be away from my baby for too long. I just don’t know. I’m so confused. Choice is so hard.
Sorry for the longest message ever! clearly my anxiety has taken over my typing  I would appreciate any support. Thank you 😊

For you and your older son

I’d go with a CS. I had a complicated emergency one after very intense induction as my waters had broken and things weren’t progressing. Induction, as you know, can be really rough. I won’t have another DC but was told if I did I’d have to have an elective at 37 weeks due to the complications and chatted to some friends who’d had them for various reasons including breech and maternal mental health.

It can be a really lovely experience. Calm, peaceful, you’ll be able to plan, get your head ready, it’s more of a known quantity.

Wishing you every good thing for the rest of your pregnancy and a happy, healthy, peaceful delivery x

So, so sorry for your loss. And although I can't imagine how hard this decision is for you I can empathise, as I was offered the choice I didn't know which to choose.
I was offered a c section, but wanted to have the best chance for a vaginal delivery so went for an induction. It ended in an emergency c section.
I suspect my anxiety at the birth contributed to my labour not progressing (family history of stillbirth), and just wanted a healthy baby.
I don't really know what to advise, but didn't want to read and run.

I would go with a planned CS. It'll be much calmer for you and though the recovery process will be longer I think you will overall feel better for it.

@AnneLovesGilbert thanks for the love and advice! Yes I have been told elect c section is much calmer etc plus my partner and I would know exactly what day baby will be arriving so we can be best prepared etc.

I guess it just the unknown and never having had major surgery before it's daunting. Look forward to reading more positive c section stories. I hope!

@EeeByeGummieBear thanks lovely appreciate your advice! Yes I'm afraid of an induction turning into an emergency section! I think of our son was alive during Labour I reckon they would have rushed us in ASAP. But as he had died they were calmer and not rushing him out so they waited to hope for him to shift into position which he did bless him. So I'm worried that this time this baby will struggle to get into the right position too! I'd be constantly watching the monitoring at panicking!

I think my mind is more towards c section but like I said further up this message I'm so scared 😖

@jellybe thank you for your message. This helps to hear ! Xx

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss 💐

We had a cvs with my children due to a medical condition I had.

My first was an induction, he turned into a funny position and I was rushed into theatre for forceps. He got stuck and got should dystotia but luckily at 3.5 this now doesn't effect him at all.

With my second we booked a induction again on 17th May 2020 and 3 days before decided I wanted to go for an elective c section.

She was born on the 19th last Wednesday but e c section and it was the bet decision I've ever made. Everything was so calm, I managed to get everything sorted at home beforehand cause I knew she was coming.

The operation went well and she came into the world with no problems. I'm recovering really well, even the same day managed to get out of bed and feed her, I was sore but a lot better than I thought.

I just yhink the c section took all the worry out and stress that I endured with the first induction and if I ever have another ill be doing a c section again.

Wish you all the best xxx

17th of May 2021 sorry

So sorry for your loss
I've had an emergency section and an elective.
I found my first section very traumatic - it was like having some sort of out of body experience. I was terrified of losing my son. People everywhere, a real sense of panic. I guess you need to consider whether that situation if it were to arise,would be triggering for you.
The elective section was totally different. Calm, peaceful and I felt completely in control. I was given the choice of a vbac but I wanted the element of control
Second time around. No regrets.
Good luck whatever you decide.

So sorry for your loss, I hope you are able to take some time to get excited about this baby and have received good support. I have had a failed induction that ended in an EMCS and two ELCS. While the CS is major surgery I was only in pain for about 3-4 days post surgery and that was manageable with painkillers. I was pretty much fully recovered by 10 days. I think not having several days of stress from the induction and exhaustion of labour really helped my recovery. However lots of friends have had inductions that did work. Some bodies just get what they're meant to do and others (like mine) don't.

If you are someone who likes things to be quite controlled (esp as a way of managing anxiety) then a planned CS will give you that and mean the whole hospital birth experience is reduced to a few hours before you're on the postnatal ward. It will also be a different experience from your last birth so perhaps less likely to bring back as many memories. However if you feel like your body will react to the induction drugs normally and you want to experience the natural birth again then go for that.

Whatever you end up deciding is the right decision for you - be kind to yourself and choose whatever feels best for you, not what you feel you "should" do or what people tell you is "best" for the baby - either way I'm sure the baby will be gorgeous and wonderful. You have so much to look forward to x

Bless you and your dear baby boy

Not every induction turns into a horror story, my friend and I have very similar stories being induced with our second baby's, lots of period type backache cramps and a baby arrived before we knew it.

I think you should discuss it with your consultant and take their advice. And get the odds for a second baby being induced.

My rainbow twins were born by elcs. I had to have one as they were sharing a placenta but actually it was a lovely calm experience and I'd do it again in the same position.

@GrandmasterGlitchsMoustache

So sorry for your loss, I hope you are able to take some time to get excited about this baby and have received good support. I have had a failed induction that ended in an EMCS and two ELCS. While the CS is major surgery I was only in pain for about 3-4 days post surgery and that was manageable with painkillers. I was pretty much fully recovered by 10 days. I think not having several days of stress from the induction and exhaustion of labour really helped my recovery. However lots of friends have had inductions that did work. Some bodies just get what they're meant to do and others (like mine) don't.

If you are someone who likes things to be quite controlled (esp as a way of managing anxiety) then a planned CS will give you that and mean the whole hospital birth experience is reduced to a few hours before you're on the postnatal ward. It will also be a different experience from your last birth so perhaps less likely to bring back as many memories. However if you feel like your body will react to the induction drugs normally and you want to experience the natural birth again then go for that.

Whatever you end up deciding is the right decision for you - be kind to yourself and choose whatever feels best for you, not what you feel you "should" do or what people tell you is "best" for the baby - either way I'm sure the baby will be gorgeous and wonderful. You have so much to look forward to x

(Obviously if you get any medical advice about what's best for the baby then you should of course follow that. I mean "advice" from non-experts like random aunties who aren't necessarily thinking of what's best for you.)

I'm so sorry you've been through such a hellish time. I know you will be stressed as hell and considering every possibility every moment of the day and night.

My first son was stillborn at 29 weeks due to my as-then undiagnosed blood disorder which I won't go into as isn't relevant here. I conceived again 18 months later and won't pretend I wasn't terrified every step of the pregnancy.

Anyway during my 33 week scan i was told baby had to come out now as I had severe pre eclampsia and although initially I was prepared for a natural birth he was eventually delivered by urgent c section as his heart rate was dropping.

This all happens so quickly and a lot of the decision is taken out of your hands in cases like ours. I would try not to worry and be aware that you will be int he best possible place and hands.

I truly wish you all the very best x

Elective c section every time. These days the recovery times are really short and I would take it every time over an induction (had both).

There have been quite a few threads about scheduled sections on here, loads of good advice and might be worth a look.

I was terrified of needing a section so didn’t read a thing in advance, was off my face when they took me in, had an unexpected general anaesthetic and woke up to meet my baby. Weird day. Because it was so complicated my scar was longer than most are and I couldn’t get up for over a day.

Which I’m sharing not to scare you but to let you know that even in reality traumatic circumstances it was actually completely okay. Once I had her in my arms, tucked against my skin under my gown, I couldn’t have given a shit how she got there and I felt so calm and happy and they kept me really comfortable.

The staff were incredible and all 3 of us were so well looked after. It wasn’t the birth I wanted, I’m glad I didn’t know that’s how it would happen, but it was fine. So if it’s scheduled, you know what to expect, you have a clear idea beforehand, you can get a good night sleep before, know the house is clean and organised, you’ve got everything ready, it’ll be lovely.

Surgery is daunting, in any circumstances. But this won’t be because you’re already ill, it’ll be to get your precious baby in your arms safely. Loads of women are up walking about in a few hours, if you want to breastfeed you should be able to do so straight away, they’ll encourage you to get moving gently.

It’s got to be completely up to you. But in your circumstances it sounds like some planning and clear expectations would help you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy as much as you can and help you approach your delivery feeling happy and in control.

Wow amazing stories and advice everyone thank you! Appreciate it so much.

Of course, I will be speaking to my consultant at every growth scan but from what she said yesterday either option she is happy with and it's our choice at the end of the day (unless in the next few months baby needed help).

I definitely agree with some of you in terms on ELCs giving us more control and preparation! That's definitely what we need right now after the hell we've been through the last year.

I also agree that many have had lovely inductions that have run smoothly which is amazing!

Gosh the unknown sucks doesn't it!

So sorry this happened to you with your son 😢 I’ve had a lifelong fear of giving birth, it’s so extreme. I think most ‘normal’ people are more afraid of a c-section but in my mind it’s way more controlled and I’ll be able to meet my baby in a calm environment so that’s what I’m going for. I just wouldn’t consider the alternative but that’s due to my abnormal phobia 🙈 I’ve done so much research into sections and wasn’t even willing to get pregnant til I knew exactly what would happen. The consultant appointment where they tell you all the risks is a bit scary but I’d bare in mind that you should do your own research as these risks are not only the risks of an emergency c-section (where people enter theatre in a life threatening situation) but also the fact the causes of people requiring an elective section usually puts them at much greater risk of there being a complication anyway, so the risks aren’t actually risks of the procedure so much as combined risks of factors affecting why you need it done as well as the procedure. For me there’s no other way baby is coming out so I just said yes to everything, it was nothing I hadn’t already seen online but luckily I had seen less one-sided pros/cons also, as doctors don’t seem to mention any of the risks of a vaginal birth and just make out the baby will come gliding out and you can go straight home, which hasn’t been the case for any of my friends at all! The recovery for me is the main downside of the c-section. Not being able to drive for a while won’t bother me too much as I have my parents and my other half who will be off work. The fact you need a catheter didn’t put me off as you need one with an epidural too (and I’d definitely need one of those if I did it naturally). Stupidly the things that are worrying me are getting the cannula in my hand and having the spinal put in. As soon as that’s over and I’m lying down and can’t feel anything I’ll be fine. You just need to decide based on all the pros and cons what’s right for you

@sarah13xx thanks so much for your detailed reply. I'm sorry to hear of you phobia thank goodness for c sections then right! It is so true that there is so much about c sections you know alll the Ts and Cs, but vaginally it's like yep it'll all work out when we all know that's not always the case! My induction was super traumatic (obviously for more reasons than one) and so long it has left a mental scare! More so for my partner though as I was completely out of it. The bit that haunts me the most was when they inserted the forceps and pulled my son out that pain was the worst pain I've ever experienced! I've never let out such a horrifying scream like that before.

Professionals keeps saying it'll be easier next time around and baby will slip out etc but I've read that's not always the case.

Clearly I'm convincing myself to do an elec which I never in my life thought I'd be doing because it's always terrified me, but it makes sense for mine and my partners mental health! I do worry about recovery, but hopefully I'll have my baby safely home with me.

The pain I endured physically from my induction with my first son was awful and so painful but nothing compared to my mental trauma of losing a child. Pain goes away eventually but mental trauma doesn't.

When will you be having you c section? Xx

So sorry for your loss.

I loved my elective section and would do it again. Recovery is difficult but the experience was wonderful. Calmer and more controlled.

I would suggest you book some time with a birth professional who is experienced in dealing with loss and trauma. However you decide to proceed, having someone support you through this and help you to understand what is coming, manage your fears and plan the moment you meet your baby will all help these next few months and allow you to bond with your baby rather than being overwhelmed by your fears.

There are many ways to make a planned cesarean a very positive birth like the stories above, waking into the theatre, having the monitors on your shoulders and the oximeters on your feet for example can allow you to have immediate skin to skin more easily. Your choice of music which you have used to do relaxation proactive during your pregnancy is another. You can discuss the process in detail with your consultant so you understand each step and ensure you and your partner are supported and cared for at every step. It can also help to process the trauma of the loss of your son and make the arrival of this one a beautiful event.

@ChateauMargaux thanks so much for your message.

With my son I had a bereavement doula who was amazing! We went through so many detailed plans and scenarios! Because of her my partner and I were able to have an amazing three days making memories with our son. Also, if it wasn't for her birthing ideas I would have been rushed into an emergency section!

I have recently contacted her again and I have scheduled a zoom call with her in 3 weeks time! So I will deffo chat to her about our fears and options etc! She knows a great antenatal specialist too who helped me to understand the induction process too, so she will be joining the call. She's very pro section too so I know she'll have tons of positive info. I look forward to talking to them soon :)

I'm so sorry to hear about your son. What is his name?

I recommend a c-section. After 10 IVFs, a traumatic TFMR and a miscarriage, I finally got pregnant with twins.

I had a c-section and it was a wonderful calm experience. (I was also surprised by how quick it is - takes minutes!).
I had minimal pain (nothing more than a slightly sore muscle after a gym session), and was back to normal in about 2 days.
Good luck with your decision.

My thoughts are with you and here is my story if it helps. We are in the anniversary week so it is a poignant time even 23 and 24 years later.

DS2 was born at 27 weeks and lived for just a few hours due to congenital heart disease. We knew from the 20 week scan. I had lost two babies in the 2nd trimester at that stage.

51 weeks later dd was born, 8lb 13oz, in an easy labour with no stitches and an Apgar score of 9+ but it was a bit of a journey to get there.

At 20 weeks placenta praevia was diagnosed (not full) so the first seeds of an elective caesarean were sown. At 28 weeks it had moved up but the baby was breach although not unusual at that stage. The baby remained breach and was considered large. At 34 and 36 weeks I had attempted external cephalic versions and both failed. An elective caesarean was arranged and the lovely consultant said he would do it himself (and patted my hand).

I had my pre surgery check on the Friday and everything was ticked off. Arrived at dawn the following Tuesday (after an admittedly uncomfortable weekend where I thought at one point labour was undoubtedly starting - and then fell asleep). Consultant came in to see me before scrubbing up - and the baby had turned. We had quite a chat and he was perfectly happy to go ahead as we were mentally ready but I felt I couldn't have unnecessary surgery at the end of the day, providing a very experienced midwife was guaranteed. I was 38 weeks and tbf because previous babies were born at 36.3 and 27 neither the consultant nor I thought I would get to term.

40 weeks came and went and from that point the baby was checked daily. For my mental health we decided the baby would be induced at 41 weeks. I agreed to the induction on the basis that if I needed the drip and (I'm sorry I just can't remember the name of the medicine) I would have an epidural first.

DH and I arrived at 9am and the pessary didn't do much. I declined having my waters broken mid afternoon because the registrar was abrupt. I think I had another pessary. Not very much happened until 8pm when some gentle contractions started and then my waters broke. (It may well have started then in any event). At about the same time they wanted to get the drip up and the anaesthetist was called to do the epidural (a mobile one). By the time the epidural was in, labour was underway and dd was born two hours later, no stitches, no drama, perfectly healthy.

It was a very surreal 51 weeks and there is much of that time I don't remember. 24 years will have passed next week and over time I have come to terms with it although I don't think one ever fully gets over it. DD has just had her 23rd birthday and is a daily blessing.

Good luck my love, whatever you decide and know that some of us know how difficult this time is for you.

In your situation, I would have a section. It can be calm and steady, and an ELCS allows for the mental preparation I think. Your bereavement doula sounds phenomenal, I'm so glad you have the support. Are you will a rainbow clinic?

Mine is slightly different in that I lost my boy at 21+4 after a TFMR, but I am very newly pregnant again and I already know that if I get as far as term birth with a live baby, I would choose an ELCS.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, happy heavenly birthday wishes for your beautiful boy, and love to all of you with your rainbow. 💙🎂🌈 Xx

@lukiebebe oh no, that sounds horrific 😰 quite a few friends of mine have had forceps/episiotomy and it just sounds so so bad. Maybe a c section would mean it won’t feel like last time for you so won’t bring back those memories the same way 😞 mine will be at the end of July. I have placenta praevia too which they were hoping would be away but the time it came to it but I think I’d probably have ended up needing a section anyway as it’s still not moved. Luckily I was prepared for all the horrendous risks she was going to say and just quickly agreed to them all because I knew in the wider context of things that’s not necessarily accurate 🙄 but it’s probably their only hope of getting the c-section date down any x