El c section or induction (rainbow baby after stillbirth)

[lukiebebe]

Hi all,
I haven’t posted on mumsnet for a long time since my son was stillborn due to a lethal skeletal dysplasia which we knew was going to take his life. His heart stopped in the 38th week and he was born 25th May 2020 via the induction process. He turned 1 on Tuesday this week.

I am currently pregnant with rainbow baby (28wks) and after private testing with our son's DNA and a CVS with this baby we are very lucky that this baby doesn’t have what took our baby boy’s life. We have been told we are carriers and it can happen in future pregnancies but we are grateful this baby is healthy (Our son is clearly the best big brother ever looking out for his sibling).
Anyway sorry wanted to give you all a back story…
We had our first growth scan yesterday (all is well) and started talking about birthing options with consultant. She said she’s happy for us to wait to go naturally, book an induction or book an elective c section at 39wks (no earlier unless there are complication touch wood).
I’m aware of induction process but not at all familiar with elec c section. I know that an induction can turn into an emergency c section. Thing is with our first I very nearly had an emergency section because he just wasn’t getting into the right position. In the end he did (as I laid on my side with a peanut ball which helped shift him) and after 2 1/2 hrs of pushing he needed assistance with forceps… poor baby.
I’m in two minds of choosing induction again or c section. I don’t think I want to try and go naturally I don’t know! They did say if by 40 wks nothings happened I have to choose those two options anyway as they don’t want me to go further than 40 for our own mental health (which I agree with). The induction process was so traumatic for both of us it scares us, but then again so does a c section. I know it’s not the easy way out! No option is really as every birth is so different. I guess why I’m writing this is just for advice/stories some of you have been through.

I’m worried an induction will lead to emergency section or baby being helped with forceps again.
I’m worried c section will have complications and I’ll be away from my baby for too long. I just don’t know. I’m so confused. Choice is so hard.
Sorry for the longest message ever! clearly my anxiety has taken over my typing  I would appreciate any support. Thank you 😊

*rate even not date!

I’m so sorry for your loss 💜
My daughter was stillborn in 2017. I chose to be induced having her brother in 2019. All went smooth and was a lovely experience.
Do what your gut says! xx

@user1471604848 thanks for your message and I wanted to send my love to you after what sounds like a very tough time for you and your family. It's just incredibly unfair 😢 big hug.

Lovely to hear about your twins what a blessing 🥰

It sounds like your recovery was perfect! Gosh that would be amazing! 🙏

@RosesAndHellebores my lovely thanks so much for sharing your journey with me. My heart goes out to you and your family! So much love to your babies in the sky and a happy birthday to your DD too. It is true no matter how much time passes it we will never get over this pain but we learn to move forward and carry them in our lives in whatever we do! 🥰

Thanks for sharing your experience and what you decided was best for you. Im glad to hear that baby was healthy and there were no dramas.

Sending you love x

@SemiFeralDalek hello thanks for your message! Want to send you love for your Angel baby. I'm sorry for everything you've had to go through as a family. I will be praying that this pregnancy runs smoothly for you and that a healthy baby will be in your arms in no time! When are you due? Thanks for sharing too how you wish to birth this baby.

Yes my doula is incredible. I'm not part of a rainbow clinic no! I have just been very lucky to come across her through recommendations! She too suffered a loss and started this journey to support others so she totally gets it!

Thanks for the birthday wishes for my boy. Sending you love 💕

@sarah13xx yes it was rather traumatic and painful! Luckily I healed quickly and I didn't get any infection.

I think you're right. Doing an elec will be a totally different experience so won't bring back any of that trauma!

Sending you so much love for July and pray all goes smoothly for you and baby 💕

@Noshowlomo I'm so sorry to hear that you too have experienced the worst thing in the world! 😢 life just isn't fair! I am glad to hear you had your healthy baby and your induction process went smoothly! Thanks for sharing that with me. Lots of love xx

Sorry for your loss. Our baby had to be delivered at 37 weeks as I have APS, which caused several early losses and is known for pregnancy complications. I instead requested a c section and this was the right choice for me. As others have experienced, I felt I needed a calm environment and for the delivery to be over with quickly. Recovery was great and will be doing the same for a (hopeful) baby 2. Wishing you a smooth remainder of pregnancy x

@Littlegoth thanks for your message! I'm Sorry to hear about what you've been through too and I am glad you chose a section and all went well to being your baby home safely! Glad to hear recover went well too!! 🥰

I guess the procedure of an elec c section is the same for a lot of people, so I guess I've understood how that works.

I guess now I want to hear people's recovery stories as I can imagine there are many different types of recovery stories, so I need to read up on those to decide if I'm happy to do that etc when I have to look after a baby. The thought of sneezing with a c section wound makes me skin crawl 😂

So I posted before about recovery but I would say for me it was:
1-3 days - painful if sneeze, cough or laugh but not much pain if just sitting/lying still and codeine will top up the other pain meds. Painful when you start moving (eg getting out of bed, starting to walk) but then mostly bearable once you are moving. Can cuddle baby in bed and look after them by yourself in hospital after a day if you have to (eg no visitors allowed).
4-6 days - painful every so often but not if you're on nurofen/paracetamol. You'll get afterpains too which I found worse than C Section pains. Can pretty much do everything for baby, just a bit sore.
6-10 days - pretty much recovered, the odd twinge on the scar and scar can be a bit itchy or sore. Body very tired if you try to go for a walk etc.
11 days on - I just cracked on with it, lifting my heavy 2 year old, having baths, going for walks etc. If I could've done less I would have but I also knew I was recovering well

I did have to move a lot early on as I had babies in the NICU so had to troop down there every 3 hours to feed. Keeping moving (with suitable painkillers) did help my recovery.

In terms of the level of pain - I found it less tough than labour pains and the painkillers work better. First time round I feared I was going to be in agony all day for a week or two after a C Section but it's not like that otherwise so many women wouldn't go through it electively!

I am so sorry for your loss I cannot even imagine what that must be like. I hope the rest of this pregnancy goes smoothly for you.

So, c section story - with Ds1 I had a rushed emergency c section, I had been in labour over 24 hours which ended with a baby in distress so I was rushed to theatre. The actual experience of it seemed really rushed but efficient and it was over really quickly. I have a great hands on Dh (both families were too far away to help) and so the recovery afterwards was great. I was very well looked after not only in hospital but also at home with Dh. I think things like being helped into knickers by Dh so I didn't have to bend all the way to the floor to step into them (I could manage going to the toilet) and Dh also was great at helping me get dressed and also after a shower when my boobs were leaking milk. We were very prepared with batch food, anything we could just shove in the oven rather than stir on the hob. We just basked in being parents and it was a good time.

Ds2 was an elective c section. As above my family were far away and after a job relocation we didn't know anyone well enough to leave Ds1 with them. This was a completely different experience. Calm, controlled and the staff worked at a relaxed pace. It made me realise how fast and rushed my emergency section was. Dh was with me whilst I had my spinal block in then they took him off to get into scrubs whilst a lovely midwife came and inserted a catheter. I was wheeled into theatre where Dh was waiting for me.

The whole process was slow and calm. I felt very safe and knew how long this would take. The recovery was slightly slower I think because I had an almost 3 year old to take care of too after Dh had gone back to work after his 2 week paternity. But still not painful. Those babies are now 18 and 15. I don't have any issues with the scar itself but I do have the c section shelf not the overhang.

I am not medically trained so of course you need to be guided by your midwifery team but I would want a different experience than the last time in terms of setting so I would opt for the c section. It allows you to plan, you know your delivery date and mentally you can prepare yourself.

@GrandmasterGlitchsMoustache @SometimesALime thanks so much for you both sharing your recovery experiences in detail very very helpful indeed!

I'm hoping DP will have paternity and then 2 wk holiday after that so a month of support before he goes back to work 🙏

Luckily I have a close cousin who lives near by incase I need urgent help if my DP is out.

Great idea about batch cooking. We will definitely make sure we do that in the lead up! My partner and his parents love cooking for us too and leaving parcels in general so I'm sure we will have plenty 😍 all good things to consider as sometimes they can be overlooked, so thanks again x

@lukiebebe a month of assistance is fantastic! Sort out a click and collect or food shop delivery, if you sort it now you can get a "basics" list that you can just add to your basket every week, no thinking involved. It is one less thing to think about. Stock up on pain meds too just in case.

The main thing is if you do have a c section then understand you have had major surgery, it will take time for your body to heal and you need to give yourself time. In the olden days your due date was called date of confinement because you just fed the baby and lots of other people did everything else, cooking, cleaning, a community of women supported each other after childbirth. Ah, where have those women gone?

Accept whatever help you are offered. I supported a friend, drove 3 hours to get to her, blitzed her house, did her laundry including stripping her blood stained bedding, made her food as I was only able to stay 48 hours due to being a SAHM myself with a very supportive Dh!

I am so sorry for your loss. It is the worst thing for parents to ever have to go through. I am a midwife and have sadly seen situations like yours far to many times and I just can't imagine have you ever get through it. You are so strong!

Congratulations on your rainbow baby. This is your choice and yours alone. It will depend on many factors.

I may talk a bit matter of fact here so apologies if it offends you.

The induction process may differ as there are certain drugs they can use for induction with stillborn babies they do not use with a live baby. The good thing is about a vaginal delivery with a live baby is they are often simpler than delivery at full term of a stillborn baby. Your baby may not have been getting in the correct position due to the lack of tone and unable to 'help' if you see what I mean. Full term stillbirths often end in shoulder dystocia or forceps as they are floppy. I usually talk about this before the induction process with someone as it can be quite scary in the moment and I find people deal with it better if they expect it.

For your mental health an ELCS could be the way to go. Many people who go through late losses do this as they can't imagine getting further along and the anxiety that something bad is going go happen.

Can you meet with the consultant midwife or a bereavement midwife and talk things through now the consultant has given you the options?

@00deed1988 thanks so much for this information! I never knew I may have been given differnt drugs because my son was stillborn! I could ask about that to find out which drugs I was given! Thank you. And yes I did wonder if because he was stillborn if that affected him being able to come out poor boy ☹️

I have scheduled a call with my bereavement doula and an antenatal trainer (who helped me tons when I was pregnant with Lucas) in two weeks time so I will mention all of this and see what they say!

It is an awful thing some of us parents have to go through and I'm sorry you've had to witness this lots of times 😭 so unfair.

Thanks again for your message xx

Those of you who had booked in an elec c section,..

If you ended up showing signs of labour before your booked ELC could you go in and still request it if you weren't already in active labour? Or did you have to give birth vaginally in the end?

Many thanks. X

I never got that far but at the ELCS booking appointment I was told that I could change my mind up till the last minute basically.

Hi OP, so sorry for your loss. I've had both an emergency and elective c section. If you go into labour, they will still perform the c section. I found an elective c section very calm.

If you ended up showing signs of labour before your booked ELC could you go in and still request it if you weren't already in active labour? Or did you have to give birth vaginally in the end?

I have a section booked for exactly 40 weeks and was told that if I go into labour before that, I can have a section at that point if I want, or continue with labour if I prefer.

The reason for the late slot is because that's all they had left when I decided at 36 weeks. Otherwise it would have been sooner. But in a way it's a good thing as I know I won't have to go over due but can still make up my mind until the last minute.

My previous experience was nowhere near as mentally traumatic as yours, it was more the physical trauma that was and is the issue, but regardless I have found later pregnancy and the decision making process a lot more stressful that I expected.

In your position I think an elective c section would be good to have booked - you can always cancel but I think it gives peace of mind in the last few weeks.

Good luck, hope it all goes well xx

Sorry for your loss OP and congratulations on your second child.

My consultant told me the risks in a c section are to mum not baby which makes me inclined to think if you're in any way concerned about your babies health then just go for the section.

I would also encourage you to get it booked at your next appointment for peace of mind if a section if what you decide to go for. I have no history of late pregnancy loss although I have given birth before and due to a few different factors it's 50/50 if I'll get VBAC or another section. I'm leaving it to the consultant to decide, but choosing that path means leaving it late - very late and it takes nerves of steel to get to 35/36 weeks or even further having no clue what kind of birth you're going to be having. I don't think you need that kind of stress in your pregnancy and having everything settled would really benefit you.

Good luck with everything - will be keeping an eye to see how it goes for you!

I had an induction with my first and even though it went well the process of labour was horrendously painful and I totally needed the epidural I eventually got. It was so much easier when I went into labour naturally second time around.

I'd probably go c section over induction if I were to have the choice now, and that's coming from someone who for all intents and purposes has a successful induction.

Sorry you lost your first little boy,
I had two inductions, first was not a great experience and nearly ended up EMCS, second was fine. But I think you would find it stressful - there is a lot of waiting and monitoring and as you are hospitalised the whole time it feels soooooo long. And often ends up with additional interventions.

My ex SIL had two elective c-sections (she lives overseas where there is less stigma about choosing not to push for purely cosmetic reasons, she had absolutely no medical need for a CS) well anyway it worked brilliantly for her. She loved knowing exactly when the baby would arrive, she booked a nice friendly slot in the daytime, it was all very civilised! She had absolutely zero regrets.