Birth wasnt according to plan

[lightand]

Not me. Someone I know.
Recent birth did not go according to birth plan. At All.
Ended in a Caesarean, but thankfully, mum and baby are well.
Baby was wrong way around, mum needed epidural for pain which didnt work brilliantly, forceps tried, etc.
Any tips please to help mum process things?

Your friend needs a de-brief as PP have suggested first. If she is having flashbacks she will need an appropriate trauma therapy- TF-CBT or emdr. This might be available via a local peri-natal mental health service.
A trauma reaction is very different from things just not going to plan.
You're a good friend for posting the question.
I hope everyone who had a traumatic birth gets the support and therapy they need

@HandforthParishCouncilClerk

I think the trouble is that we are increasingly presented with an unrealistic vision of childbirth - NCT classes, celebrities etc - the focus is all on having a vaginal delivery without anaesthesia, followed by breastfeeding and people feel like they’ve failed if they don’t manage this, and it’s BULLSHIT.

I don’t know what her original birth plan was, but very few births go exactly according to the plan, and the more rigid people are with it, the more they struggle afterwards.

She hasn’t failed, she hasn’t let herself or the baby down but it will take her a long time to see that.

If she gets in touch with her hospital, they’ll have a birth stories midwife who can do a birth debrief and suggest support/counselling.

Totally agree with this!

@HandforthParishCouncilClerk

I think the trouble is that we are increasingly presented with an unrealistic vision of childbirth - NCT classes, celebrities etc - the focus is all on having a vaginal delivery without anaesthesia, followed by breastfeeding and people feel like they’ve failed if they don’t manage this, and it’s BULLSHIT.

I don’t know what her original birth plan was, but very few births go exactly according to the plan, and the more rigid people are with it, the more they struggle afterwards.

She hasn’t failed, she hasn’t let herself or the baby down but it will take her a long time to see that.

If she gets in touch with her hospital, they’ll have a birth stories midwife who can do a birth debrief and suggest support/counselling.

This is totally true!

@lightand

Thank you for all the comments.

Hopefully after a bit of time, she will come to terms with what how the birth proceeded.
It obviously doesnt help that she has been in a lot of pain. Things are all new and raw at the moment too. She has to process her inner thoughts.

Update. Thankfully she doesnt have flashbacks now. I think she probably just needs some time to process things. Something that is in short supply around a birth! I told her DH to find the time, sooner rather than later, as her talking it through seems to help her. If she ends up needing more than that, I will suggest the replies from this thread.

I do think there is an element for them both actually, that birth plan went out of the window for them, almost from the start. And as posters are saying, it is supposed to be birth plan, as pain free as possible, no Caesareans etc.
Unrealistic, in quite a number of ways, even in the 21st Century.