Can anyone help me understand the birth.?

[MooseyGoose90]

Evening all. My little girl is now coming up to 6 weeks old and I am still very much struggling to understand what Happened during the birth, and I honestly feel completely traumatised.

I was induced at 37+1 due to reduced movements and pre eclampsia. This in itself was a shock, I went n for reduced movements and was told I wouldn’t be going home without having the baby. I agreed, as it was for both our safety. Within the hour the propess was inserted (6pm) and I have mild contractions from 7pm. These continued and ramped up over night, by 10am the next morning when my partner arrived my Freya app was telling me I was in established labour. I kept asking the midwives to check me and that I was having contractions but they kept telling me I wasn’t and it was just my body getting ready to go into labour. This continued all day. By 8pm my partner was due to leave, by this point I was exhausted having not slept and was struggling with the pain. I begged the midwife to check me
Before my partner left as i thought there was something wrong, I was almost laughed at and exam was refused. At this point my partner fought my corner and told them he would not leave till I was checked. Midwife checked me and said I was 3cm and my waters could be broken. Brilliant I thought we are getting somewhere..

I was taken down to delivery at 10pm, introduced to my midwife and student hooked up to monitors and at this point a dr was called in: my BP was sky high and babies heart beat dropping with each contraction. Dr advised I needed an epidural to bring my BP down and the surgeon was called to come and administer it.

At 10:50pm the midwife broke my waters, and the pain was immediately unbearable, she kept her hand in and said she was guiding the babies head down? This is when it gets hairy. I tell them I need to push, they say no you don’t. I said I NEED to push NOW. Before I know it the alarm was pushed and people start rushing in. The dr said the baby needs to come now and gets forceps, Tells me I need to be cut. I ask for a chance to push and I start pushing. I get her head out and told I haven’t got time to take a breath I need to get her out on the same contraction what I do. Baby out at 11:13, placed on chest and then it starts to go black. There’s people rushing and trying to get cannulas into me, Dr was stuffing something into me time and time again and shouting about me bleeding and where is the surgeon I need to go to theatre: what sticks with me Is her Saying to some one “we shouldn’t be doing this in this room this lady needs to go to theatre” Placenta wouldn’t come and then the cord snaps? Dr puts what felt like her hand in and pulls it out. This could be wrong I was feeling very poorly at this point: still no pain relief other than paracetamol.

I’m finally stitched up and told I have 2 internal lacerations, the episiotomy and labial tears. I was told I would have a full debrief with a team of Drs to talk through the birth but this never happened.

I suppose I just wanted to write it down, and maybe understand how I went from 3cm at 10:50 and the baby was born 11:13

I have asked PALS for my notes so I can read them and hopefully understand better: Sorry for my very long rambling post.

Why not ask for a debrief now? The birth sounds rather chaotic and very frightening, and it will probably help if you are able to understand and make some sense of what happened.

That sounds like a harrowing experience.

FWIW (not sure how much), my third baby was induced and after not much happened for several hours, I went from 2cm to birth in 20 minutes. My second (no induction) was also quickish but not to that extent, so I am guessing the induction had something to do with how precipitous it was in the end. Your first 24 hours sounds like the early part of my very long first labour (also no induction) - often quite nasty contractions that took a long time to do much.

You can still request the debrief, I should have thought - it sounds as if it would help you a lot to understand why it ended up in an emergency.

I’m not even too sure who to ask now I have been discharged? I only have a health visitor to see now :(

I’m really sorry to hear you had such a rough time, it sounds traumatic. To get a debrief, you would approach the hospital you gave birth at. You explain you gave birth there and you would like a birth reflections appointment and to apply for a copy of your notes. The latter will probably have a small charge for photocopying, etc, but this is capped - I think I paid £10 for mine. They should then offer you an appointment with a midwife to go through the notes where they will/should explain what happened and why and help you understand it better.

You might also want to look at the Birth Trauma Association whose website and brilliant Facebook page will help you to realise you’re not alone.

Finally, if you feel this is affecting your mental health, like if you’re having nightmares or flashbacks, it would be worth seeing your GP. They can refer you for therapy, perhaps with the perinatal mental health team in your area.

I hope this helps a little bit.

@MyCatHatesOtherCats

I’m really sorry to hear you had such a rough time, it sounds traumatic. To get a debrief, you would approach the hospital you gave birth at. You explain you gave birth there and you would like a birth reflections appointment and to apply for a copy of your notes. The latter will probably have a small charge for photocopying, etc, but this is capped - I think I paid £10 for mine. They should then offer you an appointment with a midwife to go through the notes where they will/should explain what happened and why and help you understand it better.

You might also want to look at the Birth Trauma Association whose website and brilliant Facebook page will help you to realise you’re not alone.

Finally, if you feel this is affecting your mental health, like if you’re having nightmares or flashbacks, it would be worth seeing your GP. They can refer you for therapy, perhaps with the perinatal mental health team in your area.

I hope this helps a little bit.

Thank you so much this is a huge huge help, and I now know who I can turn too. I will Get in contact with PALs again and request the chat with a midwife

It is certainly affecting me after, I find myself wondering about it all the time and I can so clearly remember the panic on my partners face. He told me afterwards he genuinely thought I was dying, I lost almost 2 litres of blood.

I will check out that website and Facebook page now. Thank you so much

That sounds awful, I'm really sorry you went through it.

It sounds like you've had a traumatic time. The way you relate the story is like you're trying to pinpoint the place where things went wrong, whether it was something you did wrong or the hospital did wrong. I'm sure you did nothing wrong, you were just a woman in labour.

Most likely the hospital didn't do anything wrong either, it sounds like you went into fast labour and the baby was in distress and need to be brought out quickly and you had a haemorrhage. Those things happen but they can be traumatic and hard to accept when you imagined a peaceful birth.

I'd request your notes and a review. Be kind to yourself, you'll feel better in time. Congratulations on bringing your baby into the world.

@MooseyGoose90

I’m not even too sure who to ask now I have been discharged? I only have a health visitor to see now :(

Contact your GP and ask for an appointment for a full debrief as part of your 6 week post natal check up. It’s really hard to remember everything that happens in childbirth, both the sequence of events and the timescale. It sounds like yours was a difficult birth and this would only add to the confusion. Once you’ve spoken to your GP you may feel a bit better - I actually took notes when I did this so that I could refer to it once I got home.

@Crowsaregreat I think you’ve hit the nail
On the head, I think I’m trying to find out where it all started going wrong and was it me. I honestly don’t think the hospital failed
Me, I think they should have respected my wishes and examined me when I first asked but other than that they were great with me.

I always hear of women pushing for a long time. I truly didn’t expect to start pushing straight away one my waters were broken at 3cm: I think how quickly that happened shocked and scared me, I had it in my head I would probably give birth the next morning! Not within 15 minutes. I remember lying there asking everyone around me was I dying and telling my partner to make sure our little girl
Was looked after when I died. The bleeding and the darkness, I really thought that was it!

@MooseyGoose90 sounds like such a traumatic experience but it's really important than you talk about it and share what happened with those around you. Have you tried writing it down too? I agree with PP that asking for a debrief sooner rather than later is a good idea. Can your DP remember much? 💐

I'm really sorry you had such a traumatic birth experience OP. I also had a really negative first birth experience, had gaps in my memory afterwards and consequently put off having our second child for nearly 4 years (I'm due in 2 weeks and have actually requested an elective c sec as I'm determined to feel more in control and have a calmer experience than last time). Our hospital runs a debrief service run by a consultant midwife which you can request to access via your GP or midwife well after being discharged. I had mine at about 6 months post birth and found it hard but really helpful in piecing together what had happened and filling in gaps - they get your notes so have all the information as to what happened, when and why. Might be worth seeing if a similar option is available to you? X

@MooseyGoose90, you’re welcome and I really hope you find some peace with what happens when you’ve had a chance to process it. Be kind to yourself and keep an eye on your mind - I think it’s very normal to keep going over things to process them (I know I did after my first birth, which I found traumatic for different reasons), but there comes a point after which I think it’s important to get some help, especially if it is getting in the way of enjoying your baby and other aspects of life.

OP, both my natural births were induced and both times I went from 3-4 cm to fully dilated in a short space of time. My midwife was signing off for the evening and I said I need to push NOW. She looked very taken aback and said could I wait for her to get gloves on. Baby out in a couple of pushes and same with my second. I warned them this time that I would take ages to get going and then 4cm - fully dilated in no time. They did not listen and were again taken by surprise. I was sat on edge of bed with doctor trying to insert epidural when I announced baby was coming and 2 pushes later, there he was. I don't think that bit is that unusual but the rest of it all sounds very ttraumatic.

This sounds scary and fast, no wonder its a bit of a blur. I'm a midwife so can help you understand a bit but best to ask your HV or GP to refer you to a consultant for a debrief.

Well done for listening when your baby's movements slowed down. It seems like the reasons for induction were explained to you ie risks for both you and baby. If you developed preeclampsia this would effect the placenta making it more likely that your baby would not cope well with labour, which seemed to happen.

You don't mention if she is your first? Generally first time labours (particularly the first 4cm) take a long time which could be why noone was in a hurry to examine you. Too many examinations can increase chance of infection. From 4 cm the average first labour is 12h.. So that shows how fast things went for you. However in some cases and particularly in the case of raised blood pressure, anyone can labour quickly.

I'm guessing when your midwife broke the waters (the next stage of induction) the baby's head was high and there is a small risk in that case of the cord slipping in front of the baby's head and cutting off her blood supply, so that's why she kept her fingers there to ensure her head came down enough to stop that happening.

After your waters broke you must have progressed very quickly and I'm guessing your baby's heart rate dropped (fetal bradycardia) so it was a bit of a race against time for you to get her out - and you did! There would have been lots of people there just in case she hadn't come out.

Preeclampsia and a fast and traumatic birth increase the chance of bleeding, with a high bp you can lose a lot of blood very quickly. The bleeding can't be stopped until the placenta is out and if the cord snaps it makes it more difficult to get out.

Ordinarily to get a placenta with a snapped cord out, you would be given an anesthetic in theatre, but if your life was at risk from the amount of bleeding the doctor must have made the decision to do this in the room. They do indeed do this by putting a hand up your vagina into your uterus and pulling it out. The 'stuffing' feeling I'm guessing was her putting pressure on the episiotomy wound to control the bleeding.

The tearing you had sounds normal (unfortunately!) for a vaginal birth.

It sounds like a lot happened very quickly and things werent debriefed to you properly. From what you've said you did all the right things and coped brilliantly. I hope your blood pressure has settled down now and you can focus on healing mentally..

OP what a traumatic time you have had. Reading your story, I was struck by the how brave you were in asking to push and delivering your baby so quickly. Please do not ever let anyone minimise the trauma you have been through. You deserve the support to understand and come to terms with this.

So pleased SageFuzz is here with wiser words for you than I have, but huge congratulations on your baby and I am in awe of what you did.

As a PS and based on my friend's experience of a traumatic birth, please also keep an eye out for your partner. He is likely also feeling really shocked by the experience.

@mummabubs I am sorry to hear you were put off, I am feeling exactly the same and if I manage to pluck up the courage to have a second I will certainly be requesting a section.

@SageFuzz

THANK YOU! Honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart. I think I will
Actually sleep tonight and not have the questions buzzing around my head. You have no idea how wonderful you are proving that information.

She was my first baby. I had pre eclampsia markers in my bloods on the Wednesday before the reduced movements on the Sunday, I was booked in the Monday she was born for monitoring and looking at it afterwards I assume they would have induced me then anyway.

Yes I had in my mind I would have her Tuesday day, thinking likely to be in labour for around 12 hours after my waters broke. Is my labour classed as when my contractions started on the Sunday night or from my waters breaking?

The babies heart beat did drop right off and I was told how quickly they needed to get her out, which is when she got the forceps but I asked her to give me one chance to get her out and the midwife told me I had to get her out in one, no waiting for the next contraction. I thought my head was going to explode I pushed so hard.

The placenta, that makes sense now with her saying they shouldn’t be doing it in the room. I remember thinking well why are you? I was told by my partner that the person who administers the anaesthetic turned up around 5 minutes after the Dr had finished stitching me, she told him to leave and shook her head. My partner also heard them saying he hadn’t responded quick enough to the alarm code.

BP came down around 30 minutes after I gave birth, and I was allowed home 10 hours later which surprised me but I was very happy to leave.

I was taken back into hospital 11 days after the birth as I developed a womb infection, but that was dealt with promptly and I was soon back home and I am now finally feeling better.

@Ginflinger thank you for your kind words. I feel the opposite, I feel my body somehow out my baby in danger and failed me and her. Sage fuzz has really helped me understand this wasn’t the case, and that I did all I could.

You are right about my partner. He is also traumatised, he says he really did think I was going to die and when he was removed from the room he thought he wouldn’t see me again. It really has put me off having another, despite me always wanting more than one child

One of my friends just had her birth debrief and her baby is 9 months so definitely worth asking

@MooseyGoose90

So sorry you went through this.

I had my son in August 2020. I also had forceps, ragged membranes, episiotomy, 2nd degree tear and a 2.1 litre blood loss.

It was such a horrible experience, I needed counselling for many months.

I think my body has healed now, but I'm still leaking urine occasionally when I'm sneezing or working out.

I had to stay in hospital for 5 days and me and baby were both on antibiotics.

I also was given a blood transfusion. Did you receive a blood transfusion? x

You're very welcome and I am happy to try to explain any other stuff.

The 'length of labour' is difficult as we only really count 'active labour' which is 4cm + regular contractions. When waters break is irrelevant as some babies even come out in the bag! The 'latent phase' of labour (shortening and thinning of the cervix and then the first 4cm dilation) can take a few days so isn't really counted even though it's bloody sore!

I would go for a debrief.

My experience. DD 1 I had to have the placenta manually removed. The cord snapped and I lost a lot of blood. The doctor had to put her hand/arm inside me and pull it out. It came away in small pieces, so took a while to get it all out.

DD2. 7pm I was 4cm, 7:50 she was born. Sometimes these things can progress very quickly.

@MooseyGoose90 Firstly, congratulations on your baby ❤️😊 secondly, having an uncomplicated birth is emotionally draining enough so I can’t even begin to imagine what you dealt with 😓 it sounds truly terrifying!!

100% I would advise asking for a debrief. After that you may also find it useful to talk to someone about your experience. Your poor partner too! Imagine watching on as that scene unfolded - he might also benefit from talking to someone! Really amazing post from @SageFuzz too ❤️

I would agree that it sounds like you could have been examined earlier when you asked. I was also induced and had to push for an examination - I’d had one 10 minutes before and the hospital policy is every 4 hours but I just KNEW something was different. I could feel it. Turns out I’d gone from 2/3cm to 9.5cm in 10 minutes and that was shocking enough, nevermind as quickly as you went. There’s absolutely not anything that you did wrong OP - it sounds like you coped brilliantly and really listened to what your body was telling you!

I hope you can get a debrief and talk it through with a professional then move forward with enjoying your baby.

It's worth talking to your HV - where I live there's a local birth trauma group that they can refer you to. Friends who had similar experiences found it helped.