Can anyone help me understand the birth.?

[MooseyGoose90]

Evening all. My little girl is now coming up to 6 weeks old and I am still very much struggling to understand what Happened during the birth, and I honestly feel completely traumatised.

I was induced at 37+1 due to reduced movements and pre eclampsia. This in itself was a shock, I went n for reduced movements and was told I wouldn’t be going home without having the baby. I agreed, as it was for both our safety. Within the hour the propess was inserted (6pm) and I have mild contractions from 7pm. These continued and ramped up over night, by 10am the next morning when my partner arrived my Freya app was telling me I was in established labour. I kept asking the midwives to check me and that I was having contractions but they kept telling me I wasn’t and it was just my body getting ready to go into labour. This continued all day. By 8pm my partner was due to leave, by this point I was exhausted having not slept and was struggling with the pain. I begged the midwife to check me
Before my partner left as i thought there was something wrong, I was almost laughed at and exam was refused. At this point my partner fought my corner and told them he would not leave till I was checked. Midwife checked me and said I was 3cm and my waters could be broken. Brilliant I thought we are getting somewhere..

I was taken down to delivery at 10pm, introduced to my midwife and student hooked up to monitors and at this point a dr was called in: my BP was sky high and babies heart beat dropping with each contraction. Dr advised I needed an epidural to bring my BP down and the surgeon was called to come and administer it.

At 10:50pm the midwife broke my waters, and the pain was immediately unbearable, she kept her hand in and said she was guiding the babies head down? This is when it gets hairy. I tell them I need to push, they say no you don’t. I said I NEED to push NOW. Before I know it the alarm was pushed and people start rushing in. The dr said the baby needs to come now and gets forceps, Tells me I need to be cut. I ask for a chance to push and I start pushing. I get her head out and told I haven’t got time to take a breath I need to get her out on the same contraction what I do. Baby out at 11:13, placed on chest and then it starts to go black. There’s people rushing and trying to get cannulas into me, Dr was stuffing something into me time and time again and shouting about me bleeding and where is the surgeon I need to go to theatre: what sticks with me Is her Saying to some one “we shouldn’t be doing this in this room this lady needs to go to theatre” Placenta wouldn’t come and then the cord snaps? Dr puts what felt like her hand in and pulls it out. This could be wrong I was feeling very poorly at this point: still no pain relief other than paracetamol.

I’m finally stitched up and told I have 2 internal lacerations, the episiotomy and labial tears. I was told I would have a full debrief with a team of Drs to talk through the birth but this never happened.

I suppose I just wanted to write it down, and maybe understand how I went from 3cm at 10:50 and the baby was born 11:13

I have asked PALS for my notes so I can read them and hopefully understand better: Sorry for my very long rambling post.

@Ginflinger

OP what a traumatic time you have had. Reading your story, I was struck by the how brave you were in asking to push and delivering your baby so quickly. Please do not ever let anyone minimise the trauma you have been through. You deserve the support to understand and come to terms with this.

So pleased SageFuzz is here with wiser words for you than I have, but huge congratulations on your baby and I am in awe of what you did.

Bumping this as it is so reassuring to hear this.

The NHS does not have the time or resources to debrief every mother post labour.

Reading your post OP has honestly sent shivers down my spine, I could feel my cheeks warming up as I read!! You're such a brave woman, in fact you're a warrior! Please be kind to yourself, take time to heal, you've been through a lot!

@Iworry2021 I’m so sorry to hear you had a similar experience and that it stuck with you. I think I need to seek some support in counselling :(

@YumYumApplePie that was how the placenta removal was for me. She kept pulling bits out, and then feeling around to check it’s all out. Felt like I was at a slaughterhouse, bits of me being thrown In a metal bowl next to my leg

@KM38

Thank you, she is wonderful and luckily I have had no issues bonding with her, and I would still do it all again for her.

My partner won’t really talk about what happened now, he says he wants to forget about it. I really can’t imagine what he went through watching that

@Bananasforme thank you, HV is due end of the week so I will certainly ask her. I didn’t realise there was such groups around

Waking up now, so many questions have been answered which is amazing and will help me mentally. I am relieved to know that my birth was not “normal”, I was terrified at the thought of going through that again with future children.

I can still feel the pain, it felt like every single bone was snapping in my body, and I felt every thread of the stitches. From induction at 6pm Sunday to the birth I had a total of 6 paracetamol and 2 gulps of gas and air, which I hated and made me feel even more out of control.

Maybe I need to look at how much I did manage to get through and be proud, not question what I could have done better and blame myself

‘Maybe I need to look at how much I did manage to get through and be proud, not question what I could have done better and blame myself’

Exactly this. Childbirth is the most dangerous journey any of us ever take- for both mother and child. Birth is trauma.

My first experience was horrendous but we survived. I often wonder how my granny birthed 10 children without any medical assistance at all.

Good luck x

So much about this reminds me of dc1's birth (10 years ago!). In fact @SageFuzz has helped to explain a couple of things for me, so thank you

I echo comments to keep an eye on your dh. At one point my dh thought he would lose both me and baby - we were both in a bad way - and was helpless to do anything about it. That must have been so hard for him.

We both talked a lot about it in the following weeks and saw a counsellor for a couple of sessions too, which really helped.

It took a while before we were ready to have another dc, although the gap was partly due to traumatic birth and partly due to dc1 being such a terrible sleeper! I had an elcs the second time (would have gone for natural birth but developed pre-eclampsia again and refused to be induced a second time).

Congratulations on your new baby

[quote MooseyGoose90]@Iworry2021 I’m so sorry to hear you had a similar experience and that it stuck with you. I think I need to seek some support in counselling :(

@YumYumApplePie that was how the placenta removal was for me. She kept pulling bits out, and then feeling around to check it’s all out. Felt like I was at a slaughterhouse, bits of me being thrown In a metal bowl next to my leg[/quote]
@MooseyGoose90 I kinda know how you feel, having been through the same. But I don't feel violated or anything. It was necessary. It saved my life. Yes, I missed the first few hours of my daughter being here. It wasn't my favourite part of her birth. But it happened. It was part of my journey to becoming a mother.

I’m glad you are beginning to come to terms with it all, OP. It is traumatic for all concerned - including the staff! - when these emergencies suddenly erupt without warning. There is usually no time to explain fully to the mother what is happening, everything is focused on trying to save her and the baby’s life.
As SageFuzz said, you coped well, and it sounds like nobody did anything wrong, you just suffered some of the recognised complications of labour.
Nobody would blame you for wanting an elective section for a future baby, but if you decide on a vaginal birth, I’d suggest having a planned epidural so that you have good pain relief already on board for any intervention that might be required, and will be comfortable throughout.
We are lucky in this country to have specialist staff and hospitals available, so that no mother needs to risk dying at home of major haemorrhage in labour. You would probably not have survived rapidly losing nearly half your circulating blood volume had you been at home.
I would focus on the positive - that your life was saved, and you have a lovely baby. It could all have been so different. I hope you are able to put it all behind you, OP.

@jamboree1 I disagree that 'birth is trauma', it's more of a lottery. Some people have a traumatic experience, but the majority do not. It's down to the luck of the draw. I had one traumatic birth then one straightforward one, the second one hurt but as soon as the baby was out I felt fine.

I think it's important to recognise that birth can be traumatic without making it sound like every birth is a horror show.

Reading that, I think you're a blooming superwoman, first for identifying the reduced movements and second for surviving it all. I really hope you're able to keep processing and feel a bit stronger each day. Do pursue the debrief if you feel like it will help.

[quote MooseyGoose90]@mummabubs I am sorry to hear you were put off, I am feeling exactly the same and if I manage to pluck up the courage to have a second I will certainly be requesting a section.[/quote]
Just to add @MooseyGoose90 that my consultant has been really supportive in understanding my reasoning for requesting a c sec and I actually said during my birth debrief that I was terrified of having the same experience a second time around, the midwife told me I'd be supported to request an elective caesarean if I decided to have another child so there's definitely options for you in the future to take some control over the situation x

Thank you all so so much, from the bottom of my heart. It has really helped me understand that my birth wasn’t “normal” and was as traumatic and scary as I thought it was.

It HAD put me off a second baby, I couldn’t even let the thought enter my head despite always wanting more than one baby, but it’s amazing to hear I could request a section and hopefully be support by the team based on the first of my first.

Despite how I feel and the trauma it caused the team who helped me that night were amazing, and I wish I could thank them all individually (and apologise to some!!)

This has helped so so much, and today I barely even thought or googled something about it which has been a first since I gave birth.

Much love to you all

Just to add - at my hospital, you can arrange a "Birth Reflections" session with a consultant any time until baby is 21 years old! If you have questions, I would definitely try to speak to someone. I would also say - be mindful of your mental health - obviously a very traumatic experience and coupled with you feeling like your body failed you (completely wrong btw), I would just keep an eye on how you feel. Low self-esteem or blaming yourself could be signs your mental health is suffering. Your GP / midwives should be able to put you in touch with Mental health teams if you feel some counselling might help.

I had a debrief a couple of months after my son. They typed up the notes at the end and give me them and talked me through every stage.
Made things clear in my head and helped me come to terms with what happened. I spent 2 hours with the consultant.

It sounds like you had a heavy bleed (haemorrhage) after the birth. The DR would have put their hand in to apply pressure to stop you from bleeding out.

Just wanted to address this:

The NHS does not have the time or resources to debrief every mother post labour.

Perhaps not as a standard procedure, in many cases it won't be needed anyway.

But nobody should feel like they "shouldn't" request a debrief if they feel they would benefit from one, no matter how their birth went. Resources are actually more efficiently spent in a short meeting with you helping you process your birth, than dealing with potential consequences later down the line of not processing a worrying or traumatic or even just confusing birth. If you have unresolved birth trauma, you're more likely to develop PND, or need/want more involved intervention, perhaps an elective c-section in future births, so it's more effective to have the debrief as soon as you feel you want one, than to soldier on thinking oh my birth wasn't that bad, I just have to cope with it.