Traumatic birth 1st time gone on to have second

[Dirtythirty]

Hello
I am looking for advice, I had a traumatic birth with my son 2 years ago. Forceps, episiotomy, 3rd degree tear, 3 severe haemorrhages, 2 blood transfusions and a dnc 3 weeks later for retained product its took me a longtime to get where I am physically and mentally. My dh would love to give our son a sister or brother as would I but the thought scares the hell out of me. The hospital have agreed to support me and I will have a planned c section, I'm just petrified of bleeding to death. Any advice would be appreciated and try keep it positive please.

I had a similarly horrendous birth of my dd, first child. Took a long time to recover physically and mentally.

I had an elcs for my son's delivery 3.5 yrs later. Honestly I cant recommend it enough. Calm, managed, quiet, straightforward. Skin on skin straight after (rather than being rushed to surgery). Recovery also massively easier mentally and physically.

I know its hard not to worry, but this will be a good birth. Best wishes.

My first wasn't quite as bad as yours (3rd degree tear on a blood vessel and haemorrhage, ventouse delivery and long recovery with low iron and just outside of needing a transfusion). 8 years between my first and second as of this. Second I had drugs to stem bleeding and was induced with a natural birth and no tears. Good luck :) Having the hospital on board helps

Bless you thank you so much for your reply. My middle is name is worry haha so hard. So glad you had a better time second time round definitely makes me feel better. X

@Raindancer411 thank you so much for your reply. I'm glad you had a better time with your second. The hospital have been very supportive I think trust is a big thing with me as they let me down the first time x

I am having an elective section this time. Otherwise I wouldnt have had another.

@colouringindoors Bless you thank you so much for your reply. My middle is name is worry haha so hard. So glad you had a better time second time round definitely makes me feel better. X

Currently expecting my second and like the pp wouldn't have considered it without knowing I can opt for an elective. And I'm being sterilised during the section... pregnancy and birth is too much for me even though I do love the kids we get after lol!

@Drowninginwashing is this due to a previous birth ? I hope you have a safe delivery this time.

My first birth wasn't good... Not as bad as yours but getting there.. My second birth was great.. Totally different experience.. I was terrified... But My body knew what to do and did it this time.. Despite being a bigger baby I didn't need assistance, the midwife was great for looking and dealing with issues after birth etc
I can honestly say I found it therapeutic in many ways, my husband and I left hospital like giddy teenagers 24 hours later... Neither of could get over how much better it was..
I wish you luck...

My first was similar to yours too, nearly 2 years ago. Ventouse, 3rd degree tear, lost 2l blood and spent 2.5hours getting stitched up in theatre. At my checkups after that the dr said to wait 2 years for another pregnancy and that I would be entitled to a c section next time, which I'm intending to ask for. It's taken me a while to even consider ttc again!

@SpaceDoubt thank you so much for your reply. Are you thinking about ttc again.? Wish you lots of luck

I had a tough birth on DD1, 52 hours of sheer panic and stress in labour, forceps, episiotomy, baby didnt have a heart rate at the end so they panicked big time, lots of lights and scalpals and people in scrubs. I had nightmares for weeks.

I was terrified of birth on DD2.

DD2 was 4 hour labour, I didnt realise I was 8cm when arriving at hospital, and i had her in a birth pool, all my own pushing and no intervention, within an hour of arriving at the birth unit. I was joking with the midwives inbetween my last few pushes. My scar teared a little, but I was out by the next morning and back to myself physically in about 3 weeks.

I have heard so many stories of much easier second births. I know it's so hard and scary, but I hope yours goes smoothly!

@happytoday73 thank you for your reply.. I'm so glad you had a positive experience the second time round. Makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thank you so much

Oh, just a tip. I looked at a girl called lucyflowyoga on youtube for about 10 weeks before I gave birth. She does lots of work on fear and how to overcome a terrifying first birth. She tells you about positions and techniques to make things easier. I basically went through labour with that girl in my head. She was amazing! Check her out.

My first wasn't as bad as yours, but back-to-back labour for 80 hours, baby got stuck and was in distress and the labour ward was so busy I didn't have a midwife with me some of the time so it took them a long time to notice how bad things were getting- eventually got rushed into theatre for forceps, then postnatal ward was hell.
My second birth could not have been more different. Home birth in the pool, no pain relief, 4.5 hours from first twinge to having baby in my arms... it was a dream!!! Then tea and hot buttered crumpets on my own sofa and a lovely warm shower in my own bathroom.
I don't know if home birth is something that would be possible or whether your issues first time round make you high risk, but I can't recommend it enough for low risk second pregnancies. I also did a hypnobirthing course second time round (positive birth company) which helped a HUGE amount with my preparation, I felt much more confident.

@TwirpingBird thank you for your reply. So glad you had a positive experience 2nd time round. X

@MillyMinamino thank you for your reply. Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Your second birth sounds like the dream so glad it was a better experience for you.

Totally understandable, big hugs!

Traumatic birth with first, emergency induction early due to rare maternal syndrome, not allowed epidural, forceps, bad tearing, 4 blood transfusions, scans and Mris, underwent surgery under general anaesthetic 24hours after birth, barely remember any of the first 48hours, spent 9 days in hospital.

NHS staff the second time around were just brilliant (apart from the midwife counsellor from a different hospital who was useless), electivel c-section, all staff knew my history and were so supportive and understanding, was home 48hours later!

One thing I found helpful, but partly because of my personality, wasthat I requested my hospital notes for the first time, read and re-read them, researched the condition and armed myself with knowledge. I was monitored weekly through second pregnancy and never needed to "defend"/"fight" anything but I had the information in case!

@BobbleHatDay thank you for your reply. Wow that sounds awful I'm sorry you had such a bad time.
I have been to the hospital to go through my notes thank you. I'm so glad you had a positive experience the second time round yous are all making me feel slightly more positive ❤️ can I ask if you worried about bleeding the second time round as that's my biggest fear.

I had a similar first birth experience, although not quite as bad as yours. I had a planned cs for dc2 and it couldn’t have been more different. It was all very calm with no complications at all. I actually found the recovery from the cs much easier than when I had dc1. For me it was absolutely the right decision.

I had two similar births but the second, although it was almost identical to the first, was better because I did it on my own, not having to worry about going through all that AND seeibg my dh just looking anxious but not doing anything was a lot better, but also I had better communication from the medical staff - I went in striaght away and was very clear that whatever they needed to do was fine but they MUST talk to me all the way through and discuss it with me, which is what is missed in the first one.

@Tatogratin thank you for your reply.. Did you have 2 natural births or c sections?

My first was very traumatic I ended up in itu and it was a whole year for my bloods /physical health to return to normal.
Second pregnancy was twins so I was well monitored, I had the same consultant who was great and we came up with a plan - I wanted to try vaginal birth but agreed planned induction and lower freshold to csection.
In the end both twins were delivered vaginally following induction and it was totally the opposite experience. I was reasonably relaxed because we had a plan in place and we knew the risk of haemorrhage etc and therefore had a team on standby if needed. I think having the supportive/proactive /communicative team helped.

Whilst not as bad as yours my first had her hand up so tore all the way down if that makes sense and close to a 3rd degree but not quite, they then stitched the top layer tighter than underneath & It took me at least 6 month before it wasn't painful ( I should have had corrective surgery but only found that out when a lovely women gynaecologist mentioned it when she was seeing me for something else).

Baby number 2 was really nice easy birth and number 3 was even easier.

@Maybemay123 thank you so much for your reply. Your first labour sounds awful. Can I ask if you haemorrhage the first time? So glad you had a positive Labour the 2nd time with twins as well. X