Refusing vaginal exams

Symphony87 · 2021-02-04T02:59:25+00:00

Hi ladies Does anyone have any experience of refusing vaginal exams with the NHS? I’m going to discuss this with my midwife next week, I’m moving at the weekend so it’ll be new midwives/hospital so didn’t see the point in having the discussion before. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and I don’t know whether I want to ask for an ELCS but I know i definitely do not want vaginal exams, my worry is I might be pressured into them or refused my partner if I don’t have one, especially given the current covid climate and the rules around partners only during active labour.

FortunesFave · 04/02/2021 05:26

If this is something you just cannot cope with then that is more than enough reason to request an ELCS.

Absolutely. Do it...request the section. x

Toomanyparsnips · 04/02/2021 05:36

I only had one exam while in labour with my first, I hated it so much that the next time I said I wouldn't be having any. It was never a problem - I discussed it with my midwife, and put it in my birthplan. The midwives who attended my birth (homebirth) had no issue with it and didn't even mention it after reading the plan. There are plenty of other non-intrusive ways they can monitor your progress.

Toomanyparsnips · 04/02/2021 05:45

Milli Hill spoke/wrote about this recently, ie vaginal exams and the current rules around partners attending. I can't find the article I was looking for, but you could contact her directly and ask for her advice (she's a midwife and birth rights campaigner)

m.facebook.com/millihillwriter/

Would you consider a homebirth?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 04/02/2021 05:47

I had one during early labour of a home birth and the midwife told me she wouldn’t be doing anymore VEs as clearly I didn’t find them comfortable and she didn’t want to upset me again. She was lovely and obviously very experienced and understanding as most are.

Poppins2016 · 04/02/2021 05:51

I'm considering refusing vaginal exams for my next birth. When I had my first baby, I found it so unpleasant I vowed to ask for gas and air if I ever had to have one during labour again (I actually forgot that I could just say no)! It's going in my birth plan this time.

I attended antenatal classes at the hospital I gave birth at and the midwives were very clear that they would respect your decision if you said no to vaginal examinations. Progress of labour can be monitored in other ways.

The midwives will be able to accommodate your request without you having to resort to an ELCS (unless you want an ELCS anyway, in which case you have a right to ask).

Original poster

Symphony87 · 04/02/2021 10:01

@Toomanyparsnips

Milli Hill spoke/wrote about this recently, ie vaginal exams and the current rules around partners attending. I can't find the article I was looking for, but you could contact her directly and ask for her advice (she's a midwife and birth rights campaigner)

m.facebook.com/millihillwriter/

Would you consider a homebirth?

Oh brilliant I’ll definitely have a look at what she’s said thank you 😁

I’m not allowed a home birth because I have a high bmi. They’re reluctant to allow them where I’m moving because the local hospital can’t cope with the potential of something going wrong so pretty much everyone has their baby in the hospital in the nearest city nearly 70 miles away

OP posts:

Moneyfornothingkerbsforfree · 04/02/2021 10:03

I had a friend that refused this. Nurses gave up with her a cpl of hours into labour and did c section.

Original poster

Symphony87 · 04/02/2021 10:03

Thank you for your replies 😁 I was Googling this last night and although I kept reading you can refuse it’s nice to hear people’s experiences of this being respected

OP posts:

Sheleg · 04/02/2021 23:27

@Moneyfornothingkerbsforfree

I had a friend that refused this. Nurses gave up with her a cpl of hours into labour and did c section.

Gave up with her? Do you mean that they respected her wishes?

UnicornAndSparkles · 05/02/2021 12:39

Are there other reasons for wanting a c section? If not, I'd stick to your guns about refusing the exams. They can tell when you're in active labour without having to do them, and DP will be able to attend then, at the very latest. By the time you give birth I'd hope the restrictions are lessened and he can be with you the whole time anyway.

CookPassBabtridge · 05/02/2021 12:45

I had vaginismus when I was younger and have never had a smear, been fingered.. I'm good with a penis though 🤔😆
I requested c-section for my first as wanted to avoid examinations and birth, I still had 3 examinations and they were excruciating, I screamed with one.
So with my second section I insisted no examinations and it was respected.
It's your body.. they don't need to do it!

DuggeeHugs · 05/02/2021 18:36

I refused with DC1 and my wishes were overridden. With DC2 I had an ELCS to ensure the issue never came up again.

I think (hope) what happened to me was down to one individual, rather than the culture, but I felt very secure with the ELCS and had an infinitely better experience overall.

busybanana · 05/02/2021 18:40

@Toomanyparsnips

I only had one exam while in labour with my first, I hated it so much that the next time I said I wouldn't be having any. It was never a problem - I discussed it with my midwife, and put it in my birthplan. The midwives who attended my birth (homebirth) had no issue with it and didn't even mention it after reading the plan. There are plenty of other non-intrusive ways they can monitor your progress.

I was similar. I made sure that my birth partner knew that I was refusing them, too, so that they could advocate for me if necessary (it wasn't, though - when I explained that I didn't want them, they weren't mentioned again).

Original poster

Symphony87 · 05/02/2021 20:06

I’ve tried discussing it with my partner but he doesn’t seem to understand. I was sexually abused as a child and I’ve noticed I’m struggling with the idea of exams and all the other things as the birth is getting closer. For some reason it seems to be bringing things back that I thought I had moved past

His attitude is it’s a medical procedure so I should be okay with it, but I’ve had possible induction mentioned and the idea of so much interference in that area is starting to freak me out 😅

OP posts:

Tyranttoddler · 05/02/2021 20:11

I refused and was told I was being really silly. I found it so hard as being induced meant there had been a great many examinations. Next time I would refuse unless I felt comfortable and I would stand firm with it. Good luck op.

tumtitum · 05/02/2021 20:25

For those suggesting an elective c section please be aware that they may still need to do intimate examinations and you may need a catheter etc etc.
I don't know where you are based but if this is related to past trauma please ask your midwife to refer you to a mental health midwife, if available, they will be able to help you to plan a birth you are comfortable with

mootymoo · 05/02/2021 20:43

I second @tumtitum

A c section may mean a catheter, it means far longer recovery and you mentioned your bmi which could factor in as making it more risky (unsure I'm not a doctor).

Talk to your midwife because they really don't do many and it's not as bad as you are imagining. They just check to see where you are at on admission then again every so often, I think 3 times total for me and they were very respectful. I think you generally need more if you have an epidural because you can't feel as much.

tumtitum · 06/02/2021 08:48

I had no vaginal exams with my first (except for after then they do their checks for tearing and I needed stitches) and only one with my second when I went in to see how dilated I was (with my first it was clear as I was pushing by the time I got to hospital 😂).
Please do speak to your midwife to see if there is any specialist mental health support as this is as much to do with your mental health as the physical details of the birth xx

Piper100 · 06/02/2021 11:12

I refused internal examinations at both my births. The first they kept insisting but I kept having panic attacks, I was made to feel silly for refusing so I gave in, they did one and they woman wouldn’t stop despite me screaming her to and I’ve been traumatised ever since. They tried another but not sure if they managed as I was pushing but baby was stuck.

My second I also refused and they were great, wasn’t even an issue and no one mentioned it - it did help that I had the same midwife throughout pregnancy and during my homebirth. So she knew I didn’t want.

I am currently pregnant (and in labour!) with my 3rd and have not had a consistent midwife and each one has gone on about examining me and membrane sweeps and the one yesterday mentioned it about 5 times despite me saying no I don’t want one. I’m sure when the MW comes out once my labour progresses more they will expect to do an examination. It’s so routine they expect everyone to have one!
They don’t seem to understand that some women find them traumatic!!

Piper100 · 06/02/2021 11:15

Induction is terrifying too due to the internals. I’m a week overdue and it kept getting mentioned, even tho labour has started its very much stop and start and I’m terrified I’ll need induced.

PanamaPattie · 06/02/2021 11:34

Just refuse. It’s optional not compulsory. Tell the MW no means no - you do not consent and if an exam is performed without your permission it is assault. Your body. Your choice.

Junobug · 06/02/2021 11:48

I've had 4 births and was examined in 2 of them. For the 3rd, I asked because it was a really long winded labour.
My 4th, the midwife said she could examine me if I wanted but all it would tell her was that I was in labour and that was evident enough. I think this is the attitufe you need to have. You know your in labour, you Will know when you need to push and a midwife should have enough experience to know too. I hope you get the labour you want.

Bluebelltulip · 06/02/2021 11:57

While you can refuse examinations as pp have suggested and in many labours there is no need for them. If you go down that route you also need to think about how you feel about it if a medical need arises, 2 out of 3 labours I had needed a monitor on the babies head, which was done vaginally (belly strap ones kept losing the heart rate).

DuggeeHugs · 06/02/2021 13:36

they did one and they woman wouldn’t stop despite me screaming her to and I’ve been traumatised ever since

I'm currently on the waiting list for trauma therapy as a result of a similar incident - I'm sorry it happened to you, too

If you can, try to access help - I kept thinking I'd be fine but I haven't been and it's taken a massive toll.

WishIWasAsGoodAsBlueysMum · 06/02/2021 14:00

I’m a midwife and find it absolutely horrific that anyone has been made to feel like that have to have vaginal examinations in labour. Especially survivors of abuse. I’m really sorry that you haven’t already had good support from specialists in trauma and a plan made for your care. It’s embarrassing that this isn’t routine in all trusts/hospitals.

Please talk to your midwife. If you don’t get the response you are hoping for then do reach out to Milli Hill, AIMS, Birthrights etc.