Refusing vaginal exams

[Symphony87]

Hi ladies

Does anyone have any experience of refusing vaginal exams with the NHS? I’m going to discuss this with my midwife next week, I’m moving at the weekend so it’ll be new midwives/hospital so didn’t see the point in having the discussion before.

I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and I don’t know whether I want to ask for an ELCS but I know i definitely do not want vaginal exams, my worry is I might be pressured into them or refused my partner if I don’t have one, especially given the current covid climate and the rules around partners only during active labour.

Thank you for all your responses . It’s really helpful to read other people’s experiences.

I will definitely be talking to my midwife about it and hopefully she can put me at ease. Of course if it was in the best interests of the baby I would definitely allow anything they needed to do.

I have vaginismus and am currently 34 weeks with baby no 2, and I'll be refusing all vaginal examinations this time round prior to having an epidural. They've agreed to give me an epidural as soon as possible upon arrival regardless of how dilated I am. For my last birth they wouldn't give me an epidural until I was 4cm which took me hours despite having extremely strong, regular contractions, and during this time I had numerous vaginal examinations which were very painful and traumatic - I didn't know I could say no, although the midwives were all aware of my condition. But once I had the epidural I couldnt feel a thing and was happy to have as many exams as required, and eventually delivered with the help of ventouse. I did require some stitches but again, felt nothing! The epidural really did take the trauma out of it all for me and I wouldn't give birth again without one. The only alternative for me would be an elective c section, but I'd rather avoid having surgery unless I have to.

Please discuss with your midwife and perhaps ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health service or a consultant so that you can make sure it's all on your notes. And make sure your birth partner is ready to advocate for you, that is so important.

With my first daughter she was ventouse, he had his whole arm up inside me I'm sure to get the head thing on! You need to be aware in childbirth these things need to be done ..

@huuuuunnnndderrricks I had to have consultant do similar but that was to remove my placenta as it was retained. You need to consider that these things can happen

You can definitely refuse as many pp have explained far better than I can.

What struck me about the midwives who attended my first and third births was the assumption that I would be totally amenable to anything they wanted to happen, happening. The third birth especially. It was my second home birth, but in a different area from the last one, and oh, my goodness, those midwives seemed to have no concept at all of a woman having agency and making her own choices and decisions. They assumed so much, and usually wrongly, and behaved as if I were unreasonable and weird for not letting them direct everything in the way they preferred (and not things that had to happen on immediate safety grounds, either, things like having a natural third stage).

You have the right to say no. If they try and pressure you then after the event you can complain.

Ask your midwife about the purple line.

4tfm.com/blog/the-purple-line-of-dilation

100% you can refuse. I have a similar backstory to you & I refused & had an ELCS in the end after discussing with the consultant. Stick to your guns & don't let anyone pressure you!

I did not have a problem having them but with my last labour having complications at the end I must have had 6 people doing vaginal exams within an hour (escalating from midwife to multiple doctors) followed by a section. It took me weeks to get over excruciating womb infection, likely caused by all the exams.

Do what is right for you!

I requested no vaginal exams during labour for dc2 in my birth plan- along with a host of other things like natural lighting, supporting hypnobirthing and avoiding medical interference as much as possible and everything was respected. The midwife team was amazing and supported my choices.

I also had an induction so some interference was expected but I talked through my preferences first and the midwife who did it talked through everything first, let me gather myself and kept it to a minimum. It ended in an EMCS which I was desperate to avoid, the recovery was so much worse than the vaginal birth with dc1 but it was the only option.

I would recommend meeting your midwife to talk about your birth plan and concerns and see what they say about your options.

Only anecdotal, but I requested no VEs in my second labour as I felt they'd been forced on me first time around. I had a natural labour and water birth with a fab midwife who had no problems agreeing and said she would assess me using other signs (I guess it's fairly obvious to an experienced MW how labour is progressing!) With the right care and monitoring it shouldn't be an issue, I would always keep an open mind if for example baby's heart rate dropped then a VE may be necessary to establish next steps quickly. But for me, I relaxed so much knowing I wouldn't be forced into them that I laboured much easier.

Ofc you can refuse VE's. You can decline anything you don't want! Believe it or not they're not allowed to stick their hand up your vagina without consent!

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

With my first daughter she was ventouse, he had his whole arm up inside me I'm sure to get the head thing on! You need to be aware in childbirth these things need to be done ..

Wow! You clearly need to be more informed about normal birth practice! 🙈 😬

@Mamasaurus123 what does that mean? She is 17 so I guess things have changed .

I don't doubt the doctor asked me but it was life or death , the point I was making is if the op has a vaginal birth then she needs to accept the complications that could occur .

Same with me @huuuuunnnndderrricks, although only my life was at risk if the placenta wasn’t removed

The midwives VE s were fine and I actually asked at one point to be examined to see how far along I was as my first labour hadn’t progressed and had ended in a cs. The doctors VE was bloody agony and swatted him away and shortly afterwards the midwife demanded he stopped and chucked him out of the room! He was trying to establish if there was enough room and if there wasn’t to perform a cs before it got too risky as my first born was too big to exit. But it was very unpleasant
If they mention induction I’d just ask for a cs instead.

Just a different perspective. I have always hated vaginal exams - smear tests etc have always been very painful. I was planning to request minimal vaginal examination.

But, due to very high blood pressure /suspected pre eclampsia, I had to have an induction which involved Cooks balloon put in, Cook balloon taken out, waters manually broken, drip, baby with scalp monitor and eventually ventouse. Baby needed bloods taken from the head twice in labour too. LOTS of vaginal examination. The midwifes were very kind about it, gave me gas and air every time and they really weren’t that bad (deffo less painful than my smears!).

So of course they should respect your wishes but if it ends up being necessary it may not be that bad. Good luck!

I’ve just had my baby and had requested no VEs. One MW did mention that she’ll examine me, but the other knew I didn’t want and took her aside and told her my wishes. Both were absolutely great. I had to be stitched up after and she needed to feel inside to see how far the tear was, she talked me through it and was very gentle and took her time and stopped when I asked..made a huge difference.

I chose c section over induction when I developed pre eclampsia post dates, due to relatively recent sexual assault and my fears regarding a slow, drawn out induction and the higher chance of needing an instrumental delivery.

I asked that everyone involved in my care knew my history but didn't talk about it with me in the room. In theatre everyone was so lovely and respectful and patient, they all introduced themselves when I went in, I said that I wanted to be talked through everything and they explained what they were doing every step of the way. The midwife I trusted during my pregnancy inserted the catheter and they had minimal staff down there while that was happening, and the anaesthetist stayed by my head and chatted and took videos and photos for us while my baby was coming out. We had our playlist playing on a speaker.

I also have a high BMI, and while the next morning was fucking painful to walk, I was off painkillers completely by day 5.

I was very upset to not get the lovely safe relaxed homebirth we had planned, but knew that the baby needed to come out sooner rather than later and when it came down to it it was still a really positive experience and I felt listened to and my choices respected. It really made all the difference having the midwife I trusted there, and meeting the doctor the day before and feeling instantly at ease with her. They arranged the operation for the next day when they could both be there.