Laboured alone on a ward

[FC99]

Hey, still trying to process my horrible birth experience 3 months ago and trying to find out if anyone else had a similar experience?

I was induced at 4pm (alone due to covid).
Contractions started at 11pm.
Repeatedly told by midwife I wasn’t in established labour and denied pain relief.
4am still being told I wasn’t in established labour and still on the induction ward alone.
4.10am felt the urge to push. Told I was 9cm dilated. Rushed to labour suite / delivery room. Still alone. Partner called in from home.
4.30am partner arrived in labour suite.
4.52am baby born.

I’ve never felt so scared and alone. Not listened to, degraded, dismissed. The list goes on. Always been a very strong person but I can’t even think about that day without crying. It was supposed to be the best day of our lives but it was awful going through labour alone and I feel robbed of our experience. My partner missed all the scans due to covid, works away (in the army) and couldn’t even be there to support me in labour due to an uncaring midwife.

Anyone else been through anything similar? Or was I just unlucky?

Yes, my first labour I was told I couldn't possibly need to push and got more instructions to stop making noise than anything else. I was made to feel like a whinging annoyance too. I remember the look on her face when she grudgingly checked dilation and realised I was at 10cm and not just being a pain in the arse. I hate the way many midwives refuse to believe women about what they are experiencing.

It's funny isn't it because so much of this is about the manner in which we are treated. How we are made to feel. When I turned up on the maternity ward with my second, they examined me and declared I wasn't in active labour. They were probably right in that I wasn't dilated but I knew the baby was on the way soon. They key difference is that they listened to me. They took me to a delivery room, they told me it would likely be a while but they treated me with respect and kindness. I was left alone there for a while and 30 mins later, I had to ring for someone to come because the baby was on the way. It was hugely painful and scary dilating so quickly on my own but I felt treated with kindness throughout and I think that made all the difference. I'm so sorry for those of you for whom that wasn't the case. Kindness and respect costs nothing and is the minimum we should afford vulnerable women.

[quote Trufflepuffpuff]@LizFlowers I'm not sure how helpful your comment is. I was induced for the same reason as the OP, on the advice of the consultant, and my baby had actually stopped growing in the womb (the higher BP puts extra pressure on the placenta) so it was absolutely the right thing to do. I know there's an attitude of refusing inductions but sometimes it is best to follow expert medical advice. [/quote]
If you induce someone, a caring Consultant offers an epidural as it is known to be more painful. I didn't have a bad experience myself 20 years ago but I insisted on adequate pain relief. I hear too many stories where it is denied.

You poor thing. Almost identical to my induction. Sympathies! Congratulations on your baby :)

What did I say? I was only sympathising with the op, not tell her she should have refused induction. I was flipping lucky and didn't need one but if it had been necessary, I would have had one.

Didn’t want to read and run op. You’ve had a terrible experience and deserved far better.

I had a difficult birth for different reasons (I’m fortunate the care I received was excellent but the birth was traumatic).

Birth listening / reflections is a good idea and I can see you’ve already done that.
I also requested a copy of my notes so I could read them and reflect and do so as many times as I wanted / needed as I grew more comfortable doing so.
I also really recommend getting a referral into either IAPT or the perinatal mental health team. As a woman who has a baby under one you will be prioritised. I did this and the counselling I received allowed me to move forward. It was all over the phone because of Covid but it still helped so much. It may be that with the support of a counsellor you want to redo your birth listening call to ask more questions etc.

I agree with the pp who said you will eventually be able to talk more matter of factly about it. I’m almost a year on and now feel very proud of what I did that day - the shame and all the other negative emotions are duller and some even gone entirely. There is hope. You have done something totally incredible - you have bought a new life into the world in the hardest of circumstances; please give yourself a break as hard as it might be. You advocated for yourself as best you could and you were let down.

Congratulations on your baby, I hope you are enjoying new motherhood!

@LizFlowers

What did I say? I was only sympathising with the op, not tell her she should have refused induction. I was flipping lucky and didn't need one but if it had been necessary, I would have had one.

no but you implied it, whether you meant to or not. your post was judgemental and superior

Yes that happened to me, didn't even make it to the labour ward. I kept telling them the baby was coming they said I was only 3cm and I was being dramatic, then six minutes later the baby was born. My husband wasn't there and once he came back he had to leave rather quickly!! I haven't been traumatised by it, I'm just glad the baby arrived ok and thought that's the luck if the draw.

So sad to read ….
many years ago when I had my first son …
I was left alone (with a buzzer) after being reprimanded for calling out and told it would be hours before I gave birth… left on a high bed in those days and completely terrified with husband not allowed in until second stage labour…
I now believe it was utterly traumatic…several hours later…
my husband was called and sat at business end of the bed to see our son born.
Our child was born at midnight and taken immediately away to the nursery, neither of us allowed to touchour healthy baby boy.…
…. back in the ward at 5.30am all the babies were bought in for feeding but not mine. I asked if I could see him only to be told he was sleeping. I was ignored as I sobbed in bed convinced something was terribly wrong with my baby…
At 9am he was bought to me … I unwrapped him and checked him all over..
a very healthy 8lb bay co boy .. what a relief!
…
But the horror on this has stayed with for 53 years!!!!!
I wonder if the midwife realised how cruel her behaviour was!…
So sad to hear mothers are still being abandoned!…