Laboured alone on a ward

[FC99]

Hey, still trying to process my horrible birth experience 3 months ago and trying to find out if anyone else had a similar experience?

I was induced at 4pm (alone due to covid).
Contractions started at 11pm.
Repeatedly told by midwife I wasn’t in established labour and denied pain relief.
4am still being told I wasn’t in established labour and still on the induction ward alone.
4.10am felt the urge to push. Told I was 9cm dilated. Rushed to labour suite / delivery room. Still alone. Partner called in from home.
4.30am partner arrived in labour suite.
4.52am baby born.

I’ve never felt so scared and alone. Not listened to, degraded, dismissed. The list goes on. Always been a very strong person but I can’t even think about that day without crying. It was supposed to be the best day of our lives but it was awful going through labour alone and I feel robbed of our experience. My partner missed all the scans due to covid, works away (in the army) and couldn’t even be there to support me in labour due to an uncaring midwife.

Anyone else been through anything similar? Or was I just unlucky?

God thats awful. Have you been able to talk to anyone properly about what happened to you? This stuff can stick around for a long time if its not processed.

I didn't have an awful experience like yours, but I did have a very long labour and I was glad my husband was there to advocate for me when it all got a bit much. It's dreadful that women are being left on their own like this.

Sounds like you had a really rough time OP and tbh I’ve seen similar stories from other women before. Women’s healthcare isn’t the best at times and we are far too often dismissed.

I’d be asking for a birth debrief with lead midwife and complaining to PALS if you still feel dismissed

It may be worth exploring some therapy due to the emotional trauma

Slightly different my ExH was useless and totally failed to advocate for me during labour. For many (to be honest 16) years I pushed it away and failed to assimilate what happened. Recently I have started having counselling and it has really helped me.
You are still in time to use your hospitals birth debrief service I wish I had used that I think it would have helped

I think you were unlucky but you will definitely find similar stories. I was sent home with my first after my waters had broken, at midnight, went back in at 5am and was 9cm. I think you were really brave and an absolute warrior to get through that alone.

Thank you everyone. I had a birth debrief over the phone. Took a month for them to call though. They apologised and just said it was that midwife’s bad call but we still have so many unanswered questions so have submitted a complaint to get more detail. But this could take up to 6 months for answers.

I’m still so angry at myself for not screaming and shouting until they listened to me. But it was the middle of the night on a dark ward and I didn’t want to wake people so I just sat and cried on my own. I just wish my partner was there to support me and fight my corner to get me to labour suite. I wanted an epidural and all I got was paracetamol

Exactly the same thing happened to me in May!!
Induced alone at 1pm, and by 4.30 I was begging the midwife to check how dilated I was, but she insisted I wasn't in established labour yet and these were 'practice contractions'. Half an hour later I was in the bathroom screaming as the baby was on its way. Another midwife found me and checked me and I was 10cm! My partner got there just in time to see the head push out.

It was the most traumatic experience of my life being all alone and screaming in pain and no one to hold my hand. I just wish I had someone there to advocate for me! It was my first labour and I felt so vulnerable. I didn't have any past experience to go by.

I also had a debrief after (waited about 2.5 months) but took a long time to stop having flashbacks 😢

I'm sorry it was such a horrible experience but why did you have to be induced, FC99?

Wow, so happy to read this and realise it's not just me!
Had almost the same in April.
I went in to be induced in the afternoon but waters had broken in the morning and I had started to get some pains.
Arrived at hospital 4pm, alone, put on ward. No induction they said we'll see how the pain progresses.
By 11pm they were quite strong, given painkillers and put on monitor.
Was told contractions were not regular so see how it is in morning and go from there.

Managed to get some sleep 😮

At 9am (still on ward), I needed to push. Rushed to delivery room, they called DH, baby born at 9.30, husband arrived 9.50.
My poor DH missed the whole thing 😞

It still bothers me now 9 months later.
I wish I had been more assertive and insisted I was in labour but my last labour had been 16 years before that and I honestly couldn't remember it.

Not once when I was on the ward did anyone examine me to see if I was dilating!

And when they called DH their actual words were "NO NEED TO RUSH, but we are taking her to delivery, could be a while yet though" 😡

To be honest I am still quite bemused by the whole thing. I am however incredibly proud that I laboured and gave birth alone.

@gettingbetter2020 I was the same, first experience of labour and put my trust in the midwives to tell me what my body was doing. In hindsight I wish I’d have done it on my kitchen floor! At least I would have had my partner there for support. The guys missed out on so much with covid and my birth experience definitely drove a wedge in our bonding as a family. Sometimes I can bury it deep down and not think about it but then something will bring it back and I’m crying into the fridge for three days again. It’s awful but at least we know we’re not the only ones x

@LizFlowers bit of high blood pressure at the end and I was full term so they thought it would be best to get things moving

@playthegame it is reassuring to know others have been through the same but horrifying that it’s happening time and time again. I had vaginal inspections, monitors on twice, contractions were one after another with no breaks and I was still being told I wasn’t in established labour! I too just feel so bemused by the whole thing x

Yes - but nothing to do with Covid - I was not in the UK and DP needed to stay at home with my other two.
It was dire. It will take you some time to get over/come to terms with.
In my case, I knew not to go in until I had regular contractions - went in and was 6cm dilated, so far, so good.
Left alone with just one of those bouncy balls for company, managing (had decided voluntarily not to have any pain relief at all because of two previous ventouses/no urge to push).
I asked for an enema - a nurse grudgingly did one. Hours later, still not progressed past 6cm. Have a walk around - told off. Go to the loo - told off. Bounce on my ball - told off. There is talk of inducing me but no one to do it. Placed on a monitor and ignored for another 4 hours (ignored for 8 in total).
Transition excruciating and forced onto my back when I wanted to be on my knees or squat. Then forced into stirrups. Then forced onto my side.
Told off again for crying too loudly/making too much noise, as I was scaring the waiting room (I was actually saying in the local language Please don't let me die). Panicking and hyperventilating, I was told to breathe or my baby would die - that I would kill my baby. This was said to me in the second language.
No urge to push, bore down without having a clue what I was doing. Handed baby then had to literally hold him with one arm while gripping onto the bed with the other as bed was angled and I was slipping as they did stitches - I had a grade 2 rectal tear.
It was fucking awful and made the other two 'non-natural' births, which were traumatic due to episiotomy and vacuum, look like a piece of piss in comparison.

You will not forget your experiences OP and others, but eventually you will be able to recite events as matter-of-fact instead of them still affecting you - counselling will help, especially if you do intend on having any more. Warmest wishes and congratulations on your babies Xx

I was also induced and dd was born within about 5 mins of moving to the delivery room with no time for pain relief...they told me I couldn’t move to the labour ward as there weren’t enough rooms, when they realised baby was coming they miraculously found a room. I have a history of very quick second stage but they didn’t listen. The midwife that delivered her was fab but the others didn’t seem to be bothered

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Sounds very traumatic. I had a traumatic birth a few years ago and it gave me severe ptsd. I had emdr therapy on the NHS (I used the self referral system for mental health support and had 20 sessions) it was amazing and put me almost completely back to normal. Also have used the birth trauma association support group-it's a private closed group on Facebook.

I complained to the hospital but they were just very defensive and obviously didn't want to admit any fault. Two bits of advice I can give are, don't put too much energy in to the complaints process-you've told them they made the mistake, it's up to them if they want to listen and learn from it. Trying to make them agree with you won't change what happened. You know the truth already. Also, please try not to blame yourself. Thinking about what you could have done differently to avoid these events is in a way blaming yourself really. It's not your fault. And sorry another one... Be proud of how well you coped through all that.

I hope you can heal from this soon. Blessings to you and your lovely baby.

[quote FC99]@LizFlowers bit of high blood pressure at the end and I was full term so they thought it would be best to get things moving[/quote]
From what I've heard, induction is not the most comfortable of procedures. I think I'd have needed a bit more than a bit of high blood pressure to be persuaded; very high blood pressure is dangerous of course but BP does go up in pregnancy and if it is just a little too high, many pregnant women are advised to rest at home.

If you hadn't been induced you'd have probably gone into labour naturally at home, spent time walking around, doing things and eventually gone into hospital when contractions were close together or waters broke. Your labour may have taken the same amount of time in total but you wouldn't have felt so bad about it - you'd have been working with it. Lying in a hospital bed with a drip for hours means your movements are restricted and that cannot be much fun.

Thank goodness it's over and better luck next time.

I had a bad experience over 20 years ago so I am shocked tpo read this and see that it still happens.

Shocking. Its as if we are in a third world country where women suffer like this all the time. My own labour was 36 hours from inducement. I insisted I was nearly 42 weeks. No one listened. Gave birth naturally. First baby. Nearly 12 lbs. No wonder they induced me. I should have been offered a c section. Bottomline... I could never get pregnant again or want too. I passed out quite a lot giving birth, and came round to someone brushing my teeth. And six members of staff, stood looking at me in the delivery room. Not to mention the haemorrhage and 2 pints of blood. I feel for you lovey, I do hope the memories fade when you look at your baby's smile

OP this is almost exactly what happened to me three months ago. I feel the same. I wonder if we were at the same hospital or whether this is more commonplace than I realised.

@LizFlowers I'm not sure how helpful your comment is. I was induced for the same reason as the OP, on the advice of the consultant, and my baby had actually stopped growing in the womb (the higher BP puts extra pressure on the placenta) so it was absolutely the right thing to do. I know there's an attitude of refusing inductions but sometimes it is best to follow expert medical advice.

@Trufflepuffpuff I was at Nottingham’s Queens Medical Centre. We found out a few weeks after my daughter was born that this hospitals maternity department is under special measures by the care quality commission as two babies have died due to neglect. I get shivers every time we drive passed. I hope you are doing ok after your horrible experience x

Oh that's so awful @FC99 - I'm in London so not the same hospital. I wrote to my local MP and to PALS about it to complain, in the hope that other women wouldn't have to go through the same thing. Did you get offered a birth reflections session or any support? You should definitely pursue that through your HV if not. Sending you hugs - it's so rubbish.

Hello. No they are a siblings child. Putting child in a nursery at a young age helped because the nursery wrote a report to the county council insisting child needed a special school. Child been at special school a year. Can speak now. It was a battle and county council said no. But we then asked if the following September would have the child considered. They said yes, because the child was 5 in the August. They dont legally have to allocate a place for a child until they are 5 anyway. Get a good nursery run by older child key workers or young ones with years of experience, perhaps with previous Autistic kids in the nursery. The assessment was a SEND . Not the one you mentioned. Have you got H onto chores yet. Ignore posters who say unsupported stuff to you. Other peoples opinion of you is none of your business. And irrelevant. Lol. Take care

Sorry wrong thread I think.lol

Big hugs.
Reminds me of how I felt in labour in hospital with ds1 20 years ago. They wouldnt believe me that I was in real pain. Gave me a paracetamol, but eventually when I managed to get them to check, I was fully dilated. Husband neither use nor ornament when I got there. Hideous and scary.

I hope you can talk this through with someone