Laboured alone on a ward

[FC99]

Hey, still trying to process my horrible birth experience 3 months ago and trying to find out if anyone else had a similar experience?

I was induced at 4pm (alone due to covid).
Contractions started at 11pm.
Repeatedly told by midwife I wasn’t in established labour and denied pain relief.
4am still being told I wasn’t in established labour and still on the induction ward alone.
4.10am felt the urge to push. Told I was 9cm dilated. Rushed to labour suite / delivery room. Still alone. Partner called in from home.
4.30am partner arrived in labour suite.
4.52am baby born.

I’ve never felt so scared and alone. Not listened to, degraded, dismissed. The list goes on. Always been a very strong person but I can’t even think about that day without crying. It was supposed to be the best day of our lives but it was awful going through labour alone and I feel robbed of our experience. My partner missed all the scans due to covid, works away (in the army) and couldn’t even be there to support me in labour due to an uncaring midwife.

Anyone else been through anything similar? Or was I just unlucky?

I'm sorry to read such horrendous things happened!!! Would it then be best to only go to hospital when you're sure you're in established labour? Rather then labourong on the ward? Of course, that's assuming you don't need to be there for medical reasons.

Sounds very similar to my first. My birth partner was repeatedly told to leave, I was repeatedly offered a painkiller I didn't want and refused an epidural. Midwife on the ward kept disappearing when I had contractions so was repeatedly pressing call button. It was very scary. Luckily things got better once I got to delivery suite. Good on you for complaining. Wish I had.

@laura2109

I'm sorry to read such horrendous things happened!!! Would it then be best to only go to hospital when you're sure you're in established labour? Rather then labourong on the ward? Of course, that's assuming you don't need to be there for medical reasons.

not always possible. I was already in hospital for premature rupture of membranes and had been induced, yet still not believed that i was in proper labour because apparently wasnt screaming enough. I was on a ward

@Branleuse gosh, sounds like you it had rough!

I m so sorry about what you went through.
It took me two months to go past our hospital without crying (he's 3 months old now) and my experience wasn't as bad as at least my DH got to be there with me when I got the drip and when DS was born but I was very traumatised and won't be having another baby for sure now (many other reasons as well but I couldn't trust that maternity ward again after what they did to us).

I went into hospital on the Wednesday morning with my waters broken and a BP of 170/100, I was left in a bay alone from 6am till 10am in early labour for monitoring until visiting when DH could be with me and I was told I d get induced by Thursday morning, spent Wednesday night alone on the induction ward with women screaming in pain alone around me to then be told it's too busy we ll get to inducing you when we can. It got to Thursday afternoon and it was clear they were way too short staffed and I wasn't going to get induced anytime soon, by this point I tried to fight for myself and baby and asked a midwife for antibiotics as I knew our risk of infection was now higher but they refused to give me them and told me I was worrying over nothing.

In the end I didn't get induced till Friday afternoon, I was exhausted after spending two nights in hospital with no support so accepted the drip and then baby was born with sepsis because of them so had to go to nicu. The NICU staff were lovely so I felt I could trust them and they got my son better but the postnatal staff didn't bother checking if I had infection markers or even thinking to give me antibiotics till the Tuesday when I got a temperature so unsurprisingly I got sepsis too.

I literally had a panic attack when a consultant was trying to get my antibiotics in as I had no reason to trust they were looking after me at that point and was a mess video calling DH telling him to come and get me, eventually I told the doctors after 8 days total in hospital as soon as my son's infection markers came back normal that if they didn't discharge me that day I d be walking out, I d have left in the middle of the night if the pharmacy had my medicines available.
I ve decided not to go through PALS and have to reprocess things but if you feel like you can do I would certainly push the complaint as far as you can.

I was induced 4 years ago & nothing happened during the day. Husband was sent home around 10pm but I started having those niggles. Got my bloody show around 11pm and contractions started. The midwife just gave me some cocodamol & told me to manage it. I threw it up within 5 minutes of taking it & she gave me another one & threw it back up again. Told her & she said she was going to give me another one. Didn’t & she didn’t bother checking me all night despite my contractions getting stronger. At about 7am when visitors were allowed again, my husband turned up & I told him j was in a lot of pain. He told the midwife & she told him she’s in labour, she will. Didn’t bother checking me or anything. 8am came around & I told them I needed to push & he went to get the midwife again, she didn’t bother coming & the day midwife came. She checked me at 9am & said oh I’ll ring delivery suite get you up there now.

I was really disappointed with the whole induction process & really hope I don’t have to be induced again. I’m due my 2nd baby in a couple weeks & petrified if we go overdue & need to be induced x

it just made me determined that i wasnt going to go into hospital for my subsequent births really, and thats a shame, but I just found the care shown to be bordering on inadequate. I felt like I was an annoyance and it made me feel so vulnerable and alone. Its probably even worse now with all the NHS cuts since then.

@FC99 very similar to me. My waters broke and I had to go in early as I was having a vbac and needed monitoring. My husband was sent home and they said he'd be able to come back when I was in established labour. Like you, they kept saying I wasn't in established labour until I felt the urge to push. I was rushed to the delivery suite on a wheelchair, i could feel my baby coming out on the way there.
Therefore I didn't get any pain relief, like you, and my husband only my witnessed the last 5 minutes of the birth. I was completely alone during the whole labour, left to my own devices. I was planning on getting at least some gas and air, or maybe even the epidural. The pain was so brutal. I am glad it all turned out well in the end, but im sad my husband couldn't be there to hold my hand

I had a similar experience 4 years ago, I called the hospital as my waters broke at home. They asked me to come in and then said In a patronising nasty was that I was wrong and my waters couldn’t have broken (they 100% had and it wasn’t urine)
They said they would put me in a bed on a ward and husband had to go home but I started getting contractions during the middle of the night and I was in agony. However when I’m in pain I go completely silent (it’s just how I cope) so nobody throughout my ‘journey’ believed that I was actually as far along as I was. I asked/begged for pain killers, I asked to be checked to see how dilated I was, I was just fobbed off and basically told to stop being silly, they were actually horrible to me! They also laughed at me as I kept being sick, it was just because I was in so much pain it was my bodies way of coping I suppose, they also tutted at me as I was making a mess (despite me trying my absolute best not to and profusely apologising)
I was in tears and petrified on my own, and when they had a nurse change over in the morning I was shaking, sobbing and begged the new nurse to please check me as I felt I needed to push NOW and that no one was listening to me. Low and behold I was ready to push, quickly wheeled to a labour ward, husband was called, and yes my waters had obviously already broken hours before. My son was born 30 minutes later - luckily with no problems.
I walked away feeling vulnerable, patronised, ignored, shamed, belittled, petrified and traumatised, I’ll be honest I don’t think I’m totally over it even now!

I'm really sorry you had such a horrible experience, OP. I had a sort of similar one with my first - I was in natural labour but they just wouldn't believe I was in active labour or examine me, despite me crying and begging, and I was left in the triage room trying to stop myself push (because I believed them that I didn't need to
) and shouting in pain without even a curtain pulled around me, and with all these couples in for reduced movements or other quite calm things staring at me. When they finally examined me the midwife said 'oh, I can see the head' and DS was born 25 minutes later. BUT I did have DH with me, which made a tremendous difference (I actually think I'd have given birth in the triage ward if he hadn't been there), doing it alone must be so much worse.

I actually wanted a home birth for my second (due in two weeks) so that I would know I wouldn't be without DH, but they're no longer offering them in my area because of the strain the ambulance service is under

I did find my birth debrief helpful, so I'm sorry that you didn't - I'd definitely complain if that will help you get more information. They did apologise to me, which I wasn't expecting but did make a surprisingly large difference to me. It does fade, too - that doesn't make it ok or justifiable but the memory won't always look as large as it does now, at least in my experience.

So sorry you went through this OP. I had a similar experience in July. I had my waters broken and then was left to see how I progressed, they were meant to be seeing if I needed the drip. I was in agony not long after, no pain relief was offered, had to ask and even when I did get oramorph they didn't examine me. Ended up delivering baby four mins after shift change, first midwife hadn't checked me. Was still fully clothed, second midwife had a quick look and could see the head. What was worse is I was induced for a medical reason which meant I should have had more monitoring. I haven't had a birth debrief, maybe I should. Just relieved my baby is OK to be honest.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all of your lovely messages and for sharing your stories. I’ve been made to feel (by the hospital) like it was a freak accident that my body birthed a baby in 6hrs start to finish and that these things rarely happen. I’m shocked and saddened to see 1 day on a forum has produced so many similar stories. I think it’s so important to do a complaint as it builds a bigger picture and is the only way changes will be made to ensure this doesn’t happen to women in the future. In UK law, we have a human right to pain relief during labour and no one should have to endure labour alone, it’s devastating in so many ways. And if we’re not being checked and monitored properly it’s blooming dangerous too! Sending lots of love to you all xxx

@FC99 I’m sorry you had to go through this. This is terrible. It’s definitely not a freak accident that you had your baby in 6hrs and they are wrong to make you feel that way. My birth was vastly different to yours however, mine was 4 hrs start to finish so it’s absolute nonsense if that’s the defence they are falling back on.

I really hope you can get a resolution here and find some closure

Another one here. Didn’t want to be induced and no medical reason so didn’t get induced until 42+1. Pessary first night, nothing happened & a quiet ward. Pessary 2nd day and started having contractions around lunch time but was told I wasn’t in labor because it was only a pessary (never mind I was past 42 weeks so pretty bloody likely to go into labor at any moment!!). DH came back to sit with me, started having intense, close together contractions. Still told not in labor. Got out on fetal HR monitor and told I had to keep it on and lie on my back until a consultant could come look at it. 4 hours later, finally did. Got given gas & air at some point and DH told the midwife I was quiet (trying to explain that I just wasn’t going to be a yeller) which she took to mean I wanted to go somewhere quiet (she was rushed off her feet with 4 other women also being induced & screaming/crying on the ward) so they put me in a spare side room, which was nice but just meant we were forgotten for 3? 4? 5? More hours. I finally asked for pethadine because I was so desperate for any relief, only to be examined and told I was 6cm. So 12 hours of no support, just DH and I freaked out and no idea when it would end. I’d been very keen to avoid an epidural but couldn’t take any more so had one with the usual interventions: ventouse, episiotomy, infection etc etc. DD is 2 and I don’t feel upset anymore, but I just felt unsettled for ages. We moved abroad when Dd was 3 months so I was never able to ask the hospital (st George’s in London, which is excellent) to see my notes. I think it would’ve helped me a lot to just understand WTF happened.

I had almost the opposite experience. I kept being told I was in active labour and that I had to push. Ended up pushing for six hours and was told off constantly for not trying hard enough.

Sorry posted too soon.

It's horrible to have a bad birth experience, it's so traumatising and lonely.

My baby is 18 months now and I have started to heal and forget but at around 3 to 4 months, it was definitely incredibly hard. I cried a lot and had flashbacks. His first birthday was hard too. But it does get easier.

None of us should have to suffer like this in the first place though.

Similar experience here but I was at home repeatedly being told it wasn't labour and not to come in. It is a horrible scary experience, desperately needing someone to take you seriously whilst being told that you're making a fuss over nothing and actually believing that because they are the experts - it was my first so I didn't know what to expect and kept crying and apologising for making such a fuss as they had actually made me believe that I wasn't even in labour yet. Gave birth in triage when they finally let me in and the fuckers were rolling their eyes at me because I was begging for an epidural. It's so dehumanising, I felt like a piece of shit tbh

@StarCat2020

I had a bad experience over 20 years ago so I am shocked tpo read this and see that it still happens.

It seems nothing ever gets better in maternity services in the UK especially regarding provision of adequate pain relief.

I was reading your message and it's resonated with me. Your right about the complaints process. I used to let it wind me up like there was no tomorrow when I used to get a careless reply.

I kind of suspected that I might be kept on the assessment unit by my midwife. So I told her that the pain relief that she could offer me wasn't working. I then went on to tell her that I knew if I wanted stronger pain relief that I needed to go down to delivery suite. I said that I was aware that she could transfer me for pain relief purposes even if I wasn't in established labour.

She then transferred me. But the reason I know this is because I spoke to my consultant and relayed my fears. They advised me of this. I would say don't be afraid to say that I need more. Also pain relief is a basic human right! I was ready to throw the book at midwife if I had to!

Luckily I got transferred and as it happens. Within one hour I went from 2cm to baby once on delivery!!!

Useful resource
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/04/i-asked-three-times-for-an-epidural-why-are-women-being-denied-pain-relief

So glad I forced them to take me down at that point

You poor thing. I was induced and only spent 5 hours contracting on the drip before I was 10cms. No one told me this was freakishly fast... because it isn’t! You should never been treated like this.

To every single woman on this thread, I am so so sorry to read all of these stories.

WHO guidelines:
All women have a right to a positive childbirth experience that includes respect and dignity, a companion of choice, clear communication by paternity staff, pain relief strategies, mobility in labour and birth position of choice.

I am so sorry that so many births fall so far short of these rights.

@ChateauMargaux thank you xx I think they should make every pregnant woman aware of their basic human rights during labour. I think it would have made me feel strong enough to stick up for myself rather than feeling like an annoyance to the midwife. Everyone’s lovely messages on this thread have really helped me this past week, thank you so much xxx

I had a very similar experience almost the same this was 11 years ago. Partner sent home and left alone in a ward with no other mums. Staff told me to have a bath and offered paracetamol.
Similar to you but I did demand more pain relief so reluctantly they said I could go in the labour suite for gas and air. DH called and baby arrived within about 40 minutes.
It still upsets me when I see programmes like One Born with all the family in a private room chatting and lots of supporting staff.
My hospital maternity unit is currently under the largest investigation for poor practice and is regularly on the news. It does make me angry but ultimately when time passes you just move on and as myself and DD were fortunate to be healthy it does no good to hold onto it.
I am glad you have registered a complaint I wish I had but I had nothing to compare it with so I wasn’t sure until later how poor it had been.

Hi OP

Sorry to hear about your terrible experience. Unfortunately I think this is pretty commonplace and things have been like this even before covid. Was this your first baby?

In my first labour, I laboured at home for about 12 hours. When the pain was utterly unbearable I went to hospital. They told me I wasn't dilated enough and that I had to go home and that it would probably take another 12 hours.

When I got home I was in excruciating pain. I was shivering, being sick. I knew I was much further ahead. I went back to the hospital and waited in reception. I couldn't help moaning. A midwife brought me in to a cubicle to be assessed again. I waited there for another 20 minutes while I could hear the midwives outside laughing and joking and having a natter. When I was examined again I was told I was 9cm dilated and I was finally admitted.

Not every woman has a textbook Labour and dilated at the pace of 1cm an hour.

ln hindsight I realised I should have just gone for a walk around the hospital and come back. But its hard to know what to do or think when it is your first time. You just trust everything you are told even when your body is telling you otherwise.

In my second Labour I had to be induced due to cholestasis. I had figured out the way the system worked and I knew they would be least bothered if I was left all alone. Partners are supposed to leave the ward at night. But I made him stay in my cubicle. He didn't make a peep. He didn't come out and was not seen or heard by any of the other women. The midwives knew he was there but let him stay as he wasn't disturbing anyone.

In the very early hours the morning my waters broke and I knew the baby was coming imminently. The midwives kept fobbing me off and telling me to have a bath. I didn't take no for an answer. I said I don't need a bath. Get me pain relief now!! Examine me!!!

They examined me and said get her to the delivery suite straight away. My daughter was born less than an hour later.

I'm glad I stood my ground and did what I did otherwise I would have been giving birth in a dirty bath on the ward all alone. They couldn't care less. They see thousands of women.

@Crikeycroc

You poor thing. I was induced and only spent 5 hours contracting on the drip before I was 10cms. No one told me this was freakishly fast... because it isn’t! You should never been treated like this.

Five hours seems a long time to me and if you are on a drip, presumably you can't walk about.