Asking someone how they delivered?

[DarkChocolateMint]

Im surprised at the amount of people who have directly asked me if I delivered naturally or via a section!!

Its not something I would ever ask anyone (particularly if I didnt have kids!!) wbu?

I mainly heard this discussion at baby groups and toddler groups, amongst groups of mums. In fact I was a bit gutted when DD2 was born at the beginning of lockdown and I didnt get to share the details with all my pals at toddler group (and by the time we go back she will probably be 18 months old and nobody will ask then!). Usually people just seem to ask "how was the birth" or similar and then go on based on your responses but I suppose some people are a bit less tactful

@AnneLovesGilbert

Everyone is different. And it’s not freaking hard to imagine not every woman wants to discuss her experience when it’s often not what they’d have hoped for.

Exactly.

Also, there's a difference between mothers asking each other (women who all have stories to share) and men asking, which can feel a bit strange and intrusive tbh. I mean, in a way it's nice that men are interested, and usually done in a respectful way, but I don't think every woman is comfortable talking to a man they don't know about how she gave birth.

I think it depends on the setting. At the baby massage class I squeezed in before lockdown it was great talking about the ins and outs of it all with other new mums. It's actually one of the things I feel I didn't get to do much because we've been in the house for almost a year. I would be less open and graphic (haha) with colleagues etc.

Intrusive questions seem part and parcel of pregnancy and having a baby. I didn’t get asked if my baby was planned but several friends were, and I was asked by all sorts of people how I was feeding my baby, including a hair dresser I hadn’t had before and a man I don’t know well. I was asked how I was planning to feed by several colleagues while I was still pregnant. And it was only when I was pregnant that all and sundry commented on the size of parts of my body. It’s an odd time pregnancy and having a newborn!

I do think it’s a very personal and (IMO) inappropriate question to ask.

I don’t think there’s any other event when people ask questions like this - they’re all baby related!

Dreading this with my MIL who has already assumed I’m breastfeeding and has offered unsolicited advice on sleeping arrangements. I’m sure she’d want all the gory details - any suggestions on answers that don’t sound overtly rude?

I assume vaginally unless otherwise informed by the person... when they wish to share!

I never thought about it before now i never ask how people plan to feed either!!! .... or if they had stitches etc!

I just wait till someone shares- I suppose I do that in most aspects of life xx

@ChocOrange1

I mainly heard this discussion at baby groups and toddler groups, amongst groups of mums. In fact I was a bit gutted when DD2 was born at the beginning of lockdown and I didnt get to share the details with all my pals at toddler group (and by the time we go back she will probably be 18 months old and nobody will ask then!). Usually people just seem to ask "how was the birth" or similar and then go on based on your responses but I suppose some people are a bit less tactful

Totally xx

I’m always interested to hear someone’s birth story. I would only ask friends obviously!

I noticed this too. I’d never ask anyone unless they offered the info. I’m also super sensitive about it after a ‘friend’ stated that I couldn’t comment on giving birth because I hadn’t actually given birth - I had an emergency c section after 24 hours of labour and baby getting stuck at last moment. It still hurts three years later and I haven’t answered the question since

@onetwothreeadventure what a horrible thing for your “friend” to say

Having a c section (emergency or otherwise) doesn’t make you any less of a mother.

Are they also of the opinion that parents who use IVF or adopt aren’t real parents

@onetwothreeadventure

I noticed this too. I’d never ask anyone unless they offered the info. I’m also super sensitive about it after a ‘friend’ stated that I couldn’t comment on giving birth because I hadn’t actually given birth - I had an emergency c section after 24 hours of labour and baby getting stuck at last moment. It still hurts three years later and I haven’t answered the question since

THIS!!

Heard of folk pouring scorn on sections.

Terrible.

Vaginally or section- none are easy! X

I was asked by MIL's mid 50's male neighbour if I was breastfeeding. We had bumped into him in the street and I'd never met him before. Found it seriously creepy

I had 'how was the labour' and it was normally from women who have kids themselves. Now i'm guilty of asking the same question, i'm just really interested in birth stories!

@BeautyAndTheBump1

I had 'how was the labour' and it was normally from women who have kids themselves. Now i'm guilty of asking the same question, i'm just really interested in birth stories!

I think thats ok... lets the person say how much they want to say!!

When i said it was fine, the direct further question came & that surprised me LOL xx

I had an ELCS (breech baby) and people always seem to be taken aback that I wasn't upset about it. NOPE. I'm lazy and a wuss, so the quick, painless, minimal effort way suited me just fine .