Asking someone how they delivered?

[DarkChocolateMint]

Im surprised at the amount of people who have directly asked me if I delivered naturally or via a section!!

Its not something I would ever ask anyone (particularly if I didnt have kids!!) wbu?

Yes I found the same. Talking about my vagina (effectively) with strangers did not sit right with me at all.
That and answering questions about my breasts

Why does it bother you?

Who’s asked you? No one ever asked me. Close friends and family knew I’d have an EMCS because we were kept in for several days and I wasn’t in great shape for a week. But no one else cared and those that knew were only concerned for how we were doing recovering.

'I beg your pardon????" in a chilly voice is the correct response.

"Did you have him naturally?"

"Do you mean did he come out of my vagina???"

I don't think people really realise what they're saying.

I found women who already had children to be particularly interested in birth story details like length of labour, pain relief etc but it never bothered me. I was quite happy to tell the tale tbh! But then again I am talking about people I'd be happy to have the conversation with and who would be close enough to know whether I'd had a caesarean without even having to ask, if you're on about randomers asking then that's a bit weird.

On the same topic, the best birth question I had was when I put an announcement on my class online learning page to let the children know I'd had the baby and I got a private message from a student (9 year old girl) to congratulate me and ask "did you get cut open or did you have to push the baby out?" safe to say I never replied to that one but it definitely made me laugh 😂

I think this is a normal topic, pretty much just sharing war stories

I know what you mean, it is weird.
However you give birth, it's such a primal and vulnerable moment. It feels normal to discuss it with close family and friends, but weird to discuss it with strangers and acquaintances.
I guess it's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about but you don't have to discuss it if you don't want to.
I think it's part of a bigger picture of people's attitude to a woman's body changing when she becomes pregnant; it's as if it's no longer her own body but a vessel that is fair game for public discussion and even random strangers touching it, too.

I've not got much problem sharing my birth stories - seems relatively normal when you're talking to fellow new mums.
Our NCT teacher asked DH & I to come & talk to one of her groups (after we'd had DD) - which we did. In detail. I think the teacher was a little taken aback as it conflicted with the whole 'imagine a contraction is like this maraca shaking' & 'breathe through the contraction like your blowing out a candle with your mouth open..' Ours was a rather dramatic birth.
However we ran into one of the couples a few months later (after they'd had their DC) & they thanked us for our honesty about it all.

@MaizeBlouse

Why does it bother you?

It dosent so much bother me, as a new mum its just something I never asked anyone myself and I am now surprised how many folk ask.

I think its quite personal xx

I think it's really personal too OP, not as bad as "Was it planned?" though.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Who’s asked you? No one ever asked me. Close friends and family knew I’d have an EMCS because we were kept in for several days and I wasn’t in great shape for a week. But no one else cared and those that knew were only concerned for how we were doing recovering.

Few close friends which I dont so much mind but a few work colleagues etc who dont have kids which i found strange.

I actually ignored the "how was your labour?" Q 3 times before saying "fine thanks"... then the reply was "was it natural!?"

Weird.

How do you think labour was

I think because Im a new mum it just never crossed my mind before & I would still never ask anyone tbh x

@countdowntobaby2020

I found women who already had children to be particularly interested in birth story details like length of labour, pain relief etc but it never bothered me. I was quite happy to tell the tale tbh! But then again I am talking about people I'd be happy to have the conversation with and who would be close enough to know whether I'd had a caesarean without even having to ask, if you're on about randomers asking then that's a bit weird.

On the same topic, the best birth question I had was when I put an announcement on my class online learning page to let the children know I'd had the baby and I got a private message from a student (9 year old girl) to congratulate me and ask "did you get cut open or did you have to push the baby out?" safe to say I never replied to that one but it definitely made me laugh 😂

Yeah a friend said that to me- it was a compare stories thing!

Some askers dont have kids!

I didnt before now xx

@reservoircats

I think it's really personal too OP, not as bad as "Was it planned?" though.

True! A (young, child-free) colleague actually asked me that, and I was lost for words (which is rare )... afterwards I wish I'd said that while I didn't mind answering, it wasn't an appropriate question.

@legalseagull

"Did you have him naturally?"

"Do you mean did he come out of my vagina???"

I don't think people really realise what they're saying.

That made me LOL! X

God, I'd always ask! Even before I'd kids. I love hearing people's stories, & usually I find new mums want to share.

Of course if someone just says 'fine' & doesn't elaborate, I wouldn't ask any more.

I loved talking about my labours, a PP has it right with 'war stories'. 😀

You're not alone @EarringsandLipstick! I'd ask others, and others would ask me. Sharing war stories is a good analogy. Plus I work in obstetric theatres, so all my colleagues were very interested in how I delivered. Especially as I'm the only staff member in recent years that didn't go to theatre or have an epidural.

In my experience this is also asked by medical professionals dealing with your children for much longer than you might think....were they born on time, not premature or early? Natural delivery, instruments, c section? Any problems during birth or at birth?

Last time I heard those questions was at the opticians with my then 10 year old.

Jesus... didn't realise some women were so freaking weird over their birth stories, scurrying away with their private knowledge like gollum with the ring...

Every woman I've every spoken to likes sharing their birthing stories, like someone said above it's like a war story lol. And every time someone has asked me I've shared mine too, you know, like an adult.

‘How was your labour’ seems like quite a normal question to ask someone who recently had a baby. I didn’t realise it was such a taboo subject. It’s a huge thing that many women go through so I think people just like to talk about it and share experiences

@AbbeyBelfast

Jesus... didn't realise some women were so freaking weird over their birth stories, scurrying away with their private knowledge like gollum with the ring...

Every woman I've every spoken to likes sharing their birthing stories, like someone said above it's like a war story lol. And every time someone has asked me I've shared mine too, you know, like an adult.

I dont think its weird- perhaps everyone is just different... like adults?

@Sunshine1235

‘How was your labour’ seems like quite a normal question to ask someone who recently had a baby. I didn’t realise it was such a taboo subject. It’s a huge thing that many women go through so I think people just like to talk about it and share experiences

Yeah, a talking point between mums I assume x

Everyone is different. And it’s not freaking hard to imagine not every woman wants to discuss her experience when it’s often not what they’d have hoped for.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Everyone is different. And it’s not freaking hard to imagine not every woman wants to discuss her experience when it’s often not what they’d have hoped for.

Could be touchy! Hormones!

New here , fancied a chat - thanks for this!! Xx

I’m agreeing with you!