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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Honest CS v. vaginal birth thoughts?

276 replies

kallia · 17/12/2020 08:54

I'm 13 weeks with #1 and absolutely TERRIFIED of giving birth and all that surrounds it. I have a low pain threshold and am very bad with pain (usually pass out on my period, even with painkillers) so had been thinking about having an ELCS as the thought of giving birth sends me into a daily panic. However when I was doing research/talking to midwife I found it really hard to find an honest and fair weigh-in on pros and cons - she gave me a leaflet with supposedly all the "pros and cons" of all the birth choices but it only had pros for vaginal birth and cons of ELCS.

To help me decide I wrote down my pros and cons here (might help someone, you never know) - if I've missed any, or you have any experiences you want to share which might help me make my decision, please do let me know!

Vaginal Birth
Pros

  • If all goes well, quicker, easier, and less painful recovery
  • Home sooner, and possibility of home birth which would be much less stressful
  • Water birth option, which I know would help me relax
  • Various pain relief options, including epidural, if and when I want them

Cons

  • If I tear/need stitches, recovery could still be painful and long, with potential risks (e.g. scar tissue, incontinence)
  • Unlikely to have home birth if I want pain relief
  • Might get denied pain relief, which would terrify me
  • May not get a water birth depending on Covid restrictions/if it's busy
  • Trickier to plan, you're at the mercy of your body/hospital on the day
  • Nudity (I know, I'm a massive prude, but it really does bother me, I don't want strangers seeing/measuring/examining areas I'd rather keep private)

ELCS
Pros

  • Anaesthetic guaranteed :)
  • Much quicker actual birth
  • I will know in advance what day it's going to happen, and what will go on
  • Much calmer as it will be planned
  • No risk of tearing/cutting/stitches/permanent injury down there

Cons

  • Slower, more painful recovery
  • Small risk of serious complication, e.g. infection, which would make recovery even slower and more painful
  • More days in hospital
  • I think there's a limit on the number of CS you can have? Not that I'm even thinking about #2 now, but I had always wanted a larger family...

That's about all I've got. If anyone has anything they want to add in which might help make my decision, please do let me know!

OP posts:
BiBabbles · 18/12/2020 09:29

I agree with others that your GP sounds dreadful - it's no wonder you're worried with that type of mistreatment by medical professionals. While no cure, there are treatments that help. I'd suggest looking through the NICE guidelines on endo. Even if it's not the cause - there are multiple menstrual disorders - it's a good starting point for seeing what should be happening to look into it for you.

That said, there is no guarantee of control whichever route one does, much like with the rest of life. It'd be nice, but it's important to recognize, as scary as it is, the limits to what we can influence. The best I can recommend is having someone supportive who will push for supportive staff if you end up with assholes.

Others have already mentioned where C-sections haven't gone smoothly. Surgeries can be great, but they can also get complicated and people can be assholes even when things are scary. I've had lovely HCP and ones who seemed to think it was a moral failing on my part to be mocked.

I had one home birth that went picture perfect with the HCPs, another I was repeatedly left on my own, belittled, ended up with me in the OR because of the previously mentioned medical fuckup largely because the homebirth midwife did not support my choices & wanted control over me. She literally refused to hand my child to me until I agreed to the 3rd stage injection (which caused pain far, far worse than the labour I had just been in. I chose with the labour after that to have the injection after the placenta came out and it was so much better).

I had a hospital birth where I was left alone and belittled and pushed into things I didn't want, another where I had the nicest people and had someone with me throughout and even when they clearly disagreed with my choices (they did not like me wanting to postpone the afterbirth injection), I felt supported in making them.

I was left on my own repeatedly while on the high dependency ward shortly after coming out of general, which became a major issue when I couldn't pick up my crying newborn.

Really, the people make or break it even when things go pear shape and the matter of birth or even the location doesn't change that much. My 'good' hospital birth involved me freaking out really worse than I'd ever had during a birth before (hospital settings tend to set off my CPTSD badly) I was absolutely convinced everything was going wrong, having the emergency button hit more times than my attending midwife had seen (so I wasn't entirely wrong there, but it wasn't to extent my scared mind thought it was), having to be rotated by multiple people while pushing to help my son's shoulder get unstuck (still ended up with no tears, I've never torn in all my four births, just mild grazes with my first and the swelling each time), and needing a really hands on third stage as my placenta ended up being far larger than it probably should have been (the midwife commented on it as it took up their whole top of their little wheely table of supplies) and took longer than is normal & I'm a bleeder. I still think it was a good birth because I felt supported throughout and afterwards even with what 'went wrong' whereas my homebirth that had no complications until the midwife yanked the cord was terrifying because I felt like I was up against people while giving birth as I wasn't sure how to deal with the fact I'd got assholes attending. Figuring out a plan for that I think is better than thinking we can control how birth is going to happen.

Falcon1 · 18/12/2020 12:52

OP, I was exactly like you. I had two ELCS, though had to fight hard for the first one. My experience was overwhelmingly positive. It wasn't plain sailing - I got a bladder infection the first time from the catheter and found recovery very long and tough after the 2nd, but the birth itself was calm and controlled - it was the potential panic/chaos/fear/complications/lack of control of a vaginal birth that scared me and which I was desperate to avoid.

My advice is to be adamant that you want a CS with every midwife from now on, even if you're not yet decided. You may have to jump through quite a few hoops to get them to agree to one and they're more likely to if you sound determined. You can always change your mind later on.

MariahCarey · 18/12/2020 13:18

If you do have a c-section and Covid is still around then beware. Birth partners / husbands are not allowed to be there on postnatal and you are left alone, unable to move or pick up your baby. Unfortunately my hospital failed to provide additional support to cover the absence of partners, and I was left with a crying baby I couldn't pick up to feed. It was traumatic. So factor that in.

flashbac · 19/12/2020 05:10

I really don't understand why c sections are lauded on here. I'm on a ward with four beds, three were occupied (one since discharged last night). We have all been groaning with excruciating pain from our c sections. Last night a new mother and baby came in WALKING after a vaginal birth hours earlier. I'm so jealous honestly. She's so mobile it's amazing. Meanwhile I and lady in bed nextdoor are still ragged and unable to move, sleep or function properly even on day 5. I really don't get the way c sections are seen as a good thing. It's major surgery. Midwife said it can take the uterus a year to heal from it. The front of my body cut halfway down and put back together is no walk in the part. They cut through three layers of you. And what is so relaxed about having 7 plus staff members working to facilitate this procedure in a starkly lit operating room?
I've had a v birth and I'd take that any day. Obviously they can go wrong but so can c sections. Having a baby is no walk in the park and we need to stop expecting it to be.

mynameiscalypso · 19/12/2020 06:27

@flashbac

I really don't understand why c sections are lauded on here. I'm on a ward with four beds, three were occupied (one since discharged last night). We have all been groaning with excruciating pain from our c sections. Last night a new mother and baby came in WALKING after a vaginal birth hours earlier. I'm so jealous honestly. She's so mobile it's amazing. Meanwhile I and lady in bed nextdoor are still ragged and unable to move, sleep or function properly even on day 5. I really don't get the way c sections are seen as a good thing. It's major surgery. Midwife said it can take the uterus a year to heal from it. The front of my body cut halfway down and put back together is no walk in the part. They cut through three layers of you. And what is so relaxed about having 7 plus staff members working to facilitate this procedure in a starkly lit operating room? I've had a v birth and I'd take that any day. Obviously they can go wrong but so can c sections. Having a baby is no walk in the park and we need to stop expecting it to be.
Have you asked for stronger painkillers? I wanted to walk to the recovery ward after my ELCS but they wouldn't let me and I was definitely up and about walking that night. If you're in that much pain, they should definitely be giving you something stronger.
TeaBanditTeej · 19/12/2020 06:33

@justanotherneighinparadise

I pushed for an ELCS with DC1 simply because I had this odd idea I wanted to remain ‘neat’ downstairs Confused. Honest to god I don’t know what I was thinking. I dragged myself through copious consultant appointments, argued, cried and eventually they ended up agreeing.

Then I can clearly remember being at work halfway through my pregnancy and feeling such a strong connection with the baby and pregnancy that I knew I wanted a vagina birth. It had been such a text book pregnancy and I felt the baby deserved to come out as nature intended. So of course everything then changed again and I ended up giving birth ‘naturally’.

Was it painful? YES. Do I regret my decision for one moment. NO. I’d do it again tomorrow.

So the moral of my tale is you can make a decision in the early stages but completely change your mind as the pregnancy progresses and that’s okay.

@justanotherneighinparadise this is lovely.

I'm currently 12 weeks and 6 days. Early days in my eyes, I was very much leaning towards CS, but after reading this comment I feel like I to as some point will suddenly get this strong connection and would like baby to greet the world naturally.. 😊

NeurologicallySpeaking · 19/12/2020 07:22

You really should be able to move on day 5 after a C section. I was up fetching my own food after 12 or so hours (not a boast- I had to as no midwife was going to bring me any).

You need to be on full pain relief though to be able to do so- for me that included morphine in hospital.

After my VB I couldn't walk outside of the house for days as I was so dizzy from severe blood loss. And that was after blood transfusions.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 19/12/2020 07:27

I mean it's not a walk in the park. It bloody hurts like hell (something OP should bear in mind) but so does a VB that goes wrong and that leaves emotional scarring too. ELCS rarely has an unpredictable outcome. Only 1 or 2 of my friends had a normal VB for their first child.

SendHelp30 · 19/12/2020 09:14

You can’t walk after 5 days and can’t sleep? You need to have your wound checked for infection and have you not been getting up much? I’ve had 3 c section and have never, ever struggled to sleep even on night 1?

ForestNymph · 19/12/2020 09:21

@flashbac

I really don't understand why c sections are lauded on here. I'm on a ward with four beds, three were occupied (one since discharged last night). We have all been groaning with excruciating pain from our c sections. Last night a new mother and baby came in WALKING after a vaginal birth hours earlier. I'm so jealous honestly. She's so mobile it's amazing. Meanwhile I and lady in bed nextdoor are still ragged and unable to move, sleep or function properly even on day 5. I really don't get the way c sections are seen as a good thing. It's major surgery. Midwife said it can take the uterus a year to heal from it. The front of my body cut halfway down and put back together is no walk in the part. They cut through three layers of you. And what is so relaxed about having 7 plus staff members working to facilitate this procedure in a starkly lit operating room? I've had a v birth and I'd take that any day. Obviously they can go wrong but so can c sections. Having a baby is no walk in the park and we need to stop expecting it to be.
Unable to walk on day 5? Thats not normal and might mean something has gone wrong. With both my cesareans, emergency and elective, I was walking with little or no pain relief by that stage. With my elective, by day 7 I was out and about with the pram.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience but plenty of cesareans are more positive than that

SendHelp30 · 19/12/2020 09:30

@ForestNymph I agree.

I walked to my midwife appointment about 30 mins away on day 10 with DC2 with the double pram I really do think you need to mention this excruciating pain to a midwife ASAP @flashbac it really isn’t normal!

Are you usually fit and healthy? The only friend I know who struggled with recovery was over weight which would impact recovery. Try and get up and walking ASAP. I can’t believe you’re still in hospital on day 5 I’ve never known it. Have you walked to the shower?

Gardeniaofdelights · 19/12/2020 09:31

I’ve just had my first baby by way of emergency c-section. First thing I would say is if nudity is a con it should be for c-section as well because I was basically completely naked when they did the procedure. You also need a catheter etc, so there is a lot of intimate care involved!

In terms of recovery, the c-section really hasn’t been bad. I struggled with the pain for the first few days, especially sitting up and lying down to do night feeds. But now, two weeks on, the pain has mostly gone. I am not very mobile - I get really tired after only walking short distances. I also definitely couldn’t drive yet, and struggle with laughing / coughing etc - they’re pretty painful. But overall I was pleasantly surprised at how well I’ve healed and how good my pain management has been.

I needed a LOT of help in the first few days - my mother in law basically moved in, because I wasn’t able to do any chores or lift anything. My husband was amazing but it helped so much having another pair of hands when I was so limited in what I could do. You have to remember that even though your priority is absolutely your baby, you have had major surgery and you have to allow yourself healing time.

I am healing well, but it’s not a picnic. I hate that my belly feels so numb, and also now that the nerves are knitting back together the itching is driving me crazy. There are also times, especially when breastfeeding, that the position is so uncomfortable on my scar that I could cry. The scar is also quite ugly, but I expect it will fade a lot in time.

Overall I would say c-section was a surprisingly positive experience and a lot less scary than I thought it would be. But the recovery is a big thing to consider, because you really do have to commit to taking time to rest and look after yourself. Personally, if I have a second baby I would be hoping for a vaginal birth because I would prefer not to go through the surgery again.

bluebluezoo · 19/12/2020 09:35

I’ve had 3 c section and have never, ever struggled to sleep even on night 1?

How the fuck did you manage that 😂😂. Constant noise, the heat!, being woken up for obs, baby needing fed every hour, nurses putting lights on in the next bed, others buzzing for help every 10 mins, the jerry springer show when the nurses ask the family two beds over to leave...

I refuse to believe anyone has ever not struggled to sleep on a post natal ward!

ForestNymph · 19/12/2020 09:36

[quote SendHelp30]@ForestNymph I agree.

I walked to my midwife appointment about 30 mins away on day 10 with DC2 with the double pram I really do think you need to mention this excruciating pain to a midwife ASAP @flashbac it really isn’t normal!

Are you usually fit and healthy? The only friend I know who struggled with recovery was over weight which would impact recovery. Try and get up and walking ASAP. I can’t believe you’re still in hospital on day 5 I’ve never known it. Have you walked to the shower?[/quote]
Me neither, I was "in hospital" at day 5 both times but only because with DC1 he needed 5 days in NICU and they weren't busy and so let me stay in with him and with the DTs they also needed NICU but they discharged me on day 5 or 6 as I was deemed fine, and I'd had a blood transfusion and crash section under GA so I really think if you can't walk on day 5 you need to see someone about it!

SendHelp30 · 19/12/2020 09:38

@bluebluezoo I have never been on a post natal ward, I’ve always had a private room. Wake up to feed baby, back to sleep.. OBS only woke me up a couple of times and it’s not fully awake, they might disturb you but it doesn’t fully wake you so you are unable to nod back off??

ForestNymph · 19/12/2020 09:38

@bluebluezoo

I’ve had 3 c section and have never, ever struggled to sleep even on night 1?

How the fuck did you manage that 😂😂. Constant noise, the heat!, being woken up for obs, baby needing fed every hour, nurses putting lights on in the next bed, others buzzing for help every 10 mins, the jerry springer show when the nurses ask the family two beds over to leave...

I refuse to believe anyone has ever not struggled to sleep on a post natal ward!

Private room maybe? Both of my cesareans I had a private room afterwards. Both times I had NICU babies and I said I didn't want to be on a ward with other mums and babies when I couldn't have mine with me, they were understanding and let me have a side room.
rorosemary · 19/12/2020 09:40

@flashbac

I really don't understand why c sections are lauded on here. I'm on a ward with four beds, three were occupied (one since discharged last night). We have all been groaning with excruciating pain from our c sections. Last night a new mother and baby came in WALKING after a vaginal birth hours earlier. I'm so jealous honestly. She's so mobile it's amazing. Meanwhile I and lady in bed nextdoor are still ragged and unable to move, sleep or function properly even on day 5. I really don't get the way c sections are seen as a good thing. It's major surgery. Midwife said it can take the uterus a year to heal from it. The front of my body cut halfway down and put back together is no walk in the part. They cut through three layers of you. And what is so relaxed about having 7 plus staff members working to facilitate this procedure in a starkly lit operating room? I've had a v birth and I'd take that any day. Obviously they can go wrong but so can c sections. Having a baby is no walk in the park and we need to stop expecting it to be.
I had an EMCS 3 weeks ago. I'm very obese, have type 1 diabetes and am an older mum (41) so recovery could/should be slower, however the next day I was walking (slowly for short distances like to the toilet) and had a shower. From day 3 I only needed paracetamol.

I think that you need checking tbh. Your recovery doesn't sound normal to me. By day 5 I went for a short walk around the park next to my house with the pram.

UsedUpUsername · 19/12/2020 11:22

Have you asked for stronger painkillers? I wanted to walk to the recovery ward after my ELCS but they wouldn't let me and I was definitely up and about walking that night. If you're in that much pain, they should definitely be giving you something stronger

Have you considered that her recovery is not like yours?

I honestly get tired of hearing ‘my recovery was a breeze I was pottering around the shops within the week’.

I understand this is your experience but those of us who say, ‘hang on, it’s quite painful and I found it hard going’ basically get ignored or there is an implication that there was something wrong with us or the hospital

I was walking loops in the hallway the second day in tears from the pain (I know it helps recovery so powered through) but there weren’t enough painkillers in the world to make much of a difference.

My mum basically commented that I was a pansy because I’d never had surgery before (true ...) and maybe this is why I found it difficult.

Also, I’d always been fairly active, doing daily exercise during my pregnancy even the day before I went into labour and it killed me to have to wait months before getting back into the routine.

It’s a bit demoralising to hear people imply that csection is a doddle when for many of us it is not ...

mynameiscalypso · 19/12/2020 11:33

@UsedUpUsername One of the most important parts of recovery from any surgery is pain management - it doesn't sound like the poster who is suffering has a medical team who are on top of that. I wasn't trying to offend or be goady but I know that I had to be quite forceful to get strong painkillers when in hospital (after another operation) and certainly women are expected to power through on paracetamol when there are lots of other options that will help aid recovery. It was a comment on the inbuilt misogyny of much of medicine rather than anything else.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 19/12/2020 11:40

I don't think it's that- I found recovery really hard particularly after discharge when I only had paracetamol and ibuprofen available and was in agony. I was on painkillers on the clock for more than a fortnight. Less than a month. Which I think is worse than many experience.

But I could walk - I was stiff and achy and miserable but I wasn't bedbound. I think that is what people are concerned about as it implies something has gone wrong.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 19/12/2020 11:42

I agree with @mynameiscalypso on pain management as well. I had to ask for morphine and dihydrocodeine every time I needed it. It was only offered once and then they seemed to think I would be ok. I wasn't!

pringlebells · 19/12/2020 11:42

C-Section recovery is a bitch

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 11:43

Domt count on getting an epidural on demand. I had to wait around 20 hours for one with my first. Had already been in labour for 16 hours and they finally gave me one an hour before he was born. Apparently there was no anesthetist available. With the second I didn't get one because apparently there wasn't time luckily that was a quick labour. I doubt I'll even bother asking with this baby.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 19/12/2020 11:52

I would still chose vb over cs though. Even with the tearing, stitches, long labour, lack of pain relief, or lack of willingness to give it. The thought of labour is terrifying me this time, but the thought of a cs terrifies me a lot more.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 19/12/2020 11:54

I've had both , definitely pain with both but a less fearful Time with cs .