I absolutely understand your point about control; with a straightforward home birth and an ELCS you are in control in different ways. A spontaneous vaginal birth in a birth centre or hospital can be more scary because you don't know what's going to happen and because you're in an environment where you feel that the health professionals are in charge, not you.
You say that you're considering hiring a doula. I hired one myself and I wholeheartedly recommend it. My first birth was in hospital, no doula, and I didn't get good care from the first midwife (later the shift changed and the second one was better). I found the experience traumatic because of the combination of being in pain and being unsupported. So for my second birth I hired a doula to support me and advocate for me if I wasn't able to do it myself. She was an excellent source of support through my whole pregnancy. We did some hypnobirthing and a session to put my feelings about the first birth behind me so I could feel more confident and positive about giving birth again. I wonder if a doula could do something like that for you, as it seems like a similar experience in a way - trauma due to being in pain and not being taken seriously or supported by HCPs. (Incidentally, did they refer you to a gynae or has it always been managed by a GP? Have they ruled out endometriosis?)
I wanted to respond to a couple of points you made:
"I didn't know that stress could make labour slow down or stop, which is definitely something to consider."
"I hope my fear can subside a bit and I have have a "good" vaginal birth"
It's true that stress and fear can hinder the process, so it helps to stay as calm as possible. But please don't feel that you've failed or that you can't have a "good", straightforward vaginal birth if you're stressed or afraid. Trust that your body knows what to do, and even if your mind isn't in a perfect zen state, you can still give birth. The medical professionals are there in case something goes wrong, and they worry about that so you don't have to.
I did hypnobirthing both times and felt reasonably positive (albeit apprehensive) before the birth. Unfortunately I didn't really achieve a zen state 
Both experiences were very intense and I did have moments of stress and fear. I still managed to give birth, first time with a minor complication (no lasting effects) and second time no complications. It wasn't exactly enjoyable but it was empowering, I'd say, and I'm pleased I did it.
A friend of mine had both her babies by ELCS, the first one was uncomplicated and she recovered quickly, the second one was more difficult and I can't remember exactly what the complication was - I think possibly she haemorrhaged? And the recovery was longer. She has no regrets though as in both cases it was her choice (tokophobia and wanted to be in control).
There is no perfect solution, as you will have worked out by now! But my advice is not just to focus on the risks of each option - it's important to be aware of these, but also focus on the best case scenario and what that might look like and feel like for each option. It is possible, even if it might not feel like it!
Also, I'm sure I've read posts from mumsnetters with endo, and other problems causing very painful periods, saying that childbirth was actually LESS painful than their periods. So you never know!
FWIW if I were you I'd plan for a vaginal birth with an immediate epidural, make sure it's all over your notes and your birth plan, talk to the consultant midwife about it in advance, and hire a doula to help you insist on having one. You can get a "mobile epidural" which is a lower dose and helps you retain some sensation and movement. You can also ask to get into a more upright birthing position - eg kneeling forwards on bed supported by cushions etc - before they put the epidural in, so you're not lying on your back. Anyway those are just some suggestions to consider and discuss with your doula, midwife etc.