Question about birth?

[ChloeR12]

Hey everyone, excepting my first baby next year.

I know this sounds strange. But I only want my partner there (birthing partner wise) other than that I know there will be doctors and nurses and midwives etc... can I request no male nurses/midwives/doctors to be present? Is that a common thing or? And will my request be listened to?

I won't go into why but the thought of it turns my stomach and I physically cannot do it.

Thanks in advance!

You can request that no male other than your dp and they will TRY to facilate, however depending on when you have baby and who is on shift will effect if you have all female.

They will tell you this in N the NHS prenatal class if they start again before you have baby.

Hope that helps?

You can request no students but I'd say you can ask about male staff but if the only dr available to give an epidural for example is male then he'll have to do. Plus by the time your in labour really you won't care whose taking a look or doing a procedure, I'm. It awarenas to the reasons why you don't want a male but really whilst in labour that is all you'll be thinking of so try relax a bit about it xx

Why don't you consider a home birth? You're much more in control at home.

I've had both, a hospital birth (induction) and a home birth. Both were lovely actually. But in the hospital birth there were far more people involved, even though I didn't have any interventions.

Good luck, hope you get what you need.

If you discuss this with your midwife they will be able to tell you what's possible locally and support you through it.

I'm in hospital at the moment with pregnancy complications - I've never had a male midwife - that's not to say there isn't one. But I'd say most of the consultants and certainly the anaesthetists are predominantly male.

You can request it but if there was a major emergency and you or your babies life was in danger honestly you would have to accept who was available and best placed to give you the care you need

You won’t necessarily need a doctor. There won’t be any nurses there, only midwives. There maybe health care assistants helping with your aftercare but I’ve only ever known them to be female. Most midwives are female and if you are unhappy with any midwife you can ask for a different one. Hospital doctors tend to male so if you need an epidural or need to see a doctor then you may need to see a man. Obviously you can refuse to see them but they maybe your only option so it may not be a good idea.

I ended up having a c section and there was a team of about 12 people, split 50/50 male female.

Realistically you really won't care once you've started with labour, and likely won't notice. But I will say this. If a man came on here and said I really don't want a woman to be part of my medical procedure, how do you think that would be taken?

Everyone involved in your birth is a complete professional, and I can honestly speak from experience but the men involved were far moe caring and considerate than most of the women.

I had an ELCS last year and was asked by my consultant whether I was happy for male members of staff to be involved - I said that was fine albeit the vast majority of the staff were female although I think that was chance more than anything. The anaesthetist was male plus one of the doctors who came to check DS after birth was. So yes, it may be possible.

I also think that it's not very helpful to say 'you won't care when you're in labour'. If you've been through trauma - which I'm assuming the OP has - it doesn't work like that. It's all-consuming and can trigger such an overwhelming response that you can't do anything.

Just as a different take I had a student midwife at my birth, it was her third birth and first water birth.

As everything was being explained in so much detail to her it made me feel so at ease. I had a brilliant easy birth and she said it was a pleasure as the other two women had screamed the place down.

I also had to have a couple of stitches and again because she was being taught time was taken.

But it's your choice, just letting you know it's not all bad x

I know the original post was about male drs and midwives but there maybe male student midwives

Have some gas and air. Everything will be fine

I am disappointed but not surprised to read these replies, I've seen it before on similar thread. So many people dismissing the OP's very real concerns. "You won't care when you're in labour" - well actually she's telling us that she does care and will care. How about believing her?!

If OP doesn't want men and doesn't want to go into the reason, it's most probably because she has been through some abuse and/or trauma. So be sensitive FFS.

OP, my advice is to talk to your midwife about your concerns and considering hiring a doula who can provide support during your pregnancy and birth. They will be able to talk you through the options. IMO it is perfectly possible to plan for a birth with no men present (your best bet is to aim for low intervention ie home birth or midwife-led unit) but you will need to consider the possibility of complications and having to be transferred to a hospital ward where it might be difficult to avoid a male member of staff if the only anaesthetist and/or obstetrician in attendance are male. Someone like a doula might work with you on strategies for managing your anxiety about this. But hopefully it could be avoided.

@ChloeR12 almost all Trusts have Consultant Midwives now. I would ask your own community midwife to refer you to them and they can support you to make a birth plan which takes account of your wishes and individual circumstances.

But I will say this. If a man came on here and said I really don't want a woman to be part of my medical procedure, how do you think that would be taken? hmm

I’d completely support a man who was only comfortable with male healthcare professionals during intimate care for dignity, privacy, comfort reasons or whatever. It’s much less likely to be an issue though because there just isn’t the same unbalanced power dynamic and history. Also when you take into account the percentage of women who have experienced some form of sexual abuse or assault (nearly always from male/s) then you can appreciate why male healthcare professionals can be problematic for a lot of women, on a far higher scale than male patients not wanting female doctors.

Don't listen to those who say you won't care when you're in labour. I didn't have the same issue as you - I wasn't bothered about male medical staff - but due to complex PTSD from sexual assaults I was concerned about loss of control. I didn't know how to express that in my birth plan. My labour was very long and complicated and due to staffing issues involved 9 different midwives (it was Christmas). None of them were men but when it came to the emergency C section that I ended up with, the surgeon and anaesthetist were male. Also the anaesthetist who gave me an epidural about halfway through labour was also male. So you should definitely speak to your midwife about your concerns.

In an emergency situation it won't be possible to do anything about it. But if they're aware it could help. I ended up in stirrups at one point and that was a huge problem for me, I was absolutely hysterical and if I was to do it again I'd at least try and express that I had an issue so that at least they'd understand why I was screaming and might be able to help me calm down (in fact they were actually very good and I think the midwife clicked why there was a problem). Obviously when I was taken off for surgery they wouldn't have been able to do something, and at that point although I did still care about my issues, I knew it was a life or death thing so there was nothing to be done. In the previous 36 hours, though, I'm pretty certain they'd have tried really hard to accommodate me if I'd expressed my distress with something.

One midwife (the second) told me not to worry about something 'as we all lose our dignity in childbirth' and I was really angry. I did calmly tell her that I wasn't about to lose my dignity and what she'd said was upsetting and she apologised. All the other 8 midwives were very good and would definitely have tried to help accommodate if there had been an issue causing distress, I am certain of it.

Sorry, this was a rather rambling reply to say - please do bring it up. It's ok and I think it might be quite common. They might not be able to help but they'd be able to try and if you've already had it noted and made everyone in your care aware, that will help. Speak to your partner about it to and talk to him directly about what you'd like him to do to advocate for you if you're not able to. I was upset that my husband didn't speak up for me when I was hysterical in stirrups but with the distance of hindsight (10 years!) I realise that he was terrified and we hadn't spoken about it so he didn't know what to do.

It'll be ok. You can do it and they'll help you.

@Treacletoots I wouldn't care but that decision is his and he obviously has his reasons? I have severe PTSD. So I have my reasons. Thanks.

@mynameiscalypso thanks so much for understanding! Honestly some of these replies have really frustrated me. My ptsd won't go away just because I'm in labour - infect it will make it more traumatic for me? And for the people stating the obvious. If the babies life was in danger and the only medical professional around to help was a male then I'd obviously have to go with it! Jesus how annoying!! X

@NameChange30 thanks so much for understanding. As I said previously my PTSD will not go away just because I'm in labour it will just make it more traumatizing for me! I will definitely speak with my midwife and see what can be done! Thanks so much for your reply it's appreciated x

Speak to ur midwife, they will try their best that u only have a female team, but this maybe not be possible if an emergency happens. a lot of the drs / theatre team may/ will be male, if this is the case they would still only do what u are happy with and consent to,
Regards to taking someone else with you other than ur birth partner it's best to check what ur hospital covid policy is as most only allow you to have one birth partner at the min xx

I get it, totally. I have PTSD too. It changes the way your mind works. I really recommend speaking with your midwife though - I had nothing but compassion and support from mine. PTSD was the reason that I had an ELCS (couldn't face the idea of vaginal examinations) and I was also given a private room after birth for the same reason (I didn't think I could cope on a ward due to the circumstances). Some people find pregnancy and birth a healing process - I didn't. But, as cliched as it is, it was, on balance, worth it for the end result.

You ALWAYS get the replies of ‘when you’re in labour you just won’t care!’ on these threads 🙄 you just have to ignore.

I would second advice about speaking to your midwife, don’t downplay your concerns and they should be able to help support you and go through your options.

I just wrote a really long reply and my toddler managed to delete it, but I have really similar sounding issues with ptsd, and male medical staff. Happy to discuss if you want to PM me. I'm expecting my second now, and my midwives were brilliant with my first birth

"I had an ELCS (couldn't face the idea of vaginal examinations)"

Just to be clear for OP and anyone else reading - it is possible to give birth vaginally and decline all vaginal examinations. They are treated as default by many many midwives but they are in fact optional.
www.aims.org.uk/information/item/vaginal-examinations-in-labour

(Of course an ELCS is also a perfectly valid choice if that's what you prefer, just wanted to point out that there is also the option of declining VEs.)

Why does it matter if they're male or female? 🤔

FFS, some people have zero imagination or empathy

Ignore, OP.