Question about birth?

[ChloeR12]

Hey everyone, excepting my first baby next year.

I know this sounds strange. But I only want my partner there (birthing partner wise) other than that I know there will be doctors and nurses and midwives etc... can I request no male nurses/midwives/doctors to be present? Is that a common thing or? And will my request be listened to?

I won't go into why but the thought of it turns my stomach and I physically cannot do it.

Thanks in advance!

Absolutely

@NameChange30

"I had an ELCS (couldn't face the idea of vaginal examinations)"

Just to be clear for OP and anyone else reading - it is possible to give birth vaginally and decline all vaginal examinations. They are treated as default by many many midwives but they are in fact optional.
www.aims.org.uk/information/item/vaginal-examinations-in-labour

(Of course an ELCS is also a perfectly valid choice if that's what you prefer, just wanted to point out that there is also the option of declining VEs.)

Sorry, I realise that totally - very poorly worded in my part. I didn't want anything going on in my vagina.

Fair enough

Totally speak to your midwife but do bear in mind that even with an elective CS you will have to have an indwelling catheter inserted which will involve 'exposure' to that area and most women have a rectal suppository just after surgery (although most don't even feel it because their legs are dead!).

I know these things are not the same and done under more controlled conditions than whilst in labour but it's just something to bear in mind.

You can request. In an emergency or in staff shortages you get what you get but they can try to accomodate you.

@NameChange30 hear hear

Speak to your midwife and have the request recorded on your notes and birth plan.

Really disappointed by all the "you won't care" comments. Maybe OP won't, but it sounds like she has her reasons for this and it isn't a flippant request. PTSD is no picnic.

I don't know why people think that because they didn't care, no one else will.

You absolutely can request no male HCPs. Male midwives are a rare breed anyway so that won't be an issue, but obstetricians and anaesthetists are more likely to be male - definitely worth speaking to your midwife in advance, she'll be able to advise whether there's likely to be female staff available if you require intervention, or discuss measures that can be put in place if you do require a male in an emergency situation.

FWIW, I saw 4 obs over my two births, plus a fair few antenatally, and one anaesthetist, and every single one was female. That's why I say it's worth asking because it was we'll be that most of the staff in your hospital are female anyway which will hopefully put your mind at rest.

It depends who’s on shift at the time. If you have a c section then the chances are there will be male members of that team. To be honest you won’t give a monkeys when you go into labour, believe me.

[quote ChloeR12]@mynameiscalypso thanks so much for understanding! Honestly some of these replies have really frustrated me. My ptsd won't go away just because I'm in labour - infect it will make it more traumatic for me? And for the people stating the obvious. If the babies life was in danger and the only medical professional around to help was a male then I'd obviously have to go with it! Jesus how annoying!! X[/quote]
Maybe you should state this exactly. That due to your ptsd you'd rather have female staff to protect your mental health but that if the situation gets dangerous in any way you would of coursewelcome male staff if necessary. I had an emergency c section and most staff present was male. Of course at that time you will make that choice in an emergency amd deal with your ptsd later on. But if you can prevent needing further therapy by requesting female staff for a birth going well then you should request that. You probably won't be the first.

I'd say that you should be able to more or less guarantee female midwives as males are still rare, but if you go into labour at the weekend there's a lot fewer staff on so there may not be the choice if something is urgent. My 2nd was born Saturday night and the registrar called in for the ventouse was female, and it was fairly calm. DS kept escaping from the trace so there was some urgency but the midwife was confident it was positional rather than hr fading so could possibly have waited if someone else was nearly done.

DC1 was delivered by ventouse in a big hurry - no time for an episiotomy- because HR was dipping (cord well wrapped around foot) so waiting for an alternative clinician would have been a much bigger risk for her. The registrar there was male and there were loads of people in including a paediatrician as they were more worried. This was on a Sunday afternoon.

IIRC most of the consultants were male, but not involved with either of my deliveries.

If you have a choice of hospitals and are likely to need a consultant you can check if the majority of consultants are male or female, impossible to tell who the registrars will be though.

Definitely talk things through with your midwife, see if they have a policy/procedure that could help - planned induction/ELCS/ GA section if necessary.

Definitely worth having a plan for baby in distress and only doctor free NOW is male because although it's unlikely it is not impossible.

I had all women but at one point during labour I needed a scan as there was a concern my baby was breech. The doctor who did the scan was male and he was the only doctor available. He literally just scanned my belly for about 30 seconds and saw nothing else (not that I would've cared). If I'd have insisted on no men at all in that scenario then that would've been an issue as no-one else would've been able to check baby was safe. Are you sure that you wouldn't want a man even in that scenario? There's lots to think about. I didn't even realise that scans during labour were a thing until I was in labour myself so so just something for u to consider.

I'd rather have female due to my own personal reasons and also beca6of my religion.

I have always had female and even always requested female gp or nurses when I needed a doctor appointment.

It's yourppersonal choice. You should be free to ask whoever's you want for your care.

However, last week I had an appointment with a consultant after my scan. I had asked on the phone week before the appointment that it is my preference for female consultant etc. The receptionist had no issue at all. Sat waiting in the waiting room for the best part of half an hour after my scan
And a man called me to the rop. I was like oh sorry, I asked for a female consultant. He said I am.not going to examine you or anything just go through your notes and talk to you. I said no, please can I have a female consultant. He then got one who was very rude and abrupt with me and said its discrimination. Signed my notes and sent me.me packing. Didnt even ask me anything.. just basically wrote a load of crap and told me that I am.not to ask for a female or male again. How rude.
I had my 32 week appointment with my midwife literally the next day so I asked her and she said no that's ridiculous you have the right to ask for who you want in your care.
The same goes for a smear. You might be more comfortable with a female. Everyone has the right to ask for what they want. Just like a man might be more comfortable with a male doctor.

@PopsicleHustler

I'd rather have female due to my own personal reasons and also beca6of my religion.

I have always had female and even always requested female gp or nurses when I needed a doctor appointment.

It's yourppersonal choice. You should be free to ask whoever's you want for your care.

However, last week I had an appointment with a consultant after my scan. I had asked on the phone week before the appointment that it is my preference for female consultant etc. The receptionist had no issue at all. Sat waiting in the waiting room for the best part of half an hour after my scan
And a man called me to the rop. I was like oh sorry, I asked for a female consultant. He said I am.not going to examine you or anything just go through your notes and talk to you. I said no, please can I have a female consultant. He then got one who was very rude and abrupt with me and said its discrimination. Signed my notes and sent me.me packing. Didnt even ask me anything.. just basically wrote a load of crap and told me that I am.not to ask for a female or male again. How rude.
I had my 32 week appointment with my midwife literally the next day so I asked her and she said no that's ridiculous you have the right to ask for who you want in your care.
The same goes for a smear. You might be more comfortable with a female. Everyone has the right to ask for what they want. Just like a man might be more comfortable with a male doctor.

@PopsicleHustler I would raise this with PALS.

By all means discuss with your mw but I think it’s going to be difficult to actually guarantee no men.

I had a very complicated first birth i literally could not push him out and very suddenly things got very panicky and several HCPs including at least one male doc rushed in, got the baby out and sorted me out after a significant pp bleed. It was all very fast and I honestly didn’t have time to consider anything it all just happened (and the outcome was all ok so no complaints). This is a not particularly big hospital and the doc that came and sorted me out was the only one available at the time I imagine (was 4am).

Second birth far more straightforward- I had a midwife and a student midwife (which I specifically agreed to) and I don’t recall seeing anyone else at all until sent to the ward afterwards.

Popsickle hustler I understand not wanting a man for any thing inspection/ procedure but he was just taking notes. I can see why this would be annoying for staff. Even if you are in your rights. But they didn,t need to talk to you that way either.

Guess what! Men can be midwives too!

Guess what! Mumsnetters can be twats too!

No one said otherwise, lemon

I have difficulties following sexual abuse and I couldn’t even consider a vaginal birth - the thought of any medical professionals doing the things that needed to be done was too distressing for me.

I had an ELCS booked but ended up needing an EMCS - the midwives and one of the doctors were all female as was the first anaesthetist but she couldn’t get my spinal in after many goes and they got the senior guy in (after being stabbed painfully 12 times I was very happy to see him to be honest). One of the doctors was male, and some of the neonatal staff in theatre were definitely male from hearing their voices but I barely remember any of it to be honest.

The only way I could consider a vaginal birth is if it was a water birth as there’d be that distance between staff and that part of my body but then I couldn’t guarantee things wouldn’t go wrong and I wouldn’t need to get out.

Please speak to your midwife about your options. At our local units almost all the midwives are female, many of the obstetricians are too and anaesthetists are predominantly male. They may be able to accommodate you but it may impact some things like whether you can have an epidural if there are only male anaesthetists (although you may feel that you’d be happy with a male inserting an epidural)

I don’t think that you forget about trauma in this situation but also I did feel that there were so many people in the room seeing what was happening that I didn’t feel threatened. But I didn’t have to go through any labour, only had one exam to check for waters and a female did that.

I am appalled by some of the responses here. I've got 3 children, had my third 4 months ago. I absolutely DID care throughout labour and birth who was there, and also very much wanted female staff where possible. Luckily I have no abuse/ptsd history but can't imagine how awful it would be if I did .

I had 2 home births which were wonderful (although the 1st was bloody hard). Both times my named community midwife (female) delivered my baby, which was amazing, as knowing her and the continuity of care meant so much to me, made me SO much more trusting and relaxed for the birth.

My 3rd I had in hospital for varied reasons, but a small rural hospital, predominately midwife led but with 1 dr on shift at a time. I saw him once when not in active labour to discuss going hone/for a walk (waters had gone) and next steps. During birth all staff were female, the dr on shift was male, he came in after the birth and checked me and baby over, was very kind and respectful, about the best it could be. I would've preferred a female dr but this wasn't an option. I am still VERY glad all staff at the birth were female though. I would of course accept any staff in an emergency situation.

I didn't discuss my fears of male staff with my midwife but in my situations I was unlikely to have male staff present. I absolutely would if I was giving birth in a large hospital with less control. And if you feel able to, absolutely do consider a hone birth, they were both amazing experiences, the midwives were incredible and I felt very much in control, and had just the support I needed.

I hope you get the birth you would like.

@Mommabear20 because that's my preference? I suffer a history of abuse and PTSD? Did you not read my full post?

That's why it matters :)

@ChloeR12 Yes, you have a right to make that request. And you should be listened to.

You should book an extended appointment with a consultant midwife and discuss this and your trauma with her so that your notes can reflect your wishes.

You might also consider hiring a private midwife / doula / hypnobirthing coach / trauma therapist who can support you through this. You might even be able to have an extra birth partner present at the birth with you. Your PTSD will not as you say, go away just because you are in labour and in fact could make labour more painful and longer but there are ways of making this less stressful for you.

Your partner should also take some time to talk this through with someone so that he knows what is within your rights to ask for and to expect and how to protect the space around you to make the experience as calm as possible. How people are introduced and how procedures are explained to you at the time can make an enormous difference in how they affect you. His role in ensuring that I teractikns are kept to a minimum and that you feel safe and supported at all times is very important. He is your protector in this and it would help if he is confident in this role and knows how to best represent your interests at the time.

I wish you the very best.