Epidural negativity?!

[Rachel12551]

I'm just wondering why people are so negative when I tell them I'm opting for an epidural (if possible of course, I know it's not always guaranteed to happen)? They say things like "you might not need it" or "I didn't have one and I was fine, are you sure?".

I have suffered with major anxiety for 15 years and have done a lot of research and feel it's the best option for me to have a positive birthing experience. I've also researched hypnobirthing and want to use those techniques as well.

It's as if people think you're cheating or not giving birth "properly". I'm aware things can go wrong and it doesn't always work 100% efficiently but isn't this the case for childbirth in general?

Has anyone else felt this? Just feeling a bit deflated over it

You do what is right for you, OP!
I had epidurals with all 3 of mine- totally trouble-free, straightforward births. I knew going into all of my deliveries that I wanted an epidural.
The key with an epidural is to lie down once you've had it. In my experience, I wasn't given an epidural until my contractions became difficult to bear. I definitely felt the intesity of my labours. They don't rush in with an epidural the minute you have a twinge of pain. So, you have quite a bit of time (unless your labour is very short) experiencing a 'natural labour' and this gives you time to be mobile, if you want to be. But once you have the epidural, lie down and take it easy. The midwives will totally guide you. The anaesthetist will talk you through the epidural and answer any questions you have (How to avoid spinal headache, for example- I've never had one). You usually have a sort of 'walking epidural', which is then topped up when it wears off (if your labour is long). My first epidural was a 'can't feel my legs/totally numb' experience. But that was 18 years ago and in the States. My following kids were born here in London and the epidural experience was much milder. I had much more feeling and a sense of control. And when the epidural would sort of wear off and the pain would intensify, I'd get a top-up. All very easy.

@bumblingalonghappily that was one thing that put me off having an epidural. I had post dural tap headaches after a lumbar puncture. Couldn't sit up for a week and then for another 6 weeks after wards I could only sit for short periods before the pounding headaches came back. When I was Pregnant last year my partner wanted me to have an epidural. I told him I would prefer to use gas and air then spend another 7 weeks like before.

Absolutely do whatever is right for you. But Epidurals do increase the risk of forceps, which was a fear for me.

However I went in with my options open and felt I didn’t need an epidural - I managed the pain fine. However I ended up with a horrible pushing stage at the end with forceps, tears, episiotomy and a lot else anyway. Which I what I was trying to avoid by not having an epidural!

@vinoelle

Absolutely do whatever is right for you. But Epidurals do increase the risk of forceps, which was a fear for me.

However I went in with my options open and felt I didn’t need an epidural - I managed the pain fine. However I ended up with a horrible pushing stage at the end with forceps, tears, episiotomy and a lot else anyway. Which I what I was trying to avoid by not having an epidural!

According to the evidence (Cochrane review of 40 trials of over 11,000 women), a post analysis of studies undertaken since 2005 show that modern (low dose) epidurals are no longer associated with this outcome.

@Lozz22 sorry it's happened to you too. The doctors always make it seem like it's so rare, but I've met a fair few people who it's happened to since it happened to me! The risk of it happening again is 100% not worth it for me- and has and air was brilliant anyway!

@yikesanotherbooboo

Jessstan1 re not feeling anything, the midwife checked from time to time to see how things were progressing. I didn't have long labours but one benefit of epidural is that you don't get exhausted by the delivery before you have even started with the childcare journey. The biggest disadvantage to me was having to wait for my legs to return to life.

I liked being able to stay on my feet and move around during labour except at the end; also enjoyed actually feeling giving birth. It was wonderful. However I didn't go into hospital until my waters broke and gave birth two hours later.

I had an epidural with both of my DC. It was the right choice for me, and I have positive memories of my labours - pain free and no interventions. The only downside was sickness afterwards, and being bedbound for a couple of hours until the feeling returned to my legs.

Probably because of the risks (higher rate of assisted birth and episiotomy). But if you have chosen a planned epidural and have weighed up the risks then it's a perfectly good choice they should respect. I didn't want one but for various reasons my first birth ended up with me on a syntocin drop so I asked for one (my plan said I'd have one in that situation) and it was complete pain relief. I did end up with an assisted birth and episiotomy but I healed fairly well and had no side effects from the epidural. I plan again to just have gas and air but haven't ruled out an epidural if things get complicated again. I am very grateful it's an option and I totally understand people who plan to have one.

I didn't feel sick afterwards and was up and walking within an hour.

I've done both ways and Tbh the epidural isn't worth it. It takes so long to recover, you're more likey to need intervention and episiotomy /tear. It can slow the labour right down as well.

My 2nd baby I had everything but, so codeine, pethadine and gas and air. The pain was manageable, I got to experience giving birth and walked out the next day, you can move properly to hold you're baby as soon as you've given birth. Its just much nicer than having to recover from the epidural and everything else you may have had done.

But of course do what's right for you. I never made a plan with my 1st I tried without then changed my mind. With my second I asked for one once the pain got to much to manage but by then it was too late - but I was glad I did it without in the end.

I didn't feel sick afterwards and was up and walking within an hour.

That can depend on wheather you just had a spinal injection or a full epidural where they put a plug in you're spine and keep topping it up.

My understanding is the longer you have the epidural for the longer to recover. So a long labour with multiple top ups would take a long time to get feeling back. But just one spinal injection you could have recovered from in a few hours.

I don't think anyone should be made to feel bad for having an epidural however, you should be aware of the risks.
I had an epidural with my first because the mw told me I wasn't coping well 🤨. It felt great, however, my baby reacted badly, I couldn't push him out, ended in a crash c section which was not easy to recover from.

I was determined to have a 'normal' delivery for my next and had a really supportive mw. Gas and Air for the next two with no complications at all. I am pregnant with DC4 and I will not be having an epidural! The recovery from my 2 none epidural labours was a lot less painful than my recovery from my crash c section which I do blame the epidural for.

My 2nd baby I had everything but, so codeine, pethadine and gas and air. The pain was manageable, I got to experience giving birth and walked out the next day, you can move properly to hold you're baby as soon as you've given birth. Its just much nicer than having to recover from the epidural and everything else you may have had done.

This is so weird. Do you think women who have epidurals don't actually give birth, and can't hold their baby when it's born? Also, I was on my way home within 6 hours of giving birth!

Also, I had no interventions and no tears, whereas my DD gave birth last week - no pain relief at all (not by choice just a shambles of a delivery suite). She had a really nasty tear and had to have an epidural and surgery afterwards.

If you want pain relief then get it, it's no ones business and you don't have to tell anyone you had it either.

I was very put off pain relief as I had an anxious pregnancy, done lots of research which then made me anxious over getting pain relief due to the complications it can have on baby.

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe

Why did you only copy half my post! Because it looks like you're trying to make me look ignorant - when anyone can see from my whole post I've had a labour with and epidural and without. So I'm well aware of what it's like to give birth with an epidural. And no you don't feel the baby being pushed out. That doesn't mean you haven't given birth - but it does mean you haven't felt that bit of the labour - which I was glad to experience 2nd time around. And it is extremely difficult to pick up your baby from the crib and move around with them when you're still numb from the waist down.

also just to add
Those saying "you won't know when to push" etc
i did NOT have an epidural, but did hypo birthing - everyone said i would "know" when to push and feel the baby moving down the birth canal, would feel the change in my contractions. I felt NOTHING of the sort. i couldn't tell, i didn't know how to push or what was happening and this made me panic a bit as i felt i "should" know. (nothing felt right in the moment)

i only had gas and air. that was fine, i don't regret it, but my point is you may not feel how to push anyway! so it can happen either way.

It's your birth, you do what you want to do.

FWIW, I've had 2 children both without epidurals but I had to have one for the removal of my placenta after my second baby. I absolutely hated it. I found it so frightening and personally I couldnt imagine anything worse than giving birth with one.

But on a more general note honestly dont look for approval from other people. You'll have this from now on - your feeding choices, routine, sleeping choices etc etc. I've found it's best just to keep quiet rather than court opinions that make me feel crap.

I think what you're experiencing probably isn't so much hostility to epidurals as it is that a) everyone has an opinion on birth and b) people hate it when women say they think they know how labour will go beforehand (which I think is what people are hearing, even if you're adding the caveat about it not always being possible). I think you'd be getting as much if not more criticism if you were saying that you were going to give birth with no pain relief, or that you were going to have a home birth, or that you would definitely be breastfeeding straight after birth. People love to tell pregnant women that they can't control labour and this is a good and fair point but I agree it can come across as annoying and undermining (and sometimes as quite smug).

I was scared off having an epidural by my midwife. I was in agony and she told me it would make Labour last longer and it was best to just get it over with. She also told me I might get paralysed and would be more likley to tear. At 8cms I was told to hang on as it was nearly over but when I got to 10cms it was too late

No pain relief from start to finish and I thought I might die.

Next time I’m going straight for one sod what anyone might say

How easy is it to get an epidural? I'm certain I want one but I'm worried about midwives trying to put me off/delaying things meaning it might end up being too late. I understand that there may be delays if doctors are in theatre etc but if it's my wish from the outset will they allow me to get one as soon as I can?

I think you have to be in established labour and a good few centimetres dilated before they agree to it - well that was my experience anyway.

I am considering this at the moment (2nd pregnancy) so good to read all the experiences. I have already had an epidural twice for spinal procedures and they worked a treat, no issues - sorry to sound dumb but is it the same thing as I would have had for that? If so I am pretty sure I want one, other than trying to stand up too soon the first time I can see why people would think them brilliant for labour

@letsmaketea

Imagine if men had to squeeze a satsuma out of their urethra, and there was a high chance that their penis would split open. No one would suggest that be done without some kind of pain relief! Similarly, if you were having your appendix out, would these people ask if you were sure about the GA? I know that's surgery so it's different but still, why not accept the pain relief!

Exactly! ^^

I'm sorry you feel you're getting negative reactions. As pp have said it could be just a case of everyone having an opinion about pregnancy/labour. Often out of a sense of kindness or even kinship because we all want people to experience the best part of what we experienced even though we know everyone's experience is unique.

When it comes to how you feel about preparing for labour, it's a totally individual thing and you are entitled to own your plans as the best for you. We (as a society) need to remember to be thankful that women have options and choices. And significantly better outcomes for both mother and baby than in the past.

It's about (perhaps invisible) context and perspective of the person you're taking to too. My story and perspective is that I didn't need pain relief. Not because I'm brave or judgy or a hippy but because it just wasn't very painful for me (and amazingly repeated for 3 labours). It's not something I offer up because I think people think I'm lying, or that they think I'm judging their experience, or dismissing me as an anomaly which makes me feel really small and as if my experience wasn't 'enough'. When I do talk about it, you might think I'm being negative about you but it's really about feeling less than positive about me.

Maybe there's also the habit we all have of focusing on negatives but dismissing positives. Surely you've had some people react (as they have here) with 'best decision I ever made'.

You do you. Practice the art of deflection so you can avoid negative brain space.

Haven’t read for full thread but I don’t grt this either!

I actually think attitudes to pain relief now are very dangerous to women. It doesn’t help that you get all kinds of SM influencers posting about their amazing 3 hour natural births and how amazing they are that they coped with the physical challenge. There is some kind of weird sense that you have to justify an epidural and that you have failed. It’s bizarre.

My epidural was the best thing ever. My birth was complicated but amazing. I have had SIL keep going on about how she didn’t need one, I’m just like okay good for you. But who cares! I think she is just insecure.
You never seem to read about any positive births these days where there is openness about epidural/ pain relief.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again and would definitely consider another. You get no medal afterwards!!

Also modern epidurals are not like they use to be. I had a button I could push at anytime. Pushing stage was 23 minutes, i got to reach and be the first to touch DD, I got to experience the moment as I wasn’t in pain. No bag tearing as I didn’t push the button so I couldn’t feel my contractions. Wouldn’t change the experience for anything.