Epidural negativity?!

[Rachel12551]

I'm just wondering why people are so negative when I tell them I'm opting for an epidural (if possible of course, I know it's not always guaranteed to happen)? They say things like "you might not need it" or "I didn't have one and I was fine, are you sure?".

I have suffered with major anxiety for 15 years and have done a lot of research and feel it's the best option for me to have a positive birthing experience. I've also researched hypnobirthing and want to use those techniques as well.

It's as if people think you're cheating or not giving birth "properly". I'm aware things can go wrong and it doesn't always work 100% efficiently but isn't this the case for childbirth in general?

Has anyone else felt this? Just feeling a bit deflated over it

Not sure it's that it's not a proper labour. I think it's that it can cause problems. It can increase the risk of an assisted delivery and c-section. I had one and lost all feeling in my left leg for several days. I also very narrowly avoided forceps. It carries its owns risks. It was the best option for me at the time. I didn't need one in my previous birth and was fine. It wouldn't have been the right choice for me with my first.
I honestly think that you assess the situation when you are in it. Lots of things can happen in labour. Having a plan is good. Being flexible is best.

Because when you're pregnant everyone gets to tell you how you're feeling and give an opinion on your choices - didn't you know?! They're probably the same people who show no sympathy to all your aches, pains and sickness because pregnancy is self-inflicted.

Honestly I hated this. My midwives made comments about my choice of pain relief - which they were in no rush to give me 😒 you have to do what's right for you.

Do your own research and then just don't tell anyone that won't be supportive (and they can be supportive and think an epidural isn't the best choice, it's in the delivery of the message - I'm not saying everyone has to agree with you)

Informed is best. You may change your mind at the time. I was determined not to have an episiotomy of ventouse. Guess what I ended up having...

I'd like to think they weren't judging but moreso assuming you weren't properly thinking about the risks. Not saying you haven't, but that's what I think some people assume.

It was the same when my friend wanted a home birth. I think I genuinely got kore annoyed than she did from hearing people bkeat on about "what if something goes wrong. . ."🙄. Like she hadn't considered that.

It's just got risks attached that's all. If you want to have it as a plan there is nothing wrong with that. I didn't have one with my 3 as I was too scared!! I was really scared of a C section too. We are all different and all afraid of different things. Nothing wrong with a plan though. Doesn't always work out but it helps to have one to feel calmer during pregnancy. Giving birth is painful. Planing around the pain is fine. Good luck OP.

I bet if men had to give birth there'd be no culture of shaming pain relief.

I had an epidural followed by a c section, and if anyone dared to suggest I didn't have a proper birth, they'd get short shrift and no mistake.

No negativity from me, and I work in this area. For many women, particularly those giving birth for the first time when labours can be long and exhausting, an epidural is an excellent choice and it can improve women's satisfaction with their pain levels. The second stage may be longer with an epidural as compared to without (you can loose that expulsive sensation) and evidence previously suggested instrumental birth is more likely. However recent analysis has shown with low level doses now more commonly used (walking epidurals) this is less likely now to be the case.

I bet if men had to give birth there'd be no culture of shaming pain relief.

This, times a million.

I bloody loved my epidurals. No interventions required either. After the best part of a week in slow labour and no more than ten minutes sleep in one go in four days there’s no way I could have pushed for the required 2.5 hours without an epidural and a few hours sleep. For me it was epidural or c section and I know which I’d rather. Went straight for one the second time too, amazing experience for me. Why on earth we celebrate the pain of child birth the way we do in this culture is beyond me. Epidurals or general anaesthetic would be standard if men gave birth, guaranteed. And an epidural would carry fewer complications because more research and development would have been carried out.

With my first two babies, I got to be fully dilated without any pain relief. I then went on to have emergency sections both times and although it was a spinal, rather than an epidural, the bliss once it worked was amazing. Don’t felt deflated, just think that you are planning on having the right pain killer for you (but do be prepared that babies have their own ideas that birth plans don’t always align with).

I hope it all goes well for you.

Imagine if men had to squeeze a satsuma out of their urethra, and there was a high chance that their penis would split open. No one would suggest that be done without some kind of pain relief! Similarly, if you were having your appendix out, would these people ask if you were sure about the GA? I know that's surgery so it's different but still, why not accept the pain relief!

I had a risky pregnancy first time with trial of labour. The epidural was advised and was brilliant. I had a normal delivery with almost no pain and about 2 stitches out in without pain. DC2 , I would have considered one but he shot out too quickly . Planned laces for the third under spinal. People are very odd about epidurals it's one of many sticks to beat mothers with, particularly first time.

I doubt it's about the risk,because every single way of giving birth has risks,unless it all goes smoothly. Which you don't know until it happens.

A lot of people consider it cheating,weak, not natural , whatever other bullshit .

They can go fuck themselves. Repeatedly. With a chair.

Not their birth,they don't get a say.

I wouldn’t question your birthing choices but I had very strong opinions for mine. All of the women on my mums side who’d had an epidural have back issues linked to the epidural so I was adamant I didn’t want one. People questioned my choice in the same way they are questioning yours.
As it happened I didn’t have an epidural, I asked for it (at home) and was told by my birthing partner (someone I trusted and I had told not to let me have it) to sit down and shut up or walk it off.

Make sure your birthing partner knows your choice and is vocal for and with you. I don’t mean that they will argue with you against what you want but will remind you of what you want so if you want an epidural and you are offered pethidine instead that they will ensure you don’t accept what you don’t want. Obviously there are situations where it may not be possible to stick to your birth plan but broadly speaking.

Many many women have them and they are fab for them so don't let others influence or make you second guess your decisions.
I'm sure you've already checked and weighed up the risks involved.

I opted for one with my first, sadly it didn't work and left me with a lifetime spinal problem - which wasn't known as a risk some 26 years ago. In a nutshell - I was a child myself and not fully developed which ultimately caused the problems. This, according to my specialist, is not much of a risk for fully grown women.
Safe to say I opted not to have another when dc2 and 3 came along but wished I could have. Ironically, I've been offered one to help the spinal issue and not surprisingly passed on that too haha.
I have never understood the whole 'not natural' labour bullshit.
Any labour is natural, be it vaginal, section, with drugs or without = baby has finished (or sometimes thinks it has) it's development and needs to be born - that is totally a natural process!
You do what's best for you. Honestly I didn't have horrific births but I'd imagine a much better experience if the pain was controlled a great deal better, some of my friends have told me this was their experience with a working epidural.

If men gave birth then years ago someone would have developed a drug where NO pain was felt at all, I'm sure.

Loved my two, would have them again if I decided to have a third baby. Such relief. I did have to have them both topped up as it sort of missed part of my leg and bum at one point so it had to be slightly juggled to get full coverage. The absolute relief. Pretty much pain free labour after horrible, horrible contractions. First one was a lot of pressure and I still had the urge to push. Second one I had no urge to push but I also felt myself push him out which I absolutely loved because I didn’t feel that sensation with my first. However, both required ventouse delivery. First I had an episiotomy and second I tore. But no pain! Go for it if you want it. I was offered the list of side effects but I just pushed it away as I just needed the relief. I hope you get what you want in the end. Good luck!

The way I see it childbirth is the most painful thing you can go through.

You would never dream of having any kind of "procedure" without anaesthetic or pain relief of some description - so why the martyrdom of childbirth?

With DS I practiced hypnobirthing and wanted a pool birth with LED candles to boot!

Ended up with epidural, forceps, episiotomy and 4 nights in on a sepsis pathway.

Currently pregnant again, and whilst I know an epidural is the best route for me I am still pining after the romanticised water birth

I was adamant beforehand I wasn't going to have one because I'll be honest and admit I felt a bit of pressure from mainly mother and sister in law who hadn't had one and their 'go me, no pain relief!' attitude. Trust me, when you get into that labour ward, all that goes out of the window. I was induced on the Monday morning and having had no sleep the previous night. Eventually put on drip after 12 hours with such strong contractions I just couldn't deal with it plus I was so tired. The epidural changed everything and I even managed to have a doze before pushing. It's still hard work and exhausting and I don't regret it for one minute. Your baby, your labour - do what feels right for you X

I loved my epidural. I had an early one and gave birth normally and quickly as a first time mum. This I feel was more due to luck than the analgesia I chose.

If you are a first time mum the chances of requiring forceps/ventouse is 1 in 3. Having an epidural marginally increases your chance of needing an assisted vaginal birth. But if the chances are high for an assisted birth anyway if this is your first baby. My thoughts were I wanted to be present in the room, to understand what was going on, to rest and to have good working analgesia should I need stitches or to go to theatre. An epidural does not increase your risk of caesarean. Everything carries a risk but I would not class an epidural as especially risky.

I have anxiety too and you know yourself better than anyone. If it sounds like you want one, ask for you. No one else has a say on your labour and birth plan.

I have worked as a midwife for 8 years, much of that on labour ward and I can honestly say epidurals are miraculous things!

I really hope you have the birth you want. Ignore whatever people say. Some laypeople are so insensitive to your choices. Just plough your own furrow!

Oh my god thanks for all your comments - a few made me giggle

I feel confident in my decision and have looked into it a lot including the risks so am feeling reassured I'm not the only one who feels this way!

Thank you, thank you!

Xxxx

Epidurals are wonderful. You have a good plan.

Loved my epidural personally. I think everyone should have the birth they want, where possible, and I wanted the most medicalised experience I could possibly have so I could continue to feel in control. The epidural gave me back my sanity after a day and a half of agonising contractions and even though I ended up with an EMCS I have absolutely no regrets about my experience. OP, ignore the negativity and get used to ignoring other peoples opinions in general, just do what works for you. Good luck

Like anything there's risks attached.

In my case another reason for initially refusing epidural was a family trait where we have a high resistance to local anaesthetic - I did eventually ask fir an epidural (back to back Labour) and it didn't actually work. Took an hour to get the anaesthetist back to give a second dose, which thankfully worked as ended up with emergency CS.

Which ever way a baby leaves it's mother's body is a proper birth.

Use whatever pain relief you want.

Would I have had an epidural or an elective C? not on your nelly but those were my decisions to make and nothing to do with Tom, Dick or Harriet!

Birth is birth, however it happens. Do what works for you!

Epidurals are wonderful if you need one go for it.