Hi Fairysnuff - Have just seen your thread and have to comment. First of all, its your body that you are thinking of subjecting to a major op, because you dont want to upset your mum???
You have had lots of good advice here and I would absolutely agree with them that being up and mobile is the best thing you can do if you want a normal birth next time. It sounds like DH and the midwives were doing a great job keeping you up and pushing whilst squatting and were not suffering too much from midwife dystocia.
With you in lithotomy, the doctors in the room, the midwives the paeds and probably the odd onlooker, it can look really scary and there is usually a fair bit of raised voices, blood etc and your poor DH is looking on at the whole scenario something like a spectator, taking it all in and of course is frightened and traumatised by it.
Shoulder dystocia is basically when the anterior shoulder gets stuck at the pelvic brim and McRoberts maneuver (knees up at ears and suprapubic pressure) is very effective at freeing the stuck shoulder.
You probably had syntometrine after delivery which has a nasty habit of clamping the cervix closed and trapping the placenta, syntocinon works in a similar way but is not so fast acting. Also, doctors are often impatient to get the placenta out immediately, so probably they didnt wait for seperation and just pulled it out by hand.
If its any consolation, I care for lots of women who have had equally crappy first labours, and almost invariably, they cant believe how different it is second time round - no comparison, much, much better.
No guarantees of course but your body has done it once and it can do it again, and without the doctors interference this time.
In fact, women who have been traumatised by a previous delivery are the most satisfying to care for as a midwife, they are usually so happy and amazed when it is a good experience and you know that you have helped them to get over their previous trauma.
So, I think going to speak to the consultant midwife if your unit has one or one of the senior midwives in the birth centre would be a great idea. You dont have to be pregnant to do this. Might be a good idea to take your mum with you, as she is obviously a strong influence in your life, and if she does not change her tune about a c/s, then ask her nicely to back off and let you make your own decision. Lets face it she is not the one deciding to have a baby - you are.
Be strong - you can do this naturally.
Sorry this is one of my long and rambling posts again, but hope it helps.