Following on from the no disrespect and best of intention thread, did you ever feel undermined for having for an epidural?

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

I had an epidural on both my dd 21 and ds 6. I had no qualms about having it on either of them but remember someone remarking after dd that I must have sailed through my labour. Apart from the fact that I wasn't given it until an hour before I gave birth, so didn't really have the full benefit of it, I'm just wondering is it actually thought by some that because you opt for an epidural that you don't feel pain?

Oooh another baby on the way, when are you due doggie? starting to feel broody now and but nevermind the epidural, until they invent a fool proof non pain option, me thinks that's my bit done for mankind!

I do a bit, but don't care! I had epidural down on my birth plan, as I was terrified of the pain of childbirth.
With DS2, I requested my epidural when I went in for a false alarm!

I have a needle phobia. Proper screaming yelling being sick phobia.

I had an epidural with my labour for ds1. That's how bad the labour was. It actually made labour harder, and I can tell that in hindsight, because I couldn't get a grip on the contractions at all.

And, a midwife said to me afterwards "You may not have felt all the pain but your body has still done the work. You've had no sleep or food for 48 hours, eat then rest. Now!.

I had an epidural. Hadn't exactly planned it but I was shocked at the intensity of the contractions (induction via drip). It only worked on one side so the other side of my uterus felt like it was splitting in half it was so painful. So no, hardly a walk in the park. The labour was 14 hours and 4 hours pushing. Only 1 hour of that was pain free.

I felt I had 'cheated' by having one with Ds1. It was unpleasant going through labour but actually fairly easy in retrospect, having escaped transition/pushing or at least the sensation of it.

My second child was born at home much faster, I begged for a transfer even though it was planned for home, but there was no time. It was so different. I was completely freaked out by later contractions (he was born within 3.5 hrs) and transition and pushing. I kept saying I was going to break, it was horrifying especially after the 'false' impression I had with Ds1 that birth wasn't too bad really.

I did feel quite proud after it this time, but also terrified and traumatised and seriously in doubt that I could cope with it again. I had no pain relief at all and doubt I'd have time for much if I had a third baby.

So yes, I felt the first one wasn't 'enough' because I hadn't experienced the rawness of birth, didn't understand the reverence and gravity attributed to it as an event/ordeal/whichever way it is seen.

I was right - my second birth was a new experience and now I know what all the fuss is about. I'm glad I've had that experience but no way will I judge others if they do not experience it either by fortune or design...it was horrible!

Oh and another thing, having lost 3 babies first trimester I really couldn't give a flying fig what pain relief I choose in labour (as long as it's safe for baby) as I will be just delighted to have got that far.

i will never ever had another epideral.

i had one with dd1, as the midwife insisted that labour was terrible, and i was in a lot of pain (my waters had gone 24hours before, wasnt allowed to move around the room etc). so it was sort of forced on me by the midwife. and it didnt work anyway. i could still swing my leg about the room as was only numbed down one side. midwife didnt belive me, and stitched me with no pain releif, even after i felt her put freezing cold water on my bits to clean me before stitching.

i felt like i was being treated like a silly girl for having a epideral and i know most of it was down to that one midwife. but the lack of control, and the medicinal side because of the epirderal was horrible.

other two dd's i had Gas and air, and felt ok, as i knew what i was doing. i could move about if i wanted.

Whether you have an epidural or just gas and air or nothing what so ever means nothing.

You have still carried your baby/ies for 9 months, you still have to either squeeze it out down there or get cut up and have it taken out of you. If you are really lucky you won't tear.

You are still going to have all sorts of "deeelightful" neither region problems after having done it.

So personally I don't care how you did it. You survived and you did a fantastic job in producing a gorgeous or maybe even more baby/ies at the end of it.

No No No. I think epidurals are marvellous. They get rid of the pain but it's still bloody hard work.

That's just it though flightattendant, do we have to have endured epic pain to have felt we have achieved a "proper labour and birth" whatever the hell that is!

Ladylush

Just to add that I think some of us will feel like we have failed whatever we do. It's some kind of scruples/guilt thing. 'I haven't suffered enough, must do it again 'properly''

Hear hear maisemour!

Ladylush at your miscarrige

Curseofthemummy, I know so many women who feel they failed at giving birth. It is for all sorts of reasons, from a section to a long, mismanaged labour, to an ill child who is taken to scbu. (sorry one handed typing)

I sense that the widely distributed literature that encourages newly pregnant women to think they can 'plan' or 'choose' the birth they want is perhaps detrimental.
I would certainly say that birth takes you by force whichever way it happens. Few of us are allowed to or able to choose very much about it.

The stuff that says otherwise helps some, but in others helps perpetuate the guilt if it isn't what was on your birth plan.

just a thort...?

Frightattendant, ain't that the truth, this morning ds 6 threw a strop saying he didn't want to go to school but seemed fine, later the school rang to say he's been sick, cue tons of guilt and bad mother of the year.

Except, their version of sick and mine vary somewhat. It seems he ate something that didn't agree with him but is bright as a button now.

Ahh the joys of motherhood!

I didn't do any of it naturally. Was induced, had waters broken by mw, had g&a and epidural then, after failure to progress over three days, had emcs. I don't, in any way, feel I failed. I have a beautiful, healthy DS. I felt an enormous sense of acheievement and still do.

Sorry Frightattendant x post, yes definatly food for thought.

I remeber being asked if I had a natural birth, I said I didn't know because I had an epidural... I always feel it was a cop out and despite not finding it that bad having one, I feel I should try and not have it next time to prove myself.

three days?

Yes, I thought that Quootie

Sorry Quootie but to me a cop out would have been to run away from the labour ward and stand in the street screaming, "I'm not doing it, forget it, the deals off!"

Thanks for a good laugh there TheCurseoftheMhummy.

lol, yeah, so many times I wanted to just scream "I don't want to do it anymore!!!"

Come to think of it, that among other things is probably what I did yell on the way to the hospital!

I had an epidural - about 42 hours after my induction. Was being sick through the pain and just couldn't deal with it any longer - I don't think I am that big a wuss! LOL

My epidural blocked most of the pain, bar one tiny spot in my back where I could feel pressue and some pain during each contraction. Was supposed to be a mobile epidural but unfortunately I lost all feeling in one leg. Was useful to have had it when it came down to a c section as they were able to just top it up.

Again not something I have ever thought about it negatively at all. I needed it, so had it.

That's just how I felt...almost like I was still a girl till I'd done it without the epi. Then I might be allowed to feel 'grown up' if I had had an unmedicated birth. I'm not saying this is the way it should be, of course not, but it was how i felt...and now I feel a bit daft that I let that affect me so much, as I hated having a natural birth and now I don't want any more!

I think I felt unqualified as a mother in many respects though already. Low self esteem about most of it. Which probably didn't help. It seemed like a 'club' I hadn't joined even though I had had a baby, iyswim...