Anyone have a good birth following a stressful one?

[Flowerpot26]

Just looking for some positive stories,
I've had 2 births the first was a late miscarriage at 20 weeks it was awful I knew it was over before the birth started, I was offered nothing more than gas and air as there was no staff I just wanted out of the whole thing,
then 2 years ago I had my baby boy, 3 days from water breaking, again no staff!! I was begging for a epidural again just offered gas and air which makes me sick so I cudnt even use it, the birth went to on long so cudnt even get in the pool, I was given a epidural about 4 hours to the end of labour, which I was so grateful for, however it all then went wrong, forceps, 3rd tear, from a student Dr being talked thru the forceps which given the situation I just wanted the main dr, severe blood loss, I ended up in surgery after he was out, I had a catheter for 2 weeks then got a uti from that, I needed physio for 6 months till everything healed. I generally was just so over joyed to have my baby and didn't think negatively, but......
I'm due again in 8 weeks, and I would really like a c section, I'm getting the fear, and I'm starting to panic, I thought it would be a simple yes my midwife is fully supportive , but nope, the Dr said as I healed within 12 months from my tear then I don't qualify? I feel sick I just feel I have no control over anything in my life at the moment, I've lost my mum this year and my pet, ughh!!
Sorry bit of pity post, just wanted a possible more calm birth if that was at all possible. So I need to prepare for a vaginal delivery I need happy stories please.

@cherrypavola, is there really a positive future? I can't see how, I'm so desperate for it. I can only think I need to get pregnant on my next first cycle but that comes with a thousand worrys and I don't want a different baby I want her, she was perfect. I'm sorry you've been through aswell.

@cherrypavlova

Yes there really is but you cannot possibly see it now. Time enough to look forward when you’ve given yourself space to grieve.
Getting pregnant again quickly was all I could do. The hole was too big. It wasn’t about replacing the babies. It was terrifying being pregnant again, I don’t deny. I refused scans for fear of seeing there wasn’t a heartbeat but eventually there was. She’s 22 now. She is as perfect as a 22 year old can be. She was never anyone but herself.
Give yourself time. Be kind to yourself. Create memories- we have Christening cups and we planted roses. It does get better. You can do it, however much you doubt yourself now.