Anyone have a good birth following a stressful one?

[Flowerpot26]

Just looking for some positive stories,
I've had 2 births the first was a late miscarriage at 20 weeks it was awful I knew it was over before the birth started, I was offered nothing more than gas and air as there was no staff I just wanted out of the whole thing,
then 2 years ago I had my baby boy, 3 days from water breaking, again no staff!! I was begging for a epidural again just offered gas and air which makes me sick so I cudnt even use it, the birth went to on long so cudnt even get in the pool, I was given a epidural about 4 hours to the end of labour, which I was so grateful for, however it all then went wrong, forceps, 3rd tear, from a student Dr being talked thru the forceps which given the situation I just wanted the main dr, severe blood loss, I ended up in surgery after he was out, I had a catheter for 2 weeks then got a uti from that, I needed physio for 6 months till everything healed. I generally was just so over joyed to have my baby and didn't think negatively, but......
I'm due again in 8 weeks, and I would really like a c section, I'm getting the fear, and I'm starting to panic, I thought it would be a simple yes my midwife is fully supportive , but nope, the Dr said as I healed within 12 months from my tear then I don't qualify? I feel sick I just feel I have no control over anything in my life at the moment, I've lost my mum this year and my pet, ughh!!
Sorry bit of pity post, just wanted a possible more calm birth if that was at all possible. So I need to prepare for a vaginal delivery I need happy stories please.

It is absolutely your decision to have a section if you want and they cannot deny you one. I believe not all hospitals offer electives but they should be referring you to one that does if they’re not willing to perform it. I had a traumatic first birth, big baby, three day labour, episiotomy, forceps, big bleed etc. Number two was also a big baby and I wasn’t willing to go through that again. I told my midwife immediately I wanted a CS. She referred me to the hospital to discuss it, I had to meet with the consultant and explain my reasoning. They did try to persuade me out of it but I was very firm that was my decision. I had a CS and had a great second birth experience. Please don’t let them bully you into a natural labour if it isn’t what you want.

Thank you! I'm glad the second was more calm and how you wanted, I'm seeing the midwife next week so I'm hoping she will refer me to someone else or somthing.

Honestly, keep stating calmly that you need a CS. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
I didn’t. I don’t have a happy story for you.

I echo what the PP said, if you believe a CS is right for you you must be firm and consistent. Just keep saying ‘I’ve thought about my options and CS is right for me’. There were a few occasions when I felt myself wobble particularly when they started hitting me with scare tactics but I knew a natural labour would be more dangerous for me and baby than a section considering his size. I’m so glad I stood firm it really removed all anxiety around the birth for me and we both came out of it happy and healthy.

The lack of trust in women to make their own decisions regarding labour in this day and age is disgusting. It really rages me that grown women are told what decision is right for them when it’s their body and their baby.

slightly different story here...
First birth was hideous. 24hr back to back labour, ended in forceps. DC1 had to be resuscitated and I was also in a very bad way.

After the trauma of that experience,
second time around I toyed with the idea of a section for a long time, but eventually decided to try without. DC2 was born in a birthing pool, no pain relief, after a very fast and straightforward labour. I'd go as far as to say I enjoyed the experience.
Though I know I was very lucky.

Dc1 was days of constant awful contractions and no sleep then epidural, an hour of pushing then episiotomy and forceps. Dc2 was a bigger baby but was much easier labour, I used a tens machine this time which really helped then had an epidural at hospital and pushed out fine in ten mins when the time came. The first time I was traumatised by and I would describe the second birth as a positive experience and a happy memory. Write on your birth plan what you want eg no students carrying out actual procedures and have someone with you to speak for you whatever type of birth you decide to go for. It's your body and your baby.

So sorry they are making you fight for this after what you have been through.

I had a 3rd degree tear with my first and I am due my 2nd in 6 weeks and was offered a c section without having to ask. After some thought I have turned it down and going to try natural again, but my birth wasn't half as traumatic as yours. With me refusing my consultant has even booked me in for another meeting at 36 weeks 'to be sure' and discuss again.

It's crazy how different each hospital can be, I agree with what PP have said ... keep stating that you have done plenty of research and you feel like it is the best option for yourself and baby. It's your body and you shouldn't have to fight for this after your first experience.

Best of luck I really hope they listen and you get your section xx

I am so sorry for your loss
I had DD after 22 hours in labour with minimal pain relief and then had manual removal of the placenta, which was awful
With DS I did have to be induced, which wasn’t ideal but I was very calm and felt much more in control. I had an epidural and was very chilled out. I only really had to push twice and then DS arrived and I went home 6 hours later. It was all very positive and a big contrast to the first time when I genuinely thought I was going to die at one point - and was quit happy to!

OP, are you on Facebook? Please join the group Birth Tear Support (Severe Birth Tears) and ask there for help - there are lots of very knowledgeable women who have been through the same / similar situations when it comes to birth choices following a tear. I had a 3dt and was offered a cs without having to ask in my second pregnancy. The elcs was so much better. Please keep pushing - you are entitled to a c section and I'm frankly horrified they are pushing you to have a vaginal birth after your experiences.

My first birth was hideous. Two days in labour, had to be induced, he was back to back and I finally asked for pain relief about 6pm - just as the anaesthetist was called into surgery for five hours. I didn't get my epidural until 11:30pm and by then the pain was so bad that afterwards I've called it torture. I wasn't fully human. Pushing was difficult and I was gripping the bed handles so hard I physically couldn't loosen my grip to feel the head when the midwife invited me to reach down. I had a 2nd degree tear but was stitched up so tightly afterwards that sex was painful for the next two years. I was wiped out for weeks after.

My second birth was a few days late. But apart from that, so easy. DH dropped our toddler at nursery in the morning, came back and I said to him "I think we should get a taxi now." Hit a bit of traffic, arrived 10:15am. Baby was out by 12pm (the midwives said "don't push yet!" but my body wasn't listening and it just convulsed and popped her out), I had a nap and a shower and then was reading my book from 3pm until teatime when they cleared us to leave. Then I went home, DH picked up DS (still within nursery hours!) and I washed up and sterilised the bottles while my mum made me dinner. Tore the muscle a small bit but not the skin and as it happened the second lot of stitching actually repaired me.

So happy to hear that the next birth can be a positive one, and goodluck amber82! I hope it's really smooth for you.
Its a big main hosp I'm going to, I'm so surprised that it's causing this drama, they even said I could go to the birthing centre, I thought are you mad! Have you even read my notes. I really don't feel confident in who I've speaking too.

I'm trying to not be over welmed with it all, as I know happen and my midwife is brilliant and I'm seeing her next week, but she doesn't work in the hosp otherwise I'd feel more at ease.
Will just have to dig deep and try and find my big girl pants. Thanks everyone

My first birth was hugely traumatic and not overly dissimilar to yours with horrible long term implications.

My second was calm, quick, joyous.

However you mustn't base your decision on anything other than what matters to you.

I was uncertain over having a csection. In the end I decided to as my baby was big and late, but DC had different ideas and came before I could get a c section.

Thanks for the facebook link, I'll look it up now x

I'm so sorry for your loss and appalling treatment, OP.

I had a failed induction with DC1, ending in EMCS. With DC2 I wasn't taking any chances of it going wrong again so opted for an ELCS, and it was great.

I had to argue for the ELCS though. As PP have said, this is sadly to be expected in many trusts. The thing that helped me was reading up on the guidance and my individual risks, then using that to show I knew what I was asking. I also had to be extremely stubborn.

This link is the NICE decision pathway (to help you see what you are likely to be up against in their decision making about a maternal request CS): pathways.nice.org.uk/pathways/caesarean-section#path=view%3A/pathways/caesarean-section/deciding-whether-to-offer-caesarean-section.xml&content=view-node%3Anodes-woman-requests-caesarean-section

Key points are:
For women requesting a caesarean section, if after discussion and offer of support (including perinatal mental health support for women with anxiety about childbirth), a vaginal birth is still not an acceptable option, offer a planned caesarean section.

An obstetrician unwilling to perform a caesarean section should refer the woman to an obstetrician who will carry out the caesarean section.

This section may also lead you to more information on your individual risks which may help inform your decision: pathways.nice.org.uk/pathways/caesarean-section/deciding-whether-to-offer-caesarean-section#content=view-node%3Anodes-risks-and-benefits-for-women-with-no-previous-caesarean-section

Good luck, OP

Just wanted to update!!! As I'm so happy!
A lovely lovely Dr called me today and said of course I can have a section, and he fully believes it's the right decision for me anyway, and I'm not to worry it's all going to be a calm experience yay!! 😊😊

Brilliant news, OP!

Sorry to hear you've had such a difficult time. You can chose an elective caesarean birth, know your rights.
It may be that if you have the right support and are listened to, you may feel confident to give birth naturally, but it's your choice 💜

Yay congrats! Glad you have been listened to and will have the birth experience you want

She came early, she had already gone, I'm living in a nightmare, I can't breathe with all this pain

@Flowerpot26 have you got someone with you? I can’t imagine what you are going through - perhaps start a new thread for more support? You need real life support too, who can be with you now?

It happened 2 weeks ago, if anything I feel worse now, as the shock is wearing off, I'm with my husband. How can this happen I love her so much, she was everything to us

OP - my heart goes out to you. Please start a new thread on a different board (or ask MN to rename this one). I am sure there are lots of other people will want to support you. (But in the meantime I am listening if you want to say more about your beloved DD)

I didn’t read your updates. Apologies. It’s so painful. Time does heal. It takes a long time but it does get better. That doesn’t seem possible in the early days but there is a positive future.