Thoughts about your birth experience?? (potential trigger warning)

[ifIcouldwalk10000miles]

Hi, I'm a newish nhs midwife, I love my job. Currently work on labour ward, have also been on a lovely birth centre. I'm very aware I look after women during birth and then move on quickly whereas that experience stays with that woman for ever.... and I know that I need to hear women's own perspectives on their experiences once recovered, in order for it not to become just a job. Wondering if you would be happy to tell me what it was like for you, what maternity staff could have done differently, what you would want your midwife to know.... I'm especially interested in experiences of induction. Very aware of potential triggers of trauma or planting fear for those who haven't birthed yet, so please respond / scroll with care. Thanks so much x

To second another poster actually, I found post natal ward to be more difficult. The midwives did seem a little rushed and I think the breast feeding support wasn't great. My baby would have been an excellent feeder a directly after birth the midwife helped her latch and she was a natural. But I'd had a section and I struggled to lift her and find a hold that worked for her, and I struggled to work out how long she needed or how much she needed, and then on day four I had to go back into hospital as I had a post Dural puncture from the epidural and they gave me crazy strong painkillers that I couldn't take whilst breast feeding. I wish I'd seen the NCT breast feeding support group earlier who were outstanding. They did their best and we did combo feeding for a while but I never caught up with demand and I am very sad about that, it all sort of petered out and I hated stopping BF.

I think it's lovely that you are asking.

I've got 5 dc and to tell you everything would take forever and probably make me cry so I am giving you an unemotional list. Some of these things are out of anyone's control and the vast majority of staff were doing the best they could in difficult circumstances.

It would have been nice to have had access to mental health services for my previous birth trauma

It would have been nice not to have to look at posters encouraging breastfeeding in the bottle sterilizing room.

It would have been nice to have had the postnatal ward and the nicu closer to each other (this has been done at my local hospital since I was there)

It should be more widely known that the first stage of an induction can take days and that an elective or semi emergency c-section scheduled for 1pm can end up being done the next day.

There needs to be more staff on the postnatal ward so that women can get the care they need.

The dr who came and talked to me after my youngest was born and made sure I understood what was happening to ds in nicu was amazing. Also the dr who delivered him who came to see him in nicu 2 days later to check he was ok.

Please be honest/realistic. I found it really hard when staff kept telling me that ds was doing brilliantly because I couldn't understand why he was in nicu and not with me if he was doing brilliantly. One lovely midwife found me in tears and explained that although he was improving he was still really poorly and why he still needed to be in nicu.

The neonatal nurse who brought my youngest down to the postnatal ward from nicu so I could sit in my bed and cuddle him while not being in agony was amazing. Those few minutes were so very special and made an awful time more bearable.

I had a pretty good experience in labour and that's because the midwives were all lovely calm women who made sure I felt in control throughout the process. Even when my labour started to lead to interventions everything was explained to me calmly and I was asked what I wanted to do so I never felt scared or out of control.

The post natal ward was awful, the breastfeeding support nurse was run off her feet and lacking in empathy and many of the night staff made me feel a hinderance for asking for help as it interrupted them from sitting around chatting. At this point I had hardly slept for 3 days, was completely overwhelmed and anxious and needed some help.

Be honest about likely discharge time. I know these things take time and aren't always in there midwives' control but I was told "you can leave once we have your blood tests back" then the blood tests were fine and it was "we can leave once we've seen you feed again", three feeds later it was another check, then another, then another. I was very anxious about being in hospital (was transferred following a home birth) and if I'd just been given the list of checks that were needed at the beginning, I'd have been a lot more relaxed than constantly thinking everything was done but then being told something else. I know the checks are important and am not suggesting they shouldn't be done, but when I was first transferred they said I could go that evening and then it just became clear that they never meant that and I'd have to stay overnight. Just tell me that from the start!

During the birth I had a great midwife, just the right amount of calming supportiveness, plus firmness. I think she was good at knowing what I needed when. When I started to panic a bit she nicely (but firmly) told me to get a grip (not those words but that was the definite gist). Obviously that wouldn't have been the right approach for every mum so hopefully she wasn't always like that, but it was definitely what I personally needed.

All the stories of women who have been treated badly - did you all complain?

I was treated terribly by midwives postnatally for two births and raised Merry hell with the hospital afterwards with serious consequences for one particularly terrible midwife.

I know it’s hard to complain, but if no one does they will get away with it and nothing will change.

I’m a HCP in mental health. If I treated my patients like some of these midwives have treated women on this thread I would have lost my job and rightly so.

@Wankpuffin I didnt because any time I mentioned it other HCPs brushed it off as me being sensitive and I ended up believing them

I'm working up to it. I haven't dealt with it enough myself to be ready to go through it with people who are unlikely to believe me.

I had an induction after my waters broke at 37 weeks. Total lack of checking up/visitation at pessary stage on the main ward, but was ok as DP was there. Might be different now with CV.

Bloody brilliant experience on labour ward. I insisted that I wasn’t going to allow them to put me on the drip (syn something?) until I had an epidural in place and they got the anaesthetist to meet us there! Midwife was young, attentive and very kind.

Aftercare was practically nonexistent BUT I put that down to me politely but firmly explaining to the breastfeeding lady that I intended to FF and was hoping to be discharged in a matter of hours. I think they just assumed I knew what I was doing (I didn’t!).

DP’s big gripe was enticingly big flatscreen TVs on the walls but no remotes 😂

I was induced and ended up in theatre with forceps. The midwife who tried to break my waters and her colleague who eventually managed to do it were kind and put me at ease. One in the middle of the night was a quite unpleasant when I couldn’t cope with how painful the contractions were and I asked for more pain relief, she may also have been the same one who watched me throw up all over myself because she was more interested in her paperwork. The one who was there when I gave birth and looked after me in recovery was lovely. She kept me so calm while everyone else was rushing around me getting everything set up. She was also the first person I said my baby’s name out loud to and she told me it was a lovely name, so that definitely made me like her more! . I don’t remember much about the midwives on my first day on postnatal ward but on the second day it
Seemed much quieter and the one who looked after us there was fab, gave us lots of help and chased things up to get us home ASAP.

I also saw two different doctors, the first of whom was quite aggressive and dismissive to everything I said and I was quite thankful when I was told his shift had finished. The second, who delivered by daughter was very calm but firm. When things weren’t progressing he explained what needed to happen and why and what the back up plan was and I do actually wonder if the situation was much more serious than he let on.

I had an awful experience tbh.

One midwife who talked constantly even after I asked her to be quiet during contractions as it really helped me through the pain. One midwife who insisted on keeping me flat on my back for fetal monitoring rather than (what I now understand to be better practice) holding the monitor in place.

And one senior midwife who delayed doing an episiotomy (that I was begging for) when DD was stuck and distressed at crowning stage, because “I hate doing stitches”. DD was born not breathing and now has cerebral palsy. TBH I blame the midwives 100% for this especially the lazy %*#^% who didn’t want to intervene because of needing to do stitches.

Conversely I had a lovely trainee midwife doing the hands on birth but sadly she wasn’t making the decisions. She volunteered to do the stitches after senior midwife jibbed, without her god knows how much longer DD would have been stuck without oxygen.

With DD2 the delivery midwives were fine but then she was born 5 minutes after I got to delivery room. Triage midwife didn’t believe I was in labour - until she checked me and I was fully dilated.

@minipie I'm so sorry. And thankyou everyone for continuing to share.... some of your stories are heartbreaking

I've had 2 inductions and 2 very different experiences. During the first I was being monitored constantly and so had to give birth on my back with my feet in stirrups. I ended up with a deep episiotomy but still felt that (as these things go!) it wasnt a horrific experience. The midwife during my first was very stern and what i would call 'old school'. She stitched me up after the birth and I didnt see her again.

Second time around i knew i didnt want to give birth on my back so asked my midwife if I could decline monitoring. She spoke to me about the risks without being pushy or frightening me and agreed to occasional monitoring. She left the room for large parts of the labour which was lovely but I know she'd have stayed if asked. Everytime she came in for monitoring she made a point of asking and stressing that if I was uncomfortable we didnt have to. I felt like she allowed me to lead, as a result I felt a lot more in control and almost enjoyed the experience. I couldn't praise her highly enough - I wonder if I can book her now for my next baby...