New babies and meeting grandparents

[mrssunshinexxx]

Can I ask what people are choosing to do in terms of letting grandparents meet baby ?
I am thinking of meeting in garden and keeping 2 metre distance but it will be so hard as my mum has passed away suddenly 6 weeks ago and I really want my dad to be able to cuddle baby but then that means In laws will have to as well.

Can your dad now be part of your bubble if he is on his own? My mums a widower and so she is going to be part of our bubble but unfortunately we will still maintain social distance with in laws.

Had my baby 2 weeks ago and no one has held her yet, mum is today!

@Tigger83 I have been spending a lot of time at my dads but he has been seeing a few other people for walks as it's detrimental at this time so he can cope.
My husband wouldn't allow just my dad to meet baby sadly he wouldn't understand the importance and his mum would moan like fuck

Hi, we are in the same predicament! Our little one is 6 days old and no ones other thank dh and I have held her yet. I would really love for just grandparents to have a cuddle but my dh is dead against it!

Little one is 3 nearly 4 weeks done a social distance met with my family ( they live a lot closer) no one has held her though and not sure when in laws will met at a social distance they live 40 minutes away and weather is ment to be rubbish next week when we had originally said about meeting! X

I'm personally going to gauge it by person. Like I know that mine and my husbands parents have been social distancing and not going out properly for months, just like us, so I think there's no reason why they can't hold the baby. Other people like friends who I know have been working can visit from a distance and no holding.

My baby girl is 6 weeks old. Nobody had held until she was 3 weeks old when grandparents came for a cuddle, on different occasions. They had been before then but didn't have a cuddle just visited. It's my parents first grandchild. They also wore masks while holding her, we took plenty of photos to show her when she's older. I think it's a personal choice who you have hold your newborn in these circumstances x

Thanks for replies

My dd was born the day lockdown was announced.
We waited til she had her 8week jabs as although not for Covid it felt a bit like she had some support in her immune system at that point. Now they hold her regularly but they sanitise before every hold and wear a mask which is weird. She still laughs and smiles at them loads

@mrssunshinexxx I am sorry to hear about your loss. I too lost my Mum 5 days before my baby was born and have asked myself the same question.

I have decided to let my Dad have cuddles as he really needs it and I've invited him to come inside the house in a few days time for cuddles. I know this is against the current guidelines and not everyone will agree with my decision but I'm also having my brothers round at the same time. They live with my Dad so the household risk is the same so figured that if I let my Dad visit, my brothers should be safe too.

As for the in-laws, we gave my father in law the option of coming inside but he chose to stay outside instead. We will only meet with brothers/sisters in law in the garden with social distancing.

We are allowing my dad and brothers a special 'bubble' privilege simply because of my mums recent death.

@Cazzy198 so sorry you are in the same boat it's horrific isn't it ?

What do your in laws think about your plan to let your dad but not them in the house

@mrssunshinexxx we havent mentioned it specifically to them but instead have invited them in if they want however they declined the offer and stayed on the doorstep with our baby in view asleep in the moses basket.

@Cazzy198 mine wouldn't be that understanding sadly x

@mrssunshinexxx it's a tough situation isnt it?

I dont know what to suggest. I am lucky that my in-laws and aunts etc are understanding as obviously everybody wants to cuddle the baby.

I take it you cant get away with just not telling them your Dad got cuddles?

Would you be comfortable allowing grandparents only cuddles (both sides) or would that open a can of worms with other family?

I am so very sorry for your loss

"My husband wouldn't allow just my dad to meet baby sadly he wouldn't understand the importance and his mum would moan like fuck"

Has your husband been generally unsupportive about the fact that you've lost your mother just when you're about to become a mother yourself?

It sounds to me as if you have a DH problem.

Are you getting any bereavement counselling? Perhaps you could contact Cruse.

On a practical note I would suggest that if none of the grandparents are in the "extremely vulnerable" category and shielding, you should let them do a socially distanced visit in the garden to see the baby. If I was you I would let my dad cuddle the baby. If husband objects he can fuck off.

@Cazzy198 @AnotherEmma
My husband is great on the whole but he is definitely struggling to know what to do or say to me I am very irrational at the moment but this is not something I'm going to apologise for this will be the biggest test of our marriage I am sure.
I think we will just let grandparents visit from a distance in the garden just going to be so hard my dad coming alone without mum and then driving off after :( makes me cry and cry just the thought of it

I had a good relationship with my mil before losing my mum but since I feel very strange towards his parents i it's obviously a grief /jealousy thing that she's going to get to be grandma etc but him and his parents just think I'm pushing them away and being a bitch my choice. How could they ever understand how I feel, they couldn't but they could just keep quiet x

@AnotherEmma I just rang my doctors this morning about being referred to a counsellor as it's all definitely getting too much x

@mrssunshinexxx coping with pregnancy and being a new mum is an emotional rollercoaster on it's own let alone throwing in COVID and a bereavement.

If there was ever a time in your life when you are entitled to be irrational and emotional then this is definitely it.

For the record, I dont think your being irrational. Bereavement itself is a process and it affects people differently plus all the hormones you've got going on. Hopefully counselling will help you, it has helped me in the past. ❤

I really hope it will help thanks for your kind words @Cazzy198 x

@mrssunshinexxx oh you poor thing as if having a newborn isn't enough to deal with.

We have let my parents hold our newborn. It's their first grandchild and they will never get this moment back. Everyone else can wait :)

@Lemonysherbet what about your in-laws x

Similar situation. My mum passed away a just before I conceived so my Dad needs the company! He hasn't held him but we sit in his garden and will be doing so on fathers day too.

@Cazzy198 I fully agree with your decision and wish my dad would do the same! He's too nervous

@mrssunshinexxx sorry only just seen this. They live abroad so can't see him in person yet anyway