Consultant doing level best to scare DH out of home birth - am I being stubborn and unreasonable?

[Piffy]

Hi there, I've been planning a home birth with second baby having had first in hospital with induction, epidural, ventouse, theatre - the works basically!

Midwife has been very supportive but since blood pressure went up whilst in labour last time (due to my stress about induction and the fact I did not agree I needed one I reckon!) she said I should see the consultant even though normally community led care here.

Went last week and consultant did her best to put both me and DH totally off the idea - 'risk of pulmonary oedema, cerebral haemmorage (sorry cant spell), you could bleed out in four minutes, baby can't be monitored, you will only have one midwife and no one else to ask...etc etc...'

DH was scared to death and is now really very worried about my plans. I feel bad for him, strongly feel that this is the right thing to do, my instinct is all for HB BUT am I fair to put him through something he is really uncomfortable about. After all, he'll be the one feeling as if he has to be in control during labour and making decisions for both of us if I can't manage it?

Also in the very rare case that something does go wrong, will I ever stop blaming myself for not following the experts' advice?

Baby is due in 7 weeks and I really am in a terrible state

Good luck Piffy.

Remember you can plan for a homebirth go into labour and if you change your mind at any (well almost any) you can transfer to the hospital, but your midwife will normally go with you so you still get continuity of care.

Good luck

The best way to bring round a male to your point of view is to get stuff printed out so that you can chip away at them gradually:O men tend to want to see stuff in black and white so a few hossy horror stories are good,as is the fear of MRSA and the fact that you'll be left alone for long periods in hospital plus all the good stuff about homebirth from any of the homebirth sites. My DH was very nervous first time as all he'd seen of birth was me climbing the walls at the hospital with #1 and ending up with a C/S so he saw my 'innards' as he put it- needless to say, after experiencing the birth of ds2 and how much more attention I got with 2 midwives, he'll sell homebirth to anyone!
Lisa x

Hi
we hired a great pool from gentle birth. althoguh we were unlucky and ended up in hospital, we were at home for most of the labour and it was great- well as great as being in labour can be! really supportive midwives too. i'm definitely going to plan for a home birth for our next one. good luck!!! xxx

Hi there,

I really sympathise with your dilemma. My feeling is that if you are what they call "low risk" then you should be able to have a home birth. Complications last time could very well have been down to the induction, which is much harder than a natural labour. I agree with other mums that a doula might help to take some of the pressure off your husband. Also, you can plan a home birth and still go to hospital on the day if necessary. I had a lovely home birth 11 months ago, but I had a hospital bag packed just in case I changed my mind or things did not go as planned. You will have two midwives, one there all the time, the second one arrives when the baby is on its way. You have continuous one-on-one support,as opposed to the hospital where you will have midwives changing shifts, dashing between labouring women etc. This means, in my opinion, that your midwife at home is much better placed to spot a potential problem. And the midwives come with oxygen, gas and air and all the kit.

Incidentally, my partner was terrified of the prospect of home birth too. I got a lovely book called "Birthing from Within" by Pam England & Rob Horowitz which really made us both very positive about what we were planning to do.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Yeah I had all that lecture from cconsultant - they see all the black side of it and make you feel like you are doing something extremely dangerous, midwives tend to be much more relaxed about it. As it turned out they wouldn't 'let me' have hb because I was over 2 weeks overdue. I did cry after the lecture, but still had positive birth, induced and home within 24 hours.

Hi,

Havent read everything but I had discussed HB at length with my DH and he was really very uncomfrtable with the idea, so have decided to use the birthing unit at my local hospital as i dont want him to be stressed out on the day as I need his support.

Having said that that is what was right for us and I will be insisting on going home within 6 hours if there are no complications etc.

If you really feel that a HB is what you want then all of the advice given is brilliant, show him some info to put his mind at rest.

good luck piffy ! hope you get your home birth. I didn't as I went 18 days overdue, but had a similar experience to you - consultant scaremongering.

I got my natural labour though, just in hospital with very nearly no midwife at all !

Anyway - I have a Birth Pool in a Box Mini up for sale, unused but opened and inflated once if you fancy it - and we're only over in stoke so not far from warrington for collection !

let me know if you're interested ! [email protected]

Piffy, things sound so much better for you, I'm glad you're feeling better, I'd be happy to nip accross the M62 and lend you our pool, its sat in the garage waiting for the next one! do you want a tens machine too?

The only thing I would add, as another technically minded person, was that, with my first baby I was concerned that I wouldn't know what to do and how things would feel, so I wanted the safest environment I could have during that time.
I had the option of a MLU, fortunately, and that turned out really well for us, but the aftermath - next day and night - convinced me that I didn't want to do that again.

I was very glad not to be in hospital and would choose not to be again (though I felt more confident from having the MW there in the unit for the first one), and do hope that our 2nd baby is a HB. Fortunately my husband seems happy with this and as we both loved the pool, I think he will probably join me in there for No. 2 baby - we are both looking forward to it.

It is important how your partner feels about it but if you are unhappy, the whole experience will be marred. I'm sure you can find a solution with which you are both happy ultimately.
Best of luck.

hello
I've not read all your replies, but regardless of the manner by which your consultant advised you (and it does sound like she was quite dramatic), surely the most important thing is for you to be in the SAFEST place for both your health and that of your baby. If your blood pressure is high and it poses any risk at all, surround yourself with all the help you can get at the hospital, all the monitors and doctors who may be essential in preventing a problem.

You may find that you have an easy straightforward birth there, and I really hope you do. You've done it once already, 2nd time should be a breeze in comparison - at least for the majority of the experience you know what you can expect (with possible variations, of course!)

I hope you don't get too stressed out about the whole situation, being 7 wks away doens't help. I am 8 wks away from having my 2nd and I'm finding everything difficult, to be honest...

piglet, op's point was, that she actually believes that the blood pressure was high the last time because she was in hospital and was being induced. It's a common problem with induction that bloodpressure does go up...therefore, op possibly would avoid all of that palaver, would be able to have a peaceful, Intervention free BIrth if she could stay at home...something, that is less likely to happen if she goes to hospital...

Hi Piffy, latest post sounds very hopeful. Our experiences of first birth are similar, and I hope you get your home birth because it was loads better for me, second time. I read Your Birth Rights by Pat Thomas and felt a great deal more informed after that, and I got a doula, whose support was invaluable. My only high bp reading throughout the pregnancy was the one where I got very upset, explaining to the midwife why I was frightened by the possibility of a repeat of the first birth.

I wish you all luck and look forward to reading a great birth story, wherever it happens