Consultant doing level best to scare DH out of home birth - am I being stubborn and unreasonable?

[Piffy]

Hi there, I've been planning a home birth with second baby having had first in hospital with induction, epidural, ventouse, theatre - the works basically!

Midwife has been very supportive but since blood pressure went up whilst in labour last time (due to my stress about induction and the fact I did not agree I needed one I reckon!) she said I should see the consultant even though normally community led care here.

Went last week and consultant did her best to put both me and DH totally off the idea - 'risk of pulmonary oedema, cerebral haemmorage (sorry cant spell), you could bleed out in four minutes, baby can't be monitored, you will only have one midwife and no one else to ask...etc etc...'

DH was scared to death and is now really very worried about my plans. I feel bad for him, strongly feel that this is the right thing to do, my instinct is all for HB BUT am I fair to put him through something he is really uncomfortable about. After all, he'll be the one feeling as if he has to be in control during labour and making decisions for both of us if I can't manage it?

Also in the very rare case that something does go wrong, will I ever stop blaming myself for not following the experts' advice?

Baby is due in 7 weeks and I really am in a terrible state

Yes i agree NKF. Have just read your OP more carefully - it sounds like it is the bp he is concerned about, and I wonder if he is thinking you should have an epi as that lowers bp, but is obviously a hospital only option. I think you need to write down all your questions - we can help you write them if you like - and ask the consultant calmly!

Most of the posts on here are extremely emotional and certainly not unbiased, lots of opinions based on personal situations and experiences which may or may not have any similarity to the OP's situation regarding her particular pregnancy.

It is not possible to have reasoned discussions with people who are so totally convinced that they know what is the right decision for someone else to make!

There are some incredibly beautiful birth experiences both at home and in hospital, they don't make headlines

Yes we all know about the the horror stories, everyone wants to tell you about them! and when sadly something goes wrong,well 'Oh my goodness, whose fault was it?. Make them pay'

All I ask is that people make there own decisions.

No one can take emotion out of the equation when a pregnant woman makes her choice, but it is her choice to make.

"All I ask is that people make there own decisions."

Well quite. I don't think anyone would suggest otherwise. Which is why people get irritated when consultants make factually incorrect statements, like you can't monitor a baby at a homebirth, which are designed to coerce rather than to inform.

I don't understand why you're getting snippy. People often give their own experiences in threads such as these, but nobody is suggesting that the OP should base her decision on them

If you are suitable for normal low risk community led care at the mo then you are entirely suitable for a homebirth.
Talk with your midwife, you said she is supportive.
Trust your midwife.
If she thinks you need transferring to labour ward she will adise you and go with you.
Good luck and enjoy

is it pos to get another opinion (and write down all your q's first) with either obs or head of mw. I wouldn't be happy with the way the obs listed all the risks of hb but none of the risks of hosp birth that we now know all about after seeing panorama prog for a start (has your dh seen that, he might change his mind about hb after that, my dh looked a whiter shade of pale). like others have suggested, if you google a few sites for more info on hb you will feel able to make a more informed decision that is right for you. a doula is a fab idea as well for support for both you and dh.

Quite DaisyMoo.

NoNameToday, I don't think the OP has been given factual unbiased advice by her consultant and sadly, this often happens when a woman wants a hb. Often unjustifiably although as my GP said to me "remember obstetricians have the highest insurance premiums of any medical professional" - presumably meaning that if they PERCEIVED hospital birth as safer (even though it statistically ISN'T - see Marjorie Tew etc) then they would naturally push for it.

I think if you are having an uncomplicated pregnancy you should go for it. You definately need DH on side though, or get a doula/experienced person who you trust to act on your behalf. I was 30 mins from the hospital and got transfered after 33 hrs in labour but it was my decision .( I could also see the MW'S exchanging worried glances.)
There are always 2 midwives present during active labour.
Blood pressure can be monitored throughout
Baby's heart rate can be listened to throughout.
I had to go to hospital after 12hrs in labour to do a trace but all was well and I went home.
Like you said, you were probably having a high BP due to white coat syndrome and out of stress of not getting the birth you asked for.

Don't disagree tipex that if you have doubts that it's for you then you shouldn't do it. And your doubt prob meant you might have been happier in hosp. I'm all for women choosing but based on fact/how THEY feel rather than scaremongering. I;m glad it was all ok for you, sounds like mws should have attended sooner.

DaisyMOO

Not too sure what you meant by being 'snippy' but it sounds offensive and nothing in my posts have been so

All opinions are allowed on here aren't they?

I may not agree with someone's opinion, doesn't mean I am right and vice versa.

Piffy I wish you well with your delivery wharever it takes place and hope you have a rewarding experience.

Snippy = tetchy. You wouldn't say that

"It is not possible to have reasoned discussions with people who are so totally convinced that they know what is the right decision for someone else to make!"

doesn't sound a wee bit tetchy?!

Piffy,

I wanted to give birth at a midwife-led unit with no "medical" support, but when I was 37 weeks a Dr (not consultant) tried to scare the willies out of me on the grounds that, at age 37, I was "elderly" and therefore highly elevated risk of this that and the other.

I insisted on seeing the consultant, who minimised the risks but said he'd prefer I went to the MLU at a hospital. My community MW was all "pfeh, consultants!" - which was supportive but not necessarily better, since she had just as much bias as the consultant had, only in the other direction, IYSWIM!

So I went to see the Consultant Midwife - she had a PhD, tons of experience, and was in charge of all the midwifery in the area. As you would expect she gave me a thorough examination and, with no bs, laid out exactly what she thought my risks were - thus enabling me to make a much more informed decision. In the end, it was her advice alone that changed my mind - and turned out to be absolutely the right decision for me.

Perhaps you could go see the equivalent person in your area? That way you are getting someone who obviously wants to enable you to do what you want, but has the best overall view of what risks/facilities you can expect?

daisyMoo
I don't see that as tetchy, but then if that is your view then I cannot argue with your right to voice it.

As I have said I am not against homebirths and I have the utmost respect for a persons right to choose, I may have my concerns but I would not strive to influence their decision other than to hope that all information was taken into consideration

Reading some threads and postings makes me feel others are less than impartial, but life would be pretty boring if there was no stimulation!

I think phdlife has illustrated exactly what I meant.

DaisyMOO

Snippy = tetchy. You wouldn't say that

"It is not possible to have reasoned discussions with people who are so totally convinced that they know what is the right decision for someone else to make!"

doesn't sound a wee bit tetchy?!

Did it not occur to you that I may have included the consultant in that sentence?

Not in the context of that post and your others on this thread, no.

I don't particularly want to carry this on in this thread really. It's deviated rather from what the OP was asking, (my fault as much as anyone's) and I don't think it's very conducive to helping her make the right decision for her.

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that after a completely uneventful pregnancy, all hell broke loose during birth, cord round neck 4 times, baby wouldn't come out, both of us came very close to disaster. Thankfully, we were in a hospital.

Not trying to scaremonger but it is a fact that birth is unpredictable.

DS2 born in about 1 hour flat completely uneventful birth, then spent 5 days wondering what the hell I was doing in hospital, getting bored and sending DH out for food. Still don't regret having DS2 in hospital, it's just a sensible precaution.

My suggestion would be, do the actual birth in hospital and if all is well, insist on being released 6 hours after delivery.

Good luck with your birth and enjoy your beautiful baby! My boys are now 4 and 3 months and they are GORGEOUS!

Point taken

Piffy, it's a difficult decision to make, especially if such bully tactics are used, as our consultant did.
I, personally, would assume that indeed your high bp was connected to stress and induction, seeing that you didn't have a problem until then, and the induction drugs are known to elevate the bp...therefore logic would tell me, that if you can possibly avoid a stressful scenario, then you will most like to be fine.
It is not unusual for Consultant to use this old trick...and as others have said, Consultants are far more like to have a knowledge of high intervention Births, and often know very little of natural Birth.
Whilst no one will ever be able to make any promises, you are much more closely "monitored" at a homebirth then you will be in Hospital...because all the computerised monitors just can't make up for a one-to-one midwife care...an experienced midwife will be very likely to pick anything amiss up well in advance.
I was going to have a HB wiht my ys, and laboured well, but then nothing happened and I did get transferred into Hospital, and that was when my trauma started...I will never regrett my choice to have a homebirth, but I still regrett , letting them talk me into going to Hospital at the time I did.
Also, I was gonna have a HB with ms, and was bullied out of it, and sadly I didn't know as much as I do know now about it...and it would have been the perfect Birth...but in hindsight, it's easy to see that...

I would get a 2. opinion by someone who bases their assesment on the facts, not just trys to scare the shit out off you.

I had 2 hospital births and a hb for the 3rd one. I was attended by 2 midwives and after a 3 hr labour there she was, no complications, born under the Christmas tree(well next to!) all very lovely. But sadly it doesn't always go that way, so yes it's importantfor us to have choice but well-informed choice. The Consultant does sound quite anti-hb but then so was mine. DH panicked like mad for the last couple of months after we had been persuaded by the MW that a hb would be perfect for us. The thing that persuaded him was being told that an ambulance would be called if there were problems and that we'd probably see a specialist/consultant as quickly that way than if we'd startedin the hospital.

WWW seems a wise old bird (no offence)so take on board what people with experience say, what the experts say andmake a decision between you and DH. ANd the very best of luck for you, the baby and a lovely easybirth!

Please forgive my temperamental space bar!!!!

Message withdrawn

Yes, what Pruners said. Stupid dr I saw was like that - it made a world of difference when someone sat down and said "I think, based on X and Y, you hav e 30% chance of this happening, 50% chance of that," etc.

Piffy, I'm not sure if any of this has helped but I hope you are feeling calmer and have decided what to do.