Consultant doing level best to scare DH out of home birth - am I being stubborn and unreasonable?

[Piffy]

Hi there, I've been planning a home birth with second baby having had first in hospital with induction, epidural, ventouse, theatre - the works basically!

Midwife has been very supportive but since blood pressure went up whilst in labour last time (due to my stress about induction and the fact I did not agree I needed one I reckon!) she said I should see the consultant even though normally community led care here.

Went last week and consultant did her best to put both me and DH totally off the idea - 'risk of pulmonary oedema, cerebral haemmorage (sorry cant spell), you could bleed out in four minutes, baby can't be monitored, you will only have one midwife and no one else to ask...etc etc...'

DH was scared to death and is now really very worried about my plans. I feel bad for him, strongly feel that this is the right thing to do, my instinct is all for HB BUT am I fair to put him through something he is really uncomfortable about. After all, he'll be the one feeling as if he has to be in control during labour and making decisions for both of us if I can't manage it?

Also in the very rare case that something does go wrong, will I ever stop blaming myself for not following the experts' advice?

Baby is due in 7 weeks and I really am in a terrible state

There was an article in the Sunday times this weekend, have not got time to search for you I am afraid as Dinner is ready! Is on Page 7 in the paper all about how the government is going to encourage Home Births You should find it on line.

I was encouraged to try a home birth even with my first but DP was against it as we are quite a distance from the Hospital if I needed to transfer. All went well and I could have been at home but I had to put his feelings in the mix when making my decision.

I hope to persuade him next time

Well I'm afraid that if a consultant is mentioning cerebral haemorrhage and pulmonary oedema how can you possibly trust anything that she says. (assuming that there are no major risk factors that you are not telling us about). Some consultants are very good and 'agree' to homebirths if all is well. Why don't you ask your mw to recommend a consultant who is sympathetic to hb and go to see him/her with your dp for a hopefully more balanced view. Many obstetricians themselves have elective cs and most see the whole birth & pregnancy as a dangerous stressful event. Many mw's have home & natural hospital births and feel that they have positive life enriching experiences. The fact is that if hb was as dangerous as she is making out it would not be allowed.

Had a similar experience. My daughter was born 12 weeks ago. At around 32 weeks my usual MW left my doctors surgery and the next one I saw told me that I would definatly not be able to have a hb due to a +strep B result in previous pregnancy. At 38 weeks another MW took over and told me that as it was over 3 years ago I would be fine.

A week later she rang to say that the consultant had insisted on a test which if positive would mean a hospital birth, iv antibiotics etc. By this point my DH was so worried by it all i think he was hoping we would have to go into hospital. I, however was still determined to stay at home, prob stubborn and unreasonable.

But all was fine, she was born 9 days overdue ( again only just missing a hospital induction! ). Had my wonderful supportive MW present, along with a student MW, they arrived 25 mins before she was born,and did everything i could have wanted. It was a totally different experience to my previous 2 hospital births, and when a couple of hours after the birth we were all snuggled up in our own bed together my DH was the one saying hb are the best way to do it.

As others have said, any problems and you will be transferred, or even if you change your mind at the last minute you can choose to go in. You should do what makes you feel happy, but personally I would say there are so many more positives than negatives to hb.

Piffy, FWIW, I tried for a homebirth with DS1 and ended up transfering to hosp for a failed ventouse, followed by spinal & forceps delivery. Of course it was not to the calm homebirth I had hoped for, but I never really regretted it, as I am sure that, had I been in hospital, I would have had a CS. As it was, I had two midwives with me at home, one who accompanied me to hospital and stayed for the tea & toast afterwards (I also had DP & mother). I also felt that had I opted for a hospital birth I would not have had the same level of care from my MW.

I am planning to try for a HB in January, and fingers crossed - with everything a bit slacker! - it will go to plan. Despite first experience, I do believe that a homebirth will be a more intimate, family-focused event, and that the level of care I will receive will be good. I also know that having to time contractions, get to the hospital at the right time, and thus be moved in the middle of my labour, would be very stressful to me. I understand there are always some risks around the time of birth, but am prepared to trust my body and my MWs.

I hope you are able to make a choice that is informed. It is really hard to get information that is not too partisan one way or the other, but the statistics suggest that second births are usually shorter and more straightforward, and your experience of birth this time might be easier. That's what I am hoping for ;)

Good luck.

I was just pondering whether to post on this subject when I found this thread, so I'll join in if that's ok? I'm new here so if you think I should start a new thread then let me know!

I'm 31 weeks with my first and really want a home birth. I've read a lot around the subject and found little or nothing to put me off.

However, I'm a natural born worrier. I'm concerned that this is a bit of a selfish decision for me to make, perhaps mainly based on me having a better birth experience. Can anyone reassure me that it could or should also be better for baby?

We are about 10-20 mins from the local women's hospital, although the last thing I want is a big panicked transfer... I don't know, I am frightened about the whole thing and really don't want to make the wrong decision. The things is, what scares me most is all the intervention and the bad results it can have.

Can anyone reassure me?

Hi ya. I had unplanned home birth on DS2 - baby arrived in record time and ambulancemen called Paul & Gary delivered in my sitting room! I always am thankful that all went well and would have preferred hosp birth (I had 2 more in hosp since that).

hi jobi

the majority of first time mums who transfer in do so because they are finding it hard to cope with the pain, not for a big panicky emergency

also, you might well find that being at home, being able to move, vocalise, eat and drink if you need to, have a bath ,rest etc will be a great aid to deal with the pain

have you thought about a doula? i know some excellent ones in your area ...

it is not a selfish decision, being comfortable in your birth environment has a great impact on your labour and birth experience,

it is also worth doing lots of reading about birth, Sheila Kitzinger, Ina May Gaskin, Penny Simkin, Janet Balaskas, etc who will all remind you that htis is a natural and empowering process

WARNING LONG POST

HI everyone, thanks so much for all your posts they have really helped. I have looked at the links and have done a lot more research since then. Both DH and I are engineers by training so are used to taking statistics by the throat! I think if I had seen the research previously I may well have been more worried about a hospital birth last time than I was, actually

Have also found the stats for my area and hospital, not surprisingly the lowest figures for HB in the north west (highest year was 2% of births), so it appears to me that this is probably something that is never actively encouraged as part of either hospital official or unofficial policy. So I am not surprised now that the consultant tried to scare me off it despite both pregnancies being 100% fine with no complications whatsoever.

Last time according to the scan date I was two weeks overdue. However they had put the date FORWARD by 11 days at the scan, so according to the original date, I was only 3 days overdue. I never believed the date and argued until I was blue in the face from 20 weeks onwards that even with a rudimentary knowledge of biology I could not have conceived at that time. They would not change the date back though. So I was not convinced about the induction but gave in when the consultant said that there was a high risk of still birth if I did not have it. That was the point at which my BP went up, for the first and ONLY time in my whole life. I'd say I was just stressed at being pressganged!

During the labour I was wired to the max with the drip, the continuous monitor, lying on my back for 24 hours whilst they tried to convince my DS that he really did want to be born! It set off a chain reaction which ended in theatre one ventouse push from a CS. Throughout labour I had four midwives in succession, each one popped in every half hour on average as the labour suite was so busy they were looking after about three women each.

I was put on the ward within half an hour of delivering and my DH was sent home immediately and hadn't even held the baby, as he wasn't allowed on the ward during the night. No one checked on me at all and I was left with no assistance until I managed to snag an auxillary at 10am the next morning to pull the curtains and help me out of bed and out of my theatre gown.

I discharged myself at 2pm and got home with a huge sigh of relief at 2:15pm - the baby was only 9 hours old at this point. The relief I felt at having a shower in my own bathroom, having a cup of tea and a sleep in peace and quiet (even a new baby is quiet compared to the ward I was on!) made me convinced that this time home is the place for me! I am convinced that this traumatic experience contributed to my lack of bonding with my lovely DS for weeks after the birth, plus pretty severe PND.

Must say though, all the MWs were wonderful, just stupidly overworked and far too few of them. I nearly laughed out loud when the consultant said I would only have ONE at home - last time I had about 0.25 of a midwife I reckon!

I am seeing MW tomorrow for regular check up, so I think I will tell her how offputting the consultant was. I would like to ask her if that was her intention, and whether she believes that it is best not to have a HB. I don't want to go against the advice of the experts (I'd be mightily miffed if someone told me they knew my job better than me!) but I will need a lot of convincing that the hospital is the best place for me given my experience last time.

You've all given me loads of things to think about and have also given me lots of ammunition to use if I need to. Atmm I think that I will probably stay booked on the HB but reserve the option to change my mind if anything looks remotely dodgy. We are only ten mins from the hospital in any case. And as I reminded DH, most women have hospital BIRTHS but home LABOURS - where you have no pain relief and no one monitoring you at all, so I would actually be better off for the vast majority of the labour!

Thanks everyone!

sounds like you have your head screwed on about this, and have given it a lot of rational thought , good for you

whatever you decide, i wish you a happy and positive birth experience x

I've come late to this thread but wanted to say - probably unhelpfully - that my partner was absolutely anti home birth.

I ignored him.

hope meeting with mw goes well and she can put your mind at rest, perhaps refer you to head of mw as well for more info

where in nw are you based? wondering if it is near me.

That's a really positive post Piffy, so glad you felt able to make your choice.

I hope you progress well in your pregnancy and remain positive.

Good luck.

I'm seeing the midwife today too, and we'll be having our first proper home birth chat, so fingers crossed it goes well. Thanks lulumama for the positive feedback - I had one of those "oh god am I being selfish" moments.

I am in Liverpool and do know 2 doulas based in the area, although I'm not sure how keen DH is on the idea and also if we can afford it! Still something we are pondering.

I hope your midwife session goes well Piffy, good luck

some doulas do offer a sliding scale of fees if you are having trouble affording it.. always worth asking ! hope your chat with the midwife goes well, let us know what happens

PS And not that I would recommend emergency transfers as part of a birthplan, but the flashing blue light ensured there was no waiting around for beds etc. at the hospital

Good luck, whatever you decide. Can you let us know how you get on?

hi, I had 3 homebirths - all wonderful and no probs with any pregnancy. I felt very strongly about staying at home to have my babies but always went into it with attitude of let's see how it goes and I would always have transferred at the first hint of trouble. As it was, it all went fine. HBs are statistically safer but I think that it is sensible to be prepared for the possibility of transfer, for whatever reason. Also, even tho' you are meant to have two MWs there, this doesn't always happen. I only had one at each of my first two deliveries (first time the second MW got held up by traffic) and second time baby was born 30 mins after midwife walked through the front dooor. And then at one point with the 3rd delivery, there were 4 of them wandering around my house! As long as you have one good one (and from my experiences, MWs who come out to do home births really enjoy doing it so they are very supportive), you will be fine.

Hi again,

Just back from midwife and all fine. Meaurements in range, bp good, iron is fine, baby's heart beat fine etc etc. Its head down and slightly back to back but will keep up the yoga moves and cross fingers. I think that will improve anyway when not sat at a desk 8 hours a day.

Re homebirth, she has booked me in for a home water birth and the names list and info etc will follow. All she said was about pain relief, lack of progression, dates and bleeding - basically the circumstances under which they would try and persuade me to transfer. She really didn't talk about it for longer than a couple of minutes and didn't give me much in the way of information. She didn't discourage me either though.

Although I've read around the subject a lot, I kind of expected a bit more. It seems to be very in and out with my midwife, she's really nice but I often feel a little bit rushed. Is this par for the course. And is it likely she will want to discuss it more nearer the time?

We are moving house in a week or two and could potentially move surgeries and also midwife groups - I can't decide if this is a good or bad idea at this stage. (31+1)

Hope you got on ok Piffy?

if you want more support, there is a home birth support group, i could point you in the direction of, if you want any more info, or ask any questions, i;ll do my very best to answer them

lulumama 21 @ hotmail. com

no gaps

Thanks lulumama, I've been going to the local home birth support group which is great, I guess I just thought the mw would offer more info or even opinion!

We're in the midst of yet another house move crisis to be honest, so at the moment the whole thing is kind of in the balance. I can't have a homebirth or water birth where we are...

Anyway, that's another story.

Thanks again

ok

i hope everything works out, and you have a wonderful birth experience x

I had my ds at home in January and had a dream labour - the midwife got there at 1130, he arrived at 1214!
The local midwives were very supportive from when I suggested early in the pregnancy that I'd like to try a homebirth and said as long as I behaved myself(bp etc) during pregnancy they saw no reason why not. I didn't think they'd like it for a first, I expected them to want a good track record or something. There was never any pressure for a hospital birth. I went on the hospital tour in case but not sure being a little bit more familiar with the surroundings would have relaxed me that much if I had needed to go in.
The two midwife thing is for the actual delivery, not the whole labour - one in case the baby has problems and one for mum. My second midwife got there two minutes before he was born and missed the birth cos she'd nipped to get something out of the car!
I would recommend a homebirth, with pool, to anyone, but then I've got nothing to compare it to. Stick to your guns if its what you would be most comfy with but take things like how big you are and how far you live from the hospital into the equation.

Quick update, saw midwife today (she is soooo lovely) and she is going to come to the house to talk to DH and answer all his questions as honestly as possible. She says pregnancy is going fine, not one problem and as long as it carries on like this there is no reason at all I should have any problems.

She said they always have two midwives for the actual delivery (barring exceptional situations like some of yours of course, like traffic!) and that I would probably find I had more support rather than less, even if the M6 wasn't co-operating (we are near Warrington).

Regarding the consultant she said that I need to bear in mind that consultants never get to see normal births, they only get called in when midwives think their input is needed i.e the complications. So their viewpoint may well be a bit skewed as they see 99% problems! Personally she says she loves home births as there is nothing nicer than leaving the house with mum and baby tucked up in bed snuggly and warm together in the peace and quiet with dad!

Generally she really reassured me and made me feel as if I was being very sensible to ask all these questions, not daft at all. Also she promised that she realises I appreciate an honest approach and that if there is anything at all that she is worried about during the birth she will tell me so that we (and DH) can make decisions together.

I feel much much better and am now wondering why I was so worried! Now, where do I get that birth pool from?!...

Thanks so much, hope all you lovely people have great births no matter where you choose to do it. Px

oh, i love your MW !! birth pool in a box has an excellent reputation and blue lagoon birth pools hire out pools ..

Message withdrawn

I'm really glad it went well Piffy, and apologies if I hijacked your thread a bit.