Tell me about your second births..

[0MrsT]

I'm in the the trimester for baby #2 and I cannot decide between a natural birth or elected section.

My first birth was horrendous.. everything went wrong, I don't think a single thing went to plan. I was induced, it wasn't working.. 3 days to get to 2cm so they could burst my waters, she struggled to burst my water, when she did nothing happened.. they put me on the drip which was horrendous.. I had gas and air, which turned out to be just air for hours, I endured 6 hours of agony and didn't dilate anymore than 2cm.. so I opted for an epidural, it took them 9 attempts to get the needle in, when they got it in it didn't work.. they kept telling me it was working but I bloody knew it wasn't! In the end it was readjusted and kicked in. I wasn't progressing so they suggested a section, I asked for more time.. then suddenly everything happened all at once, baby was distressed and so I had episiotomy and forceps. Bad tear.. infection, burst stitches.. literally look me a year to be able to sit on the toilet without being in pain.. it's 2 years later and I still suffer with pain around my scarring.

I really want to plan a section because I just think it's easier, planned, calm and I'm in control.. yes I know recovery is hard.. but recovery was hard last time, I can't see that it would be much harder.

If I could be told I'd 100% have a natural normal delivery I'd go for it without a second thought, but I can't go through all that again.

What were your second births like? Especially if your first was bad? I know you can't compare but I'd feel better with some hope it could work out ok.. or maybe it'll push me into an elected section and stop doubting myself.

I literally loose sleep over this every night!

Pfb was a long tough 17 hours..
Second dc I was asleep in bed, waters broke at midnight. Holding ds at 2.55 am..

The issues you had (apart from the failed epidural) are likely to be due to the induction. You could try for a normal birth but refuse induction. If they want to induce for whatever reason, then decline and have an elective section instead

With DS1 I had a 21 hour labour, eventually had an epidural, needed forceps because couldn't feel to push, stitches galore... however, stitches healed really well and had no issues afterwards, so nothing like the horrendous time you had, OP.

With DS2 labour was about 12 hours and totally straightforward, although I did tear and needed stitches again, and those ones were a bit slow to heal.

I do think though that if I'd had a tough time like you, @0MrsT I'd have considered an elective section.

@UnderTheBus oh yes I know they were down to induction. But they have already recommended I be induced this time.. there is no way on this earth I will ever be induced again. Not a chance. If induction is required it will certainly be a section! X

Why have they recommended induction again?

First one 60 hour labour. Needed drugs to help her on her way;very tired at the end and ended up with retained placenta so had to go to theatre. Quite bad tears.

Second - waters broke around midnight and went in. Bit of a fuss about proving my waters had gone but eventually let DH stay in side room with me. Contractions quite strong so about 630am they have a look and say you are about 5cm so up to delivery. I'd asked to use the pool for pain relief. They started saying their might not be time to fill it - which I thought was odd. Anyway in the pool by about 645 and I ended up with a water birth at 715. Very straightforward and we were out by midday and that was dawdling. 2003 as well when staying in at least a little while was somewhat more common.

@UnderTheBus because it's an ivf pregnancy, it's the policy in my hospital.

I'm not convinced it's entirely necessary and I know I have the right to decline it.. but given everything I've been through to get my babies I don't feel confident to go against medical advice.

Had a traumatic emergency section first time round. Had an elective section the second time round, because I asked for it. Do not regret it for second. It was lovely, calm and pain and trauma free. I recovered quickly and well (remember you'll have a toddler this time too), and my baby was much calmer and settled than first time round.

*there obviously - apologies for my grammar

@EllieFredrickson I'd love a water birth.. I'd be much more tempted to go natural if I could have a water birth but I wasn't allowed last time because it's IVF pregnancy. Which makes no sense whatsoever but they class it as high risk and so won't allow water births

First birth, induced by pessary. Took about 18 hours to kick in then when it ramped up the irregular contractions meant the midwives assured me I wasnt in established labour. Until I had enough, made them check and they discovered I was 10cm and they shunted me to delivery sharpish. Birth itself pretty straightforward.

Second was a planned homebirth, labour started spontaneously, bit of 'discussion' with the hospital about how far along i was and the midwives arrived just in time to catch (much to my husbands eternal relief). About 5 hours from first twinge.

OP, I've had 3 IVF pregnancies, the last two were water births at a midwife led unit. I was offered induction for all of them but I refused. I did have to see a consultant to have their approval for a natural birth and it was deemed safe. Maybe ask to see a consultant for their opinion?

My first birth went into labour naturally had ventouse episiotomy and second degree tear. Second was persuaded to go for vaginal again as second births are normally better etc. I was induced and ended up with episiotomy forceps and 3rd degree tear and was in agony for weeks! I had my third via elective section 3 weeks ago and I feel amazing already recovered so much quicker than with the other 2 births and had no where near as much pain even with having an 11 month old to look after! I know my experience doesn't seem to be the norm and most people do better second time around. Good luck x

I had a section 6 weeks ago. I was booked for one anyway but ended up as an emergency as my waters broke at 37 weeks and had meconium in them.

My first birth was very traumatic, similar to u in that nothing went to plan, and the aftermath of a 3rd degree tear that meant months and months of pain.

This time I asked for a section as I couldn't put myself through that again. Confirmed by a growth scan saying she was measuring big (ended up 10lbs 4oz) so there's no way I wouldn't have torn again.

Obviously everyone's experience is different but my recovery this time has been night and day. I'm 6 weeks pp and haven't had any pain since about 3 weeks. It's been SO MUCH better.

Everyone kept telling me not to have a section but I stuck to my guns as I was the same thoughts as u in that there is no way recovery could be any worse. And I was right. By this point last time I still couldn't even go to the toilet without crying. I'm actually amazed with it all.

EMCs first time, Planned CS second time. Loved my ELCS. Really calm and relaxed. No complications and had an quick & easy recovery with both of my sections. Obviously I don't have the experience of a vaginal birth to compare with but I don't think I had a particularly hard time compared to friends that had them.

I had a traumatic vaginal delivery with my first and because of that they offered me the option of a c section for my second, which I took.
I am overall glad that I did because it took the stress and worry out of the final trimester because I had become very anxious about history repeating itself, do be aware that it takes time to recover from a c section. Although tbf not as long as it sounds like you were recovering from your first delivery...

First labour was really long, 50 hours. My epidural also failed. Eventually they decided to take me to theatre, prep me for a section and give me a spinal block.
Ended up with an episiotomy but managed to push baby out and avoid the section.
Episiotomy was so uncomfortable to recover from.

Second labour was wonderful! Woke up feeling a bit niggly by about 3pm realised it was labour. Laid on the bed with tens machine on and breathed through contractions. Went into hospital at 8pm. Waters broke as I was being examined, baby born 2 hours later. Only needed gas and air.

I also suffered pain with my episiotomy site 2 years later. My children are nearly 3 years apart in age. I honestly credit reading a hypnobirthing book to the difference between my 1st and 2nd labours. Even though when I read it I was thinking it's too late for me, I already have the fear. But once I was in labour the stuff I'd read really did help me focus.

2nd Labour was pain free, if I'd not been in hospital with pre eclampsia he'd have arrived on the living room floor.

My second shot out. Literally at the hospital half an hour. It was brilliant

First birth I was induced as I was two weeks overdue - had the pessary, waters broken and then the dreaded drip (they strongly recommended I have an epidural with this) over the course of 24 hours. I stayed at 4cm for hours so was 'failing to progress' and my baby's heart rate kept dropping so had an EMCS. This went really well and the recovery wasn't bad at all. The worst thing was the feeling that I had failed somehow and that I hadn't done it 'properly'. I was really jealous of friends who had natural births around this time. I got over this fairly quickly, though.

For my second, I couldn't shake the deep-seated belief that the same thing would happen again and that my body wouldn't do what it was supposed to (and bloody dilate!) so the consultant I met with recommended an elective c-section. It was really lovely and recovery was again fine. A tiny part of me feels sad that I've never experienced a 'natural' birth but I ignore that mostly!

@mollysmummy1970
I think most people assume if baby comes out your vagina it's a natural birth.. irrelevant of how baby come out! People tell me all the time that recovery from a section is harder than natural.. my birth was far from natural.. having your vagina sliced open and stitched up is hard to recover from too!! People don't seem to accept that though?!
I just want things to be calm.. I felt completely robbed of meeting my baby, I'd been in hospital 4 days, slept about 6 hours.. By the time I got to hold him I had nothing left to give!! X

My first birth was long (20 hours) but pretty good generally - pethidine and gas & air, no tearing etc.

From all I'd read I was really hoping for/expecting the second to be at least half the time and easier. Alas it was more like 30 hours, I needed an epidural and I had stitches. Weirdly I did recover a lot quicker though - felt normal about 3 weeks later.

BUT I think the reason it was all so long and more difficult this time was because I wasn't allowed me husband in with me (because of Covid). The contractions kept stopping and starting. I've heard about this from a few people - the anxiety of being alone and simple things like not being able to eat or drink easily make it all more difficult.

If there's a chance you'll be in hospital alone too then it might be worth bearing that in mind. Hopefully by the time you give birth things will be slightly more normal though!

@0MrsT I've never understood the idea of being high risk so not being allowed a water birth for IVF... DD1 was IVF and when I spoke to a midwife at antenatal class she said that unless there was another medical reason, she wouldn't class IVF as high risk as the problem was getting pregnant in the first place, not staying pregnant, so she would allow one, so confusing!

Anyway, DD1 was an elective section (decided by me having a melt down the week before because I don't cope well with anything down there!) And because I felt I'd been through so much to get pregnant with her with the IVF I just wanted her here safely. I'm now pg with DC2 (naturally this time!) and I'll be having another elective section in November