What don't the books tell you about birth?

[FeeFee382]

Exactly that. What don't the textbooks tell you about childbirth.

Discuss.

That having a poo felt worse than giving birth. You also feel like you'll never have normal bits again.

You won't have any dignity left, especially if a Dr's put their finger up your arse twice to check for internal tearing 🙈

The options put to you don't have to mean the be all and end all. I was booked for induction I didn't want but thankfully he started himself hours before. I was also having a Dr determined I needed an episiotomy and suction but got him pushed out whilst she was prepping

You might poo yourself more than once, it's not your finest moment but at the time, you don't usually care!

That delivering the placenta doesn’t hurt. I had a sudden panic before it and said to the midwife “oh god, is this bit going to be as bad?!”

The night sweats for weeks afterwards.

How amazing the shower you have after giving birth is.

That it can’t be that bad for most people as most people do it more than once.

That you can do it even if you’re totally unprepared.

I read nothing in any of the books on labour or pain relief as looking at the sections on that made me feel sick. Was booked in for a c section, but went into early labour so the choice was made for me.

My feet swelled up like an elephant after.
I had a massive fever when my milk came in. The whole skin on my body felt like jelly for about 6 weeks it was almost stretchy! I think it’s a hormone thing.
I didn’t bleed that bad after giving birth it was no worse than I expected.
The first poo was absolutely fine, surprisingly
And it’s normal not to get that rush of love people talk about! I was in shock!! It does come x

That your arse feels like it's turned inside out (clenches cheeks)

The main thing I've been much more aware of second time around is making informed choices. It's always assumed that if you get to 40 weeks, you have a stretch and sweep. If you get to 42 weeks you have an induction. That midwives do vaginal exams during labour. You dint have to consent to any of those things.

That first time labours can vary massively in length. NCT classes told me it would be at least 12 hours, try to get some sleep or have a bath. Was not prepared for a 3hour labour and only just made it to the hospital in time.

Stitches can actually be worse than the birth, because you're totally awake and aware of what's going on, rather than running on adrenaline.

That every person is different and every birth is different.
Nobody will have exactly the same pain threshold or want to experience the same labour.
Don't focus too much on other people's experiences and think about what you want from the moment, but be flexible, as so much can change!

Faecal incontinence. Your pelvic floor doesn’t just support your bladder, it also supports your bowels. For about two-three weeks after birth I was literally running for the bathroom because as soon as I needed a poo, I couldn’t hold it. Luckily this cleared up on its own but I had a session/wellness check with a post-natal physiotherapist who said that faecal incontinence is actually really common but of course no one talks about it because it’s embarrassing!

Green poo! I had some unexplained bleeding during my c section and they struggled to find the source so they gave me a dye so they could trace it. The dye is eventually absorbed into the body but no one told me that! I was a bit shocked to see my first post-pregnancy poo was bright green!

The bleeding for weeks afterwards. I was still having bloody discharge at 12 weeks.

That if you have a c section, sometimes the internal stitches will only partly dissolve and come out. I got a bit of a fright when I wiped one day and dragged out a long piece of thread!

That it is not a straight line. My labour started and stopped again for 4 weeks. I first had contractions at 37+4, I finally had my son at 40+6! It was so so hard. I was so worried something was wrong. He was just in an awkward position and we were both fine in the end.

I had a C-Section

I lost a lot of blood and became anaemic

I bled for 9 weeks

I had random tightenings in my stomach for weeks even after the birth

I'd have a C-Section again.

Not all women will exhibit visible pain, or find labour 'painful'. It's rare. Unfortunately it leads people not believing you aren't in full labour- I gave birth to DD1 alone, in hospital- as birth wasn't expected for a while when midwife left the room 5 minutes earlier to let me have a rest...

Babies aren't supposed to sleep all the time- an extremely sleepy baby can be a sign of a problem.

Milk spots- baby acne. Can be just the odd spot, or their whole body can be covered. DD2 was admitted to hospital with her's they were that extensive- none of the medical staff had ever seen anything like it, it took a Consultant to confirm it was all it was.

That you feel as if yo you have been run over by a bus the next day.

How animalistic it is.

That you can burst blood vessels in your eyes during pushing.

How hard it is to push a baby out.

You can hurt other parts of your body, I had a grazed knee and elbow from changing positions during stage 2.

To feel sorry for the two midwifes that were with me! Because I had a retained placenta with ds1 her catch didn’t count😪 and then when I had to have an epidural to get said retained placenta , the other trainee midwife fainted!!!!
That your first child can come early and your second child late
That the tea and toast after birth is the best food EVER😂😂😂😂

I was shocked that contractions came down my back into my bum, they didn't feel at the front at all! It felt like a baby sized poo trying to get out.

I don't think you are at all prepared for the fact that labour may be relatively quick. I went to hospital with my first as I was bleeding and in agony to be checked over but otherwise I probably would have delivered at home. I was terrified as I thought I had 36 hours ahead of frankly hideous agony. As it happens I delivered within the hour of arriving at hospital (first labour about 3 hours from first mild twinge to holding baby). It was a huge shock. The hospital had thought I was fine as I could talk on the phone.

And don't lie on your back. They got me in the bed to examine me and then I was in so much pain I couldn't move. Subsequent children I delivered on all fours and it was much less painful.

Nothing wrong with pain relief but I felt so much better after the births where I didn't even have gas and air (which is prob why I was pinned on my back in the bed).

Hospitals are really hot. Wear something for the birth that will keep you cool. I thought I was going to faint with the heat with my second.

You might not need a poo. It might well be the baby. My mum arrived (after I phoned her to say I wasn't sure but it might be labour but I would ring her back later) to find me sat on the loo at home when I was having my second adamant I was having a poo. She told my husband (he told me later) she's not having a poo, she's having the baby. You need to take her to hospital now. I delivered within 30 minutes of arriving there and didn't really have established contractions until I got to the hospital.

I'm expecting my 5th. I'm genuinely worried it might just fall out when I'm home on my own 🤣🤣

That gas and air is a horrible surreal feeling! I didn't like it at all and went without anything. Not to listen to horror stories, I ended up being induced with a back to back baby didn't panic but did think about everyone telling me these things equal more painful births. I coped really well on paracetamol and the odd dose of Pethidine to sleep.

Hmm I always disagree with the ‘you don’t care about dignity’ during labour. I remember feeling quite distressed when a team of people suddenly came in to the previously quiet and private room I was in and feeling very self conscious and aware that I was naked from the waist down in front of loads of strangers. After the dr broke my waters I insisted three times to be covered up again and eventually the midwife found a blanket to put over my waist, even though I was fully dilated and experiencing strong and intense contractions I still cared very much about being naked/exposed/people being in the room.

That the tea and toast after birth is the best food EVER
I actually found this was one thing that loads of people did tell me! And it was a huge let down because I don't like tea, they only had brown bread and my toast was cold because they brought it just before doing my stitches so it sat there for 20 minutes. Best meal ever, my arse!
I'm hoping for a home birth, ideally in the evening so DH can ring for a domino's as my first meal instead v

I always disagree with the ‘you don’t care about dignity’ during labour

I do too.

How easy it is. I know for some women it is tough but actually it varies a lot and for others like me it was easy and not particularly painful (I had no pain relief). Only people with scary stories tend to post online or be written about in books

The waters breaking is disgusting. I heard a pop so legged it down the ward to the toilet. Felt smug that I'd managed to 'catch it' in time not to get wet. Told the nurse, sat back down on the bed to wait and it flooded out again and shot up my front and back. No one told me that there are front and back waters and they tend to pop separately . It took forever to stop and I had to stand on a pile of bedsheets to soak it up, then get a bath. I'm so glad it happened in hospital and not while I was out shopping or at work!

Also, they don't feed you - I was in labour almost 3 days and they gave me nothing. Wasn't even offered the tea and toast after birth that everyone mentions.

Yeah I wasn't fed either, I had a c section so couldn't walk and had all kinds of tubes attached.. meals were served at the other end of the ward. Two days in and someone got me a hot meal and it really helped my recovery.
I'd have thought women who've just been through such bodily trauma would be cared for properly but no..

I thought midwives would be all caring and kind but I met a lot of cold ones.

@stuckinthemiddlewithtwats yes I forgot all about that! You literally don’t get fed. I wasn’t allowed to eat due to them ear marking me for a c-sect after 3 days in labour but how does that make any sense even?

You wouldn’t expect an athlete to run a marathon half starved so why the hell would you not feed a labouring woman who hadn’t slept or eaten anything and had been vomiting for three days?

Like how does that help blood sugar levels in the woman or the baby? It’s no wonder my contractions were fading.

It still gives me the rage.

And I also have certain food intolerances and allergies which you would think would be catered to in a hospital but nope!

Next time I’ll be eating regularly and stocking up beforehand.

The first SNEEZE!!! Ouch...