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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

What don't the books tell you about birth?

88 replies

FeeFee382 · 08/03/2020 19:40

Exactly that. What don't the textbooks tell you about childbirth.

Discuss. Grin

OP posts:
pinksquash13 · 08/03/2020 20:44

Yes to trouble with peeing. I actually developed a urine infection during labour.

How long the latent stage can be and how you absolutely can't get on with normal life. My first labour was 3 days and 3 nights of regular, painful contractions. I was just mentally and physically done by day 3. Ended in c section.

OrganicSmorganic · 08/03/2020 21:14

Not so much the birth but afterwards I couldn’t get over how weird time felt. I felt as though I was wading through treacle. Everything moved so slowly. Very bizarre feeling, I’ve not heard anyone else say the same thing so perhaps I’m just weird, or lived my life pre- baby at high velocity 🤷🏼‍♀️

georgialondon · 08/03/2020 21:20

For me, that is was nowhere near as painful as I expected.

Happy side effect of always having had painful periods!

No gas and air, just two Paracetamol and I'm done.

usuredo · 08/03/2020 22:30

I felt a lot of the books were lacking in talking about informed choice and birth rights (eg the fact you can of course decline induction or vaginal exams etc etc). I think the Positive Birth Book covered this a bit more than others and had more helpful stuff about birth plans and that sort of thing- a bit more than what a lot of the books offered.

sprite25 · 09/03/2020 08:43

About how you'll still look pregnant for a while after the birth. With my first I packed some of my pre-pregnancy clothes in my bag to wear home, none of it fit me and I had to come home in the maternity leggings and baggy nightshirt I'd worn when I went into the hospital

LashesZ · 09/03/2020 08:51

To swing both legs out the car as if you were a princess, to avoid popping episiotomy stitches. Oh, and you'll spend a week laying on the sofa naked from the waist down to heal those stitches.

doodlejump1980 · 09/03/2020 08:54

If you have a lot of fluid, then they’ll try two different epidural needles before opting for the 11cm one... at which point your DH may turn green and faint.
Twin pregnancy = twin placental site = bleeding for 10 WEEKS post-partum.
Breastfeeding hurts like fuck at the beginning.
You will cry at anything on day 3 (rush of hormones or something).
Night sweats. Put LOTS of towels down. They lasted for weeks too.
When you first stand up after a section you might flood requiring the janitor to come and mop the floor. 🙈
But baby cuddles make up for everything!
Oh and don’t be too harsh on yourself after, it’s taken nine months to grow, it can take the same time (and longer) for your body to recover.
Oh and if you’re anything like me, your periods will be even worse than before. Sorry.

RainbowsandSnowdrops · 09/03/2020 08:57

That positioning of the baby is important and that back to back babies are a total nightmare that will cause a very long, low, painful latent labour!

I wish my midwife had prepared me for it. I agree it’s the worrying if it’s normal. For me, I was terrified of how much pain I was in at 1cm.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 09/03/2020 08:58

How to advocate for yourself or prepare your (also traumatised OH) to advocate effectively for you under coercion or abusive behaviour.

PleaseStopCrying · 09/03/2020 09:00

The sweating afterwards. No one mentioned that and even though it was the middle of December I was sweating like it was July.

The first poo!!!

The fact that for weeks afterwards if I got up too much it felt like all my insides were going to fall out.

That inductions dobt always take days.

That you can go from 1cm to 10cm and having a baby in less than 2 hours!! Everyone said it was a long process so this really really suprised me.

RainbowsandSnowdrops · 09/03/2020 09:06

Oh yes the sweating! And the massive wee. Sooo much fluid comes out!

TowelStripes · 09/03/2020 09:09

That it's manageable. When I was transitioning and getting slightly panicky (I was prepared for this through hypnobirthing though so didn't completely freak out!), I said to the midwife 'I'm not sure I can do this!'. She said 'no one has got to this point and not had a baby'. It was the best thing to say to me in that moment as it made me realise that even if my brain is saying no no no, my body was saying yes yes yes!

That I enjoyed birth, I looked forward to doing it again the second time as I knew it would be the last time. I wanted to feel it all!

I still have flashbacks to pooing on the floor when squatting down and pushing baby down. Not my finest moment.

That you don't care you've not shaved your legs or public hair.

That midwives will shoot glances at each other to communicate and unless you tell them to tell you what's happening, they sometimes make the decision to keep info from you that they think will worry you. I had to tell my midwife: just tell me and talk frankly! They can use a lot of annoying euphemisms and flowery language. I asked them not to call me mummy either. That's not my name! They were cool with it.

That arnica tablets do actually help!

That a tens machine helps too.

That one of the hardest bits was the car journey to the labour ward. I had a home birth the second time.

That you can gently remind medical professions you don't want to be on your back. They are very keen on it as it helps them to see but you need gravity on your side!

That hippy dippy hypnobirthing was the best thing I did, despite being a practical, no nonsense, crystal hating pessimist and now I know why people get preachy about it!

CourgettiSpaghetti · 09/03/2020 09:11

The first poo, I remember.trying to ages to do one. It felt like I was giving birth all over again and was definitely much smaller than it felt.
The epidural only working partially. In my case on one leg from the my right hip to the right knee.
Thinking I was going to having a poo but it was actually the baby coming. I remember apologising to the midwife and doctor in the room beforehand as.i was worried they'd be overcome with the smell, they just laughed.
That it's very tricky to gauge how heavy the baby will be in the weeks leading up to actual birth. I was told 8lbs and bought baby clothes to fit. In reality the baby was over 10lbs Shock

TowelStripes · 09/03/2020 09:12

Oh, and I had to breathe through after pains like another contractions and they happened about 15 times a day for 3 days!

Stock up on lactulose and drink plenty of water, piles when trying to learn to breastfeeding are not good!

That you feel 'empty' inside for a while after before your organs all move back down! So weird. Not pleasant but not unpleasant.

I was freezing after giving birth! Didn't get the sweats or hot like others.

Oh, and no everyone leaks milk or feels let down. I do neither of these things, nor did my mum or sister! Must be in the genes.

TowelStripes · 09/03/2020 09:16

Agree with @CourgettiSpaghetti. My baby was estimated at 8lb 4,was a 10lber too. Lucky I washed the 0 to 3 clothes along with the newborn stuff.

Oh, and finally, that your placenta doesn't just stop working after 40 weeks and you're not "overdue" until 42 weeks. Yes, your placenta can stop being efficient after 40 weeks but it's actually quite rare. You can be monitored regularly to pick this up instead of deciding to choose an induction. The induction will be booked for you when you get to 37/38 weeks and presented like the absolute obvious choice. It isn't, in my mind. Your dates are a guess based on average sizes of the feotus at the 12 weeks so not full proof. You may just need another day or two to go into natural labour, with a perfectly healthy baby and placenta and avoid all the horrible painful drips and monitoring!

TowelStripes · 09/03/2020 09:17

Fool proof!! Haha, awks.

SoupDragon · 09/03/2020 09:18

That, whilst it is fucking painful, one you've had the baby it stops. (Afterpains excepted!). It's obvious really but omg, the relief!

That it really doesn't matter how you give birth - don't beat yourself up if it's not what you expected or planned for.

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 09/03/2020 09:21

Fundamentally how bloody dangerous pregnancy and giving birth is. I almost died at 8 weeks pregnant and again giving birth.

PatchworkElmer · 09/03/2020 09:27

Swelling of feet and legs afterwards.

Also- I was prepared for the blood, but not the clots. One of mine was almost as big as a tennis ball and I was absolutely hysterical when I passed it.

Blueswede · 09/03/2020 09:27

That you literally give birth twice. Once to a baby and again to the placenta. My placenta weighed more than my baby!! And you might push a few big clots out before the placenta even makes an appearance!
Trying to wee and poo after is scary AF. I bit down on a clean towel to pee (stingy) and ate prunes to help poo (the fear that you’ll push and everything will fall out!)

SoupDragon · 09/03/2020 09:33

I don't remember delivering the placenta for any of my 3. Maybe the last one but it was a non event really!

Witsendagain · 09/03/2020 09:50

That contractions don't have to come in waves. AND THAT'S OK!
Mine were just a constant tight feeling until they decided to augment me because they weren't waves. I was already 6 cm so it must of been doing something!

FeeFee382 · 09/03/2020 10:10

@artus that's so true!

OP posts:
FeeFee382 · 09/03/2020 10:13

@doodlejump that sounds quite hellish...

OP posts:
TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 09/03/2020 10:17

That all your worries about privacy and dignity go right out of the window during labour. In the moment you won't care if a marching band goes through your room while your legs are wide open and you're topless because it was just too goddamn hot to wear clothes.

You might care a bit afterwards, but during labour it won't register at all.

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