embarrassed about birth...

[Butterflyy20]

i had a very quick labour lasting 2hours, i screamed and cried and barely noticed my dh, which now i feel so guilty about as they were so miserable and made me stop crying and screaming as i wasn't having a "contraction" but it constantly hurt for me. I am so embarrassed i even had a poo (tmi) before and they stood there and watched me, just a bit traumatised and can't stop crying about it. anyone else?

Ah that's birth for you op, it's never pretty, maybe you and your husband need to sit and talk, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, it's a natural process, and as said, not s pretty one.

The whole "made" you stop crying and screaming is concerning though, were fhey just traumatised by what was occurring, maybe trying to calm you down, or is there a history of controlling behaviour?

If you had s successful birth then focus on your baby, trust me, as births go, yours sound like one of the better ones.

Try to relax - you sound like you are still very tense. Birth can be overwhelming, rest and see how it goes over the next few days - speak to your midwife if you still feel so traumatised a few days later.

Have you only just given birth?

Quick labours can be really hard as they are so intense and after my quick labours my body went into a bit of shock and I couldn't stop shaking for ages.

Are you able to have a debrief with a midwife?

Hopefully your partner can now concentrate on the baby and won't be worrying about how you were in labour. Would it help to talk it through with them?

It's all traumatising really isn't it OP. I was really embarrassed too especially with my third, I was close to pushing baby out but wasn't in a suitable place to give birth so three male paramedics arrived and I was literally farting my arse off in front of them then my waters exploded over two of them. I'm still embarrassed now a year and a half later.

It's not the most glamorous thing to do in front of people but we all go through these things. I'd recommend talking about it with someone if you continue to feel this way.

Who on earth were telling You to stop crying? Giving birth is for a lot of women unsurprisingly incredibly painful. No one should be making you feel guilty. I feel really sorry for you that you're feeling this way op, birth is not pretty, I farted, threw up, probably shat myself, I cried, swore etc. But my partner stood by my side and supported me as yours should have.

Who on earth are "they"?

That's really concerning.

When I had my ds last year, my dp put his hand on my back to try and comfort me and my response was to say to him "don't touch me". My body was already under so much pressure that I couldn't bare him even touching me
And I poohed in the bed and absolutely did not care one bit. Dp was mortified but I really didn't care. It was the kind of thing that bothered me with my first labour, but my second I could just see the bigger picture.
Go easy on yourself and be proud of yourself for getting through it.

Oh my gosh I had a water birth and there was poo in the water and I was soooooo embarrassed I was trying to catch it in this net whilst having contractions and screaming and the poo kept floating away as fast as I was swiping at it...basically birth is not pretty but you should feel proud as you've done something fucking hard! The midwife did tell me off for wailing as she said it was a waste of energy...for me that was good as it made me focus! Maybe that's what they meant?

I remember being pregnant with my first when I was 18, and I was so nervous about whether I would poo myself in front of dp and what he would see etc. It turns out I didn’t but he witnessed a lot, including showering me naked while I was throwing up on myself and had a catheter bag in. He was only young himself and honestly, I wasn’t embarrassed and neither should you be! I honestly wouldn’t worry about ‘ignoring’ him either. It’s not always a big romantic bonding moment thing, with ds my labour was so fast all I could do was scream, and I didn’t notice my dp either. 2 hours with dd, 20 minutes with ds.
Your labour is done now, hopefully you’ve had no complications and can relax and enjoy spending time together.

I’d just like to know why he was miserable? Was he worried or actually annoyed you were ‘ignoring’ him.

Who are ‘they’ and why do you care that you ignored DH? You were a bit busy! Giving birth isn’t pretty and each birth is so different. I pooped but I couldn’t care less, the midwives have seen it all before. I didn’t care what DH thought either because he wasn’t the one squeezing a kid out of a very small hole!

I hope 'they' is not your DP standing there miserably and telling you to stop screaming.

If it is, your DP should know that 'they' are a selfish, self absorbed bellend.

I'm so sorry you had such a traumatising experience

You sound like you did amazing! In just two hours as well! Giving birth is a very daunting experience for lots of reasons, no one does it gracefully and glamorously. Nearly every woman I know has told me an ‘embarrassing’ birth story. Doesn’t help when you’re still so hormonal and emotions are all over the place. Big hugs

Is this your first baby and was it recent? Can you speak to your midwife to debrief?

Quick labours are a different kettle of fish.

Precipitous birth.

They’re the only type of labours/births I’ve ever had. My last baby was born within an hour of my first contraction.

People are a bit annoying and like to say say ‘you're lucky’ as the stereotype we have all grown up with is a prolonged labour with a build up of contractions and pain, especially for first time mums, who are often labouring for many hours, many of them spent at home with minor but increasing pain.

Taking a little walk, taking paracetamol, having a bath, or even putting on tens machine pads in early labour is inconceivable for me! So far away from my own experiences! My first contraction took away my ability to do anything apart from scream for help. From zero to 10+

Precipitous births have their own issues. Quick onset of contractions with not much time between causes problems with regards to getting to hospital safely and in time and also with getting pain relief. Epidurals were never ever mentioned or offered as there was no time! Even the gas didn’t work for me, maybe because I hadn’t had time to build it up or work out how to use properly, I don’t know. So your pain relief options are hugely limited for a start.

Other complications of a precipitous birth are increased risk of tearing and haemorrhage so more reasons why youre not ‘lucky’ to have a quick birth.

Look after yourself and your baby

Oh bless you! This is all normal. You’re incredible! You produced a human being! You should feel proud and brave and empowered.

Could you maybe talk to a birth reflections service, though, as it sounds like you’re traumatised?

I had a quick labour and I was in so much pain but the midwife didn't believe that I was ready to push so quickly so she got the sharp end of my tongue, I shit myself 3 times during labour amd it stunk. I'm over it, they've probably seen a lot worse!

Every mammal empties it's stomach and it's bowels when giving birth - it's a fact of nature- we humans are mammals and so that's what happens to us.
Every woman does it.
Every mammal does it.
There's no way to stop it happening.

I took comfort in this and strongly told my DP this fact of life so he could understand and be an adult man about it happening.
Chances are at some point in your relationship it will be him being sick and him losing his bowels in front of you and I'm sure he would want you to be understanding about it not being his fault and to be supportive and helpful.

Please stop being so hard on yourself OP xx

That’s birth!!!

We shit, vomit, cry, moo, scream, and there’s a reason for that - we are birthing a new human, our bodies are stretching beyond endurance, and it’s fucking agony.

Do NOT be embarrassed - be very, very proud of yourself.

I’m not sure what you expected

OP your post made me feel a little sad, if there is one time in your life where it gets to be all about you it’s when you’re giving birth. I did at least two poos while giving birth and DH is such a gent he still to this day pretends he didn’t notice!

Why do you think you should have been giving your DH attention or should have been crying less? Is he a controlling person?

Giving birth is traumatic, shocking and I was in such agony I thought I was going to rip in half. I think if you and the baby both survived you did bloody well. Nothing to be embarrassed about at all. I hope your partner is supportive?..

"they" are the midwives, dh was very supportive as much as he could be as i was telling him to leave me alone

I know loads of people would think a short birth is a blessing and a long one horrific but my dc2 labours was 52hrs, dc4 was less than 4. That slow and steady build up was so much nicer then the sudden intense one. Quick labours are actually quite distressing because there's no time to mentally prepare for it. Dont stress over how it went, it's done now. And all woman poo. That's perfectly normal. Birth ain't pretty

It sounds like he found it all overwhelming.

However.

You are the one squeezing a human being out of your own body, so you are entitled to do whatever you need. He can look on YouTube at some births if he thinks you’ve made a scene. You should take yourself out for coffee and cake with somone else who’s had a baby, talk it all over and give yourself a pat on the back — sounds like you were a trouper.

Sounds to me like your midwives weren’t on point.

They are to blame for making you feel a bit off about it.

You did nothing wrong and let me tell you, I bet I cried and moped and screamed and ignored my DH a lot more than you did! And I’m very proud of myself!

OP be proud and shrug your shoulders at the midwives who made you feel anything other than supported - that was their failing, not yours.

You can have a birth story debrief when you’re ready.

Giving birth is like going into another dimension. We do things differently there.