embarrassed about birth...

[Butterflyy20]

i had a very quick labour lasting 2hours, i screamed and cried and barely noticed my dh, which now i feel so guilty about as they were so miserable and made me stop crying and screaming as i wasn't having a "contraction" but it constantly hurt for me. I am so embarrassed i even had a poo (tmi) before and they stood there and watched me, just a bit traumatised and can't stop crying about it. anyone else?

Be proud of what u did and that's all u need to think

I pooped at least five times and the horrible midwife wouldn't even clean me up.

She also kept telling me not to scream and cry and forced my legs open at every contraction.

I'm not embarrassed though, she's the one who should be embarrassed for being such a shit midwife.

Oh and I told my husband to shut the fuck up several times even though he was being supportive and told him I hated him. I may have told the midwife I hated her too, but she definitely deserved it.

Aww op, midwives see this happen all the time, I promise you they won't have been fazed about a bit of poo & that's why they'll have just stood there & swiped it away. It's an every day occurence to them

Paediatrician was called as I was literally pushing baby out- he walked in, only a young ish man, i shouted "who the fuck are you? Get out now!" And he did. Until dd was born then stood in corner with his back to me looking traumatised. That was so out of character for me my OH was literally mouth open shocked. But you know what I was pushing a big baby out of a small hole with no pain relief and in my head a random man wondered in. I also threw up on myself with both dd & ds & cried and cried when waters broke in hospital as I'd made such a mess! Theres no logic or glamour in labour, its raw and emotional. OH was lucky to witness it.
I remember the day after my first my DH complained he had a sore hand as I'd squeezed too hard and after a few hours it had hurt his shoulder etc. 😂🙄 I still remind him he did that whilst I was sitting in a hospital bed with stitches!
Congratulations, DH is a grown man he'll be fine, it's all about you and baby now. Enjoy it xx

I was more or less in shock for maybe two weeks after childbirth... I had an uncomplicated birth on paper but I just didn't expect there to be so much pain. It was horrendous. I'm pretty sure I pooed too (I didn't ask...) and I definitely vomited, most likely both at once, and I screamed my head off, I really just didn't give a shite anymore during birth, just wanted it to be over. You are absolutely amazing for having pushed out that little human, it's nothing short of a miracle!!! Your midwifes sound like cold twats and your husband can talk once he has given birth himself.... Be proud of yourself!!!

That sounds completely normal to me. I screamed the place down with my first, midwives told me to quieten down (in the politest way) because I was scaring other ladies also casually pood A LOT while pushing (also normal!) infront of DP who hadn't even heard me fart at this point. I was a bit red faced afterwards but I laugh about it so much now. Don't worry. What you experienced is normal, it sounds like the midwives should be more embarrassed of themselves for making you feel it wasn't!

With my first i had to be transferred to a different hospital, had to get out of the pool while 2 male paramedics attempted to get me on a trolley with just a gown, i started with a contraction so just climbed on the bed, bent over, arse in the air an started pushin. In the ambulance, still pushin (midwife told me to push with out actually checking to see if i was ready to, hence trip to another hospital) i could feel i was doing a poo, so 'caught' it in a towel, arrived at the hospital and one of the paramedics shook the towel out to cover me while i got on the bed i didn't look to see what happened to the poo

Omg I thought it was just be who felt like this. Honestly I was so embarrassed at the way I went on in labour . Mine was really quick too and I felt like I made a right tit of myself but I'm sure we were just like everyone else really.

@Butterflyy20 birth trauma is a real thing, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. A quick labour can be so traumatic for both body and mind it can take a while to come to terms with even with the most supportive midwives during the event.

How old is your dc? Would it help to write things out here and get your thoughts out?

@00puds11 not sure that anything we expected of our first pregnancy and labour was close to the truth and reality. There are many threads on here of women laughing, commiserating and eye rolling at all the things they weren't told to expect.

So pop off, your non comment wasn't needed.

@Piixxiiee actually I think that’s quite a fair reaction to a strange male suddenly walking into your space whilst you are naked and vulnerable and pushing. When else would we be okay with that, let alone at a time when our minds and bodies actually need a safe and very private space to function best.

OP how long ago did you give birth? If it was recent then it might still feel very raw and you’re processing it all, plus may have a degree of trauma from everything. I’m pretty sure speedy labours are a risk factor for developing birth trauma.

I found birth and labour embarrassing and distressing too. If it helps nothing you’ve described is out of the ordinary. Making noise in labour is totally normal, many women cry and scream their way through it. Pooing when pushing is also completely normal- in fact most women actually poop during this part so it’s more unusual if it doesn’t happen. The midwives will have delivered other babies that week, even that very day, and seen/heard/dealt with the exact the same things. I know I screamed and pooped, I happened to bump into the midwife with my baby six months later and she had no recollection of me at all.

But feeling traumatised is also a very, very normal way to feel after birth. Have you spoken to your health visitor (assuming you’ve recently given birth) or doctor about this?

just to clear up dh was lovely!! shocked as it was quick but still lovely i just didn't one him or anyone else near me i barely noticed him lol

Completely normal to shut people out during labour. But your MWs were completely out of order by the sounds of things. Ask for a de brief and complain. But well done for birthing a new little human and I hope you can read some of the stories here and see you’re a normal birthing mammal and it’s often not pretty or romantic or whatever.

OP I was the same. I didn't want anyone touching me, at the same time I was terrified my husband would leave me.

Childbirth is definitely traumatic. It's not even the pain that bothers me now, it's remembering how scared and alone I felt, like being in some dark cave with no one around for miles.

I’ve had quick births; basically you are getting much much stronger, more painful contractions than in a normal birth. My first midwife was rubbish too; basically told me I was overreacting and making a big fuss and refused me any pain relief at all because she said I was too early on in labour.

She basically didn’t believe me when I wanted to push and I ended up giving birth with no pain relief whatsoever with only a student midwife in attendance.

Quick labours are awful. Some midwives are awful. None of it is your fault. Congrats on your lovely new baby.