What are DH/P and I right's when it comes down to him staying with me in labour/birth, induction and CS!??

[BabyMadandBIGbump]

I've heard some story's of late of DH/P being sent home when he in fact wants to stay (and DW/P also wants him to stay) during these times, I just wanted to know what are our rights regarding this! Thanks!

Unfortunately you have none, it is entirely up to the hospital. Generally hospitals will let a partner stay all the time once you are on delivery suite, but on the antenatal wards where you might be sent to await the onset of labour following induction, he will probably have to keep to normal visiting hours. Usually partners are allowed for cesareans if done under spinal/epidural but not if done under general anaesthetic.

If you're being induced and you are on an antenatal ward, then your dh will be sent home overnight.

If you end up staying in after the birth and you are on a regular post-natal ward, then again, dh will be sent home overnight.

Once you are in a delivery suite then dh will be able to stay with you throughout.

If (God forbid) you need a crash section / a section under GA, then DH will probably be advised to stay out - although he can insist on being there to care for the baby.

However, all of these only really apply if you're on a consultant-led unit - if you're on a midwife-led unit, then they usually allow DHs to stay overnight if they want.

hth

One thing to add - if you have a cs and are in the post-op observation room, rather than normal ward, dh will be sent home overnight as well (or at least that is the case in our hospital). The delivery suite is probably the only place that dh will be allowed to stay at all times.

Oh and also my dh wasn't allowed in the theatre while they put the spinal block in for cs, but could come in afterwards for the op.

There was a discussion about this on the yahoo ukmidwifery list a few months ago & it was quite interesting reading about the different hospitals' policies.

I think it does depend on your hospitals' policy, but also on how you present the idea to them....telling them rather than requesting it helps usually!

I transferred in from a home birth & so a lot of the treatment we had was probably as a result of that...but tbh I would expect the same even if I had planned a hospital birth. We were offered either the "family" room or a private room for me post birth for us all to sleep together (although when I say we I really mean DH was asked & turned the nice comfy family room down coz he wanted to go home ) and later on we insisted DH be allowed to stay with me when I was having trouble bfing & I just wanted to leave then & there as they were doing more hampering than helping....in the end he went home in the early hours as he wasn't comfy sleeping in the floor...but had they not been full they said they would have found a bed for him to kip on......any future birth plans will include the purchase of a small airbed for these occasions . DH is not the sort to blindly follow orders which helped get what we wanted....but it did seem that they were happy to help us feel at home as we couldn't be there iyswim.

I would also expect DH to be allowed to stay with me at all times during the birth, whether it's hospital policy or not....and especially if I was having a CS under general as I would want him to be present at the birth and give our DS/DD skin to skin as I wouldn't be able to. DH isn't squeemish at all & I think a lot of hospitals assume that most people are & wouldn't want to see their loved ones under a general or being given anaesthetics so they simply say you can't be present.....but if you tell them that you are fine with it they are usually happy to go along with your needs. It's the same for ops & proceedures...if you tell them that you don't mind looking at what they doing for example they are usually happy to oblige. DH had a minor op on his privates last year & insisted he didn't have a screen put up as he wanted to watch...the nurse was very surprised but obliged & DH had a nice chat with the surgeon all the way through the op!

In our unit, partners cannot stay in the ward after 10pm. THis is due to hospital security and respect for other women in the ward. Induction of labour can take a few days so it is sensible in my mind that partners go home to get some decent sleep. It's no fun sleeping in a chai and it means that partners can be knackered before labour begins too.

As said already partners can stay throughout in the labour ward, especially since we have individual labour rooms with ensuite facilities.

If a C/S is needed under GA, partners are asked to leave theatre because it is not pleasant to see someone being intubated for a GA. We take the baby straight out to dad anyway so there is no point being in theatre IMO.

You need to ask what the policy is at your own hospital because they all vary depending on the ward layout etc.

Mears..you said "We take the baby straight out to dad anyway so there is no point being in theatre IMO."

Surely you can see that there is a point to having someone related to the baby present when it is born? Having a baby is & should be a family experience, even when it becomes highly medicalised. Would you be happy getting married but having to stand outside the ceremony hall/church, and then someone pokes their head outside the door & say "you are married" when it's done? Of course you wouldn't...so why expect the same for mums & dads having a baby. It's an imortant family occasion.

It necessary IMO for the mother to have their birthing partner present should they wish it, so that they can be debriefed and hear what actually happened and still feel a part of the process. In an ideal world their trusted midwife would perform this role...but most women in the UK don't have one midwife who they know & trust & who handles all of their care. Oten the midwife who looks after them in the theatre is a complete stranger like everyone else in the room, and then their post birth care is handled by different midwives so it's imprtant IMO that the father or other birthing partner takes up this role.

I should think as well that it helps the bonding between mum & baby to have someone trusted present at the births. That way the mum can be assured that this strange baby they are handed when they awake is definitely theirs and has had people present when he/she was born that will love him/her unconditionally because he/she is family. I would hate to think that the single most important day in the life of me and my child happened in a room surrounded only by strangers .

I understand what you are saying but the father would be very traumatised IMO to see his partner unconscious, intubated and ventilated. There is nothing nice about witnessing a caesarean section. Women who have a GA tend to belld more heavily and I am sorry I don't think there is anything to be gained by having the father in theatre.

The father is in a room right next to the theatre and he gets to see and hold the baby ASAP.

GA is very rare these days and usually it is because of some kind of complication. If dad's are in theatre at the point GA is needed, we take them out. It really isn't nice.

I don't think the marriage analogy works but i do see where you are coming from though.

I went to hospital in early labour as I was not coping with the pain (dd was occipito posterior so that was the culprit I think)

It was the middle of the night so I was given pain relief and admitted to a ward and dh was sent home. We hadn't been told that this might happen, although it seems obvious in hindsight - I thought that if I turned up in labour, whatever stage I was at, I would be admitted to the delivery suite.

It was pretty traumatic b/c I'd never considered the possibility of being separated from dh - in practice it meant I got to 8cm dilated on my own, albeit with pain relief, and obv a nurse on the ward if I needed her.

It would have made all the difference if I'd been prepared for this scenario but it had never been mentioned.

my dp stayed with me but i also paid to have a chinese doc present throughout too, it helped that he was also the scenior midwife at the hospital. How does this affect doulas? i wasn't aware of this policy

Yes some fathers, would be very traumatised by seeing their partner unconscious, intubated and ventilated....My own father fainted at my birth when Mum had a major epesiotmy (sp) & forceps to turn & extract me...but he is a lightweight who faints at the sight of his own blood normally anyway .....but not all men are the same & blamketly saying the the father "would be..." is a little presumtive and rather patronising tbh...my DH as I have already explained is not at all squeemish or emotional when it comes to these things & has already said he is very happy to be present if I am under a general.

Surely it would be best not to have a policy that makes assumptions about these things but instead just clearly explain to the father what will be happening & let him make his own decision. Yes, most men would probably choose not to be present when faced with a brief description of what happens...but those like my DH that would want to stay shouldn't have to fight to see their child born.

I'm sure you could insist on being present.

i get a terribly sneaky suspicion that a few chaps would be quite relieved to be sent home..

I stayed with a client on the AN ward until 11 pm, 2 hours after visiting finished, sat quietly with her, reading and talking quietly, MW gave me blanket and pillow and said i could stay in the labour ward waiting room...which i did , until 8 am, when i begged to be allowed back into AN ward after a night of no sleep ! i was let back in and stayed all day with my client until she had her baby at tea time

being quiet, keeping out of the way and respecting the MWs was probably a better way than shouting the odds and demanding to be allowed to stay

so if you do want to push the point , then do it in a respectful way....

yes you don't you're midwife on a downer..

your

I'm not very good at the touchy feely approach I'm afraid and tend to think that I have rights and am not going to be dictated to under any circumstances.. which is why I asked the scenior midwife to be present and to represent my interests as well as treating me with acupuncture.

senior ... what is wrong with me today

I personally think that when a crash c-section is called for anyone, absolutely anyone that might get in the way of the surgeons and nurses doing the job should not be in the room.
As Mears said, the baby (if all well, and must remember that a crash c-section seems to be performed because of threat to life of the baby/mother) will be taken ASAP to the father.

Let's say that the doctors take on trust that the father would be OK seeing his partner intubated, ventilated and so on, with a crash section going on. What if it then transpires that the father isn't actually OK - faints/gets upset/whatever. It's a distraction that they could do without I would imagine.

After all, with dd I was convinced that I'd manage fine with no pain relief and that it'd be lovely and natural and affirming. IN the end (though was quite a straghtforward delivery) I would rather not have been there!

DH was with me during my attempt at labour then came into theatre whilst i had emergency c-section. However once wheeled out of theatre he was asked to go home because it was 2am in the morning and partners werent allowed on the ward...

If you are induced it can take a long time for anything to happen - you could be on an ante-natal ward for sometime. I was in overnight and I just wanted to sleep - of course there was nowhere for DH to sleep except a chair which is not really practical.

Once I was taken to delievery to have my waters broken properly I called DH to come back and he was able to stay.

I think the staff tend to be a bit more leniant in private room than on a shared ward, but there still won't be anywhere for your DH to sleep IYSWIM.

I was induced and had my dd within 4 hours

In the hospital i was in there was a special area in the op theatre where the father could stand so they could be present for a c-section

People can say that their DH wouldn't mind seeing their partner under a GA, but I think there is no way of knowing this - it is very traumatic seeing someone unconcious in theatre. I've seen dozens and dozens of c-secs inc quite a few under GA. One that I saw was a girl I'd been friends with at school but hadn't seen for a few years, so its not even as if we were good friends. I was quite traumatised and close to tears seeing someone I knew and cared for in that situation, I would hate to think how bad it would have been for her husband to heve been there.