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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Help in hospital scared

39 replies

PenelopePeachStone · 31/07/2019 02:57

Hi there

I have been having regular scans for slow growth and on Friday the Doppler scan showed reduced fluid around baby...

Was addmitted the same day with an induction booked for Saturday which I felt slightly pressured into by consultant and dh who is more concerned about baby.

Now I hate HATE hospitals and I have ongoing issues with anxiety disorder, when we got here the place was about 45 degrees and I had a massive panic attack while on monitoring which meant more monitoring I was on the machine for about 3 hours... midwives asked if I was ok but didn’t really delve as very busy and short staffed.

So in over the weekend and nothing happened with induction as so busy and twice a day monitoring shows baby is just fine where he is (ctgs are still textbook apparently)

So baby fine I am not.

The first pessary finally went in on Monday morning and all I have to show for it is raised blood pressure- was 118/61 on fri morning is now 143/93 and it’s all anxiety.

I’m in an induction bay... there is no privacy, other ladies are going into labour all around and groaning in pain until space can be found on labour ward and this is my first so I’m finding this absolutely terrifying as this is my first..

I hate other people’s noise and being on the ward is chiselling away at my nerves... I didn’t know it was possible for women to snore so loud... I’ve got earplugs in but I can still hear... there’s a new baby in a private room about 20 feet away who’s been crying all night, doors are slamming, machines are beeping I’ve had a headache for 3 days...

I never wanted an induction as I feel strongly about forcing my body into something it’s clearly not ready for (bishop score is currently 1) due to low fluid I went along with the whole thing :(

I hate it here I’m being examined by a different midwife everyday and my vag is sore and I’m starting to feel horribly violated...

I was having vague cramps but now pesseray is out and I’m on a rest before next one they have stopped I have no doubt this is due to the anxiety crushing them like a bug.

They coming back early in the morning to try again... I was crying for about 3 hours. I don’t want them to do it... I don’t want to be on this bay any more... every instinct I have is screaming at me that this is not going to work.

I’m now terrified of prolonged stalled labour with my greatest fear (episiotomy / instrumental delivery) coming true... and I’m lying here wishing I’d had an abortion or I was dead I seriously can’t Cope with this...

What do I do? I’d prefer a caesarean,I’ve reached the upper limit of my endurance and I can’t do it any more...

Well done if you got through that... I’m not really feeling very eloquent today xxxx

OP posts:

AlwaysDancing1234 · 31/07/2019 03:02

I can’t offer any medical advice but didn’t want to leave your post unanswered. Just sending you calming thoughts and a hand to hold
You can get through this. I do understand the hospital and birth anxiety. When the doctors/midwife do their rounds in the morning please be honest with them. You also don’t have to consent to repeated internal examinations, they can keep an eye on you with monitoring.
Hope you manage to get some rest and meet your baby tomorrow.

VashtaNerada · 31/07/2019 03:04

You sound like you’re really suffering. I don’t have much to say other than the old “this too will pass”. It won’t be long before this bit is over and you have a lovely baby in your arms. Your life is about to change for the better and you will never know love like it.

Mummaofmytribe · 31/07/2019 03:05

Sending you a handhold. You poor love. Please try to find someone you can tell honestly how awful you're feeling. I'm thinking of you.

MeakTiger · 31/07/2019 03:06

Hugs.

Childbirth can be so hard; I have a real fear of medical procedures and had to be induced early twice. It can take a while and wards are horrible places.

If your consultant recommended it, it’s for good reason. You are in the right place. Maybe ask if there are any private rooms available (my trust had some you could pay for) and explain to somebody how you are feeling. I’ve had both a c-section and a prolonged natural labour with complications and wouldn’t really say one was better than the other.

The most important thing is tell somebody exactly how you are feeling. Ask to see the ward manager. Tell them everything you’ve posted here.

Congratulations because soon you’ll have your baby and this rubbish bit will be behind you. It does pass.

Sugarskulllover · 31/07/2019 03:08

I would say you have every right to speak with the consultant about your concerns and feelings. I believe you would still be entitled to have a caesarean if that's what you want.
There are a lot of factors at play here and your welfare should be top priority with baby.
I had a terrible induction which resulted in a caesarean and I wish they'd just don't that in the first place rather than messing me around! I hated induction I was in hospital for 5 days before my son was born. So I would say speak to the midwife at your next monitoring and emphasise what you want. It's your body so you can have a say as to how you want your baby to be born. Wish you all the best xxx

Squeakybubbles26 · 31/07/2019 03:15

Thinking of you OP! I literally got induced 3 weeks ago, so know what your feeling with regards to the wards, sounds, the constant examination and the midwives being so busy and under pressure!
Just for reassurance try and think of the bigger picture, your there for the best interest of baby (and yourself)! Once your labour gets rolling the end will be in sight, the annoying thing about inductions are you don't know how long that could be! However at least you know by Friday, hopefully even by Thursday you'll have your gorgeous baby in your arms and you can forget all this! Once your home it's a lot easier! I hated the hospital period - even though the medical staff are there to help etc I just wanted to be on my own/with my family! Try and get some rest !! xxx

ChristinaMarlowe · 31/07/2019 03:20

Got home for hospital nearly two weeks ago with DD2 (c-section) and it honestly feels 5 minutes ago. I totally feel your pain and wish I could give you a big but gentle hug
Tell the ward manager what you're feeling - be as ho est a you have in your post - and tell them that you want the c-section if you don't progress. Your MH is vitally important, anxiety is horrendous in these situations. I second the request for a private room if you can afford it, it will really help to have your own space.
I'm only just realizing that the post natal anxiety (didn't even know it was a thing back then) I had with DD1 - now nearly 7 - never really went away and am suffering from it all over again with this baby but am determined this time to speak to the GP if it continues.
You have the right to feel secure and to enjoy your baby with all the support that you need and your HC team have a duty to help provide this if you are honest with them. Will be thinking of you. Good luck OP Xx

Mybobowler · 31/07/2019 06:50

Oh, you poor thing. Please tell someone how you're feeling - show them your post if that's easier. They're there to help and care for you.

I had to stay in the antenatal/induction ward due to complications, and all of this sounds so familiar - it was grim. Try to hang onto the fact that you won't be there for long - your baby will be here soon, and this will quickly feel like a distant memory.

Good look x

Original poster

PenelopePeachStone · 31/07/2019 13:08

Thank you for your replies every one - didn’t want to post and disappear...

Am waiting to see a consultant and have a chat... the midwives here are all angels and the first thing they said is that we won’t go any further until there’s been a chance to discuss...

Xxx

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 31/07/2019 13:12

Feeling so anxious and scared is a sure fire way to stop your body going into labour.
You need to feel safe and secure to labour and it sounds like you feel none of those things.
Ask for a private room or if that isn’t possible to go home once pessary is in. They need to work with you, it sounds horrendous.

Girasole02 · 31/07/2019 13:20

Speak up and tell them how you feel. Really lay it on the line. Throw money at it if you need to. I didn't and am sure it contributed to PND. Thinking of you.

Original poster

PenelopePeachStone · 31/07/2019 19:42

Hi all thank you for replies it’s really given me the push to just talk honestly to the midwives...

I’ve got a private room now and while it’s not exactly quiet it’s definitely calmer and I can feel the tension slowly melting away... have seen the consultant and am tentatively booked in for cs TMZ...

consultant has been wonderful and arranged for me to see mental health midwife/ psychology person tomorrow as well.

Definitely sending these guys a huge box of Krispy Kreme donuts when we’re out of here I can’t rate them highly enough.

Thanks again to everyone xxx

OP posts:

AlwaysDancing1234 · 31/07/2019 20:14

Sounds like it’s all moving in the right direction now, we’ll done on speaking out. Hope you manage to get some rest tonight now that you have a private room and a plan in place.
Tomorrow could be your little ones birthday!! Sending lots of happy thoughts your way

NCBabyBoy · 31/07/2019 23:16

Well done! This is exactly the kind of care you are entitled to. Please be proud of standing up for yourself, it's not easy and definitely not in such a vulnerable position. Please update when DBaby has arrived :)

ChristinaMarlowe · 01/08/2019 04:49

So glad things are more positive, well done for talking to the hc team and being so brave. It's so bloody hard. Thinking of you and hoping it's all going well for you. Sending lots of love xx

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 05:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SimplySteveRedux · 01/08/2019 06:38

Just wanted to say good luck for you today, think the CS would ease your anxiety, it definitely did with DP. Could be baby hugging later 😃🥰🥳

AlwaysDancing1234 · 01/08/2019 07:05

Good luck for today, you’ll have your beautiful baby in your arms very soon!

Original poster

PenelopePeachStone · 01/08/2019 19:54

Hi all just for the happy ending... baby Charlie arrived via csec at 4.15 and he’s perfect....

He’s a little baby only 5lb10oz but he’s responsive and strong and knows what he wants already xx

Thanks everyone for the kindness and advice xxx

Love to all

Peach, Mr Peach and baby C xxxx

OP posts:

FusionChefGeoff · 01/08/2019 19:59

PHOTO!!!!

Oh, and congratulations

Nicecupofcoco · 01/08/2019 20:00

Ahh congratulations! Happy birthday baby Charlie!
Hope your OK peach, and recover well!

Sexnotgender · 01/08/2019 20:12

Congratulations!!! Welcome to the world Charlie

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 01/08/2019 20:18

Aw well done OP you brave super mum. When I read I was going to post about my experience of refusing an induction but now I've read the thread I'll just send congrats and wish you a speedy recovery from your cs x

Original poster

PenelopePeachStone · 01/08/2019 20:51

OP posts:

PorterBella · 01/08/2019 21:02

Well done, OP, he's a little beauty.

Give me a shout if ever you want someone to hold him,
I'm available all day.

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