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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

How many children? How do you know when to stop?

58 replies

Miggins · 27/07/2007 21:27

I have two children, a boy and a girl. I never thought I'd want more than 2 children, particularly having 'one of each', however, I keep feeling that I'd like one more. I'm wondering if this is more a case of coming to terms with the fact that the child bearing phase of my life is over.
Is it common to feel like this or do you reach the point when you know you've definitely finished your family?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Leati · 27/07/2007 21:31

I thought I was done too. But then I started having this niggling urge to have another. I kept thinking it would go away. I finally told my husband, I wanted to have another. Turns out he was feeling the same way. She is 18months now.

colinandcaitlinsmommy · 27/07/2007 21:34

DH and I are done. We thought we would have one, but had "that feeling" and went for 2. He's been "fixed" right after the birth of DD, and neither one of us regret it. We have both felt this way since my pregnancy with DD. I wondered how it would go when other people got pregnant, but I have been genuinely happy for them, but not one bit sad that it isn't me.

I have a few friends of mine that feel as strongly as I do about their family being complete, but I'd say about half of my friends think they are done, but when their LO's hit their 1st birthday, they get broody, and some of them have more, and some debate about it for a long time, and some are still debating. I've found that the common thread for those of us who know we're through is age. Either our DH is really close to 40 (mine turns 40 next month), or some friends both of them are around 40, and that really gives us a sense of finality.

Mrsjaffabiffa · 27/07/2007 21:40

Miggins, We have just had our 3rd. I too had a boy and a girl but knew I wanted more. Dh and I always wanted four so there wasn't much discussion on number 3. She is 10 weeks old now, at first I was totaly off the idea of anymore, the pregnancy, birth and whole newborn thing with two others already really did me in. Dd1 was only 20mths when dd2 arrived. 3 under 5 is really tough, everyone warned me but I didn't believe them, now I know they were right. The jump from 2 - 3 I have found massive.

But, In the last couple of weeks I am already coming round to the idea of a number 4. The thought of Never being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, that newborn smell and all their wonderful firsts is something that I'm not sure I'm ready to accept yet.

Whatever you decide, good luck and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you.

startouchedtrinity · 27/07/2007 21:50

I'm done. I have three dcs aged 5, 3 and 1. My last pregancy was really hard, I've had three c-sections and my body has taken ages to recover - in fact I am still dealing with the anaemia. Although part of me would love to do the whole thing again my body just couldn't take it and my dcs need me fit and well.

Having said that, neither of us has been sterilised!

3andnomore · 27/07/2007 21:55

Hmmm. after first 2 children wasn't done...after 3. child...well...you just gotta look at my id and you get my drift...no diea though how it would have been had I had that lovely homebirth I had set out to have or if he had been a lovely newborn, etc....

I have 3 sons btw...and no urge to have anymore...and even the htought of a possible girl would not make me whoop wiht joy, lol...

I really think you know when you done.

startouchedtrinity · 27/07/2007 21:58

Yes, three is hard work (I have two dds and a ds). Every day is like groundhog day. Having said that, there was a big ds-shaped hole in our family before he came along and we have a huge amount of fun. But it is hard.

nearlyheadlessNell · 27/07/2007 22:01

we always wanted three. Had ds and it took 8.5yrs for dd to come along. In the intervening years we persuaded ourselves that 1 was the right number for us (as we thought that was our only option). When I fell with dd, we thought that we would try again straight after having her so that we could have our magic 3 again. HOWEVER as soon as dd was born, dh and I both knew straight away that our family was complete and we did not want any more. Even cuddling 2 beautiful days old babies recently did not stir us!

What fickle souls we are!

liath · 27/07/2007 22:03

DH and I always only wanted two - we have dd and ds and now I fancy another. I loathe being pg but ds is such a lovely baby he's made me all broody.....

Mind you my mum says after she had three she still felt broody and DH is NOT keen - he says I can get a dog!

Miaou · 27/07/2007 22:11

When we first got married, dh and I talked about having two, then a gap, then another two. We had dd1 and dd2, and I felt that that was enough (which dh was happy with). However, four years down the line I started getting broody again. I didn't say anything for about a year, but the feeling just got stronger and in the end I said I wanted another and we had ds1. When he was 10 days old I said to dh, "let's have another" . Ds2 is now 3 days old and we are definitely done - all the way through this pregnancy I knew it was my last, and although I am enjoying every minute with ds2 I am happy about it being the "last time" for it all.

Tommy · 27/07/2007 22:22

I have 3 boys and am definitely done!

I knew I didn't want just 2 children - for lots of reasons and found the last pregnancy very hard. I also was ill after DS3 as born and it frightened me into never doing it again.

DS3 is 5m and I'm pretty sure I won't change my mind

mummyto2littleprincess · 27/07/2007 22:24

well we said we would stop at 2 but were now expecting out 3rd in jan

clutteredup · 27/07/2007 22:26

After DD we 'decided ' we were stopping, well dh said so and i reluctantly agreed. DD2 turned up somewhat unexpectedly and I (after initial shock) was delighted, had always felt I wanted 3....now feel done.

macmama73 · 27/07/2007 22:31

We have two and that is enough for me.

Both DH and I have always had the idea of 2 children and after the last pregnancy and horrible birth (emergency cs) I am too frightened to be honest.

I also couldn't be bothered going back to the sleepless nights etc.

Ceolas · 27/07/2007 22:36

I don't know...

I had 3 in just over 3 years and thought I was done. Physically, the 3rd pregnancy was so hard with the 2 toddlers to run after. But as time went on I knew I wanted another.

Now DS (3rd baby) is 4 and I am 36 weeks pregnant with number 4. I thought this would be it, but in comparison, this pregnancy has been a breeze. We'll see how 4 children is in reality and take it from there

The other consideration for us is that DH is 9 years older than me (he'll be 40 just before baby comes along). He doesn't want to be an ancient dad!

VoluptuaGoodshag · 27/07/2007 22:37

I have one of each in quick succession and I'm done. I do think age is a major factor. I know my DH would have liked 3, possibly 4 (he's from a large family) we are both in total agreement that we are happy with two and the thought of going through sleepless nights and nappies well into our 40s just doesn't cut it. Also depends on the child too. My first was an angel. I ingorantly thought the second would be exactly the same and he's been difficult from the moment he was conceived. I'm exhausted by him. If he had been as easy then I may have considered a third but my body is telling me I'm knackered.

quadrophenia · 27/07/2007 22:38

I had four children in three years, never thought i would be done. My children are now 7 x2, 6 and 4 and life is lovely. i dread the idea of starting again, i really didn't ever think i would reach this point, but it just happened. When i get broody, I think of the nice things we do that would be complicated by a newborn and as if by magic i am cured!

TranquilaManana · 27/07/2007 22:40

miggins.
only read OP - apols if missed...blah blah...

but seriously, 2 is enough. you think it coz its true.
trust me.
i had stupid thought 3 was no big deal etc
i was WRONG

never let them outnumber you.

caveat: i loveme now theyre here and ill fight anyone says theyre not the best babies in universe etc etc. but bugger me if it aint as hard as a feckin ard thing lookin after 3.

caterpiller · 27/07/2007 22:47

I've got 5 and although my head says no more, I'm wondering if we should have just one more then call it a day. I am going through some major soul-searching on the subject too.

quadrophenia · 27/07/2007 22:48

Tranquliamanana

TranquilaManana · 27/07/2007 22:49

to you too Quad. hows it hangin?

quadrophenia · 27/07/2007 22:51

All good thanks, am still scraping mud off my clothes from Bog jam but OMG a weekend in mud is good for the soul

TranquilaManana · 27/07/2007 22:54

grrr. and . and other jealous noises.

glad you ahd fun!

quadrophenia · 27/07/2007 22:57

If it makes you feel any better every time i needed a wee i had to wear a yellow work jacket to keep the rain off, and evryone kept asking me where things were!!!

the i moaned at my dd for deliberately walking in a muddy bit and falling over, in full flow, wirth loads of people watching, i then proceeded to fall over myself

TranquilaManana · 27/07/2007 23:00

lol
you know, that does help.
any more?

quadrophenia · 27/07/2007 23:02

any more what? mud, children, beer???

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