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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Penetrative sex after vaginal childbirth

64 replies

ElenorRigby · 15/07/2007 10:38

Hi all

I was reading a thread yesterday on the relationships forum about a lady who was very apprehensive about trying sex !9 months! after vaginal birth!!

I was really gobsmacked and horrified that a vaginal birth could delay a resumption to a normal sex life, even after such a long time!

My partner and I had a very active sex life before I became pregnant- I would like that to return to normal as soon as possible after the birth of our lil girl.

So MNers please can you tell me how long after your births did you resume a normal sex life? Did a vaginal birth cause any physical problems that were an impediment to that? Was it easier to resume a normal sex life after a C section?

Thanks in advance...

Regards
Elenor

OP posts:
Tinasan · 17/07/2007 20:46

I'm very jealous of everyone getting 'back in the saddle' so soon . I had 2nd degree tears and an episiotomy - very messy tears apparently so was stitched up in theatre. Tried to resume intercourse at about 10 weeks but it was impossible - eventually I went to the GP who couldn't even give me an internal examination as I'd been stitched up so tightly, and scar tissue has formed all around the entrance to my vagina. I'm now on the waiting list at the hospital for them to fix things, hopefully it will be done in a couple of months but I can't say I'm looking forward to it - but it's a problem that needs to be sorted out, DD is now 9 months and we haven't had sex for more than a year!

Twinklemegan · 17/07/2007 21:56

Oh Tinasan - thank god I'm not the only one! (sorry for you though )

flipster · 18/07/2007 19:30

Tinasan - I've just recovered from a repair op following 2nd deg tear, infection, scar tissue and bad initial stitching up in op theatre following birth.
The good news is the repair op has been a complete success and although I was really scared about the whole process of being operated on down there again, it is amazing what a surgeon can do.
Not completely back to pre-birth, but prob not that different to anyone else.

This is 6 mnths postnatal, and I tested it out last night! - was apprehensive but all went well!
Good luck with the op - much better to get it done then get on with life. I felt I couldn't do that until now.

beansontoast · 18/07/2007 20:03

i have only skim read this thread....but in my experience..i think it was breast feeding that completely wiped out my libido....so resuming sex was a bit weird without the desire [saddish emoticon]

Tinasan · 18/07/2007 21:02

Thanks Twinklemegan and Flipster - glad to know I'm not the only one! And congrats on last night it must be a relief to be in working order again ...

pooka · 18/07/2007 21:22

Tinesan - I was also stitched too tightly, which showed up at the 6 week check up. Ended up having an episiotomy and restitch when dd was about 7 months old.
Wasn't much fun (the op - because I was breastfeeding and was told couldn't have a GA, I ended up with just local anaesthetic. Ouch).
But worth it in the end. Didn't have the same problems post-natally with ds, though had if anything a worse tear.

Tinasan · 18/07/2007 22:10

Pooka - the GP didn't examine my stitches at the 6 week check, I wish he had done as I'd probably have had the op by now! I'm still breastfeeding too, so they are going to give me a local and some 'happy drugs'... don't know exactly what these will be but I hope they make the whole experience go with a swing!

chipmonkey · 18/07/2007 22:41

re C-sections, my first one went quite badly and I developed an infection in the wound which made me very tired. I was also quite weepy and had a dull ache in my pelvis for quite a long time and really didn't want sex for a long time, definitely over 9 months. It was only after my second C-section that I realised how badly the first one had gone.

Rochwen · 19/07/2007 15:04

Breast-feeding can make you very dry as well. Keep that in mind and buy some lube.

pooka · 19/07/2007 21:00

Crikey - what I wouldn't have given for happy pills!

But my GP was a star. An absolute star. She noticed straight away - lots of my friends had GPs that didn't do a physical exam when they had their post-natal checks, so was lucky there. [hadn't actually got round to checking myself IYSWIM]

MrsT78 · 04/12/2007 15:30

Well DS was born in June and last night was the first time we have tried - I say tried as it was unsuccesful but at we are getting somewhere.
I had a very long labour and assisted birth (assisted by the DR placing her huge forarm across the top of my bump and pushing down - a but like squeezing the last of the toothpaste out of the tube!!!!!) DS had his fists up by his face and so I suffered a 3rd degree tear.
So partly I have not felt like having sex coz of the sort of numb feeling down below, partly coz I dont want to tear again and the thought of being tampered with down there again after so much during the 39 hour labour is offputting.
So last night I felt no presure and thought if i dont have a go now - they will have invented new moves by the time im ready! Surprisingly it didnt hurt around my stiched area where I thought it would but hurt on the inside very much like "the first time" losing your virginity
So in answer to your question its taken me 5 1/2 months to even go there probably be a few weeks yet until we fully resume to our chandeler swinging days.

Any other 3rd degree sufferers have a similar gap between birth and sex? Or is it just me?!

millie865 · 04/12/2007 16:25

I had a cs and I think it was about 4 weeks for us, but we weren't very energetic for quite a while after that. I didn't feel an overwhelming urge to have sex for quite a while, but wasn't opposed to the idea either so decided to give it a go and found I got into it.

I do think this is something that we never think will happen to us so it can be a real shock when suddenly we're not having sex anymore. Xenia's described the feeling of being touched out very well. And lack of sleep is a killer.

My top tip is not to wait until last thing at night when you are both exhausted but to grab your moments earlier in the evening or during the day at weekends. And to be prepared for the moments when your baby wakes up half way through. There were a couple of times when DH got really pissed off that she had woken up and I instantly went into full defensive mode. I think things got better when we managed to see things as him and me trying to sneak off together for sex rather like teenagers avoiding parents - if she woke up we'd laugh about being 'caught out' but we felt like we were in it together if that makes sense.

Yorky · 06/12/2007 21:37

DS was 5wks when we first 'did it' although I wouldn't say we were anywhere near back to normal then, interrupted sleep etc, and I'm not as interested although thats improving as I cut down b/f. Don't like having my boobs played with (not like me at all!) and much more comfy now he's in his own room.

HayleyandRoo · 07/12/2007 12:21

My friend was back at it after 3 weeks but my best friend suffered an exploding perinium so she couldn't until about 5 weeks (which was a little uncomfortable) and then at 6 weeks she was fine (before her 6 week check). It's probably sometimes more psychological and circumstancial than anything else. Sorry if I'm repeating what everyone else has said, I've only read a few posts on this thread as I'm at work

I intend to try to get back at it straight away so that it doesn't become a 'thing' for us. because me being pregnant and there being 'another person in the room' has already become a 'thing' for DP so we don't do it as often as before now

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