Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Penetrative sex after vaginal childbirth

64 replies

ElenorRigby · 15/07/2007 10:38

Hi all

I was reading a thread yesterday on the relationships forum about a lady who was very apprehensive about trying sex !9 months! after vaginal birth!!

I was really gobsmacked and horrified that a vaginal birth could delay a resumption to a normal sex life, even after such a long time!

My partner and I had a very active sex life before I became pregnant- I would like that to return to normal as soon as possible after the birth of our lil girl.

So MNers please can you tell me how long after your births did you resume a normal sex life? Did a vaginal birth cause any physical problems that were an impediment to that? Was it easier to resume a normal sex life after a C section?

Thanks in advance...

Regards
Elenor

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 15/07/2007 20:49

Yes, it was good. She was really writing exactly how she felt. Obviously for me it just helped confirm my view that for most women given up full time work when they have a child is a bad thing but that's a separate issue.

I also think some women aren't accommodating enough to their husbands, don't compromise enough and don't realise the importance of sex in lots of relationships and think it doesn't matter to let 3, 6, 9 months just pass by without trying and then the longer you leave it the harder it is to try and it becomes this major unspoken problem whereas if they just had a go and got on with it they might find it was fine and there's plenty to sex apart from vaginal sex anyway so that's not really the only issue. I think tiredness and hormones are more the problem for most women than anything physical.

morningpaper · 15/07/2007 20:53

Good points xenia

everything changes - your sex life will go in peaks and troughs - troughs don't mean it will be crap forever, you just need to try and accept that it happens... and a peak will come along again soon... maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years.

morningpaper · 15/07/2007 20:55

I remember my father came to visit me and DH about a week after baby1 was born - and after an hour or so he stood up and said "Right then, we are going to take the baby for a walk so that you two can go to bed and make love!"

Unfortunately he lives abroad, otherwise we'd have him over on a regular basis!

SydneyB · 15/07/2007 21:46

Xenia, yes, the work thing. I was dreading going back but now I am back its like everything is back on an even keel. We both feel like equals again and argue much less. Its much more obvious whose 'turn' it is to do things. And yes, its SO important to men, the sex thing. Not that you should do it FOR them as it were, but actually sometimes you should try and do it for them from time to time. And you never know, you might like it too. For me, that wasn't true for a good long while but I'm glad I didn't totally abandon hope. Its such a complicated issue and I just wish these things were discussed more openly!

calordan · 15/07/2007 21:50

1 week after each, go d we were so horny then ,had to use condoms and be very gentle, werent as knackered then as we are now

SydneyB · 15/07/2007 21:56

Calordan. Blimey. Impressed.

theprecious · 15/07/2007 22:05

how about after a c-section? I asked the midwife and she said 6 weeks. I could now (sorry if TMI ) but don't want to do myself damage / risk infection. Also do not want to wait six weeks!

youpeskykids · 15/07/2007 22:14

As both DSs were born by C-Section, I can only talk from my own experience. Me and DH managed to get jiggy a lot sooner than my other friends who'd had vaginal births. Not sure whether this says a lot about me and DH though!!!

Oh, and sod waiting for 6 weeks!!! Think it was 2 weeks for both DSs.

Judy1234 · 15/07/2007 22:30

Actually I don't see anything wrong in doing things for your other half whether they're female or male, although obviously if it's excrutiating agony for you he's not going to enjoy it anyway. If you wait for some golden moment when conditions are 100% perfect when you've little children you'll probably end up not having sex for 10 years.

Judy1234 · 15/07/2007 22:33

This the bit of the article which ends wrongly

"Jamie and I went from absolute equality to living on different planets. He went to work: he schmoozed important people, he ate out, he bought new suits. I stayed at home: I cleaned, I washed, I cooked, I shopped, I washed again and I thought about our Oxford degrees a lot. I was profoundly shocked to discover that this was the deal; that there was no other way of continuing the human race. I mean, I wanted to be a full-time mother, but I hadn?t reckoned on falling out of love with my husband as a result."

It's wrong because for most women with under 5s in the UK they do work and then they don't have this different planet experience. Being a housewife is not the only way to continue the human race. Indeed it's a minority path chosen by few these days for obvious reasons and IF you have the feelings like the lady in the article (and not all men and whom who are at home do) then it's not the only path, is it? She hates it at home so she should go back to work to get the equality she liked in the relationship. Other people are content with complementary type relationships.

bureaudenamechange · 15/07/2007 23:03

OK, I would advise having a go before your 6 week check even if you don't particularly feel like it. If it's really sore it's NOT normal and needs checked out.

expatinscotland · 15/07/2007 23:14

8 weeks with both girls.

I really, really don't like having sex whilst bleeding. I have very limited sensitivity at such times and it feels uncomfortable.

So waited till that was finished AND till I wasn't so sore.

I disagree with the post that says you shouldn't be sore after 6 weeks.

It all depends on how your body is healing.

I had a forceps delivery for my first and felt okay after 6 weeks, but I had a graze with my second and I was still pretty sensitive after 6 weeks.

I also had cervical erosion with the second that was still there 3 months later at a smear test.

I'm in my mid-30s, though. It's entirely possible a younger woman would have healed a lot faster.

satine · 15/07/2007 23:32

Ha ha, well done Xenia - even a thread on post-natal sex can be turned into a 'debate' on SAHM vs WOHM. With, of course, your usual spin.

Twinklemegan · 15/07/2007 23:34

Erm, 11 months and counting

mollysmummy77 · 15/07/2007 23:45

5 weeks after dd arrival. Had an episiotomy, went to see the doctor for 6 week postnatal check and she said, oh your stitches are healed fine, but I'd give it another month beofre resuming realtions with your husband. I must of looked quite sheepish because when I left, she smiled and gave me a bag of condoms and some melon flavoured lube!

bramblina · 15/07/2007 23:47

I had a 2nd degree tear, external and internal stitches. Felt OK at 3 weeks so tried, but it was the inside walls that hurt the most so stopped. Tried again at 8 wks and though it was uncomfortable it got better as we got on with it. At 12 weeks I enjoyed it though. I had thought it would be my perineum that would have hurt most but infact it was all interior for me. I was keen at 8 wks though to ease myself back in to it because I was aware if I had kept putting it off gawd knows it would have got worse.
And I was happy to use a condom as it helped in the lube dept, was a tad tense you see!

Caroline1852 · 15/07/2007 23:47

I have a friend with two daughters, aged 8 and 6. The six year old is referred to affectionately as the immaculate conception as my friend cannot remember having sex in order to have conceived..... and her and her husband have not had sex since. She reckons it's more common than we all imagine.

Twinklemegan · 15/07/2007 23:49

Caroline - you have just given me hope that DS will have a sibling.

Judy1234 · 16/07/2007 08:16

C, presumably it was conceived with her lover then?

Original poster
ElenorRigby · 16/07/2007 11:03

breathes sigh of relief!

Thanks for the replies!!

I had been really afraid after reading about the lady who was only trying to resume after 9 months! Im already frustrated by a combination of my size (Im currently 36 weeks gone) tiredness and DP's fear of hurting me/baby curtailing things atm!

Reading peoples experiences here has set my mind more at rest.

Thanks again

Elenor

OP posts:
LoveAngel · 16/07/2007 11:45

10 weeks for us. I had a c-section, mastitis and was bloody well knackered...I just didn't feel like sex at all for a good few weeks, and to be honest, I could probably have left t for another few months if I hadn't felt bad on my DH.

Judy1234 · 16/07/2007 12:30

In our case my husband wasn't very keen when I was pregnant (when I was) and I wasn't so much once the babies were here (when he was).

FirenzeandZooey · 16/07/2007 12:34

I can't remember exactly, but it would have been about 5 months I think - I wasn't healed enough until then

tbh other things do take priority but if all has gone well there is no reason why you shouldn't resume as soon as you feel like it

mozhe · 16/07/2007 13:29

That's the thing about men isn't Xenia
Hope to come back in next life as lesbian....

meandmy · 17/07/2007 11:14

i had vaginal birth no tears just small graze and was having sex 6days later was bit uncomfortable, i think if id left it longer i would have lost all my courage and would have been to sore and tired.

Swipe left for the next trending thread