The most important thing is to find your trusted sources of support.
If at all possible, find a local BF support group and go along while you're still pregnant so that you've met people and it isn't a big daunting thing once you've had the baby. You'll want to go back and show him/her off and it will be nice to know you can feed in front of people without feeling self conscious. Then you have people you can ask for advice/support/any random questions you think of later.
If you need help/support follow this hierarchy:
- Ask the midwives from labour ward. You can usually call them 24/7 for a few days after discharge and they will give advice and send a community midwife if you need it.
If you have been discharged/you didn't find their advice helpful:
- Ask your health visitor. She sounds quite knowledgeable about BF if she says that you will feel like you're constantly feeding for 2 months :) I'm sure it won't be too late to ask her questions. You might have a phone number for her? If not you should be able to get the central HV phone number by calling your GP's reception and asking. If you don't want to phone or can't find a number, she will visit you again after birth anyway, and you can get her contact details then. She will likely also tell you when the regular baby clinic is which you should be able to see her (or her colleagues) at.
If she can't help you and/or in addition:
If you can't find a group or you need help more urgently:
- Phone one of the breastfeeding helplines.
National Breastfeeding Helpline – 0300 100 0212
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers – 0300 330 5453
La Leche League – 0345 120 2918
National Childbirth Trust (NCT) – 0300 330 0700
If you are still stuck and you want to try something more:
- Look for an IBCLC. You can find one through here. But bear in mind that these are private practitioners and may charge. You may also have to travel. Some operate support groups for free/low cost but others don't.
Other general tips:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is only 99p on kindle, you can get a free kindle app on your phone and have it on hand wherever you are. It is worth it IMO. It has decent enough info in it. The name is simply historical (it's an updated version of a pamphlet written in the 60s).
IME, it's too much hassle to express just so your partner can give a feed. That ends up being more work for you than it's worth. Your supply will not disappear if you give an occasional bottle of formula (but definitely wait until your mature milk has come in, preferably a couple of weeks as a minimum) so if you want your partner to take over occasionally to give you a break, personally I'd just do that. Or even just having him care for the baby and then bring him to you to feed and take him away to settle him once he's finished feeding can give you a break too. It's possible to express if you feel very strongly against formula, but it's not the be all and end all. And FWIW it makes no difference when you give a bottle as to whether the baby will refuse it later or not, so there is no rush to introduce one early. Just do so if and when it is more convenient than breastfeeding.
For Dad/baby bonding:
Dad can have a task or routine which is just his e.g. bathing (I like bathing as it has skin to skin and is fun once the baby starts enjoying it plus being in the bath with the baby is a easy way to bath them when they are tiny and wriggly). Or taking the baby for a walk in the sling or pram every evening or something like that.
Let him figure out his own ways to settle the baby sometimes even though the baby will cry - the baby will cry for you too at first so let him go through it as well. It's good for them. My DH ended up with a particular song our baby loves which doesn't work the same when I sing it so we have our own little things.
If you feel like nitpicking over something try to step back and ask if it's really important/wait a while and see how it goes. Sometimes mums fuss and step in and make the dad feel like he isn't allowed to do things his way with the baby. Unless you have safety concerns or he's causing you a problem leave him to it. He will ask if he wants advice. And ask him, if you want to know how he does something.
Make it a priority to leave the baby in the care of her father REGULARLY - even if, at first, it's just for you to have a nap. And don't leave any instructions/preparation (except obviously a bottle of expressed milk if that's what you choose) - if your partner makes decisions about what to feed her, what to take when they go out and so on without your input he'll bond much more and feel much more competent in general. If you leave this too long then you will be really nervous about it and it's so nice to know that you can trust your partner with the baby whenever.
Your questions:
Yes you can hear sucking/swallowing. It sounds sort of like "shluck-shluck-shluck" to begin with. If you can hear clicking or you don't hear the swallowing or you can't keep baby latched, seek advice. IME you have to hold the baby quite rigidly in position when they are tiny but when they get a bit bigger you can be more haphazard. It helps for the early days to have a spare pillow or two, or one of those breastfeeding pillows to assist in positioning.
For me it's always been a bit painful at the start - for about the first 10 days for about the first 10-20 sucks of a feed and then it goes away. The more painful part is that breastfeeding causes uterus contractions which are horrible - but they don't last long either and they do help to reduce post birth bleeding and risk of haemhorrage. Again if it's hurting more than this seek advice. Shields are not the devil but can cause latch issues - don't use them as a preventative. If they are what is helping you carry on then keep using them.
How to cope - learn how to co-sleep safely. It's safer to plan and arrange your bed safely in case you accidentally fall asleep than risk falling asleep feeding in a chair or on a sofa or sitting up in bed or in another unsafe situation. If you stay awake you can move your baby back into her cot.
Yes you can feed as much as you/she wants. You can't overfeed a breastfed baby. If you do decide to give some bottles it's worth looking up paced feeding guidelines to avoid overfeeding with a bottle.
If you seek advice and the person tells you "It looks fine" but you still have pain/difficulty, move down the hierarchy I posted. If they tell you to use formula, that's fine as an interim measure, but move on down the hierarchy. Not all midwives and health visitors have good breastfeeding knowledge. GPs typically have none (it is not covered in their training, so if they have any, it's personal interest). If you ever receive breastfeeding advice you're not sure about, cross check it either with one of the helplines or on a good online breastfeeding support page. Mumsnet has one: Infant Feeding.
From what I can tell from the infant feeding survey, breastfeeding experiences are split into thirds: a third of women have no problems and are able to breastfeed as long as they wanted. A third have problems causing them to stop before they wanted, and a third have problems but are able to overcome them and feed as long as they wanted. So you have about a 2/3 chance of experiencing issues but also a 2/3 chance of everything working out fine. My personal (anecdotal) experience tells me that you're more likely to have everything work out fine if you know when to seek advice and where to seek advice in advance, rather than assuming that the immediately available support is adequate, as it sometimes is not. But you can't realistically do anything to prevent problems happening, they will either happen or they won't. Just take it all one feed at a time and see how things go :)
Good luck! 