Does anyone else feel like this about their caesarean?

[NCKitten]

I had a planned Caesarean because my baby was breech. Five months on, I still struggle with the fact that I never went into labour. I genuinely feel like I did not give birth to my baby, and that I am not really mother/ other women are more of a mother than I am. I keep having to remind myself that the world can't tell how my baby was born and that it makes no difference now he's here. But it's still really tough

I understand this might sound completely ridiculous to those who have had difficult or even traumatic vaginal deliveries, but I can't help feeling the way I do.

I felt something of that, OP. DS was conceived via IVF, born by planned section, and fed formula. I spent a few months feeling a bit guilty and second-class.

Birth and feeding loom very large in the early months, in your thoughts, your time and your conversations with other parents... but truly there is no "right" or "should" as long as the baby is loved and nurtured.

With distance and time I talk with pride and positivity about my "science baby" and the fabulous team of women consultants, nurses, midwives and embryologists working in the NHS who got him here safely.

Remember that "natural" or vaginal birth isn't a choice, it's luck and circumstances, and you're no less a mother if your journey was a different one.

I've had a vaginal delivery and had an ELCS 3 weeks ago for my second. My vaginal delivery did a lot of damage but I was never scared of a VB in the same way that I was going into my ELCS. And I wanted my ELCS! The bravery I had to find to put my life and my baby's life in the hands of kind strangers was far greater than the bravery I had for my VB. Section Mamas are warriors, it takes a lot to lie on a table and be cut open for the sake of your child. I hope that gives you a different perspective ❤️

I get it OP. I haven’t given birth but I’m pregnant at the moment. In many ways I think a planned c-section would be the best option for me as I’m hypermobile, which places you at greater risk for prolapse and severe tearing. I think they’d give me one if I asked, but it’s my choice. But the thing holding me back from opting for a section? The feeling I wouldn’t have given birth to my baby. I’ve got a (probably wholly unrealistic!) image of going into labour in the lovely low-lit midwife-led suites at our hospital, giving birth to my baby helped by my DH, holding the baby afterwards, etc. And also, the risks posed by having hypermobility are posed mainly to me, not to the baby.

Probably stupid. I’ve read enough to know the reality of vaginal births without adding hypermobility into the mix. But I get it - you can’t help how you feel.

I think in your shoes I would focus on:

1. The fact that you chose the safest option for your baby - which in itself is brave.
2. The fact that vaginal birth has the potential to be a deeply traumatic experience with long-lasting effects, which you’ve avoided.

I hope you feel better soon.

This came up on my fb feed, and it really struck a chord with me, so thought I’d share it here!

Hi op, I had 4 babies and 4 c-sections. I have to say I never felt like that about the sections and has time has gone on I feel more and more grateful for them. To my mind I did give birth, it was just via a section. I really don't feel like I missed out giving birth naturally. It was just that my road was a different road (with the same end, a healthy baby and mummy). Plus downstairs is compleatly untouched, no pelvic floor problems etc...there are silver linings op!! ;) I think op it might be worth talking to someone if this is getting you down though.

I had an emcs and have never felt like you do, but I have heard other people say similar things to you OP. I wonder if it is because I was born by c-section myself, and I have never questioned the bond with my mum. What I am trying to say is your baby wont care how they were born, you are their one and only mother, and how they arrived in the world doesn't matter at all in the long run. What would have been the alternative outcome if you had refused the c-section? I hope you can come to terms with your child's birth soon and not let it impede your enjoyment of motherhood x

I laboured, but ended up having an emergency C-section. I don't have any feelings of having " missed out" or having "not had a natural birth". The decision taken saved my life and my DC's.
I wish women would stop with the whole competitive birth stuff; how they did without pain relief, etc. That's fine if you want, but not everyone does. Why would you want to be in pain?
Ultimately your body grew a baby. You and the baby are alive. That's all that matters.

I had a normal delivery with my 1st, then 2 elective caesareans. I dont feel any less of a mother to the 2nd two! I couldn't say there is a difference in my relationship with any of them.
(Struggled hugely with breastfeeding though, that definitely made me feel less of a mother!)
OP, you made the decision to have the caesarean because you were advised that it was the safest way to deliver your baby(I presume). That's what mothers do. You(50%!) made the baby, grew the baby, & will keep the baby secure, safe & loved. That's being a mother, regardless of the way your baby was delivered.
Enjoy your baby and the precious early months