How many people did you have with you?

[sachabloom]

Just wondering how many people you had with you when you gave birth?

My DM wants to come in with me and DH, which I don't mind but I understand that I might only be allowed one person anyway and don't want her to be disappointed.

I'm also wondering if having two people will be stressful or helpful? I guess I don't know until I try but wondering what worked for you?

I know of someone who had her sister there. They are very close and it meant a lot to both of them. I thought that sounded so lovely.

My DH asked me if he oils have my DM there for extra support, so I had both. My mum came to stay 2 weeks before my due date, the week I was in hospital and 2.5 weeks afterwards and it was amazing. We didn’t want her to leave and she loved helping out with DS. It was so reassuring to have the benefit of her experience (she had three of us and she was present for 3 of my sister children being born). The best thing she told me was, when you get to the point where you can do it anymore, you’re practically done. She was right, at the point when I declared I couldn’t do it anymore, DS head was half out and he was born a few minutes later.

Sounds like you and DH have a good relationship with your mum so you should be fine. I hope it all goes well for you.

Just DH. My mum is lovely but we have very different views on childbirth (she used to be an NCT teacher, I'm an anaesthetist doing regular shifts on labour ward...) so I didn't want an argument mid-labour!

As it turned out, DM was in Germany when DS finally arrived 2 weeks late, so couldn't have come anyway.

Just DH, felt it should be a couple thing and also I probably would have turned into a little girl if my DM was there!

Other things to consider are, what time you may go into labour. I got to hospital at 3am and DS was born at 6am. Also had complications after DS was born, so that might have worried DM if she had been there. Better to tell her afterwards when everything was ok.

I had my mum and DP. They were both really supportive, although it's all a bit of a blur.

Just my DH both times. I would not have wanted my mother there much as I love her, and she never asked. It's clearly different for different people - so providing all eventualities are covered (eg who goes in to surgery if only one person is allowed) and all parties are agreeable - eg DP doesn't feel dispaced by DM - and it helps the person doing the actual work - any combo is okay.

It depends on the dynamics of the relationships
I only had my DH in with me. My mum was my best mate who we adored and she treated my hubby like a son, but I didn't think it would have been fair on my DH if mum was there as he wouldn't be able to show his emotions as freely. I wanted my DH to be as relaxed as possible and cry (or whatever ) if he wanted as it was the birth of his son, he wouldn't have cried in front of my mum.
My mum came in straight after DS was here but not during the birth, it worked out great for us.

I just had dh there, I love my mum but I wouldn't have wanted her there while I was basically naked, labouring and pushing, it would have made me self conscious. My dh was fab, he said he felt useless but he and the midwife got me through it really. Mum was helpful in her own way without having to be there. She got me to put my foot down about needing help after a long 3 days of contractions and no progress, she was on the end of the phone though, all through the early stages and even at 5.30 am straight after the birth. That was what I needed from her and she understood that.

DS1 (hospital) there was DH and a midwife
DS2 (home) there was DH and two midwives
DS3 (home) there was DH, three midwives and a student midwife )shift change happened and the new midwives turned up around an hour before DS3 was born and the original one and her student stayed

My ideal birth would be unassisted with DH nearby, but that wasn't realistic!

Whoever you want, you have. It's up to you. Your birth, your choice.

Mesmeri- I had my sister there too. My mum and my sister-though I mainly wanted to hold the trainee midwife’s hand .
My sister has since said she found it quite scary as I was in so much pain (I just messed around with the gas and air instead of taking it properly) and that when she looked in my eyes it was like someone else looking back.

DH only, would have hated anyone else there

Just my mum for DC1 as split up with the father

No one for DC2 as had to have EMCS under GA so DP wasn't allowed in

Just my then husband and the midwife. And a dim light. Would have been quite relaxing without the screaming.

None, even the midwife was missing for most of it.

Just me and DH. I didn't really want anyone else, and certainly didn't need anyone else. To be honest I didn't really need DH there either, I just kind of went into a little bubble and got on with it... but obviously wanted him there and he wanted to be there too. Ironically when I felt I really needed DH, after the baby was born, was the point he had to go home (understandably!) as it was outside of visiting hours and we were moved onto the ward. That's when I felt totally lost and afraid.

I did think about having my mum there, but I think she might have had the tendency to annoy me - she was always brilliant at looking after me when I was little, but these days she's a bit eccentric and I can see her being irritating as she's a total chatter box and I wouldn't have wanted to chat - can totally imagine her getting annoyed with me for "being quiet". I also have no idea if she'd have wanted to be there either. DH wouldn't of particularly wanted her there I don't think, as he thought it should just be the two of us.

I had DH DM and sister but only 1 at a time so they had to rotate. The further on labour got DM didn't let my sis come in in case it'd put her off 🤣 As labour was prolonged DM got so concerned and worried I could tell she was panicking. DH was more than enough. They were all there from 1am to 11am and left as soon as we were moving to postnatal ward. This was the point I really needed someone!! I was in tears, from shock, etc catheter in couldn't lift DS from cot myself etc. The midwives sorted him but ignored me the blubbering mess in the bed. Didnt even offer a tissue. I really needed DM or sister then! Only DH coming this time.

1, DH. The thought of my mother in with me is bizarre, tbh.

If your mums birth was traumatic she really needs to deal with her feelings about it first otherwise she might not actually be able to support you. You need people around you that can make you feel
Safe and confident. If she is worried about your safety she might not be able to support you.

Just my dh during all three births. I couldn't be doing with anyone else there.

I just had DH. My DM would've got far too stressed out so wouldn't have been any help to me.

Sorry to jump on the thread but dd, 17, is due in April and wants me there as the father isn’t on the scene.
Does anyone know if younger dd, who will be nearly 15, might be allowed to stay for at least some of the Labour? It will probably be Easter holidays and I will struggle to find someone to leave her with. Due to some of her issues, I’d be reluctant to leave her on her own for more than a few hours, but I think she’d be ok if she could stay at the hospital even if she wasn’t in the room all of the time.
Dds are very close.

@Papergirl1968 I’m sure she will be allowed in . Years ago my 15 year old sister was with me and my mum while I was in labour, the midwives sent her out at one point and my mum said ‘she’s come to see this baby being born not sit in the corridor !’ And they promptly let her back in

Thanks, Pumpkin.
Good on your mom for speaking up and not just meekly accepting it!