How many people did you have with you?

[sachabloom]

Just wondering how many people you had with you when you gave birth?

My DM wants to come in with me and DH, which I don't mind but I understand that I might only be allowed one person anyway and don't want her to be disappointed.

I'm also wondering if having two people will be stressful or helpful? I guess I don't know until I try but wondering what worked for you?

Wish my DM had been there too! DH was great though.
Usually 2 is fine, though if you end up with AC section you'll only be able to take in one (usually - none in some rare circumstances) , so it's worth agreeing in advance who that would be.

It's not really about the number of people but about what will be most helpful to you. Do you get on with your mum? Birth isn't a spectator sport, it's a situation where the main player (you) gets to think about what and who she needs around her to make the birth as safe as possible. It's really weird to read 'my mum wants to come in with me and DH'. Do you want her there for you? Don't make a decision based on what your mum wants but on what you want! Does your DH get on with your mum or will their interactions cause you stress?

My mum and DP. Had my son at 20 though so still needed my mum really, shes had 6 kids so it was nice having her there. Towards the end I looked at her and said mum please tell me I'm close, she said um put your hand down there and I could feel his head! He came out 2 pushes after that. My midwife was eating her lunch so glad my mum was there!

My DH and my DM. It was great having the 2 of them, it's less stressful for them. When eventually an EMCS was decided on, and only one person allowed in, it was my mother who came in with me, my DH didn't want to be present for that.

It's very important that you make your decisions on this based on who you will find helpful and supportive to have there. Having someone there who stresses you out can have a real impact on the outcome of the birth as well as how you feel about it. Even your DP doesn't have a "right" to be there and can be kicked out if he's the opposite of helpful.

You can generally have 2 birth partners for a vaginal birth. I just had DH both times, but tbh when I'm in the zone labouring I don't need anyone. I just need to be not disturbed so I can get on with it.

I had my mum as well as DH. It was great that she was there.

She was actually a brilliant support to DH, he was so nervous and worried and she was able to reassure him.

And she kept us both fed and watered during a long labour on the hottest day of the year.

I had my mum and DH. Especially first time, mum was a great support for DH. First labours can be long and can be helpful for birth partners to tag team and take opportunity to rest. Depends on your relationship with your DM tho...

I only had my DH who was trying to be helpful but was helpless and didn't really matter because I had 2 emergency cesareans and what really more mattered to me was to have someone with me AFTER delivery because I wasn't mobile for the first 24h after the operation (and over 48h after the second cesarean) and needed someone to bring baby to me for a feed or change his nappy or to just cheer me up. I know it's important to plan to have people with u during labour but also plan for after because the help after is crucial. With normal or cesarean section you can't be alone and the more hands to help, the better.

Just husband. That was quite enough and lovely.

Just my DH. I cannot imagine anything worse than having my Mum there, and the thought of my MIL...… just no. (And I say that as someone who really gets on with her MIL, but some moments are just for a couple).

Just my DP. Would have been a bit much with my mum there too.

Just my DP. That was perfect each time. Never considered having anyone else (except the medical professionals).

Just me and DH (I said MIL come come but she didnt seem that keen, good job as it was an emergency at the end not a serene birth like I imagined her being a witness to !).

I think that is something to consider - whilst we all dream of the perfect birth, they can and do go wrong.
In the perfect world, having everyone around may be fine.
However, if things don't go as planned, who would you really want there when you are out your lowest and most vulnerable?

I had one. Just remember that birth partners are there for you and to enhance the experience you have. Don’t feel pressured to have anybody there because they ‘want to’ be and if you do want extra labour support, don’t be worried about having someone there just for the first stage etc. I think this is one of those times where your feelings come before anyone else’s

Each hospital policy differs but as far as I'm aware the standard is to allow two birth partners, but only one allowed if you end up in theatre for whatever reason.

First baby I had DH and DM. Labour was long and eventful and my DH struggled to cope, having DM there helped us both. Ended up with a a Cat1 section and DH was terrified and didn't feel like he could come in, and I didn't want him there either as he was in a state, my mum was calm so she came in with me.

Second baby both there again, I laboured for a short while but had an infection so Cat1 section again. DH came in this time.

Third baby ELCS. Just me and DH as mum was looking after the children and only one person is allowed into theatre so no point her being there.

For DS1, millions. (Well, a bunch of students) They did ask me first! It was quite jolly..... and it also helped, because I was dead scared.
For DS2, about 4, including DH. Quite a contrast, darkened room, music playing, etc

Just the midwife the second time....we had no one to look after dd in the middle of the night. Dh was useless first time round.....so no great loss.

I think about 24. Not including DH (who missed it).

Premature OhFuck Category EMCS with twins, so basically everyone who worked at the hospital came in at some point!

The point being... be flexible. Brief everyone that you don't know how you'll feel or what will happen. Then just roll with it on the day.

Dm and dp. It was good having dm there she took a bit more control. Dp was in a world of his own.

@FireworksAndSparklers oh no she's amazing, and luckily they get on really well. He's very keen for her to be there as he thinks she will be good support for him(!).

She wants to be there because she wants to support me and as we birth with me was quite traumatic I think she is a little bit worried. I am more than happy for her to be there but I wouldn't have asked her to be if she hadn't mentioned it - I think I've got it into my head that I'll just ignore everyone and try to power through - this is my first so I could be being totally naive!

Just my DH, he was in shock for most of it.
Can't imagine having anyone else there.

I had 3, for physical assistance and interpreting (MrNC and two close friends), until the last bit in theatre with only MrNC. Managed with just him second time but having extra people to get food and drink and find out what was happening was invaluable (and could send them home in shifts to sleep overnight).

i had three with my first - my partner, mum, and grandma. and then for my next two babies i had my partner and mum.