Am I ever going to be normal again?! I'm scared

[Alicia870]

Gave birth 5.5 weeks ago and feel like I've been left like an old lady. It was a long labour, back to back position and ended with vacuum and episiotomy. I'm only 32 and I'm so down about what's going on with my body. I've been having pressure and heaviness in my vagina since my delivery). I also have quite significant pelvic pain and hip and sacral pain.

I went to physio and she didn't examine me down there as not yet 6 weeks but she said it sounds very much like I have a prolapse. I can hardly walk around my house without pain. My pelvis is so sore and that heavy feeling is horrendous. I'm so so scared I won't recover. Is this normal, has anyone been through anything like this? Feel like I've been in a car accident and feel like I won't get better!

The best advice I was given is 9 months on and 9 months off...this is related to weight but equally relates to your recovery both mentally and physically. Until you reach the 9 month point you really mustn’t expect too much and really it could be a bit longer. Be kind to yourself,so much has changed. Just take things bit by bit and build your health up slowly and enjoy your baby. The fourth trimester concept is real!

Definitely don't set your expectations too high in terms of recovery it can take months. It's great you're seeing a physio and maybe you could be signed off for physio led Pilates shortly too. My first was like that.

Did you eventually recover? I'm so afraid I'm going to be left like this. I know it's still early days in the grand scheme of things but this is really impacting my life. Going out and functioning like a normal person is out of the question at the minute as walking just causes so much discomfort!

You will recover but better with proper treatment. Ask at your 6 week check for a proper examination from your doctor (some don’t do it as a matter of course). If you have a prolapse early specialist physio will really really help. Do not just leave it and hope for the best.

I had the same symptoms after giving birth. They probably contributed to me getting what I’m sure was (undiagnosed) PND. I was housebound for weeks. In terms of recovery, this was slow and gradual. I’ve forgotten the exact timescales but I think it went something like this: After about 6 weeks I could stand for longer periods without pain and was able to do the dishes etc without having to take a break. After 3 months or so I could walk for maybe 25-30 minutes at a gentle pace before the pain came on. By about 9 months I was reasonably functional and was only aware of pain when I “overdid it”, though wouldn’t have risked a long walk (I was previously a big walker). By about 18 months I felt almost normal but the pain does intermittently flare up when I do heavy lifting/a walk of longer than an hour etc. I’ve never gone 100% back to normal but I can live with things as they are.

I hope that isn’t too depressing in terms of timescale! I would say I’ve rarely thought about my symptoms since my child turned 1 so while they weren’t completely resolved they haven’t held me back. Sorry you’re having similar issues and hopefully your recovery will be quicker.

Thanks for your reply. Did you have a prolapse/pelvic pain or both? Did you get treatment throughout this time? If it will take a long time to recover then so be it- there's not much I can do about that other than trying hard with physio. It is just so disappointing and find myself crying every day. I definitely feel low a lot of the time and it's all related to how I feel physically. I was super fit before- did advanced yoga every day before getting pregnant and was lifting weights regularly. During my pregnancy unfortunately suffered with debilitating rib pain so didn't exercise like I would have wanted. Definitely didn't focus on my pelvic floor which I'm regretting now. I almost feel like I'm grieving for my old self. It's also embarrassing to explain to people why I'm not just up and at em again so feel isolated as I don't feel people understand.

I can relate to a lot of that, I was fit pre-pregnancy and felt I didn’t deserve to be left in such a state (not that anyone does). I was never diagnosed with anything specific so I don’t honestly know if I have a prolapse or if it was just pain. I saw my GP multiple times and a gynaecologist, and was never given an explanation beyond “it can take months to recover from childbirth”. I felt a bit fobbed off as an irrational female and too emotionally low to push for answers. I didn’t get any specific treatment but started by religiously doing pelvic floor exercises every tine my baby fed and then progressed to Pilates after about a year. I think both of these things helped.

None of my NCT friends had this problem so I can understand your feelings of isolation. Most of them admitted to not doing their pelvic floor exercises during pregnancy either. I think we just got unlucky!

I found telling people that I had a "birth injury" which was healing slowly was more than enough detail for nosy people - but without feeling like I was sharing anything too specific.

@Alicia870 can totally relate to everything you have said. I also had a very long labour, back to back baby, episiotomy and assisted labour but with forceps instead of ventouse. I suffered a 3rd degree tear aswell.

Safe to say the aftermath was just bloody awful. I was never prepared for how bad it all felt and how long it took me to recover.

I had a heaviness and terrible ache every time I stood for any longer than a minute. Any amount of walking was painful and just odd an bizarre as I could tell it didn’t feel right! I’m sure you understand what I mean.

5 weeks is still early. I know it’s SO annoying when people tell you that. But it really is. Your tissues are most likely still swollen and battered and bruised from the assisted delivery.

I’d say it was around 2/3 months before the heaviness feeling went. And gradually the aching got much better.

I also got SPD after from being in stirrups and my pubic bone and hip bones when trying to walk were also agony. So feel for you there. I was SO concerned it was all permenant. But it wasn’t. The relaxin takes a good 6 months to leave your body. It should all get much better.

I’m now 9 months postpartum. Safe to say after my severe tear and bad delivery. Things will never quite be the same for me. But I no longer have pain or any heaviness. Can walk any amount of length. Slight discomfort on my period when the area is more engorged with blood but periods aren’t exactly comfortable anyway so I take pain killers and manage for a day.

Ps I saw physio for months after due to painful scar tissue from my tear. I 100% had no sign of prolapse. Heaviness was from internal bruising and swollen tissues still.

It worth seeing a women’s health physio to get some help with doing pelvic floor excerises.

After two large babies and caring a lot of extra weight my pelvic floor can bulge if I’m nit diligent with pelvic floor exercises. One tip I found helpful is to do the excerises when you need the support. For example when you are able to lift your baby take a breath and actively switch in your pelvic floor muscles.

Have you been checked over by your gp to rule out an infection?

I don’t think “focussing on your pelvic floor” during pregnancy would have made a difference and sometimes if it’s too toned that can make birthing even more difficult. So you can stop that regret! Hope you feel better soon, be kinder to yourself

I felt like a little old lady getting out of a chair for months and then went to an osteopath who was also a midwife and 2 sessions later I felt a different person. Amazing but I didn't have pelvic pain etc

I felt that same heaviness and pain after my son was born. I went to GP but was told that I needed to give it time. I was panicked about being an old lady when I was only 27, so I got the Hab-It DVD - it's a pelvic physio and I spent time each day doing some of the exercises to help. Over time the heaviness went And I could happily walk all distances without problems. I also tried the Kegal8 machine once I was comfortable with it PP as I just don't know if I'm doing kegels right when I do it myself! That helped a lot too. My son is now 2 and I'm training for a half marathon and back doing high impact exercise - yes it took a while (I was fit before and during pregnancy) but I was super nervous to put more pressure on my body and decided to just take it easy and let my body fully recover. Honestly felt completely normal down there (including sex etc) by about 14 months. Hang in there!

Thank you so much for the positive story. I woke up this morning (after very little sleep of course) feeling super sore and heavy and I'm so tearful and upset today. I just feel like it's such a chore to even walk up and down the stairs. I'm so down about it that it's making me feel depressed! I just feel so broken physically. I'm definitely going to look into what you suggested

You sound like me. I honestly thought I was disabled.

But now DS is two years old and I am in the best shape I have ever been in! Everything has healed and I feel like myself again. It’s fucking lovely. I’m running a 10k this weekend, which would have been utterly unthinkable two years ago.

Hopefully it’ll pass OP, but give it time and be kind to yourself. Childbearing is so much harder than I ever imagined but it won’t always feel like this.

I had the heaviness really badly. Even sitting on a chair with my feet on the floor was awful. In my case it was forceps and episiotomy. I remember screaming on the bed unable to move my leg at about 5 weeks because the episiotomy was agony.

My daughter is five months old now and I haven’t felt the heaviness for weeks. I even did squat jumps at the gym last Friday which I never thought I’d do again. I had pelvic floor physio but tbh she only really gave me pelvic floor exercises (not trying to put you off going, just saying the exercises are worth doing). I went as I was also certain I had prolapse due to the heaviness and dragging feeling, but I didn’t. It was just a weak pelvic floor.

No one warns you about this and it is awful but it WILL improve. Hang in there.

Incidentally I still want to punch anyone who goes on about recovery from vaginal birth being so much better than c-section. Not always.

I had an episiotomy, I sympathise, they are agony. My C section was a piece of cake in comparison. I couldn't move my leg, as it was cut into that side.
I think it's too early to worry about prolapse. You are still very swollen and healing, you are still healing after the stitches are healed. Make sure you eat lots of protein.
Also, hormones cause the pubis to relax, and your body is still finding it's way back to pre-pregnancy. What I'm trying to say is yes you will be normal again, this is normal, but if you feel concerned then go back to your GP. X

Thanks everyone. Can't tell you how much your encouragement helps. Having a bad day. That heavy feeling and hip pain is just so disheartening. Was supposed to take dd to visit mother in law today but had to cancel. I can't even function inside the house never mind out.

See my gp on Friday. So terrified of an internal exam but also dying to know am I prolapsed or just weak. If I have another baby I am no way having another vaginal birth as it's been so traumatic. I know c section not easy but this has really screwed me up.

for you.

I felt exactly as you describe after having both of my children. I worried most about it after my first as obviously I never knew what to expect.

With my first I was fit and healthy, had a pretty good pregnancy but I had a very long and quite difficult birth and stitches. I remember watching other mums on the ward walking fairly normally within a few hours of giving birth. I could barely stand, let alone walk and just felt swollen. I was in for a few days and cried whilst walking to the car when leaving the hospital as I was in so much pain as well as having the awful heaviness you describe. That initial pain did improve after about a week BUT I still had a lot of pain when walking for a couple of months and the heaviness continued for longer. I felt like I would never go back to normal but by maybe 3.5/4 months I did feel completely better. I think what made my recovery take longer was that I listened to my midwife when she said I needed to get out with baby when what I needed to do was listen to my body and rest.

With my second, I had to go to theatre after she was born due to problems, had stitches and again I just felt so so sore, swollen and had that awful heavy feeling like everything was falling out. This time though, I knew I needed to put my feet up, no trying to do long walks, pushing a pushchair. I just stayed home, I hardly went out for 6 weeks as I just knew my body needed rest. I recovered much quicker, although slower than other mums around me. I probably felt pretty much back to normal after 2.5 months.

Have your 6 week check. Mine was fine both times. I remember thinking they would find something wrong as I just felt so awful. I remember them saying sex would be fine now and just thinking , no, no, no. I felt so bad ! I just needed more time though. I don't know why I didn't bounce back as quickly as other women seemed to. Rest, rest, rest as much as you can. I found actually lying down was better than sitting as it took the heavy pressure feeling away a bit more. You will feel better, it just takes time.

Hello OP, hope you are ok.
You've just described my first birth. They didn't actually notice he was back to back until I was 27 hours in, despite me saying it felt like he was trying to come out of my back (bum really)... The whole experience was grim. Care in our area is a bit patchy to say the least.
It took 3 months for the episiotomy to heal really and for me to feel like things weren't collapsing!
I didn't have a post birth check and really wish I had, as it took me a few years to realise it wasn't right and go and sort out the injury I'd been left with. I'd recommend trusting your instincts - if you feel things aren't healing as they should, get some advice and support now, you won't regret looking after yourself.
Most of all, you've just done something amazing and deserve care and attention and a good recovery. Good luck OP

Get the internal it will put your mind at rest.
I think the damage of vaginal birth is massively under represented and it is very common.
C section is easy in comparison, IME.
Sorry if this is too personal, but I wouldn't have sex yet. It could stop healing, my ex pushed me and it put me back in terms of recovery x

Couldn't even consider sex yet! Think it will be a long time - poor hubby. He is an angel he came home early from work today and has taken baby girl out to nanny's to give me a rest. Now lying in bed nursing these aching hips. The whole area just feels completely banjoed- it's hard to even explain how it feels. I'm actually thinking I could do with some counselling to talk about my labour and recovery as this has been so traumatising and with a new baby feel like recovery is nearly impossible.

Glad to hear you are managing to get some rest. You will recover. Do speak to your GP though and explain just how bad and in pain you feel. Some women do have physio after birth due to damage to their back, pelvis, hips etc. And if you feel you could benefit from counselling then ask your GP that as well. I found both my births traumatic for different reasons. We have over a 5 year age gap between our children due to how traumatised I felt after my sons birth. Don't suffer in silence. I think as women we sometimes 'expect' to feel rubbish but here are many things that can help.

If you are breastfeeding, I've been told (by a physio) to allow 6 months from the time you stop for the relaxin to leave your body. She also asked me to allow at least 6 weeks for my muscles to respond once I started doing exercises. So no quick fixes, but things should improve with time.

Have you been assessed for pelvic girdle pain? With instrumental birth you could have been left with your pelvis misaligned and need physio to get it back in place.