Help please, if you were me.

[homemadegin]

Hello

I would be grateful for any and all help and experiences please.

I'm am 36 years old and 37 weeks pregnant. I have had five natural miscarriages and one natural missed miscarriage. I have also had two failed rounds of IVF. This is all within the last five years.

December 2017 we were discharged from our clinic and saw a private specialist who referred us to recurrent miscarriage clinic in Coventry. I fell pregnant naturally whilst waiting on appointment.

I had scans every week until twenty weeks and then every two weeks. All seems well.

I am back under my original consultant who wants to do a planned c section at 38 plus 6. The reasons for this being that in her view it is the safest and quickest way to get baby out calmly.

She will not force me to have the section obviously but this is her advice. This is to be done on a non section day so the ward is quiet in theory and I get my own room. She does not want me going beyond forty weeks if I refuse so induction would be other alternative. With induction she said she would only try it once then would admit for section if it failed.

Does this sound okay? I think my mental health is a huge part in this. I have had a terrible time and am let's say fragile. I just want my baby to be okay. I have found my anxiety very hard to manage in pregnancy and still can't visualise baby. I haven't really bought anything and didn't even tell people until they noticed.

Has anyone been through simaler? Any advice at all please? I'm swaying between everything is fine and you can do this, and no listen to what she says and have the section. If something went wrong now I don't think I would ever recover. I'm so scared.

Thank you for reading and for any opinions at all.

I was given the same choice after my first child was sadly stillborn at 26 weeks (unrelated to delivery.) Like you I couldn't imagine my second child actually surviving and I was terrified. For mental health reasons they gave me the choice of pretty much whatever delivery I wanted. Having the choice was really hard actually, and after being convinced for ages that I would choose the section I ended up going for vaginal due to recovery time and lung maturity. Anyway I was induced at 38+3 and three days later (only the last day in "proper labour") she arrived. I only needed gas and air and my tear felt healed in less than 10 days. So for me it was the right choice. Good luck with whatever you decide x

But an uncomplicated vaginal birth is always the preferred option.

That's wrong. If that were true the consultant wouldn't recommend the section. Sections are statistically safer for a healthy mother and baby. The statistics get skewed as more unwell babies are delivered by section, which means negative outcomes appear more common. If you look solely at healthy mother and baby section is better.

I had an EMCS and this had a massive impact on my mental health.

C section is much safer for your baby than vaginal birth. There is nothing more terrifying then been rushed to surgery for an EMCS because your baby is in distress.

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant and get to that point I am opting for an elective c section.

C section is not easy but an elective is easier than an unplanned c section. You will have time to plan for the reality.

If you have the money for it l, we don’t I would look for a doula to support you through the early days or a maternity nurse if that is what you want.

Goodness, thank you all so much. I am feeling quite anxious but am reading every post carefully.

I don't have any support as such as yet. There is a counselling service available and ready if I feel I need it after the birth. I didn't respond well at all to counselling after my previous losses so have left it to one side for now.

I have not had any antenatal classes or groups as yet. This has all been done on purpose. What I have had is incredible support, far beyond what you would expect from the midwifes and staff at the hospital. So a scan every week or later two weeks which involved a scan and then a cuppa and reassurance chat. A text or call from the, two or three times a week and a few outings for coffee etc. They have been quite remarkable. I would go as far as saying two have become friends.

I have no doubt I will be looked after and I know deep down nobody can answer my greatest fear in that will this baby be ok. The stress of the last few years very nearly broke me and it's hard to draw that line and see the next chapter. Even the fact that people now know makes me anxious as its more people to know if something happens.

What has helped is reading all your thoughts and reassurances that this would be safe for baby. As I said earlier I have never allowed myself to think about birth, or learn about birth because it was never going to happen. Silly really. I do understand that people have different thoughts though and it is helpful to read all experiences. I just wish someone could pop ahead for me and let me know it's going to be ok.

Ps I'm now sat here with my 8 week old, very alive (very non sleeping!) baby. So happy endings do happen after tragedy x

@homemadegin

Go with what your gut is telling you. And if the consultant is recommending a c section then go for it. I am not against sections at all. I've had 2 EMCS and have an elective booked a week on Monday! Although I am scared, I am looking forward to the elective as I know it will be calm and controlled and most importantly, safe. It just depends on what you want too, and what you feel is best. I do know what you mean about wishing you could look forward and tell yourself it will be okay!

Statistically, CS is safest. From an anxiety point of view CS is the easiest. Your consultant has recommended it. I have had 3 inductions and vaginal births but in your circumstances I think I would pick the section.
A lovely friend when I was agonising over BF or not with ds1 made a great suggestion to me - go and watch kids coming out of school at the end of the day and pick out which were BF and which had a bottle. You obviously can’t tell at all.
There is more than one route to a happy, healthy child; the most important thing is a parent who cares very much about them and your baby has clearly already got that so you really can’t go wrong.

Congratulations, you sound so strong to have been through everything you have. Wishing you all the best.

I would absolutely have a planned CS in your position, as your consultant has recommended. Your MH is vital & I think overall it will be less stressful.

As others have said driving depends on your insurer. Mine didn't allow driving until after my 6 week check but other insurance companies will allow you to drive as long as you can do an emergency stop.

If your in an isolated area I would recommend getting out and about for walks as often as you can. Just dress yourself & the baby up warm. Your precious baby will be under a rain & windproof cover!

Look into baby groups and go if you feel interested. I found some great for socislis7bg

I'd go for the section in a heartbeat too, in your situation. I've had two, the second was elective and I must admit that I internally heaved a sigh of relief when they said I needed a section for my first. I'd tried hard to persuade myself that natural birth was this amazing, wonderful experience as my midwives kept reassuring me, but clearly a big part of me wasn't truly convinced! Sections are statistically very safe and you can prepare yourself knowing what will happen a lot more I think. This is especially helpful if you're very anxious - with a natural birth you have no guarantee you won't need intervention or a section anyway and worrying about it can be horrendous. My recovery was so much easier after the elective section than the emergency one (technically no different as I wasn't in labour beforehand).

Sorry pressed post!

That should say socialising & building a routine,

The most important thing is just to enjoy it. Personally breast feeding didn't work out for us, I knew someone in a similar position who had an older baby & experiences the same. I'm grateful that she drilled into me while I was still trying that i wasn't a failure & the most important thing is a fed baby. DS flourished on formula so if you try breast feeding & it doesn't work out please don't beat yourself up.

Wishing you the best

I would also 100% have the c section!

I haven't read other responses sorry.
I just wanted to send you a hand hold. I had three losses prior to having my DS. If I could go back in time and have the birth again I would have a planned section. I was induced early due to my anxiety and the Drs thought my DS was small. Ended up needing an assisted delivery in theatre. Regret it happening that way to be honest, although all was ok in the end. I wasn't very present and felt quite uninvolved in my son being born, as I was so exhausted, heavily medicated and he was pulled out with forceps very quickly.

You are not a failure in the slightest but I get where you're coming from as I felt the same. Sending you all the best.

Hello- what a hard journey you have had.
We had 3 miscarriages, 2 rounds of iui and then a heavily medicalised pregnancy full of steroids, fragmin injections, progesterone suppositories etc. We were under consultant care and had extra scans. We weren’t offered a planned x section but induction at 39 weeks. The induction lasted 4 days and resulted in an emergency c section. It was actually a pretty positive experience and we were treated amazingly by the doctors and midwives. I opted for a planned section for my second, again medicalised pregnancy. That was a much calmer experience. Personally I would opt for the planned section. Wishing you all the best.

Hello

Update for those who asked.

Firstly, thank you all for your help and guidance in my OP.

We went ahead with section and have a beautiful baby girl.

The section was fine, the arrival of her has distracted from the entire thing to be honest.

We were in for a week as she had weight loss and jaundice, home now.

I'm struggling with emotion and anxiety I think, although not sure how much is normal. I am keeping an eye on it though.

Sleep is a huge issue just now, I get none. She feeds all night and I cannot seem to put her down. At all. Can't really see how it would even be possible to leave the house!! Any tips on that would be most welcome. Milk fully in now and poo changed colour today so wonder if that may help?

Anyway, thank you all again. I'm glad I went with the section, it was certainly best for us here.

Huge Congratulations OP

Congratulations!

You will be in a rhythm before you know it, she is establishing feeding just now so all normal.

Sounds like you are doing amazing!

Hi lovely.
Im 8 weeks pp. If i had my time again i would tell myself to stop worrying. There are years ahead of going out. Right now the best thing for both of u is to hunker down. Cuddle her as much as she wants. She has been in you for all that time - you are all she knows.
Sleep - its shit, i know. It WILL pass. For now - how would u feel about co sleeping?

Ps. I would say for the 1st 2 weeks there is no normal for emotions. Do make sure u are eating and drinking xx

I would without a doubt have the c-section, the doctors obviously feel it is the safest way to deliver your baby. Good luck

Sorry just rtft, congratulations OP!!

Congratulations on your baby girl OP!

She is still tiny - the sleep thing will improve very soon.

Section. They know best and only recommend what they believe to be the best course of action. Good luck OP!