Help please, if you were me.

[homemadegin]

Hello

I would be grateful for any and all help and experiences please.

I'm am 36 years old and 37 weeks pregnant. I have had five natural miscarriages and one natural missed miscarriage. I have also had two failed rounds of IVF. This is all within the last five years.

December 2017 we were discharged from our clinic and saw a private specialist who referred us to recurrent miscarriage clinic in Coventry. I fell pregnant naturally whilst waiting on appointment.

I had scans every week until twenty weeks and then every two weeks. All seems well.

I am back under my original consultant who wants to do a planned c section at 38 plus 6. The reasons for this being that in her view it is the safest and quickest way to get baby out calmly.

She will not force me to have the section obviously but this is her advice. This is to be done on a non section day so the ward is quiet in theory and I get my own room. She does not want me going beyond forty weeks if I refuse so induction would be other alternative. With induction she said she would only try it once then would admit for section if it failed.

Does this sound okay? I think my mental health is a huge part in this. I have had a terrible time and am let's say fragile. I just want my baby to be okay. I have found my anxiety very hard to manage in pregnancy and still can't visualise baby. I haven't really bought anything and didn't even tell people until they noticed.

Has anyone been through simaler? Any advice at all please? I'm swaying between everything is fine and you can do this, and no listen to what she says and have the section. If something went wrong now I don't think I would ever recover. I'm so scared.

Thank you for reading and for any opinions at all.

I dont think @zzzzz read your post properly. You’re too anxious to be worrying about a second child, when you’re worrying enough about this one.

I had a planned csection. It was calming at the time and recovering was not too bad.

I agree with the pp who said having a definitive arrival date will really help you.

Congratulations and lots of luck @homemadegin.

Go for the csection, 100%! I've had both a vaginal delivery and an elective section (at 38+4) and the section was by far the calmest. Both babies did great and I was told there would be no problem with another birth after section. Please don't see a CSection as failing - if it's the safest way how could it be failing? Many congratulations on your pregnancy btw 😀

Hi.
First of all, congratulations! How very exciting.
It’s so lovely to hear that you are on the verge of meeting your so very much wanted baby.
Can I ask, what is the downside in your mind of an elective Caesarean? In terms of pros and cons, so to speak, what are the cons?

Also. I understand the drive to not imagine the baby. I didn’t allow myself to even dream of what they would look like. When I saw his face and he was there - healthy - I felt myself breathe properly and realised I hadn’t in months. And I had by no means gone through anything close to what you have.
Its very exciting that it is all so soon. Please will you come back after your baby’s arrival..

Congratulations OP!

I would go for a CS in a heartbeat.

But then that's just me- I had an ELCS for maternal request with DC1. No significant background or chronic condition medical or otherwise.

It simply felt the safest for me and my baby.

I had DC2 again by ELCS 9 weeks ago, everything was calm & straightforward & baby and myself completely healthy with uncomplicated recovery.

DC2 was conceived 14 long months after having been given bad news at my dating scan (missed miscarriage).
I cannot pretend to understand how you must feel but I definitely empathise with what it feels like to carry a baby after a loss.

I absolutely echo what @Nonomore2 has said about not even daring to visualise what my baby looked like in the run up to the birth...I too had the sensation that I could somehow breathe again once baby was here, that I was holding my breath during the pregnancy so to speak.

Good luck and do what feels best for you

Good morning

Thank you all again so much.

I thought a lot during the night and do feel some relief from finally asking for some advice.

The comments about being able to breathe have floored me this morning. That's exactly right. The last few months seems like a minute by minute blur in many ways. I hope I get that same relief.

Yes of course I will keep updated. I'm pleased with myself for finally speaking out and shocked I got responses.

I don't know what's unsettling me about the section. I think I would be worried either way maybe? I have spent so long and so many years trying to carry a baby I never really thought how I would get it out. Not that seems like a huge impossible hurdle. I guess I can tell you anything you need to know about miscarriage but very little about this stage.

In particular, the recovery worries me a little. I am quite isolated location wise and lack of car makes me lose that independence and increases chance of me becoming more isolated.

I don't think it's so much failure but another thing for people to criticise me over. I am aware a lot of people assume this is my fault and I caused this somehow. I have a career. I have heard people call me hard faced and career focused and I think they will add this to the list of oh she didn't even try items. I should say this is people who don't know the history and I probably do appear hard faced as I need to put that on in social situations or I would crumble. I don't even know why it bothers me but when your vulnerable anyway these things do. I'm trying to be more open recently so when people say oh is this your first pregnancy I have said no seventh.

I would like to breast feed and worry that's another thing I won't manage.

I reacted really badly to HSG and ended up in a and e. Again that really scared me so I worry about something similar happening. Is a catheter anything like that?

Everything just seems so daunting really.

I do like my consultant and I think I trust her. However I keep going back to the day she discharged us and her comments about how it was unlikely to ever happen. Now I'm putting all my trust in her again.

I hope that makes some kind of rambling sense!

Do keep asking questions about the section as I’m sure we can answer most of them. Having a catheter is nothing like the HSG. It will be done once your legs are numb so you won’t feel it and it’s usually removed within 12 hours so you won’t have it for long at all. There’s no reason why BF should be more difficult if you have a section but try not to get too hung up on having to BF. Give it a good go but ultimately if you end up using formula it’s no big deal and certainly not an indicator of any failure on your part. The benefits of BF over FF in the developed world are tiny so please don’t feel like it’s something you must achieve.

Recovery was quick in my case - I was out pushing the pram to the local pub on day 5 and spent most of the first 2 weeks when DH was off going for nice lunches and walks. I was driving at 2 weeks and fully recovered by 4.

I know it seems like a massive deal at the moment but I promise you once baby is safely here, no one will give a monkeys abor how they arrived into the world. In fact you may get some jealousy from women who had traumatic vaginal deliveries!

Keep talking, I promise it helps (from a very career driven, focused, non anxious woman who suffered horrifically with anxiety during pregnancy).

c-section definitely. good luck OP!

Have you much support which is just for you OP? When I was pregnant with my rainbow baby (now a hilarious 18 mo!) I saw a counsellor every week to work through the grief of my previous loss and my anxiety about my current pregnancy. I found this very helpful and continued to see her after DS was born when I was struggling with anxiety again.

In your position, I would absolutely have the CS, and I think you will find it a very calm and wonderful experience. Do remember that you are important too (not just your much longed for baby) and it is OK to look after you too.

All the best

Yoh won’t be able to drive for 6 weeks but even if you’re in the middle of nowhere or a city centre, 6 weeks cuddling a newborn at home is what you will need. You won’t want to be out and about and by the time you will 6 weeks will have flown by.

@move2wy there’s no reason at all not to drive before 6 weeks. So long as you can do an emergency stop and are in full control of the vehicle there’s no set restriction. It really annoys me that so many women are told this or believe it to be true as I suspect it contributes hugely to problems with isolation and mental health post partum.

I drove ten days pp. Checked with insurers and they had no issue.

Take all the medication and pain relief. I have had two c sections and within 7 days I was entirely painfree. At 3 weeks all twinges had gone and my scar had healed. I breastfed both babies for a year. What helped with recovery was staying at home, having lots of help, and just lying in bed and feeding and sleeping. I let my family do all the cooking and cleaning and holding the baby when I needed a break. It was marvellous (and also cultural for us). It really helped to establish breastfeeding and for my body to recover.

Have the section. And I have had 4 vd's. With your history do what you are advised.

Wow congratulations! I'd have a csection. No medals for delivering a baby no matter which method. No prizes for bravery either. Sweet snuggles and kisses of their soft cheeks will make it all worth it whatever you decide, I'd go with the doctors advise personally. You haven't failed by any means at any stage. Anyone who thinks/says that is a twat or very ignorant, or both of course.

Gonna go against the grain here, but personally I'd go for the vaginal delivery. C section is major surgery with major risks. There's no reason to indicate you will have a difficult or high risk delivery.. you've carried this baby to term and it's likely you'll have a straight forward vaginal delivery.

But then, I'd decline the induction too so I'm just that type of person. I actually declined induction with my daughter and said I'd go to 42 weeks if I had to, she come safely then only a few days late.

Do what you feel is best, a planned c section is a nice calm birth, but so can a vd be. Go with your gut, good luck

@welshweasel. I wish you had worked for direct line as they refused me unless I could send a dr note

Yeah direct line are a bit of a pain (I’m a surgeon so deal with queries about post op driving a fair bit!) but most GPs and midwives will do a generic letter which seems to satisfy them.

@flyer793 vaginal birth also has risks.

Could you push your section date forward to 40 weeks to give your body a bit of a chance to go into natural labour first.

I do agree with refusing induction, been there and ended with EMCS. Not all inductions end that way of course but there is a greater chance if you are induced.

The safest way for both mum and baby is a natural vaginal delivery so I would be tempted to at least try that first. If you don't go into natural labour then you can still have your planned section.

Good luck whatever you decide. And congratulations on your pregnancy

@greenmeerkat - not true, the safest way for a baby to be delivered is via c section at term.

greenmeerkat You are wrong, elective section at term is statistically the safest for the mother. There are minor differences for the baby but overall, despite being abdominal surgery, sections are very safe and have good outcomes.

No, provided there are no complications, vaginal births are safer. However, they are unpredictable so cannot guarantee it will be straightforward. Induction and other interventions skew the results.

I'm not saying c sections aren't safe of course. They are very safe! But an uncomplicated vaginal birth is always the preferred option.

Go for the section at 38+6 if that’s what your consultant advises. It removes a lot of the uncertainty about how it’s all going to happen and should hopefully help you feel less anxious. Please don’t feel like you’ll be a failure - it’s not like that at all. Hope all goes very well for you